Im speaking to the emotionally challenged, and Im sure Im not the only one, who has ever been overcome with so much emotion, that they have been beside themselves not themselves, the types of feelings that make you want to tear your insides out, rip your face off, and jump into a hole, and be away from everyone, and you simply cant do that do yourself, no under any amount of pressures in life, be made to feel ashamed about yourself, self-harm, or try to destroy yourself, in light of what anyone else sees upon looking at you and getting to know you, its not your fault. And while most will not understand where you are coming from, coming from a very famous homicide case, there will be those who will be lit up to a different set of extremes upon looking at you, and see the world in a different sense, that you have been so sheltered from. I didn’t grow up watching CSI, any crime shows, I don’t watch HBO the wire, I don’t study crime, I don’t have a fascination with watching people, admiring others, or sending likes, not if I don’t care. So what is it about a person that makes them scary, it will be something not trustworthy about a person, something that causes one another to be walking on eggshells, and if you don’t trust yourself around someone, that means that likewise, they cannot buffer you from whatever is ailing you, or causing you distress in life. It’s a normal vs. odd world, where you only are welcome around for so long as you are able to maintain a sense of balance around others, and there will always be those who will make you fall off balance, that is managing your own intuitions and well being in the face of whatever they have come to odds with, and being pushed is not the solution to being a better or stronger person, don’t allow anyone to push you over any edges in life, or push you to any extremes in life, that’s being pushed off balance, into harms way, and subjects you to giving up in life, or self-harm, that is not taking good care of yourself and doing what you need to do in order to stay strong. So when others fall silent, that’s a good time to prove them wrong, whether that’s going back to work, getting a new job, and starting a new life. Most will not understand whatever caused you to self-harm, and its not a condition, that others will likely ever be able to understand, most people love themselves, are proud of themselves, never put at odds, so own that condition, its not your fault, and no love will not help, job will not help, treatment will not help, hospital will not help, and therapy will not help, if someone is convinced there is something wrong with you, or stupid about you, they will not stop under any circumstances to prove their point, and that’s the cost of living in a litigious an overzealous prosecutorial society, one that does not empathize with the weak, but seeks to condemn people into a state of paralysis, to extremes, where they cannot be themselves, not until they fit some mold of rejection, that better suits their own interest in explaining whatever they went through in the company of your presence, which is to state or describe a non-existent conflict they had with you, and by their study of you, think that they know you best or even claim to be some spokesperson on the issue of world politics and the history of OJ Simpson, and crime. Nows not a time, when you condemn others especially those who have been made to self-harm such as myself, and Im not trying to intimidate anyone who thinks that OJ jokes are funny, or crime stories are scary in an educational way, I don’t wish for my story to educate anyone on the topic of mental health issues and self-harm and suicide attempts, its not the business of anyone to understand my past, its not your right to understand what happened, and its not for public study, what now causes me mental health issues, distress, and has resulted in more medications. So Im sorry if you don’t understand where I am coming from, or why I have been through instability and back so many times, maybe I will not be able to work ever again, maybe there will always be something wrong with me, maybe I will not be able to date ever again, so how dare anyone boil things down to looks, obesity, and sexuality, like that has anything to do with anything, it has to do with fear, it has to do with threats, it has to do with socialization, it has to do with being able to feel safe in a world, and for the intensity of emotion not to be brought through me, set on me, pushed through me, put over my head, or caused through me, and that’s not allowing the frustrations of others to affect me, to cause me disability, to cause me job loss, or mental illness (voices), that’s my condition normal, then offset by (voices: mental illness), to result in a loss (a rejection or condemnation), of me, so that I in turn suffer (from losses), and its by those losses and distinterest in you, that can cause one physical illness (that’s the fight). So whether this is about the past or about my future, everything I do, everything I say, all of that matters in terms of what will happen to me and what will become of me, and so long as I allow anything to bother me, anything to frustrate me, anything to cause me sickness, then that will be pushing me further away from what can go well for me, what can happen for me, and cause me unhappiness, to be left behind in life, to continue to suffer, and to continue to be made to talk about a few times in life, when I felt alone, when I had no one to talk to, when I could not move forward, when I needed help, and had no one to help me, and that’s not where I want to be in life.
Originally Posted 03-16-21
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I don’t have presently have a type, and in searching for jobs, if its not the right time, it only means that there is room for improvement on my end, its been 5 months at rest, recently going through voices again, hit a negative cycle, stayed up one night, not overdo the night meds or day meds, and make sure to pace myself, there is no rush, its been a long year, if Im not dying then its not that important to talk about when if ever I have felt hurt since right now is about right now, without explanation of the past which cannot describe what Im going through now with or without love in my life, I think keeping your distance is smart, what is hurtful, is to not make a full recovery, my condition as bipolar on day and night meds to function, I am okay with, maybe not something that others are used to, and that’s okay, for most jobs you have to be awake at night and unfortunately Im asleep by 8pm, that doesn’t mean that Im a weaker human being its just the schedule Im on, and whatever was recommended to me, it’s a regime that is supposed to help me function in life, whether that’s through running or writing, and the goal is to start working again not to be a blogger indefinitely, or supposedly well during COVID, I think I have been working at a slow pace since 2013, and that’s in recovery I know the time, the length, and the duration of stages it takes to overcome a set of feelings in which you don’t feel good about yourself less than capable or even stupid, and its possible to catch up with who you were then, and if youre lucky even become a smarter version than you remembered yourself ever being, and everything that happens in between, although you may not forget, and others may not forget either, just do your best to stay well. Less is more meaning you cannot justify a harm, if it was caused, if you later got in trouble, then that was what was done to you at the time, and it will not matter grades, behavior, sleep pattern or meds, that’s just how the justice system works, not in support of you > punished, and so on and so forth, even if you haven’t met the world yet, which means it wont matter how you turn out, there will always be something about you disagreeable to a few, and you also have to respect that about people in support of one another, that’s nothing you can change, and nothing you have to prove yourself over or about, that only makes things worse. So while things may be getting worse for you, less empathy, no compassion, ridicule, not making sense, not of value, doesn’t work hard, or not done with care, lacking detail, whatever the factors are being weighed, what do you represent, you represent you, so how big do you need to be and why, and what will that do for you in your career moving forward to be acknowledged, so forget about the past, as an indicator of your behaviors and reactions, what you do in life what happens to you if you share that about yourself, it will become a timeline tested memorized and repeated throughout your life, that’s having done something wrong, and being punished no matter what it was you were being punished for if you share how you have lived your life, then that is why you get punished as though you don’t value yourself, not prompt, or not a good person to know or be in contact with, combined with any later happenings it just gets worse and worse, so whenever I throw my hands up in the air and give up or seem anti-social, or not interested in dating, or not well enough to date, that’s not just my fault, that’s also a decision made by others, to inhibit my reputation which affects my capacity to date or be loved, trusted, hired, etc, it will always be based on how you feel whether you can perform, whether you are of value in money dollars and cents to anyone, sizing you up, to trust you in any caretaking position, whether that be for clients or an audience, so when do things typically go well, upon doing my best. How are things different, something unique happened to me over summer, which was briefly showcased on Facebook, but really created a burden for me to articulate what was occurring at the time, that that became of me, so for anyone who already thought less of me, it didn’t really help to not reinforce negative voices, and I don’t think any poetry really sufficed to focus on any other issues other than myself, which less sympathy was granted, even if its not a believable condition, no one will care what you are like mentally ill, but they will also not understand that everything isn’t reversed with a pill, its overtime an improvement occurs, so I should have been smarter about things, and its hurtful for me, to not be good enough to talk to people, to work for people, to date others, or even to be at least a blogger online, so the more convinced I am that I am mentally ill, that really creates no options for me moving forward and does not help to improve whatever current setback Im going through doing as Im told, and not making my life worse, which should not be set to suffering for any reason voices, or because of any self-harm, so whether it all amounts to a situation in defend of another, I can totally understand that, and if that’s something I need to watch out for, then that will be a stance of something who thinks that popularity is something I cannot manage or ruin, or whether I get sick by substances or people, and further criticize, any other moment in life, in which I have not been well when where and why and how old was I when I got sick. This is why I don’t drink or do drugs, meaning I don’t get better with meds, but my condition is monitored with meds, that require me to move, improve and write, and just because Im doing well doesn’t mean that everythings going to work out for me, not if I complain or am negative I have no reason to not be happy, or to be sick, I have everything I want, I am everywhere I want to be in life, I haver all the meds I need, my pictures look nice, and have recently been in touch with old friends, so please learn to leave things alone. And if there is ever a situation where you are not happy with anything Im saying, this is why Im moving to wordpress, for comments, and also complaints, which they have a service that can monitor content, to the specifics of an audience, who is also heard in terms of what is helping or hurting an already stable situation which to my understanding does not need to be made worse by personal issues or photos, that’s understandable. Re: #justiceroberts, being too late for love, and worry for his current condition, not making a big deal over representation, I think he did an excellent job being strong for everyone, Im sorry I forgot about him, I only spoke professionally to all, and never though to approach anyone on an individual basis, which was probably not necessary, to speak to anyone separately just like “the people” in general, everytime Ive spoken privately with anyone, anything that they have had to say in support, later becomes a fight and that’s just getting to know people and people not being into you, or done with you in life, and that’s okay too, you move on.
#stopsuicide (Bipolar, Medication Management, Being an Adult: My Mom controls my Adderall since 2019). Originally Posted 03-13-21 If you’ve ever been situated worse off in life, then you would understand the feeling, a feeling that cannot be reversed, and that’s what mental health issues feel like, its not a feeling you fight, or a condition that you can out run, or beat, it feels most like a situation you get placed in then you then have to get yourself out of, whether through your own means, discipline, believed or not believed to be true about you, and that’s something you cannot solve, what brings you to your knees in life, what makes you not feel confident, that’s not something that forgiveness is for, a mental disability, its not your fault, and no one knows how that happens, it could be because of a respect for you lost, a reaction that you have had, and so long as there is a miscommunication of interests, that you cannot get through on your own, no one can help you past the point of you not being well not doing well and that’s not for argument. You can do your best to be open and honest about what you’ve been through that will not make you a stronger person in the long run, what you are made to feel shamed by, not strong by, or faced with a tremendous amount of difficulty, that no pen pal, can help you through, that’s not just self-harm, or feeling like giving up in life, or not winning with the people, that’s something that cannot be changed about you, an outlook or a feeling, feeling proud of yourself, which takes years to achieve and a second to be diminished to smitherines, your reptuation, by a bunch of grose portrayals of you in the negative, to shame you a slut, a herbivoire, whatever herb on the shelf declares you game for intolerance. So singing may be a grandiose way of proving my femininity, I don’t think making a child will show that Im a woman either, nor will self-love, or admiration for another woman, who is strong and doing well a better demonstration of what it means to be a woman. So I may not have a beautiful husband, or a beautiful family, but that doesn’t mean that my life is devoid of love, that doesn’t mean that Im fit for the military, to be taken off all meds, and go to basic training, that doesn’t mean that I have to go to a 30 day mental health facility, to be treated for defamation, public humiliation, and self-harm. All I have to do, is not self-harm (which means hitting my head) there I said it, I punch my head, and I don’t know why, and I don’t know why I am made to feel that way about myself or what is causing others to become unhappy with me, or not made proud by me. And that’s something that no writing, can get me out of, a condition in which I am physically giving up, gaining weight, losing my beauty, feeling chubby, and not feeling good about myself, call it obesity, who knew that obesity was a problem in California. So what can be done, you can acknowledge all the moments in which you were ever made to question yourself, and be kind to the deductions that others have keeping a tab on what is working for you or not working for you, and let them come up with their own equation for what suits you best to be called whether you agree to it or not. I have never flirted in my entire life, maybe I have been made to love people, and maybe that was a mistake to ever grow a concern for another that I have tried to fix myself, by working hard, or being a good example of someone who is balanced and disciplined, and that will not last forever, not if you stop doing what is working for you in life, and start listening to the criticisms of others. Blogging is not an easy job, but I don’t think that I am fit to work a real job, I have applied and I am now getting interviews and getting jobs, but there will always be something wrong with me, and its not that I am hard on myself its that others are hard on me for some reason, and maybe that much I will never understand about life, the causes for you to be made to backtrack, thinking that you have wasted years of your life, in some kind of addiction or mental illness that you could not solve on your own or ever turned to alcohol as the solution, to me alcohol or misuse or abuse of substances makes you dumber, and in the finer sense, brings out the worst in you, the type of emotions that make you cry, or want to tear your insides out, and rip your face off, which explains why I don’t drink, if youre not a happy drunk then don’t drink, and if you cry everytime you drink then don’t drink, call it depression, the sad emotions that break you on the inside, and test to see what youre really made out of, heroism, or insult, and that’s that. For everytime you overreact, you set a standard assumption of you, that there is something within you that cannot be controlled, reasoned with or understood, comprehended, and if there is something like that going on inside of you, then its not something you should talk about, it may not be you being heated with anyone but if someone is heated with you, it just means that they don’t like something about you, they seek to bring out in you, on paper, in words, on your face or to your body, that’s how they know what youre about, what creates you a sense of peace, what causes you weight gain, dishevelment, or lack of intelligence, we cannot impress everyone, there will always be something about us, in the performance of our duties in life, that will more or less situate us, worse off or better off than others, and its all about how you control your temper, whether you make things about others, or you take responsibility for your own setbacks in life. Im 35 years old, Im past the point of marriage and children, and past the point of a career to have a company of my own or to create jobs for others, which means either I have devalued myself and not considered a profitable investment, or I am not strong enough to help create success for anothers company by working for them, and to attract positive attentions, as a member to their company. There are some things you cant change about life, who you were before you became famous, a “public figure,” and who you are now after being a “public figure,” where you are at now emotionally, and maybe none of that will change for you unpon disclosure, maybe you will not be made to feel better about yourself through dating and that’s totally okay, we cant princess everyone, or prince everyone, eventually you reach a stopping point of benefit being handed to whoever is in your company, expects to be made to feel a certain way by having you in their lives, and the point at which that benefit stops, is the point of complaint. What can be done once people complain that they are not made to feel better by you or special, what can be done in order for you to feel better, so that others do not complain that they are not made to feel good by you, how well do you need to be, how strong do you need to be, how compliant do you need to be (taking as prescribed), how much rest do you need to take, and what can be done?
Its for these reasons, I have considered not blogging, its been my only job for about two years now, I never intended to suddenly do well, or to suddenly not do well, to suddenly feel good, and then suddenly be made to not feel good about myself, but you continue on in life, in spite of all those setbacks, and poor choices, which includes what you choose to do in the privacy of your own free time, who you communicate to, and what about. It seems that even if you keep things light and commercial, they still complain, if there is ever a void that is needed to be filled, you will not be able to fill that void on messenger, and that’s the lesson, you have to be that person in real life, to be that person for anyone, in private, and that’s the lesson when it comes to relationships, no if ands or butts about it. So while it may not be a big deal to you being trashed online, but is a big deal to me, and did not handle that well, it’s a mistake you live with self-harm, (being made to punch your head), I would never communicate in a sexual way online, or subject anyone to be made to be attracted to me on the basis of something having to do with my physical health, that’s not what Im training for, and Im not training for the downs either, or public humiliation and embarrassment, I don’t think anyone is strong enough to handle that. And that’s also not what Im talking to the courts for, its either I fix the condition, or if enough people are made to not be happy with me, or see me as improved, then I go to the hospital, for some reason what were a few isolated incidences past with no free writing, some how became some votable public issue, that you can be ganged up on in life for and about and I don’t think that’s completely fair either. So do your best to represent yourself well, don’t attract negative attentions to yourself, you are responsible for yourself and your neighborhood, and its really no ones fault what caused a loss of respect for me, and I also do not think its necessary that I suffer too for having a pen pal, who did not appreciate me, or caused me mental illness (punching my head). Which is why I have a new pen pal (who is a US Supreme Court Judge) to keep me alive, not to cause me self-harm or any feelings of suicide, which occurs when you don’t feel good about yourself, and blogging is not how you feel good about yourself, you feel good about yourself, by being a good person, not by arguing with people, or losing jobs, over the status of your mental health, be made to feel like you are doing anything wrong, that’s not a fight you can win, who is well or who is not well, who is in the right, or who is in the wrong, and that’s not what this blog is for. #stopsuicide Originally Posted 03-16-21 Why is it important to let go of feelings? When you let go of feelings that are doing you more of a disservice than a service, you stop allowing yourself to be overcome with emotions associated to those feelings, lets forget about people for now, I know we always like to blame people, lets just pretend for now that all of your feelings are because of you, and put down our shields take a break from Greek Warfare, for a minute. What to do in the event you feel stuck? We all feel stuck and incapable and disabled when our feelings hurt, what the 10 year old version of us is for, obviously not capable of handling much to do with adulthood, dating, and wellness, stuff you never think about as a child, since when is it okay to think about life by timeline, lets really put our thinking caps on here, because everything we think kids think, and everything we feel kids feel, and everything we do, they think they can do, so lets figure out a better system of supporting one another, through all generation gaps in common understanding, life was never meant to seem painful, and that’s no ones fault, but it is a feeling that needs to be dealt with in a positive way, and this is why they tell you to turn to God in the event you are faced with troubles, why would you connect heads on the basis of a problem, that’s bound to not help anyone, which is why we have the sky, connect to something that doesn’t send a feeling back, that makes you not want to feel like yourself, let alone feel an entire human being taking over your bodies shell, it’s the weirdest experience Ive ever had, and its probably because of thinking too much about another person, that I later feared ruined my chances of connecting well to anyone new, and sometimes you will feel that damaged, likes bats in a cave, get me the F out of here, but it is your life so live it, we all get perturbed, disturbed, aggravated, confused, impatient, if there is one thing I have learned is that the healing process takes time, so if youre gonna give your power up to one person, that person should be God, like angel wings on his back safe from harm, that’s exactly how he should feel, warm, cozy, at ease, not made tired by everyones adjustments in life, or lack of adjustment, so lets not add “pain” to the end of every sentence whether or not its presently a billboard, a commercial, on a t-shirt, its to support people who are going through something and it’s the only way they know that we are thinking about them and it’s a nice way to tell them we know who you are, we care about you, and we will help you, so you don’t have to go through this alone, and that’s how you say excuse me God usually I talk to you, but today I need you to focus here, and that’s where I want my prayers to go to today, so they feel better.
#stopsuicide - We heard about you guys, we are not happy that the kids are giving up, and its something everyone is presently working on, it has been addressed to the courts, I write to them often now more so than ever since they need the support have suffered a recent loss, Im sure they are still mourning, and doing my best to focus on people who need strength and are in caretaking roles, not left with anything to assemble themselves, they function best with information to review, and thats how things get better for everyone, its never too late, dont just drop off your problems with anyone and expect them to know what to say or how to respond to you, and if the problem is not within the people, then its also not something to discuss where the negative thinking is coming from, or what ideas are influencing the present direction of current conversations about life, in a way that anyone has grown displeased, or felt motivated to attack any systems of support to 17 million people, to see if anything bad happens, I got sick, my Dad got sick, Justice Ginsberg got sick, and President Trump got sick, reputations you can reverse, with like 365 days of writing until everyone is okay with you and can predict you like a watch, the elderly on the other hand cannot reverse feelings, or pump themselves up again, if they were supporting us all along, and dont have the energy, to do anything differently other than to just be happy for us, and watch us grow into mature adults, with positive things to say about life, and not allow any amount of bullying, torment, or news, change who we are as a people, and thats not letting yourself be overcome with something stupid, or something bad, or something scary, which are the feelings they want you to get stuck with, because people feel a sense off power, in having a clear head when yours is not, and thats not just bullying, thats an energy face body issue, so until I figure out photography, and life expectancy, I hope that everyone else continues to try hard, why because with jobs, more people get well, and when you work hard go out into the world like a leader, those you care about are made to feel safe too, your energy counts, your life matters, your feelings matter, and not that we dont all have time for eachother to do well, we dont have time to fight, life is not that short, but if you make it painful, everything starts to feel impossible, and then who will you turn to? Obviously not whoever doesn't need you in their life, so get to know yourself, when something feels off report it, you cannot negotiate with anyone who is mad at you, they may send a million texts attacking you, the less you respond the less you get hurt, and thats the issue with blogging everyone can read, and send an energy, and you have to write and be yourself absent minded their energy, or system of deductions calculating blame, with no legal training, why I report to #scotus, who are bright enough to be patient, but not young enough to be hands on with everyone coaching us through every phase of shock, I think many are resilient, I think apologies are necessary and I think moving forward is essential, they will only forgive so long as you improve, and when you get hurt everyone gets disappointed, and thats not a fun process of exchanging words and reading knowing that there is something wrong with your writer that they cant figure out, if there is ever anything wrong with me I probably just recently got screamed at, or easily intimidated, or made to not feel good about myself, and if someone is hard to connect to its because they've been hurt, and its something you learn the hard way, mental health is about a chemical imbalance in the brain, not just your thinking, and when something feels off your face changes and what you have to say, so be more understanding, how was it possible for an athlete who is highly coordinated naturally, to suffer from a chemical imbalance in the brain, be set at odds with anyone, if for every time you get weak another gets strong, maybe that means that its time you stop taking care of men and start taking care of yourself, be strong for everyone. And thats being left in waiting, that doesnt mean you wont be loved, it means because you are loved, you get love. -Have compassion, interviewed at the #usarmy today, may detox get off all medication and go to basic training for 9 weeks and be a military paralegal, since Im having difficulty alone. Originally Posted 03-10-21 Once you are not viewed as a victim, it destroys your life, then you get treated as though your scary looking or not smart, and that’s how people treat you thereforeward, like its coming from you, something you’ve done, and that’s what makes it difficult to be close to people, to trust people, to want to work, to want to go out into the world, to date, to make friends, to be a normal person, and it is a very traumatic experience, its something you report, its not funny, and if in jest mentioned, maybe that’s not making a scary story out of a story. That also wont stop people from treating you like your gay, or have gay secrets, or have a desire to be close to people or need love, I don’t need love, I need to feel safe, and if I have love, its with a preferred party, who I know is worth talking to who is not going to sue me or see me any differently no matter what happens to me in life. Because I grew up at OJ’s house, I was treated like Im up, or have it easy in life, I had to go to two Law Schools, Texas, and that was very expensive, I was hospitalized 9x, disoriented and with mental health issues not treatable by talking, writing, school, or AA, if it’s a fear that I do not feel like discussing then don’t make fun of me if Im having nightmares, if Im not moving, if Im on meds, and not living life, that’s victimization, no one is there for you, no one understand why you are hurt, not one helps you, and everyone treats you like its your fault if you get hurt, as though youre out and about talking to random people, or dating random people, or being stupid online with a choice. I think if you become defective emotionally and in words and cant speak intelligently that means that you have been harmed and that’s not your fault, not if you live a quiet life, and report, life is not meant to be scary, no one has it easy in life, everyone wants to feel safe, so what doesn’t make people feel safe is to talk about life, as though its okay to share your stories of victimization, or lack of sympathy for you in life, or lack of support, its not a fun experience for you to need people and for them not to need you for whatever reasons that may be, maybe they see everything more clear than you, and maybe they are not enthusiastic about you able to say much to you, because in their eyes you are not the one, and that’s because based upon looking at you, how well youre doing in life, if they can go on without you, then that is why I am not married, and why I cannot maintain a job, because there is something wrong with me, everytime I am well or doing well positive, someone decides to take that opportunity to embarrass me in public and humiliate me, like Im storng enough to take a hit, treat me as unimportant or not consequential or not smart, and that’s totally unnecessary, I called every DA, I called every Court, and called 911 everytime Ive ever been scared or got voices, its not a high maintenance life, it’s a high maintanence situation being trusted and also being able to be free to feel smart and to feel safe, and in avoidance of complaint, I don’t interact with anyone, Im not in anyones life, and that’s the part of life that makes everything too late and painful, and in that space away from everyone, is when people decide to treat me like I don’t have a bright future, or Ive not come along way and that’s not how you treat people, if you have a problem with them call the police, call the DA, call a hotline, file a complaint, take it court, but its not my job to waste any more months, days or years of my life building trust with anyone, or being experimented with and made to look or feel guilty, Im not strong enough for fighting I don’t deserve to be treated that way, the damage has been done, I cannot reverse the condition, I do not sound the same, I don’t feel well, Im not able to work and then how long will it take for me to resume a normal life, I don’t think if Im constantly put in a position where I have to start my life over, will I take anything lightly, and Im sure anyone hearing form me doesn’t take me lightly and that’s how life is everyone is more important than everyone else, and if you don’t have money if youre not famous well then youre not going anywhere in life, and don’t allow anyone to make you go places you don’t want to go, that’s not okay that not right don’t treat me as though when I share my light with the world wrongfully accuse m of hurting the light of others, I have been nothing but positive for 8 years, and there is no going back once you get hurt you either choose to move forward and be a happy person or you give up, and I cant afford to give up and get sick, or let mental illness take over all the time spent getting well and being smart again, why I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, and I don’t date. I have no plans to date, I have no plans to have sex, I have no plans to go to meetings, I have no plans to go to court, I have no plans to sue anyone, so please don’t accuse me of having some hard life that I cannot fix, or have to live life any differently to suit the needs of others who I have not already cared for, protected, and been honest with, and if Im in pain I obviously am not strong enough to be social to be there for others, and the last thing I need is blame, not if Ive been running everyday outside at night 2014 to 2017 proud of myself to help make everyone feel safe and lost 50 lbs thats doing my part to protect my community from harm, not to attract negative attentions or be someone stupid online, or in the eyes of anyone and get sick, that’s how you lose your head in life, that’s where your memory goes, and that’s how people end up trying to control you to see what you fee up to, what you’ve done wrong, and by the time you state all your fears the harm has already been done and they have gotten their way. That’s why I want to go off all medications, and have been trying to not write online because the truth doesn’t seem to make any difference everyone thinks being strong is about being black or being a wannabe speaker with a make believe life, as though things are here to spite people as being embarrassing. Ive never embarrassed a single person in my life, I will never hook up with a single person for the rest of my life, I cant handle the torment, I cant handle the moods, I cant handle anyone who gets close to me and then complains and treats me like Im replaceable, then don’t waste my time trying to feel good to fugure out life, don’t waste my life trying to stabilize your moods and intuitions, I need my brain and body too, and just as anyone would not feel well when Im not doing well that’s no ones fault it just means that its not a match and its not going to work out, that means that there will be some place else for me that is more accommodating, of my medical history, of my personal history, of my dating history, of my academic history that is not trying to set up any stories as pawns for the taking and hurt me anymore than I have already been hurt that’s not the solution, to talk about my life, I don’t want to share a laugh if laughing hurts, I don’t need to be cute for anyone if everyone thinks everything is fake, and I don’t need to be accommodating of anyone who comes back into my life and ruins a relationship with a current love who I was trying to help keep stable no get my heart broken self-harm, and expose him to the harsh realities of life, that no one respects me, Im not pretty enough for them, and Im not smart enough to work any job, don’t have the stamina, and the tolerance emotionally and socially to be a certain way to which all will benefit, be my professional self, and that’s what defamation does to you, it destroys your life, so everyone looks at you like you are grose, treats you like a sex addict, does not see you as loving, or able to procreate and if you cant treat me like a woman then don’t turn me into someoine who is not happy or tomboy and think that youre doing the community a service, Its our God, CALIFORNIA created peace its not your God Texas. This is why it is wrong to disturb the peace of someone well, it can cause permanent damage to them mentally and physically, and thats not how you get rid of people in society who you do not agree with, everyone deserves to live life, and its not for anyone to decide how long a person gets to live, or what kind of pressure they get put under in life, be threatened, made fun of, blamed, or attacked like its okay to treat people that way. That is why I want to go off all medications and joining the military, and live in a gated community away from everyone, if Im not strong enough stable to have fun with everyone then that means I need to go to a mental health facility and live a simple life, if things are only getting worse for me emotionally, and mentally and thats not my fault I did my best to be social online, be nice to everyone, be thankful, I never complained, but this is not the solution, who got hurt when and subject everyone to feeling bad especially during COVID, thats not okay Texas.
I wait to date, dont ruin my book, and make anyone treat me like offender, they all have jobs, they all have lives, they all have money, they all have friends, they all have love, they all dont need me, so dont make this a war about good men coming into my life, and then hurt me like Im a stain on their record, or a bad experience in their life, its not their fault I have mental health issues and not ready to date, and Im not well enough to go backwards and thats no ones fault it Ive been hurt too many time, so Im either going to basic training, or moving to DC in the future and living alone, live somewhere more affordable, and do my best to take care of my family and be a strong person, so this was a fun experience but being threatened in life, to be made to look stupid, that ruins how I feel and if I dont feel good, then how am I supposed to live the rest of my life, without an ability to be normal around others, to be proud of myself, I worked so hard, I havent made any money, I cant afford to pay for housing, I cant afford the cost of living, and this was my job, I was a positive person sweet, and Im sorry if you didnt see it that way, and if I wanted to audition for NBC it was because I have talent, so stop bullying me, stop making fun of my face and by body, dont attack me, dont email me, dont blame me, and please stop hurting me dont watch me, dont sabotage me, dont send voices, dont witchcraft me, and dont make me the center of any of your ideas in life treat me like a lower class citizen in life, that is not happy for others, I produce, I have eggs, I can procreate, thats my value, my health, my body, my face, my brain, my spirituality and my good luck and if you felt at peace with me, thats because Im a good person and those who love me are made to feel good too. Its not my job to cater to one person, they are never happy, they make drastic decisions, they hurt me and break my heart, I dont have the stamina and tolerance anyone for taking care of anyone individually its not safe, all they do is complain, if you dont like anything Ive said in private then put it online, and calll a judge, I call them myself, if you dont like my blog and you dont like anything Ive said then call a judge, or dont read my blog and complain that I get abused or treated as stupid, like I need help or wrongdfully accuse me of being loving toward men Im not good enough for thats why I stay home, thats why I hesitate to apply, and thats why I work online, I am staying out of trouble I was being positive, but if Im in harms way and if Im suffering then I have to disclose that its not a pretty life when things get scary its if you dont tell people why you are being professional they attack you like youre not professional or theres something wrong with you, so stop complaining appreciate people for who they are what theyre worth appreciate that they got into law school and stop making me look like the bad guy and casting me under a negative light or dark light so that I get sickness, I will never talk to anyone in private ever again who does not already know me, and will only talk to the courts, police, or military until I get well and stay well, I cannot afford to let my guard down again, I cannot afford to lose another job again, its not worth the pain and suffering, then if I complain then they complain, and if I get scared or mental health issues, then they complain. Everyone expects you to know all the situations and all the feelings and know all the precautions, and be this loving supportive positive person, and then they are done with you, life is hard, and its not getting any easier, and not by any amount of team building, where everyone supports eachother and no one supports me (blame). #stopsuicide Next post, being interviewed for medication detox rehab. Supervised treatment center to be taken off all meds, and be monitored, just like 2011, taken off all meds. I took Provigil 2017 and did fine at a job in Insurance.
Just referred out to a Mental Health Residential 30 day Program (not a rehab): Past the point of being well, its really hard to rebuild your life, I think I was a good example of someone who continues to move forward, seeks treatment, and doesn’t complain about anything personally occurring for them in life, Ive never ever thought it was about anyone else, whenever I have not felt well, if its something I cant figure out on my own, I always get help, I have never been anyone to keep anything to myself, or struggle alone with any problem, not seek help. I think past the point of punishment, its already been deemed something is your fault, and then you get punished for the rest of your life, treated as though you do wrong, or do not recognize what you have done wrong, and that is how you get treated for the rest of your life, people testing you, people whatever with you, people thinking you want something from them, people looking at you trying to figure out what is wrong with you, or people being cold to you, as though you have done something wrong to them, or treat you as though you know them, or everyone knows you, or everyone knows something about you they are not okay with, and that’s being punished. It’s a really tough uphill climb and you have to do everything right, even if its set in stone, that doesn’t mean its about you, but if its something that bothers you, then it will be something taken into account, as being about you, or a truth. Who is responsible for making truths in life, its half of what you say and half of what you do makes a truth, and everyone will always be entitled to seeing you as being of value, special, or not so special, and that’s peoples right in believing in themselves and it really has nothing to do with you, Ive never had to talk so much in my life, for any reason whatsoever other than a final exam in Law School. Im not a quick thinker, a sudden decision maker, or impulsive, I think past the point of voices, your tolerance for pain, or for ridicule really gets the best of you, and that’s being treated as though you have a condition you expose others to, carrying disease, or stupidity, or a poor influence, and there is really nothing you can do about it. When there is something wrong with you, you will feel it, and everyone will be okay with you, supportive, but you will not know why or for what reasons you have changed or not strong, and that’s within you, to get your confidence back, be sure of yourself, not unsure of others, or your future for that matter. So don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t self-harm, its okay to be stupid, no one cares unless, you make a big deal and complain, then that’s how things get worse, blown out of proportion so move on, report, and stay healthy. The pain that sets in is you not happy with yourself, so don’t push yourself too hard, you don’t have to be that smart to work and live life, but you cant be stupid, or be too strong, make mistakes in life, that includes breakups, hookups, drinking, or people losing respect for you. -So be a balanced thinker, act your age, be honest, and do your best to be independent! #stopsuicide - We heard about you guys, we are not happy that the kids are giving up, and its something everyone is presently working on, it has been addressed to the courts, I write to them often now more so than ever since they need the support have suffered a recent loss, Im sure they are still mourning, and doing my best to focus on people who need strength and are in caretaking roles, not left with anything to assemble themselves, they function best with information to review, and thats how things get better for everyone, its never too late, dont just drop off your problems with anyone and expect them to know what to say or how to respond to you, and if the problem is not within the people, then its also not something to discuss where the negative thinking is coming from, or what ideas are influencing the present direction of current conversations about life, in a way that anyone has grown displeased, or felt motivated to attack any systems of support to 17 million people, to see if anything bad happens, I got sick, my Dad got sick, Justice Ginsberg got sick, and President Trump got sick, reputations you can reverse, with like 365 days of writing until everyone is okay with you and can predict you like a watch, the elderly on the other hand cannot reverse feelings, or pump themselves up again, if they were supporting us all along, and dont have the energy, to do anything differently other than to just be happy for us, and watch us grow into mature adults, with positive things to say about life, and not allow any amount of bullying, torment, or news, change who we are as a people, and thats not letting yourself be overcome with something stupid, or something bad, or something scary, which are the feelings they want you to get stuck with, because people feel a sense off power, in having a clear head when yours is not, and thats not just bullying, thats an energy face body issue, so until I figure out photography, and life expectancy, I hope that everyone else continues to try hard, why because with jobs, more people get well, and when you work hard go out into the world like a leader, those you care about are made to feel safe too, your energy counts, your life matters, your feelings matter, and not that we dont all have time for eachother to do well, we dont have time to fight, life is not that short, but if you make it painful, everything starts to feel impossible, and then who will you turn to? Obviously not whoever doesn't need you in their life, so get to know yourself, when something feels off report it, you cannot negotiate with anyone who is mad at you, they may send a million texts attacking you, the less you respond the less you get hurt, and thats the issue with blogging everyone can read, and send an energy, and you have to write and be yourself absent minded their energy, or system of deductions calculating blame, with no legal training, why I report to #scotus, who are bright enough to be patient, but not young enough to be hands on with everyone coaching us through every phase of shock, I think many are resilient, I think apologies are necessary and I think moving forward is essential, they will only forgive so long as you improve, and when you get hurt everyone gets disappointed, and thats not a fun process of exchanging words and reading knowing that there is something wrong with your writer that they cant figure out, if there is ever anything wrong with me I probably just recently got screamed at, or easily intimidated, or made to not feel good about myself, and if someone is hard to connect to its because they've been hurt, and its something you learn the hard way, mental health is about a chemical imbalance in the brain, not just your thinking, and when something feels off your face changes and what you have to say, so be more understanding, how was it possible for an athlete who is highly coordinated naturally, to suffer from a chemical imbalance in the brain, be set at odds with anyone, if for every time you get weak another gets strong, maybe that means that its time you stop taking care of men and start taking care of yourself, be strong for everyone. And thats being left in waiting, that doesnt mean you wont be loved, it means because you are loved, you get love. -Have compassion, interviewed at the #usarmy today, may detox get off all medication and go to basic training for 9 weeks and be a military paralegal, since Im having difficulty alone. So thats not an easy transition, it may require I go to detox and rehab, be set on a schedule, or go to the hospital.. It takes me two weeks to stop smoking on the patch, and takes two months to be off all meds and be able to drive a car again, without being tired all day taking naps, thats everyone knowing you, and you dont know how they know you or what they know you for, which is not anyones fault, but just need a job, so Im not put down randomly by anyone who sees me and thinks that I am strong for the wrong reasons, or dont report to #scotus, write.
Because there is something seriously wrong for months now since November, that I cannot fix on my own, or with any medication, or reporting, and 911 cant help me, Im going to a treatment center for 30 days, and going to do my best to get off all medicaiton, then when I return call the #usarmy, and schedule 9 week basic training, and will probably not be a blogger in the future, and work as a paralegal, just so everyone knows where Im headed in life, and also because of self-harm/voices, this is not a condition that AA can help me with or any recovery program public, I was also not able to maintain a job, function at night get assignments done, handle a work load which is also a huge problem. And if its a problem no one can help me with then that means that I have to help myself, and I dont need anyone to attack me, sue me, or hurt me, to get their point across, and hurt me and everyone connected to me, just to make a point, regardless whether I have suffered or not over an 8 year period put on risperidone and abilify shots in bed all day compliant, working at my own pace, life gets painful, but it doesnt need to get complicated, by medication discrimination, or people treating you like your psychotic or not an important human being go through all of your things and think that you cannot tell they are connected to you in a way that you have not given anyone permission to be connected to you in that way, to be treated as normal. I dont think living life, being treated as criminal or a bad human being if skinny is advantageous to my health or to anyones health, to not have a steady boyfriend, to not be loved, to not have friends, or to not talk to anyone, so it was a rare occurance for me to do so well on my own, unfortunately I was not treated with ease instead treated like Im a bad connection or connected to someone bad, and trashed online, like Im a trashy person, I dont talk $hit about people, I called the Texas DA and the Oklahoma DA before anything bad happened, and called #SCOTUS several times and have corresponded with them since 2013, I dont do anything bad, I dont get away with anything bad, if I drink I get sick, if Im not well I dont look pretty, and if I date I get sick, so since I have difficutly making people happy, or feel empowered, I also dont want to be the person they attack like my changed condition has anything to do with them, its my brain my life, Im connected to important people, dont ever treat me like I talk to strangers, or bad people, or criminals and then attack me like Im not myself. #stopsuicide - If I cant get better, if Im sick everyday, and not getting better, means I need a change, no meds. Thank you for your understanding at this time, it is nice when well to talk to others it is also painful when there is something going wrong for you physically and mentally that you have not experinced before in life and cannot fix.
My only limitation, I have disclosed to the #usarmy I cannot be around guns, they are still willing to take me in, and train me to be a paralegal, everyone has to go to basic training for 9 weeks, Goal is to start working. I have thought a lot about life, I realize what I have done to my life, blogging, its not anyones fault that Im curently struggling, and its not a condition that anyone can really understand, not if they are mad at you, or think you have addiction, or are stupid, or allow for stupid things to happen to you in life, I think Im a really nice person, very loving and tolerant of others, its clear no one can take care of me, and I have to take care of myself, so that is why I am applying to the military, Ive been applying since 2009, that was when I first made the decision, I understand that I was strong, I was very smart, I get that the outlook of my life may seem complicated, or may seem easy upon doing well, but it is not easy, to be diplomatic, or for others to feel threatened by you, if you are strong, this is why I will not date, I will not marry, and will not have children, because Im not well enough for it, have not been doing well, dont have a stable career, and that is why I was happy just being a blogger, and do well working from home, I have never put myself at risk of harm or anyone that I know, and now is a very tumultous time, whereas in the past it was easy to share, but since everything this past year 2020, I have done my best to stay posiitve, it is clear that when others think you are more well than you are, they may feel entitled to attacking you or blaming you for what they think has happened, and its not your fault, if anyone thinks differently of you, and to also accept when you get hurt, also living with that pain in life, or imperfection, or lack of success, and welcoming to life by others, who expect you to be tough, not be sensitive, ot expect you to get angry, not break, or expect you to just take punishment, not cry upon being given a hard time, and if there is nothing you can do to make your life better, its best not to bother anyone else with your instability, and work for someone who is strong enough to handle disagreement, and smart enough not to allow you to fall through the cracks be mistreated in life, whether thats online, or in real life, be mistaken as someone who is hostile toward others, or is over confident, or not a good person, who has worked hard and deserves to have a job and deserves to have a life, not in pain. #selfharm Its getting to the point where if I cant help myself, I cannot help others, let alone work for anyone, and if I am not speaking properly, then I will not be understood or misunderstood as having a quality or trait within, that’s dark, or does not see in the positive, and if that cant be figured out, then opening up doesn’t help if you’ve ever been scared, that will not better a situation in which anyone is not sure of you, and if anyone is not sure of you, it by what they think, or by what you say, is your writing, normal, or are you going through something new, and if you cant explain what youre going through, then that would cause to not connect, and to also not make sense to anyone, who did not see you in that way, wanted you to be well. Its then a matter of getting well, you can do everything everyone asks of you, and you can not do well not doing anything or you can get sick doing something, writing is only helpful when you are reflecting on life in a way that sounds smart to someone else, past the point of not feeling good, then everythings a risk, everyone doesn’t feel good, you don’t feel good, and we don’t need to allow for anything or anyone to not feel good about their choices, or who they are and how they look, that cannot be forgiven when people are made to look or feel stupid, means that they feel harmed, and if they don’t recognize you as someone who has been harmed then no later condition past the point of others not feeling well, will make any difference if you get sick and cannot correct the problem, causes others to question whether you are helping or not. Voices which I cannot solve, causes me to also think about anothers ability to hold a set of ideas in mind, and based upon their likes feel good or not feel good, and this is why some people are fun to be around, look at, and some are not so fun to see or hear from, they think means that they are bad, so if you don’t feel good and cant make anyone else feel good, then what explains having nothing not being able to move forward, I acknowledge that the stage was high on inauguration day I was sick that day in bed, I also understand that I recently acknowledge a bad decision by a climber who forgot to tie a knot, and felt that was relevant to staying well I know that mental health issues are not that deadly, but there are simple things you can do to stay well, so because I acknowledged that incident, it now becomes a matter of what is anyone communicating to or about, and what is governing how people feel, if its based on what they are told, then there will be nothing special about someone, who is admired who is not, there is also a noticebale change when leadership, or figures of strength, are made to feel weak or sick, and that’s not them becoming powerless not deserved, could also mean that the power is in the people, usually expecting leadership, or a strong character or figure to make them feel protected or out of harms way, and if harm results to who was proud of you, then whos fault is that for everyone who did care, and then feels like they are being subjected to looking small or feeling stupid, and that’s when its time to stop, once the harm is occurring, and not take chances as though that harm can be fixed, so whatever team won, that’s the team controlling, so all later reactions and statements are working toward reinforcing that team deemed as the stronger team, the team not affected, not struggling, not sick, and that may not also equal a win. I don’t talk about others, Ive never complained, but if I am having difficulty with my own voices, and if I cannot make myself feel good, sitting and thinking about a problem will not make things better, nor will shining spotlight on anyone else, if you make a mistake its my loss, and the mistakes you make in life concerning your reputation you live with for the rest of your life, and that enables bullying or anything to see what causes you to trip out or sound stupid, and you also have to live with those moments too of not making sense, and others either ignoring you, pretending to be mad, seeing you get weaker, seeing you scared, or claim to have something on you not shared with the courts, then you open everyone up to an unnecessary pain, opening people up is not how you help them get strong again, it causes a pain to anyones heart, who has never talked about lfie in that way, then wants to hear what you have to say, through a lens put on you by causing you pain or fear, to see what you have to be ashamed about, feel sorry for, or have recognized, if things are not working for you mentally, it will be hard for things to work out for you spiritually, so don’t give up, less is more, and learn to quit while youre ahead, beginning from the moment of others not being okay with you writing, or not seeing the opportunity through your writing, and that much you have to respect, so although the house got decorated, and everyone thought that was funny, that hurt the spirit of everyone minding their own business, so this is about whats the publics right and what do you have a right to keep private, whats tolerable input, and whats hurting the source of input and why. Based on handwritten books or medical records, that’s no reason to hurt someone or treat anyone like their life is stupid, or anyone not being examined, also can get hurt. So once the harm has been done, means that I cannot undo the harm, if anyone is blaming me for being sexual or loving, or nice to the wrong people, and I don’t also deserve to be attacked, as though I was knowingly doing anything wrong talking to someone, which turned into this imaginary conversation, that you don’t recognize and by the time you are hurt notice everyone affected by your imaginary conversation, without any input about your struggles, leave people strong, and that’s all you can do, if Im not of value, that’s a problem too, to be seen, look stupid.
Originally Posted 03-09-21 Its not a place you arrive to wellness, its something occurring within you, that keeps you moving forward, not weighed down by any confusion, disinterest, hardship, or competing ideologies. Theres nothing to get about a person who stays well, we all have it in us, an ability to be happy with who we are, and content with where we are in life. The only time frustration hits, is in: (1) disappointment (2) rejection (3) isolation/alienation (4) disregard/lack of compassion (5) perceived competition/jealously (6) and questionability. Those are feelings that disturb progress, affect your confidence, and hurt you within. When you feel hurt within, you will not feel like yourself, you’ll feel like youre being watched, you will feel frozen, and that puts you in a waiting period, and so long as you wait for approvals from others, for permission to move forward that’s how you get hurt by negatives, not reinforced, by positives, and instead your own sense of direction gets mislead, by what you hear, not what you know, and theres no telling what amount of controversy and completely disable you from being the person that you are, and that’s what intimidation is about. Happiness for others is not giving your heart away, its not giving your identity away, its not giving away your peace, and its not being put at odds with others. Everyone goes by feeling, everyone thinks their intuition is best, everyone thinks they know what everythings about, everyone thinks they know you, everyone thinks they can predict you, everyone thinks they have a grasp of what a good life looks like or feels like. If you ever feel like you have been wronged in life, these will be things that you could endure and not know who to go to for help, and its not a state of wellness you can dig deep and achieve a state of mind, that is above any issue that anyone has with you, they will always be them, and you will always be you, the point is to be understanding of one another, have compassion for one another, and not put one another at odds, by who thinks they know best, and watch things not work out in anyones favor, that’s when a change is needed. That’s when its time to let go, that’s when nothing can be explained, that’s when there is no more room for excuses, and that means doing what is right, not being accusatory, not questioning, not lose faith. You have to be happy with the work that has been done in order to ever become a completed work, that others can identify with in a way, that brings them peace of mind with a greater understanding for the common good, that’s not how a lesson is taught, doing things to a person, to see how they respond if they are made to feel like someone else, that’s not education, that’s sabotage, and that’s not support for either side, that’s ridicule. Its very rare for someone to stand out, in a way that others can see and be okay with, especially now, everyone wants to know whats so special about everyone, and whats so likebale about everyone, and where what quality comes from and why, and credit whoever they think demonstrates a better candor in life, and not value and appreciate others for the originality in like and what they bring to the table. So if you have not heard from someone, such as myself only in my 30s, began sharing my story in a permanent form through book writing, social media, and support through memberships, that may be because they are important, and they are important because they have had a life, been in people’s life, and not readily in tune with all the humor, and company making in regards to what the people need, what society needs, what is needed in general to help restore the faith of most people. So what is suicide? It’s a feeling of disconnect, you feel completely alone, nothing can be fixed, its a heavy weighing feeling on your heart, where you don’t think anything is possible, you cant sleep, you cant wake up, you don’t want to move, you don’t have energy, the meds make you tired, your head hurts, you don’t do anything to work toward wellness goals, you don’t want to talk to anyone, you cant get help, or when you get help you don’t feel better, you feel like no one can help you, you feel like its too late, you don’t understand whats going on, and you have trouble talking to people, no one is interested in you, no one texts you, no one calls you, no one hires you, you cant get into jobs, schools, and you don’t feel confident, its not with awareness of code, or watching tv, or thinking something about life in a way that would not make sense to another, its not being on the real team, its not by exposure, its not a condition talked into you, its not a condition that anyone can talk you out of, its how you feel about yourself, its how others feel about you, its not always guilt, sometimes you’ve done nothing wrong, sometimes people think you have done something wrong, some people believe in you, and some people don’t even know who you are, your head hurts, you don’t know why your head hurts, you could be getting voices, and not know why youre getting voices, you wont recognize yourself in the mirror, you wont like your body, you wont remember all the hard work you’ve accomplished, you wont remember the good, you wont feel apart of anything, it’s a very confusing state of being and thinking, and its not a place that anyone wants to get stuck in in life, feeling like they wont get better, or feeling like things wont get better, its not a trend that can be offset, by anyone who has made it through or is talking about it, like its normal, its not normal, its not okay, it hurts, it sets you back, you don’t move forward, it makes you unapproachable, no one trusts you, people will not like you, they will not understand, they will try to rationalize and make the mistake of justifying it, or trying to solve it, and it’s a condition you end up living with for the rest of your life, and that’s not a secret that anyone will later respect you for, its why they intimidate you, its why you feel scared, its why you feel small, its why they feel bigger than you, its why you don’t feel pretty, its why you struggle with weight loss, its why you don’t have friends, and its why you cant find love, why? Because you are not comfortable with yourself, you don’t know the difference between when you are doing well or when you are failing, and no one else who recognizes that you are well or headed in the right direction can encourage you without hurting you and ultimately becoming frustrated with your life as lived, expecting you to be well the whole time, to have never made mistakes, to be a better role model, or to be smarter. This is why I went to two law schools worked on a JD and graduated with an MSL, I was top of my class when I started law school getting As on essays (not good at multiple choice) after taking the LSAT 3 times and got the same score each time (beginning 2006 took my first LSAT in Denver).
So how do you cope after a suicide attempt or self-harm: (1) don’t talk about in public (online on your own) – if you share your story, be strong! (2) don’t justify it to anyone, accept guilt for whatever preceded the incident (3) be forgiving and move forward don’t read into the past too much make anyone feel bad (4) hold your head high and take good care of yourself and others (5) live the life you were meant to live, with or without people watching you, caring (6) even if things will never be the same no matter what meds you are on never give up (7) be consistent, be strong, don’t pretend to be stronger than you are (8) don’t set unreasonable expectations for yourself or others (9) know that if you feel bad others will feel bad they didn’t know you too (10) always call 911, the police, your psychiatrist, your therapist, or call a hotline if you get sick (11) upon being sick, if you cannot get better, call your judge, and notify them, not feeling well (12) if there has been a fight, do not respond to fighting, you are not strong enough to fight (13) do not drink past the point of being put on meds, if you are on meds you cannot drink (14) do not date until you are at least 6 months to a year clear of self-harm, or voices (15) read and write everyday, get to know yourself, get to love yourself, and talk to a professional Originally Posted 03-08-21 - Should not speak if Im not feeling well, then viewed as not helpful/off/purposeful - If youre not okay, chances are they will not be okay with it, and if your words dont feel good, dont speak |
AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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