I think for the most part, we reflect on feelings past, as a cause for mental disturbance, and feel an incredibly weighing burden to respond during times when things are not right, not necessarily known to us upon viewing others, by what we know, or by what is said, doesn’t really help to prepare us in advance or give us thoughts as to what presently is needed to be said or reflected upon to undo those massly distributed “wrongs” determined without consent, by the courts, following presence in court in DC, and make a public political secret known only to those who based upon their observations of things made in public are thought to state positions on who they support and why, or by what they think and why, and by for what reasons someone is thought to have done something privately in a sick way to “WITHOUT WORDS – A non-admission: HAVING A KNIFE?" (I dont own knives I dont cook.") To say ... Knife DOES NOT mean = 1994 (?) (assumed thats WRONG): Then LATER to SAY How What Other TWO Stories are Known: (1) "Get your fatass in the car" and "you were sleeping did not go to Mezzaluna, and cried in the closet by the backpacks when you found out at school.” A strawberry knife. That is NOT fruit for assumption that I have a sick mind, or without explanation understand for what purposes and for what reasons that knife was kept, as evidence of “how” the knife broke? Was told that Marta broke the knife and to allude to what? About Marta? That she also “broke glasses.” Our housekeeper. What does that mean? She talks to the police because she doesn’t speak good English, also who represented us in: “LAPD: Who tagged the driveway?” I have no idea what became of that. When does a movement start: “The minute when upon a meeting of people occurs, and a feeling of feeling the same, around someone they know, everyone feels good, there are others who know who you know, and you all look and feel the same upon meeting, that makes who is new feel good, they know who you know, then separate you from friends, because they think to, why? By controlling how you feel, sad, in love, waiting, wasting time to spend with them, not attending school functions, why? I have no idea. Whenever there is something about me BEFORE (2013) .. . my apartment was neat and perfectly organized and everything important to me stored and with me, because that is how I feel good and safe. If I later become sick, mentally ill, bipolar feel like something is wrong, and the other is okay, that means that I cannot feel good on my own and don’t know why and the other does care and thinks to let me go in life. What is the common theme of rejections? Hearing something bad about you, reading something bad about you, looking around and based upon a percentage of energies whether to be all about conquesting one inside joke: not smart or grose, and then “Leslie’s class is gased at UWLA, and I walk out” that’s the same thing that happened at CU. Means: My cousin borrowed my car, the tint ripped off, because why? Two Incidences: I was accidentally done in the butt, cried on a balcony, and given a Gram back before Graduation. When did the “VILLA BLANCA” date take place: “Spring 2010.” That was the first date, then Pasadena, then by Michael Jackson’s grave after a Laker Game. Whats your point? I liked you, then I got to know you, then I played hard to get, then you became needy, then I did poorly in school, then I wanted you to cut your hair, and didn’t, then once you passed the bar, I left and flew to DC twice for $2000 dollars, because you did not get the job at the DA in LA, then he moved up North, my best friend moved up North (with the same Stuart W boots as me on New Years Eve, it wasn’t that she touched my boyfriends back, at her Birthday, slept on her couch). = Hospitalized 9 Times (?)
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If you have to go backwards to explain yourself, or even forced to go backwards by someone else putting you at an imposition to explain yourself, then do so. There’s no manual for coping when you are thrust under controversy, made to look stupid, at a loss, and overcoming something difficult in life, such as the emotions you encounter when you are made to look bad, ignoring the fact that with sincerity, you were kind to others, respected their wishes, and provided photos via their direction, who would think that upon explaining your demise, you would once again be hurt in that way, when you were down, and had yet to come up in life, popular, fully launched. Usually its people, who want to credit themselves, for your progress, in life, or be credited for your abilities in life, and be credited for being apart of your progress, that seek to be mentioned, and by hurting you, get attentions, they feel are deserved, to take away from you, what progress you have made moving forward, to their benefit, get people to turn on you with them, that’s called a breakup, when sides are taken, and people are at a loss, it takes awhile to overcome the shame and embarrassment that accompanies, a change of heart, or direction in life, that doesn’t keep that once companion in the spotlight, as attached to you and your successes in life. Not only does that hurt ones abilities, but it adds and unsurmounting pressure upon someone to be treated as without someone, tested whether they can succeed on their own, without the support, of someone, who exchanged loving words with in support of someone, who is no longer replied to with an even exchange of love, but seeking to move on, that’s moving on, respectfully, backing off, from a previous relationships, or friendship, and switching care to someone else, more willing to provide for someone, beyond just fantasy, or pleasure, be a real life companion, theres a lot at stake for me, if things don’t work out, looking like someone who benefited from the support of someone, saw better, and because of that support, was able to put together something online, or be put together for others, its usually by self-care, and making the right decisions, that one is able to grow, professionally, by their own experiences, and because one is professional, likeable, or desirable, as a candidate for the exchange of love or companionship. You would never think that at your top in life, or having come full circle, and beginning to feel better and ready to finish law school, graduate, and work again, after years of struggling on meds, that someone would hurt your esteems once you are able to be stable on your own, without them, if its not marriage, one is not obligated to care for someone for an indefinite term, and if someone is more available, to be supportive, and to care for someone, than it’s a woman’s right to move on, and be with a better match in life, who they have more in common with, who will not subject them to hurt, and would not disrespect them in public, make them look worse to others, and ask for photos, when someone is not thinking they will be exploited to all, to hurt or destroy their image, their likeability, make me look trashy, cause me self-harm, and cause me to feel bad about myself, why I called the police, to request that the photos be taken down, and they were not taken down by Facebook. -I have privately supported this candidate since 2017, and have always done my best to inform him, and console him during times of need, redirect his focus, defend him, and provide for him insights, to help him to love himself, love his family, love his life, and forget his past, be proud.
Im sorry no more pen pals, however approved by my Attorney and Therapist, only speak to the Courts and to the Police, keep a running dialogue of my progress, maintain a timeline, be professional, thats for the purpose of preserving the public conscious and maintaining the peace. Personal Update: Due to the pandemic, just filed for Social Security Disability today. Follow-Up (04-18-20): Pictures were taken down ... what a pal, always a diplomat, thats me, have faith. 03-30-20
March tides and spotlights grew And never stopped thinking of you Follow your heart, and find what youre looking for If its not love, then sing your heart out So loud a trolly gone, so hard, my rhinestones fell You cant go back not even from that, so why not a song And as we put our glasses on, we sat and thank In taverns, and green rooms, and even on shark islands What to do what to do, when no one knows you I pitched tree fruit at a tree, with a photo of my face taped up Why couldn’t it be this why, why did it end that way And so I drank, whiskey, and moonlight, and my glasses fell To the bottom of the pool, and then I jumped in If you cant make it there, you wont make it there And if you cant be here, then don’t go there Live life, whether together even or apart Youll be thankful to never stop and sink to the bottom Before your story unfolds, don’t be afraid to sing The loudest tune, to all you know, and be true How many may agree, and find simplicity among they Who understand your voice, not alone afterall Maybe it was he, or maybe it was he, or maybe it was she No one knows, how these things have come to be And whats done in company is never forgotten Whats done alone, is never remembered but for reminders Directions to self, where to start and where to begin A home office dream for me not them And then we met, broken, bought, everything but hot to trot A year later couldnt even choreograph an ending to that Smile and be positive, is what we need, recommended A birth certificate handed, and attorney retained From another case, not forgotten, why a mini mouse appeared Can we just stand, no, can we just march, no, can we write, only in 5 years Why is that, why is this, what was that, why is this, why now And then I sang star bangled and the pledge, has not been forgotten The only three prayers I know, raised well, not spoiled rotten And when the stories collide, an image never forgotten The times spent in disarray, the size that never seemed to budge And the pounds that got lost, never seemed to shine Only two photographs taken a flip phone and punishment Photographs taken, upon request, commissioned, for him not they And what has been forsaken, all energies spent, and troubled Like poison, and collar broken, a 5th grade tire swing sang For attentions broken, not for pain, and not for this broken Whos losses add, another image torn Like crowns and steeples and flying buttresses to a tshirt One from a bar, a high school French drink with a bottom Dedicated to: Joaquin Phoenix, my current pen pal, love, and crush admired. <3 |
AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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