Although you may protected by “government censorship,” The First Amendment, and Freedom of Expression on Social Media, does not protect those who engage in: hate, obscenity, misinformation, and harassment.  So while it may be fun to be opinionated, and engage in commentaries regarding public figures, or yourself for that matter, mention with precaution.
Here are some helpful tips, while sharing your opinions out loud:
 Lata Nott, Brian Peters, Freedom Expression on Social Media, (Retrieved: 10/23/20), https://www.freedomforuminstitute.org/first-amendment-center/primers/free-expression-on-social-media/.
Originally Posted 10-23-21 (Removed due to Bullying)
It’s a day like this when you really feel like people don’t care. And maybe that’s a demonstration, trying to put you in your place, shouting inside 7/11 when you are asked for a receipt, then shouting at your car window, because your car is parked too close, just called 911 and reported her for shouting at me, that hurts my head, and that causes me physical illness, so please do me a favor and not shout next to me, or at me, no matter what youre going through in life, its not my fault. That’s people trying to get you to talk about things as it pertains to them, and that’s not the solution, to whatever racism is stirring about on the issues presently. If its something to do with what I look like that’s not my fault, and that does not give you permission to shout at me, like Im some smaller human being, or guilty of whatever you think is a polite “world peace” joke, that’s not funny, and that’s not okay, and that’s not appropriate, and that’s not how you respond to someone who has cared since day 1, if that’s not my story, that’s not my story, and if that’s your story in your mind, about what Im about, then Im sorry I cant help you with your anger, whatever that’s about, hurting me, like I deserve to be hurt or shouted at, that’s not the solution, and that’s not funny, and its not okay to treat me like Im not helping or haven’t helped. Whatever you think Im about, maybe youre wrong, and maybe you shouldn’t shout at me, and if you have a problem with me then take it to Court, if you think that I parked too close to your car, that isn’t going to keep me silent on the issues, that you have with me, and it is something worth sharing about, whether you like it or not, or able to get away with being mean to me for no reason. Its events like that that make you not want to be out in public it makes you not want to work, it makes you not want to leave home, it makes you want to stay home and stay in your room for another 4 years, for whatever its worth I apologized, she could have waited for me to get into my car, to move, the fact that she was able to get into her car, means that she was able to get into her car, so its obviously something to do on a personal level. Listen if you have a nice car and if you have money and if you have a pet, then why are you screaming at me, I don’t have money, I don’t have a job, and I cant afford rent, so who are you trying to prove wrong like I haven’t suffered and been hospitalized 9x under the weather. I called the Colorado DA, I called the LADA, I called the police, I spoke to the police, and if there is nothing I can do about your philosophy in life, which is to degrade me, or to chastise me, like Im supposed to lead you or cover for you, or help you, to understand the times better, then maybe Im not that person in life for you, and maybe its because you have that attitude toward me, is why youre an unhappy person, why you don’t feel well, and whats causing you sickness, it always makes me question the reasons for anyone taking their anger out on a person, like that’s supposed to make you feel better about yourself, or cause a fight for no reason, and make things about me in a negative way that things are not about. If there is something you don’t like about whatever system is keeping everyone well, then speak it, and if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it at all. So what is the reason for talking down to me, or trying to hurt my feelings, or try to scare me, what is it about you, that gives you the right to shout at me twice and think that that’s speaking your mind about the issues, if anyone has been harmed its been me, treated like Im mentally ill, or trying to cause a fight to see how I respond and misassociate me to to whatever your cares are in the world, that’s you think you have some worldly view on life that I don’t have myself. So what causes someones head to look funny, its called staying home for four years and getting voices and made to punch my head, slam my head into doors, and feel suicidal, and that is why I blog, because its better than staying quiet or allowing for everyone to make fun of me, or to treat me like Im some lower level human being, or someone who deserves to be mistreated in life. That is why Im not working, Im not getting married, Im not having kids, and I don’t care what you think. If you have something to say, then tell it to a Judge, Ive done nothing but report over an 8 year period, I graduated form law school, and Im moving forward with my life, and plan to work one day when I start to feel better, if you don’t see me as someone shot, then you don’t understand what pain is like, or why Im in pain, or whats causing me pain, or making me not feel good, I went to the hospital ER with a job broken, and no one could explain that to me, then when I tried to explain to my then boss, that I went to the Doctor, they didn’t really seem to care about whatever it was that I was going through on my own. Your idea of what “the dream” should look like, maybe doesn’t include me in it, but that doesn’t give you the right to shout at me, as though I have not represented myself well or my State well, or others well, no matter what kind of mistreatment I have ever endured being treated as guilty, or grose, obese, or ugly. I think Ive been through enough, and the last thing I need is for you to shout at me why I reported you.
What Im Working on in Private Trying to Figure Out, with Help from #scotus:
So whats the solution? Not to waste anyones time.
If it’s a prior code, at what point did it appear that I was coding to.
If it’s a later code, at what point were those points discussed.
If its an influencer issue, at what point, do my insights not help.
What is relateable, when I am speaking clearly, or not relateable (weird).
What is a quality of attraction, something that sounds well.
What defeats the purpose of sharing, if it is something I cant get my head around.
If there is something about me someone cant get their head around.
At what point did I stop being myself, upon being exposed.
That exposure was not due to anything inappropriate said in private.
The exposure was due to thinking Im connected to OJ Simpson.
At what point does sharing connection help, if it adds light.
At what point do connections not help, if light is lost.
How can light be lost, if someone thinks anyone has it easier.
If it appears that you have it easier, then given a hard time.
What are causes for paranoia, being insecure.
How does being exposed cause me to be insecure, not confident.
Where did my confidence go, feeling good, and being okay feeling good.
Whats causing sickness, feeling good, and feeling bad for feeling good.
What is the cause for exposure, to say that I am not who I say I am.
What is “fraud” its someone who pretends to be professional.
What is it about me that’s not professional (lack of finished research papers/work).
What is not valued, something that looks easy to make, speak everyday.
What is the mental challenge, its things not going right not feeling right.
What can help make things go better? Feeling good, feeling okay, feeling safe.
What causes a lack of safety? Its if something happens, then not feeling good.
Or if something bad happens thinking one is connected in a bad way.
How are clear lines drawn, when a company uses your identity, to point you out.
When a company uses your identity to point you out as mentally ill or a slut.
When is “intensity” not needed after the fact.
What is after the fact, thinking that a purpose has failed prevention.
So that causes others to look at my work, to determine whether prevention (8 year period).
How to rebuild trust, it starts with reporting calling DAs, calling the police.
How is trust lost with the people, if its perceived you created a failed system of prevention.
On what basis am I attacked, by what the title on my Instagram says, edu, work experience.
Based on what I say I am I am challenged, as not being that, then they think Im fake.
What is fake, someone who doesn’t care, or uses a title to attract attentions.
What are unwanted attentions, when someone treats you like you need attention.
What is blogging, its educating others on the day, based on what I am thinking.
What is helpful thinking, something that sits well, that others can relate to.
What is not good thinking, anything that’s hard to understand or appears guilty.
When am I read into, when someone is looking for guilt, thinking its coding.
What is coding, its recognition of risks past, and not reliving it in present day.
What is a risk past, something that people get sued for, thinking subjects others.
What is subjecting others, to unlikeable traits picked up from you.
What does being likeable mean, it means 17M people identified me as smart likeable.
What is hard for others to understand, putting me in pain, and difficulty thinking doing everyone right by putting me down in life, thinking that’s how they have improved.
I think if people are competing with me, then they will feel guilty, if something bad happens, which is what I think the present difficulty is, proving me wrong, then something bad happening, then its not because of them not noted by me, then I get the unwanted pressure, having to explain for them not being on board with me, then me doing well, in spite of them. If their idea of prevention was stopping me or blaming me for mental health issues, then they will not feel bettered should what I seek to prevent occurs, then they are waiting on a response from me, in order to think, about how to respond to everyone, so that’s a guilt chain for no reason, its blaming someone, who was not guilty, then they feel guilty, and I don’t.
(1-2) Posted before the last post below.
Enjoy your innocence, there will always be a later point in time, that have you not learned from your prior mistakes in life, that you will not be viewed as innocent. -If at a later point in time 8 years later your record is eligible for expungement, that will not stop a negative viewpoint from taking hold, as to your personal worth, your self-worth, or any later coming to be, in which you are made to value yourself or be proud of yourself. So that’s not what running is about, to serve as a reminder, for an attack, or an incident, in which I was questioned, for running, I think if you are able to exercise then do so, that’s not being up to no good, although by appearances if you lose weight, maybe some will be suspicious of you, by medications you take, or people who stop by your house, not everyones criminal, and that’s the mistake of judging someone for the friends they keep, if all male by that point in time. In middle school all my friends were guys for some reason that’s just how I have always been, at some points I have a group of girl friends, but its usually through my friendship with men, that I get to know them. There is a such thing as mutual respect, and that may not always occur for you, on the basis of who you know, have known, respected in that regard, everyone tends to get viewed on an individual basis, so while there may not be any cooler team in life, that doesn’t quite make me a member to their success either, whether that be family or friends, treated differently. I think when you get singled out in life, you can either allow yourself to be intimidated by others, be affected in a negative way, or you can try to help, you may not fully come to understand all the umbrella terms, and inputs of others by apps created, but that’s also not to lend insight for any way in which a state has suffered by fires, be made about, and that’s the extreme point of considerations being made, as to the causes for a fire, and a timeline with regards to when I have been on Tinder, three nights only, and have met three people only. What is a proper response to something going wrong, and can you do anything about it. I think if you have a good track record, and a powerful identity by trusts given to you, then you are the type of person who can turn things around for another, and once they become independent of you, whether you are credited for that change or not, something good became of them as a result of knowing you in life. And I used to have that affect on others, that’s a good thing when people don’t need you, and if they do need you, that’s also not a good sign, the instability that follows, should you stop chasing them in life, all relationships are different, some expect you to always be there, some will try to redirect your attentions, some may be tired by you, some will reject you, and some will be loving toward you, and some will treat you like one of the guys. So whatever was read, about me or anyone, then becomes a memory placed in the treatment of me, to similarly treat me as though they are them, and see me as not a keeper, and you cant really redirect that point of view, when everyone feels put together except for you in life, it will always be by what you are made to feel proud about that will keep you going in life, and in those moments of intimidation what you say gets judged as a hit, an unwanted referencing, or an unwanted attention from you, viewed to have been made in a sexual way, and someone who does not think that you are pretty or attractive will act on the insecurity and either let you know or let everyone know in a public way what they think about you, without disclosing that much to you themselves, and that’s being represented or misrepresented in life, and sometimes they will think that they have a bigger hand in life than you do, and that’s not always the case, so try to be mindful, that although you may see something noticeably wrong with someone, that doesn’t mean that they belong in other relationships, let alone with women, allow that difference and difficulty to prevail, that someone who someone does not see eye to eye with or thinks there is something wrong with them, not readily identified by them, that’s really not for anyone to be the judge of what is missing from someones life, or who with one is made to feel better about themselves. I don’t think I have ever been this talkative or outgoing in my life, it must mean that Im not totally comfortable, and not totally sure of myself, if it ever seems like I am backing down from an opportunity that I am made not sure about, and that’s nothing to do with the person, or group of people, but everything to do with what comes out of me upon talking to someone, whether I am myself, or whether made to disclose things to build trust which should never be the case.
You will never know what someone was like before they change, and thats the main lesson. It doesnt matter who you were, if you cant be that person anymore for others, then figure out what has changed about you, what is wrong with you, and go from there, whether or not you have people in your life to be proud of you in public, it will not always be that way, that you are given public admiration, respect, for everyone else to be noticed with, to know that youre not lost, or gone, or a drug addict, or alcoholic, or sex addict, if thats not you, then dont let anyones negative judgment of you, for caring or loving on others get the best of you, not all need you love, not everyone cares about you, not all will respect you, and most of what winds up bothering you, will be something that someone has caused you to say, to be remmebered by them to say something for your memory, that if talked about, causes others to see you in a likewise disfavorable light, which is why Im not getting married, Im not having kids, because it more important for everyone else to feel like they have done a good job, trying to put you in your place, or teach concepts to you, that they dont think you already know about or have already suffered from just like everyone else trying to respond to the times, and speak approrpriately. So if you dont make it to a better life, you will have no one to blame but yourself, for having discussed where everyone else was coming from and why you got treated the same or similar with no money, just to bring up a subject regarding: sex.
Charlie Sheen References
That’s Just Something
We may all be human, but we are capable of being different, and maintain a unique sense of purpose in life, its not all about making money, you have to create your own success in life to be of value to others and that how a shared happiness occurs, hopefully before your identity, image, or reputation take a detour in life, that’s the cost of not effectively representing yourself online, by manner (twitter, thought to be a Charlie Sheen joke over client order of priorities), or self-harm (hole in the wall as thought to communicate with reference to a hole as in a “hole in one” as in “legally blonde” to say that any movies were ever thought to be about me before I grew up, or about my path in life ever, that’s a shame, mental health issues misunderstood, that’s common to confuse bipolar with autism, as though one cannot speak or since one has not spoken one has difficulty communicating, I think my psychiatrist of many years on Bedford, both agreed not to be put on adderrall because I was too hyper telling jokes, also something my therapist advised against, as Ive later matured online, it seems that obnoxious quality of humor, much like a bad photo, sticks with you how upon being viewed privately you get remembered for how you were when you were not well, not recognizing a struggle as like any other struggle anyone has gone through in life image wise, I think its youre either happy or youre not, really nothing to do with breakups, youre either smart and able and get in or you have not presented yourself or your personal history in a way that demonstrates that you have moved forward, if you sound like youre thinking about the past, that must have been a red flag as not knowing much about and that’s not something anyone wants to relive, what you would have understood had you ever thought about what your friends parents did for a living, (Im sorry for saying PCH its never okay to make fun of yourself, my ex-psychiatrist was a gender identities specialist, I started dressing like a guy shopped in Front Runners boys section in 3rd grade, a change I made on my own, not with reference to other PCH cases and gender identities, sorry to mention). I think that was something I later put together in life, all the connections that were there never pursued, for some reason didn’t try hard enough to date or be social, maybe something to do with depression (from smoking weed) I was later told by a new psychiatrist by zoom who in March took me off all day meds for a week or so, because I was hitting my head, this started while talking to Ari Emanuel hearing voices, Im sure another case of ideas or world colliding and based upon my book cover or who I know thought an obsession to think about wrongs, without enough focus on whats going right, that’s not how to be supportive being controlling in avoidance of wrongs committed by others, that’s empowering the wrong teams in life, and when you do that, or sound like that, you don’t feel good to anyone, why you get put down in life, so that youre not funny, so that youre not respected, so that you seem odd, or insecure, and the more intimidated you get the gayer you look, the more feeble minded you become, the younger you sound, the less depth you provide, its like a never ending cycle of shame, growing up maturing then being made to look immature not evolved. So it’s a learning experience, love is important, pen pals are wonderful, but when it comes to sex, that’s something you keep private, not something that needs to be shared out loud or in public to communicate any freedoms in life felt, still earning to achieve in life, that invincible confidence of “no one can hurt me” a type of strength my mom has described to me, but never understood like “prove them wrong” I have always accepted how others are around me, better than me generally, so I don’t think earning a million dollars in one year blogging had I set up my ads and been professionally built would ever impress anyone, who probably just thought I was a relapse, cocaine addict, who allowed older men to turn her into a woman, whatever that matters Im not sure, they wanted to, theyre older, I think they know more about, prime time, than I do, she has yet to see the code, do this to the code, I think at the time, that was their way of making their world fell free again, not under pop culture pressures, Im sure work life is boring, have always enjoyed my self-paced lifestyle, work around the clock, when Im focused, rest and take it easy on days I cant function, now its like I have to work everyday otherwise I don’t feel good, and the music stuff is hush hush what feels good, love everyone!
The Beauty in the Positive
6 months to a year ago I was nothing, just an idea that never came to fruition, a jazzy pen name, with more negative innuendos than any positive insights that could be born from such an expression of thought, thought to be about someone else, or something else, not of my own making, and then you come to be. That’s being nothing and then becoming something, theres nothing intimidating about that, just someone no one thought you were, smart, smart enough to rise above hate, and strong enough to be insightful without bringing the house down and making it just about yourself or your own setbacks and sufferings in life. In the beginning I would post on Twitter, which looked more like a “snapping” “Charlie Sheen” joke than anything relevant, or a “quotes” campaign or style of writing thought to memorialize “Johnny Cochran” who died of an aneurysm, after defending OJ Simpson, therefore me in law school as Sydney Simpson’s best friend was just a joke to anyone watching, looking at me like I was trying to be something I was not, or even worse, not include me, and hospitalize me for 30 days upon his release seeing myself on TV in the hospital, that’s being left out of any equation for peace in life, making gun violence about me, so that any effort to combat gun violence, would be viewed as in defense of my own identity, as though I ever spearheaded any movement against men to begin with, or teach women to value themselves by not putting out, and give love to one another instead, I don’t want to be gay with any women, nor do I expect any women to be nice to me, and think that Im being gay with them, Id rather be alone with no friends, and no boyfriend, and no children for that matter, its too late, Ive been hospitalized 9x bipolar, and I don’t think that is in my hand in life, to be married have children and to have a new life, its work or nothing and Im not sad about it, no dreams shattered as of yet, just a new beginning. So when you get to the top of any game, whether that be in tech, blogging, writing, or photography, just be yourself, maybe its that your bringing something new to the table, and exciting person to watch and to know in life, just as your boyfriends semi admired you or not, or so chose to admire other women in their lives, in spite of whatever it was you were going through they never thought relevant to how you looked, who you were with, and why you lost your beauty, while in love, I mean who does that happen to anyways, not something I ever thought would happen to me, thinking about someone else in life. So be yourself, I have had my own share of struggles, much to do with appearances and intelligence more than to do with anything social, either fitting in, or not fitting in at all, what is cool anyways? Someone who makes sense or someone who does not make sense, someone who everyone likes, or someone who people question, someone who makes others feel good, or someone who makes others feel badly, someone who thinks positively, or someone who causes others to see things in the negative, for whatever its worth, if Im too late, tell my family Im sorry. So where does beauty come from, its not a shield, or is it, is it an attitude? Maybe. Is it thinking well of others, most certainly, for everything beautiful is a reflection, within, and outwardly to those around you, like a halo, an image of the world, that encompasses as feeling to be had, about you and about others, which upon connecting to or with, makes others feel similarly beautiful in its presence, a quiet acknowledgement of wellness, which to anyone who is not made happy about how they look and feel threatened by, to bring about a different set of characteristics or traits in you, to your face, and to your spoken language and words, reflecting the disgust they have for you, the insensitivity they exhibited toward you, and with reverence for themselves, an unlikely duo in time, or match, a better than or worse case scenario, meeting of the minds, to bring one down to bring another up, and exchange of luck, what dating in law school was like. Someone who is better than you, will always see themselves as better than you, and that’s why you are not taken seriously in life, or respected, thought to be about something else in life, proving yourself right or others wrong, and it is on those basis that others seek to attack your image, your face, your body, your feelings, and your demeanor, to denounce you from any positions of importance when it comes to trust and likelihood of success determinants, not including knowing you as being someone who brings positive thoughts to the minds of others whether or not that excludes you from considerations to begin with, as having always been a good person, from always having meant well, from never having intended to cause any harm to anyone elses understandings of the world, and to never waste the time of others so caring for you, its is for those reasons I have decided to be alone, why? Because if my work is not of value to anyone, and if I am not of value to anyone, then I should at least be of value to myself, and so long as they keep stealing from me work when Im at the top, explains why I created more work of value, or irreplaceable value, online, my writing, and in words became of value to others. That’s living life for yourself, and for others, seeking to benefit not harm the sense of others, and not intrude upon the very things that make them feel good or feel whole or be loved, that’s by who is around them made to feel safe, that’s a sensible exchange of difference, to see someone who is well, who is not in need, not take away the trusts of someone who dependency on them, created the very energy toward me propelling me to one failure after the next, treated as an afterthought of beliefs, from the sufferings of others, as though all our sufferings are connected, woman, man, child, professional, doctor, attorney, or judge, to what lengths must anyone go to prove themselves right by proving any one person wrong in life, is surely just wasting their energy in trying to describe a harm that has occurred, and only lending insights to allow that harm to occur again, bullying. Its by what you say others come to believe is a consensus opinion of you held, whether by one, or a few, and then to all, sought to occur, so that one could be compared to someone like OJ Simpson, who everyone loved then lost respect for, hated, well I am not him, and I was never famous, and I have always worked hard, and life has not been easy for me to say the least, nor should a game be made, of identities, to hurt mine, and say that I don’t measure up to anything intelligent, or worth a read, that would be putting me down, in favor of others more deserving of attentions in life, which is why my femininity gets attacked as being gay or masculine, to kick me out of a gender admired, women, in favor of a more tolerable pose in life, which would be to fight among those looking for a fight to see how I measure up in comparison, someone who threatens others when upset, or someone who is not seen that way even when upset so threatening anyones sense of self, the only thing scary about not being on my team in life, is not thinking like me, and not having my words make one feel better about themselves, that’s when someone does not work for you, and doesn’t improve your condition by what they have to say, that is when another person who knows me feels better to you talking about me. That is the strength in knowing someone, no one talks to, getting to be the person who gets to talk to everyone like they know me, when I don’t even know them at all now, different. When you love someone, you never see that coming, the side of them ready to fight you, like they had it in them the whole time, preparing for the very moment, you decide to leave, or to focus on yourself, as though anything you would have to say thereafter, would run counter to anything they had to ever say about you or about life in general lead others to think like them. Whos the bigger person now? Man or woman? Who is the insensitive person now? Man or woman. Who do we empathize with now and read? Man or woman. Whos insights shed the most light upon how others are feeling? Man or woman? From where do thoughts come from? Man or Woman. Is that Man reading woman, or woman reading man, and whos heart is in the middle of that deduction? Man or woman? Think before you speak, and that goes for thoughts internal as well as thoughts external, which all are affected by, always think positively about those in your surroundings no matter how mad they become at you, sometimes seeing you later on Instagram doesn’t make a difference, even if they hear you sing, still have nothing positive to say about you. So learn to roll with the punches, returning my glasses tomorrow, had already exchanged them for a black pair, by Prada.
It is will be by what is read on the subject that gets remembered then that is how you will be treated whether you have improved overtime, whether you have done a good job mentioning anything important, what it comes down to is blame, what doctors were you sent to and who subjected who to harm and what the cause was for the first suicide attempt 2009. I think when there is a change in care that can result in a lot of uncomforatble feelings and not all will understand you, and based upon anyone taking a quick glance at what you have to say about life, not see you as a victim to your own discomforts in life, not being in control of what others think or by what happens to a client with an Attorney in common to "Charlie Sheen," OJ Simpson, who was not released from jail during the time I was in law school, instead I was thrown in the hospital 9 times, a count not by me, to be the number 9, but what sharing my medical history equated to, being about a theme in numbers, or in names, which I dont think is what life is about, so now its how do I feel going in the reverse, whether that causes me suicide, or whether by bringing up the term I am made to feel any better about myself, I think I did best running everyday, I think life gets more difficult the more people have less in common with you, and more comradere going with others is perceived to treat you as the scape goat, or to frame you, as thought hats what things are about conducting yourself in public, in light of what is thought of you or could be though of you, and I dont think I deserve that type of pressure in life Ive not made any money, so while things are not getting better for me inreality, and certainyl if not in reality then not on my blog, I think that when you are well, and there is nothing bothering you, that is what helps to make other people feel okay and should you get sick, that will also be the reason for others interpreting your tone, until it happens that they think that you were evr critical of others, I think once you recognize what the issues are you try to help, and that type of humor and care in quotes is what people thrive on knowing what youre thinking where youre at, what you are noticing have you ever felt offended by anyone and what if anything have you ever found insulting and why and what ever caused you to think that things were about you in the first place. If Im not from hell, then my life is not hell, and if I look like hell, that doesnt mean that I belong in hell, and if Im treated like hell, doesnt mean that I will behave like Im living in hell, and if you think Im from hell, then you dont care about who I was before my life became a lviing hell, and when things dont get better for me thats me hanging up my hat and giving up in life, cimply because I cant win an argumetn of anyonw who is terating me like I subjected anyone to disease or STDS if you think that then take it to court, get your blood tested, and prove it, if not, then you wiull have treated me like the scumbag that Im not, simply because you think your hands are clean and think my hands are dirty or my dirty hands have anything to do with what you have in life, which is not what life is about, thinking that everyone elses beauty is about you, like youre God shininbg light down upon me that is making me look beautiful or feel good about myself, there are many destinations in life, and not all of them wind up taking you to money marriage homes and kids, and that much you have to learn to respect about someone who is taking their time to get well, being a wise decsion maker, and not make everything about cutting your own risks in life, which is why I did not call, which is why I did not get work, which is why nothing was explained to me, just to see how small I am in life, then threatened bye mail like anything Im sharing is not good information or with Gods bests interests in mind, so do me a favor, dont give me a hemangioma or a heart attack simply because you are not impressed by me, dont think Im pretty or think Ive done anyone wrong or not protected them against bad decisons or bad opinions of them, Ive never msirepresented a man in my life, but the rest of them terat you like someone in need, like you have something that they need in order to feel goodl, I feel good on my own, without help. Im not suicidal, stop describing me as mentally ill, diseased, or comabtive, I self-harm thats how I respond to fighting whether or not directly directly at me in life, I get mental illness, from others expressions of anger or rage toward me like I devalued myself on pupose, or had too much sex, Im not the cause of a loss in power to anyone, if I have not lost power myself, from anything I have done in life, that must mean Im innocent, and if you dont see me that way that must mean that what is being done to me is until I get sick to prove me wrong in life, like Im not helping everyone or was well liked with everyones blessings. #stopsuicide
If it’s a feeling that leaves you upon focusing on something else in life, good, if it’s a feeling that stays with you, upon leaving a situation of discomfort, then that’s something to think about whats helping you or hurting your ability to live life absent minded, the problems you think you are facing, in light of what you think you are hearing, voices, and how important is it to disclose whatever “voices” you think you are hearing and why, and how does that wind up hurting you in the long run. It seems if there is pain having to do with you, it then gets justified in the form of voices, to then be communicated to all, that’s the risk inherent to discussing whats ailing you in public, it shouldn’t matter where you are, that much reassurance you cannot be honored in life, something personal, then affecting your public persona, and there goes your outlook. Theres a saying “don’t be a negative Nancy,” and to me that means not allowing any feelings to get the best of you, let alone, anything negative you think you are hearing that is not you, not something that you say, not something that you study, not what your blog is about, and nothing you think about others, what can explain that and where it is coming from. Then there is blame, are you someone who upon experiencing a set back blames others (immature), or are you someone who deals with problems on your own (independent), that will go to support or justify an actual voice, though in congruence to a voice you think you are hearing and have no proof of. People are only willing to help so long as you are willing to help yourself, and should you enter any other state of mind, seemingly above any issue that someone has with you, then that’s you not respecting their viewpoint of you, to be no one of importance, so who is important. Anyone with a job, who is not important, anyone without a job, who is of value: people who make money, who is not of value: someone who is not paid for their work. So that’s the dilemma I face, I may have everything and be a happy person, that also doesn’t mean that what I have to say will be good enough, and that doesn’t mean that all my personal issues or setbacks in life, need to be made public, maybe that’s how others are able to move forward, but that’s never a good reason to fail at anything youre good at simply because someone does not see you in that way. If the goal is to have no one on your side, then so be it, that also does not serve as an excuse or explanation for how things pan out for everyone else, its really not about forgiveness, and its really not about embracing one anothers differences, its really about who is able and who is not able, who to be surrounded by and who is not permitted to be around others, as though something is coming from them, that you cannot change, where people were in terms of how they viewed you and at a later point in time, what they think of you, should you get your smarts back or make a full recovery, you will always be made to remember all those moments of frustration or failure, and you will have no one to blame but yourself. So what needs work? Being positive in spite of, that can help, and what also needs work, not to make things personal, when everyone is going through something in public, which does not need to be explained if not explanation is had. So that’s forcing feelings through you to see whether you have anything positive to say, to see whether anything is about you, and that’s a question that only the FBI can ask, and if it does have something to do with me, then that’s why Im talking to them, so they can figure out what do with me. So spare me your intuitions about something being off about me, I can only try for so long as people are normal toward me, and if you cant be that way toward me, then please don’t expect me to normalize you, or be understanding of you either, see you as professional. And here is where the fight begins, who was in the right and who was in the wrong, what is known and what is not known, who is apart of, who is not recognized as being apart of, who represents what issue, and who is being made to seem like an imitation of someone else issue already addressed, who is inspiring who, what things are about, and who is now struggling.
Originally Postd 03-24-21
A poor response is something that someone becomes offended by it doesn’t mean that you are offensive, it simply means to be more aware of what you look like and how you speak, that doesn’t mean that anyones ahead of you, there are different demonstrations of having the right insights in life, but it will always be by your demeanor that you are responded to, and that much you have to forgive others for, no one will slow down in life, to help you pick up speed, and that’s just a fact about life, everyone going by their own instincts in life. So what does giving up look like, its if you fail to be aware of whats working for you, seem to be paying attention to the wrong insights (as disclosed to the FBI today), is allowing yourself to be mislead in life, there will always be something about you, that others will want to figure out about you, and that’s not about trust, that’s simply others seeing you for who you are, whether or not they are impressed, no later positive impression can be made, to not justify how others respond in the moment, so do your best to explain less of what you see, and do more of what you want to be in life, not someone who seems critical of others, accept that life is meant to be figured out, there will always be people not made happy by you or dissatisfied, everyone has their reasons, and it will be by what you keep that you get reminded of as though you have lived life any differently, there is an eerie feeling of distance that follows anyone who has gotten the chance to get to know you, then suddenly upset with you, if you need alone time to process, so that’s normal for things to be going well for someone, and for things not to be going well for you, that doesn’t mean that the answer lies in staying connected, or mean that anyone is right or wrong about you, has a better intuition than you about life, you cant search for meaning, and that’s the response to running I got once, with a trailer on San Vicente that smelled of urine, so you can either listen and go by the upsets of others, or you can do your best to be positive and be alone for however long that takes for you to realize what it is that helps you to focus or figure out what it is that is hurting you, so long as you keep getting sick, the one upset keeps getting proven right about you, so don’t allow yourself to be mislead, it will be in your poise that you move forward, if you become defensive do not accept the apologies of others, you end up hurting in the long run. At what point do people change, its at the point that if anyone you know is not doing well, then that makes it important that you start doing well, otherwise you get blamed, for any unwanted pressures that you get put under or make anyone else a party to that feeling of blame, and this is a good reason to remain separate, maybe not the ideal life, being alone, but its better to affect no one, then to complain in public as though your life is to be dymystified, as something its not. There will always be a secret to anyones madness or confidence, and maybe it is that they know more than you know or know more about you than you think they know, and sometimes people come to learn things about you that causes them a distaste, so you are who pictures themselves with you whether or not you had sex or they were put in jail, and whether or not pictures were changed or exchanged for a worse assumption about you to be connected to anyone put in jail and then getting out of jail upon your senior year out for one year in college all together. So its not that my standards are high, its with later acceptances and not disclosing anything past, that you don’t hurt who was in your life, as though they are supposed to know what youre going through now, which should have nothing to do with them, everyone from my past has always wished me well, maybe someone new giving me a hard time, that’s without expectation of needing to prove myself past the point of being harmed, if its to see what youre made of, then fighting is not the solution, so what are your options in life, if you are ever made to give up in life, there will not be a single team strong enough to battle your wounds whatever memories those may be, but if you pick a team and things don’t go right, then that’s something that others will blame you too for, for seeming like anyone at peace, and that’s how other examples of you not being well come into play, and later justified, if you don’t belong anywhere then stay home, if you have to figure something out in writing, do your best to make your handwriting neat, if its something not bothering you made to mention, that’s to prove if you are bothered by anyone. So learn to let things go, even if someone types an email that you did not reply to based on something you said outloud in your car alone, with no people around, so that’s treating you like a loose canon, to punish you, as though there is an energy coming from you, that’s works in a disfavorable way to anyone from your life or your own, why not to connect if you are made to feel fragile or talk about a past when you were strong not aware, compared to being aware of everything now and hurting on the basis of whether or not you expect anyone to protect you from harm, most will be okay with you, its when youre not okay that others are not okay with you. So for example, called ahead of the interview, to state whats going on with me in life, and what my situation is, and that’s a gentle way of saying what Im capable of and then not be interviewed, so that’s backing out of a situation before it happens so no one looks mislead. What is my situation, is that Im not doing well, not sure of myself, was convinced recently that Im mentally ill, was treated as accepted then offensive, then intolerable, and that you cannot change if you get voices, then most things will not work out for you in life, not a condition you can prove wrong or prove in it of itself the causes for, which no one can be blamed for, so if it happened once, and if it happens again, then they will blame blogging, if you are on your own and not writing and punching your head, then that will also not make it okay for you not to write. So its shouldn’t be a complicated situation but if its something I was expressed is not proper to talk about my life, then that will also be something tested for later, whether or not an adverse reaction is created in me, and even if for the purposes of causing me sickness, to see whether or not I do the right thing and go to the hospital, I have been in conditions where I don’t feel good it has not been recommended, I think if youre around people it is recommended, based upon what you look like, the content of your discussions, and it will always matter how others are affected, and it may not be your fault now, but it will be your fault if you continue to get sick and not know why, that will not be anyones fault, so figure out what keeps you well, and stay in that condition, no matter what you convince yourself of in conversations will mostly be excuses and you cant catch up in life to who you are or could’ve been so long as you talk about the past in a way that presently does not reflect that amount of suffering, or confusion.
Originally Posted 03-24-21
I may be half-asian, and there may be nothing that I can do about being half-filipino, which I think is the later discussion, in analysis of a crime, what were the causes, then looking at current representation online, and to blame my genes, as an unintelligent example of a human being, or causes supported, and can get that that much is not working in my favor since COVID. That did not however stop 17 million people from reading what I had to say and on what basis. If I was half black, then maybe I would be more respected as a representative of a mixed ethnicity, but because I am not black or not half black, that does not make me a likely candidate, to represent the issues as I see them, or to demonstrate what is working for me in my favor, my education. There will always be a system of blames, that will be by identifying factors, place of education: CU Boulder, intelligence (test scores), disability (medication, mental health issues), then a study overall of what the composite sketch of someone beautiful appears as, and where that beauty is coming from, a recognition of ones own self-worth or upon recognize of anothers self-worth. At what point is a stopping point, when things are going well, because things are not going well, Im probably not going to gte the job, and will probably not start working, and will probably continue to blog, until I am better situated not being made to be blamed, for not representing the issues well enough to stop any violent reactions to the times within our Country. So don’t let everything hit you until its too late, when is a good time to go by what others think, and when is it a good time to go by your own instincts. I think that’s a difference that will always sit, what I was doing 2012, with two jobs one at the DAs Office and one job in Criminal Defense, with a Witken Award in Advanced Legal Writing, whats a good joke? I think if you don’t allow things to bother you in a negative way, then nothing that anyone thinks will impact you in a way to result in you feeling disempowered, or less than, and sometimes that is a fact about life that you cant change, what anyone thought of you unimpressed, and also now not enthused, and that’s not something that you can prove wrong, anyone who views you as being in the wrong, or the purposes for you speaking, blame as an equation for: fame, notoriety, looking good, trying to be important, wanting to above others, thinks that they are pretty, is trying to be smart, thinks that they have the solution, thinks they are smart, thinks they know what things are about, is not smart, is not pretty, is not intelligent, does not feel good, thinks that they are better than, thinks that what they have to say will make others feel good, and the list goes on of everything you are not in life, and that’s also something that you cant change about yourself. So who deserves what it life, I think being close to a family is one thing, I think if someone else can better represent how they have been affected being close to a family, then all the more power to them, that they are not left with whatever feelings I have been left with in life, to condemn me or anyone close to me for that matter. There will always be people who think that they are above you, but they will probably not be here with me speaking in this moment, and probably only care about their own instincts, not trusting me, seeing there be something wrong with me, or not seeing me as capable of fixing a situation, in which anyone else who represents equality is made to suffer. Whats a confirmation it’s a shout out from someone who has been influenced by you without saying your name, who you are then proud of, is able to represent the issues from a different identity that is not your own, and probably an identity that is more acceptable to most. So what does it mean when others do not want you to blog, they don’t see the purpose in it, not because of something they know about you, think you can do better in a job, I don’t think I can do better in a job, if my dream and passion is in writing, and if it’s a trait that was called upon, upon people responding to me in the positive, means that’s there is a gift there, maybe not in seeing things as they are, or telling people how to look at things, but that doesn’t mean that what I have to say is not beneficial or does need to be said about the times, and that also doesn’t mean that Im trying to be “King” or be targeted for the actions of another in a “kingsoopers.com,” in a town I grew up in 2003-2007, a good school. -So that’s the current shock, and is not something I have not already discussed with Brady by email, upon it first worrying me December 18,2020:
When the Opposite Occurs
“Re: “sorry Brady.” When the exact opposite occurs, then that will be why they later reconsider what odds you are against in life, and when you were well, to whom a connection was made, and what was communicated, all of which they later try to later hold you responsible for, your own condition and the condition of others, and what if anything you have engineered that was successful, or later viewed to not be a success, who is in mind, what is in mind, and where you are coming from, and what opposite things are heard or said, that fall in line with whom and why, and whether any attitude in life, is based upon the shoes of the other being taken and who is to benefit and why, and why one does not benefit upon speaking.”
For some reason I don’t think that there will ever be anything beautiful about what I have to say, so long as I don’t stay well, and whoever it matters to you, for you to stay well, should always be yourself, no matter who views you in question, does not see you as a person of value, or is made to test your integrity, as though there are risks presented upon hiring you not present in your face, or current work ethic, that is through writing and running. That’s when everything you do, appears to be a tireless attempt at being strong in life, that’s when you are being viewed as someone who is just going through the motions, but does not have a visible destination in mind, whether that be marriage, employment, or ability to earn a living and be independent, not all have it made in life, and that’s just a fact of life I have come to accept whether or not Im paid for the work that I do, nothing comes easy in life, and nothing is for free either. So while it was a nice gesture to write for free online, that doesn’t mean that I have to write, that’s not my punishment, and if my punishment was to not speak online, then that is to prove me wrong, as though I don’t have anything of value to say, or don’t deserve to speak. I think in the middle of a natural disaster, its okay to speak, no matter what was thought of you in the past, that may just be them looking out for the best interest of the observed majority who probably didn’t know you or by what they knew of you, did not view you in the positive, and that’s not my fault. So the uphill battle are mental health issues and that cannot be changed by job (medications), so while I do have options (that cannot solve my problems), if I cannot solve my problems on my own.
So what is progress, its recognizing what is left of you, and where you have the potential to be in life, its with consideration for the emotional investment of others in caring for you, and not also being a disappointment to anyone, based on where you come from, if at one point you helped, or not longer are able to help, let it now be based upon the guilts of others, who do not view you as a good reason to keep going in life, some will not think fondly of you, and that much you cannot change about life, not being impressionable to most (the face, the brain, and the body) behind whatever work you have composed on your own (which singing cannot solve, or further demonstrate) what there is special about a person, you have to recognize when others are giving up on you, that’s them not seeing the potential or your worth in writing, so when you start to give up on yourself, that also means that they expect you to suddenly do well working, which you have to be strong enough to make that transition too. So not that’s not my fault.
What causes people to give up? I was once diagnosed recently by a new psychiatrist who thought I had Autism PTSD, that’s not completely true, since I am a writer, but that may be true on the basis of someone reading what I have to say, or not saying, and think that I am blind to what others see in a creative way, thinking is coming from me, and Im sure there is a point at which what I have to say will not be of value, if it is judged to be coming from a negative interpretation of what Im about or who I am, influencer or not, not all are capable of influencing others in a positive way, no matter what audience you imagine yourself talking to, that glimmer of innocence in others, is them not understanding what you are trying hard for, or thinking that there is something you have said or done, to be the cause for whatever occurred in the wrong.
Where is the mentality coming from? It will be someone reading something you have to say, being helped by something you have said, then not see the value in you, having read something you have written, and been benefited from your clarity of thought, then there is the point at which you are not able to speak clearly, then that is things making more sense for others than for you presently, and that’s you inheriting a pain, or a set of misunderstandings to cause you to speak through what it is that caused others to give up on you, or be hard on you, and why.
What creates peace? It’s a blissful state of pride, in which you have nothing to fear, and view life in the positive, and have a firm belief in a clearing ahead, and that’s the type of potential that others are looking for in a life partner, in an employee, in a volunteer, and that much may not be respected of you if you go for the wrong things in life, such as love, romance, comradere, or companionship, its that glow about you that will be likely lost, by anyone who hurts you in private and tries to convince you you are nothing, to then see what becomes of you: nothing.
So that’s where gift and potential goes, first looked at in the negative, then causes you to read everything in the negative, then something you have to say supports a negative interpretation of you, then you get left with a feeling that you have to correct, that’s putting others before yourself. Then what is selfishness, when you get voices and self-harm, then that is to prove a condition occurring upon your loss of productivity and positivity: mental illness, to then see whether what you have to say is in response to mental illness, or whether you have mental illness that gets demonstrated through another, and that’s able people who are 100% with time on their hands, to then cause or heckle a condition into you, until something goes wrong for you, to say that when things are going wrong for you, you cannot stop things from going wrong for others.
Not all will respect you in life, and if you ever get in trouble, that will be itch off your back that you cannot scratch, a record, so although you may have had a perfect life, once you have gotten in trouble that’s how you are viewed in life: trash, and blamed as though not having been an inspirational person at one point suffering, then be hurt, or called upon at a later point in time, to explain where anyone else is coming from, treat you like your some mentally ill paranoid mess in life, that I am not. So while you may not value me, had I not responded to fires, airplane losses, and now gun violence, then I would probably not be alive or stuck in bed all day sleeping for no reason, that’s the type of unreasonable pressure you get put under in life, and that could also mean that you are important to others, you have something of value to say, and that you can help.
Ever notice something a little off about someone, it will be exactly that that should communicate to you, that its not a match, so that you are not later made to look at them while they are in peace, and there being something wrong with you, made to feel tired, not well spoken. -This you learn as an adult, what you feel drawn to, what fixes you, what helps you in life, and what to steer clear of in life, anyone who does not make it clear what they are doing to you, what they think they are doing for you, or worse yet what they think they are doing for others, and that’s no ones job, to minimize the importance of anyone in life, especially someone who is recently nominated for an award, all self-harm and job loss issues aside, still proud, a “blogger.”
Just called the Colorado DA.
Just called #scotus, no answer.
Just called my Ex-Boss, no answer.
Just closed my Instagram, be smart, stay proper.
Just went for a walk, called 911, and interviewed by the police.
Need to call my Attorney to update him, on recent decisions.
Cancelled job interview today, work on gettihng well.
Work on staying positive, Ive made it this far, not to give up.
Just talked to a psychiatrist, upping the Geodone and take daily/nightly.
Right now Im day-to-day, no future plans, work on getting well, then I can make choices in life.
Sorry if I worried anyone, or was behaving weird, or talking weird, I will always do my best to be smart.
Im sorry that I explain for others too much past, and always think its something to do with me, be positive.
*See final draft with edits 03-24-21 and 03-25-21
If self-help means able to help oneself, then lets try no messenger and no Instagram for a month, no photos, and no videos, and see how I do, if that means that everyone is right, then I should not be afforded those privileges in life, and in the event of an emergency, can call the police or 911, or go to the hospital in the event that Im not feeling well without actual support, or talking to anyone. If writing is to help prevent suicide, and if suicide occurs, then by whos thinking is suicide occurring my own, or the thinking of others, and who is then right. There will be many reasons for you to be so empassioned, to try to help others, lets hope that none of those reason are selfish. To not involve anyone, would be the goal, I don’t think that moving forward in life is going to make any difference with regards to voices, or ongoing mental health issues, that is what I have to deal with for the rest of my life, and its painful. So if now Im hurt, by what is said, or by the voices I get then does that mean to reinforce voices, allow others to let go, or does that mean that I have to let go, and where to go from here. I think I did my best to help everyone, I don’t think that that time is now. I just deleted my messenger and Instagram apps, and am now in pain, first following taking another med made to feel okay, then got voices, and the silence that follows, is for what? Im not someone to take an opportunity in silence to speak my mind, not if its not going to help, and if I seem mentally disturbed, and criticized for it, then Im not going to try harder in life, for whom? Who are you working for and who are you improving for, lets make that not clear and not talk to anyone, continue to run everyday and write, and let everyone win, at whatever battle they are having internally, if not the same as my own internal struggles, not be blamed for not helping anyone to move forward in life or to appreciate everyone no matter what everyone has gone through, a competition of what the definition of a struggle is does help to lend insight in a positive way to me or anyone who was made to suffer for no reason, and if its now that’s different than anytime it has been, then who is overreacting and on the basis of what pains in life, is there to be any further understanding of the issues. I think having nothing is the solution, no money, no job, no friends, no companions, and keep one thing in life a blog, even if that does not better anyone, or help them to see me in a better light, that’s obviously no the solution for me to do well in life, so I can accept living a lesser life, I don’t think the goal was ever to be famous, bigger or better than anyone else, that’s usually the hand that someone else plays in life, trying to be spokesperson to the issues, that I have faced, anyone who is not me is obviously doing better, and as hurtful as it is to write this post, Im sorry if this is not the solution, if this does not help, if this does not fix my life, and if this blog does not better your outlook, or explain what you are going through looking at me, what acceptances are sought, are obviously not needed at a time like this, is when you leave everyone alone, this is why Instagram is not the solution, photos, or videos, no one cares what you were like, if you have changed they always want to know why, even if everything past was viewed in the positive. I don’t think having mental health issues is advantageous to my health, for people to get close to me, mess with my head, watch me self-harm, then call me psychotic or mentally ill, you know what I don’t need you either, I don’t need your help, I don’t need your love, and I don’t need your understanding. Now this demonstrates unhappiness, not positive, has poor outlook thinks this is not doing well can move forward is hurt by voices voices that don’t exist in reality, this is a waste of time, shes not doing well, shes not improved, or for what award, I think 17 million readers and ranked 14,000 in the Country on Alexa deserves an award, but I don’t think based on my goals in life, has anyone ever been pleased with me who ever thought I did anyone wrong. -Since things are not working = talk to no one, be alone.
Just called to cancel or reschedule job interview tomorrow, its clear that Im not stable today, not ready to work, part-time or full-time, its clear that what I have to say is not helping, since I am not able to feel good about myself, or able to speak to others, if Im stuck in my room for 4 years then maybe that means to stay home, not be out, not to try again, maybe thats the joke, then maybe those or the movies they think when they think of me, and maybe that helped at one point, and maybe thats not helping me right now to reference anyone, and thats what losing feels like, you have done the work, you do not arrive to your destination a new life, or a better life, and thats the consequence of trying to make your life better, past the point of non-acceptance it just gets worse, and the more they improve and the worse you look, then it becomes its not right, if it hurts, its not helpful, then I get pain and thats the dificulty of everyone being okay with you, stating a fear, then that fear being played out by others, to make you remember something you have said before to justify them turning on you by reminder, then its to what result, I said once please dont hurt me until something bad happens, then it happened in that way, I did not recover, I am not myself, and since I removed many pages, just paid my Weebly bill, and the search box is back, thats not an informal communication of guilt, Im talking to the FBI, and if I cant figure out a solution they can and then that means not to write online, not to work, not to run everyday, not to text anyone, and stay home stay in my room.