I was thoughtful enough to have included statements about how I have been affected and what I have done in life to help make a positive difference in spite of what my family has been through and what close friends and family have experienced in life, and have done my best to live the best life that I can given the opportunities that I have been afforded. Without shedding light on who I know, what I know, or say names, that would be doing me a disservice in life its not by who you know that you come to identify as a person in life or achieve in life, that’s not how to self-identify, as attached to others, its important to be independent of others, and to think for oneself, and to not have ones life affect the lives of others in the negative, just as one is expected not to complain about later mistreatment as treated in a condescending way as associated to one is expected not to later in the negative allow ones hardships in the reverse to affect their associations in the past, or people to whom they have been connected to. That would be so tacky, to build a website and then as disassociated from my best friend talk about our friendship now, or about her family, that would be disrespectful and lacking good purpose or solid purpose at all, there really is no foundational support that can be laid by explaining who I grew up knowing and why I think the way I think or why my life is the way it is now, that would be complaining, complaining is not the solution to building a better life for yourself, nor does it improve any conditions around you, its always those least affected by your hardships in life, who are most critical of you, seeing things in their most simple form, oh she grew up best friends with, like I was some kind of a tagalong social climber, I lived on 200 N. Rockingham Ave and was a neighbor introduced through her Mother, that’s normal, don’t treat me like Im some kind of reject or person of low class with a poor sense of humor, who is mentally ill and of harm to others, its not by my illnesses that others are being harmed its by the illnesses resulting from people dying and by homicides being committed upon individuals in society that is making people sick, and whats making me sick, is that because I had bipolar and heard voices and took cocaine and couldn’t sleep hitting my head, living in a beautiful home in Santa Monica, the police were called to my house, I was fine, I had just seen my Ex, I have mental health issues, I will never be well, that is because I cannot function without medications, and because the men in my life do not stay, and have been separated from my friends, if I am put on medications against my will and choose to blog because I am bedridden and you think my sense of humor is tacky or in poor taste as though I am wasting my time on earth, than you don’t understand my struggles in life to function and be accepted as normal and do my best and finish law school and be given that opportunity earned for my tuition to be paid, upon being well enough to take the courses to finish the degree which was my purpose for attending law school to finish. #stopsuicide – If you are in disagreement with me do not read my blog you are not authorized to read any of my work purchase any of my writings make use of any of my written ideas or privileged work product produced by me, and use information created by me, to make fun of me, that is wrong. That was my Honors Thesis about our experiences as Hotline Counselors. If you have ever woken up to being sexed, and it hurts, and you were 18 and he was 33, maybe then you were not old enough nor mature enough to handle that type of sex yet if youre new, my first boyfriend, still to this day always responds, ended up marrying someone 100% Filipina and had a child with her, while I was in college in Colorado, wound up dating Julius via Facebook, who left me for someone he met in Denver while out, who introduced herself to me after passing by her in his hallway leaving his apartment, to tell me that shes been in my car before, we lived together at one point, he played ball in Japan and is now studying to be a nurse in NY, still connects with me from time to time, cordial with all my exes. This is something new, men who meet me who dont want to talk to me, and upon liking anyone reject me as obsessed, that doesnt mean Im gay if Im not dating and without friends, it just means Im not right for anyone right now clearly and need to be alone, until Im no longer defective and regain my self-worth, value, a desire to live life without self-harming or becoming suicidal after breakups drinking, the feeling is so devastating, this is why I blog, to fill my time up with other thoughts, new thoughts, be productive, forward thinking, creative, and somewhere people like me, losing 50lbs and being ignored and rejected was the worst feeling in the world, I absolutely wanted to destroy myself, and my cat was dying of cancer, if you just stop needing something ie "men" theres so much more to life, than I feel small today, I feel big today, Im sad today, I feel alone, whats the point .... How I felt everything looked: Don’t treat me like Im some nobody wannabe or an offender or a reject interfere with my earning potential and ability which has already been tarnished delayed with disability in sobriety, and prevent further opportunity to overcome hardship as though Im a lost cause or deserve it. That’s wrong. I complained to the State Bar of California. She can take it court. #stopsuicide. But instead of explaining I was an inconsolable suicidal pen pal, who relapsed on cocaine and alcohol while giving exes blow jobs who would ignore me and not follow up, of course I was insecure running everyday, obviously being thin is not the key to my happiness nor theirs, they didnt appreciate all my hard work and effort, and I could only afford Target, and had no friends, there was absolutely no purpose for it, I still ran a half marathon, its a fun skill to have long distance running, stuff to do when youre alone, perfect! 2.5 hour run, thats so me!
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Just because you grew up well off, does not mean that you’re immune from controversies later in life, or immune from suit. Don’t expect anyone having known where you grew up or who you grew up with to respect you, or to be treated as any different than the next person. Its wrong to assume that someone who is born into privilege assumes that they are to be respected by others, like everyone else, we face the same pressures, to appear beautiful and intelligent, the standards of wellness are no different person to person, no matter what your socio-economic standing is in life. To be respected one must have a positive outlook in life, I was raised to always “see beyond.” That is never to assume what others are doing or thinking, and make the lives of others your business, to always focus on yourself. For example, if you cannot function without meds and taken off all medications, then expect to look, behave, and speak differently, than if you were under your “normal” conditions in life, now add to the mix negative judgment, how then is one supposed to respond in a positive manner, other than to stay home, and sleep all day, that was not the correct response to negativity toward me, to become suicidal. No amount of embarrassment or shame or ridicule should ever force one under pressure to not do what is right, always do what is right, “god helps those who help themselves.” It may feel as though you have been backed into a corner in life, sent down, but that’s whats an intervention is, when others who are in disagreement with your progress, seek to correct you in life, based upon how you look or appear, and based upon your present abilities in life, if you are not working or in school and not doing anything impressive with your life, youre expected to take a back seat to the better lives of those who are excelling in life, and follow the lead or suits which put you in your place in life, irrespective of whatever hardships you may have endured, it doesn’t seem to matter at those points in time, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been raped, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been drugged, it doesn’t matter if anyone has drunk you under the table, it doesn’t matter if you have failed, it doesn’t matter if you are doing your best, it doesn’t matter if you have lost 50lbs, and it doesn’t matter if you have an idea, that was nominated for a shorty award, if anyone wants nothing to do with you, they are reserved that choice in life, and without explanation are allowed to reject you and treat you as lesser than in life. That I don’t agree with. For someone with an understanding of mental health issues, I have always made it a priority to help others, throughout my career, to be treated as someone who contributed to any conditions faced by another, was insulting to say the least, how could someone who I have no direct contact with in person, suddenly not feel well and blame me? They will always see you as the problem, and others as victim, so long as they can label you as such, and that’s not a life, I thought worth living to disprove, that took about 4 years to undo the hardships associated with lawsuit, staying home and writing, not being able to get a job, with a record, and while under suit, on probation. My record gets expunged 2020, in addition I got a suspected dui misdemeanor 2013, after drinking 3 drinks and driving home from Hollywood, leaving HarvardStone Bar. No one sets you up in life for embarrassment, if you don’t allow people into your life, then no one can harm you, and that’s where Im at in life right now and where Ive been at for the past 5 years, alone, and enjoying my solitude. That’s not being anti-social, it takes one person to reject you, to stop you from being social with everyone, and that’s exactly what happened. Its not an easy topic to talk about, causes for suicide, but I’m glad I’ve overcome those feelings, and the shame and embarrassment, associated with being sued. When you have no money, it’s a big deal, when you cant afford Attorneys it’s a big deal, when you are not able to represent yourself it’s a big deal, dying is not the correct response to suit, especially if you have done nothing wrong. Many misunderstandings in life, cause others to shun you away from society, affecting your ability to be social, by bad mouthing your condition behind your back. There is a way of thinking about life, without causing uproar, and its called writing, the lengthier the better the picture is painted, its when we short-hand our deductions in life, and what we think, that others think that we are wrong, or have the wrong ideas about life, easily misunderstood, and written off as problematic. If youre a good person, and have always had good intentions at heart spent thousands of dollars fed-exing SCOTUS, then no I do not think that I should have been sued as someone to keep away from people or specific individuals as though I caused harm to them or threatened harm to their sense of well being, not by cupcakes and valentines day gifts, that’s just bipolar delusion, thinking one is in love. When you don’t have love in your life, don’t go looking for it, and every instant connection will feel special, that’s probably because you have had so few interactions, that all new interactions seem meaningful, it could mostly just be in your head, don’t get too excited about life ever, or about people, especially new people coming into your life, that’s a quick recipe for disaster, the more enthusiastic you are, the quicker they are to think that you are just some opportunist, looking to get better through people who are better, and then further treated as less than in life. Its hard to come up in life, and its not by connecitons that you do, its by your stability, and ability to make good decision in your life, not so much the matter with who you are surrounded by or who you choose as friends. Learn to let go of the dust in your life, and not make it your business the problems or losses of others, when people are ready to come forward for help they do so on their own, and speak among people who they consider trustworthy, you may not always be included among them. Just because someone doesn’t identify you as an advocate or respect you by education or upbringing, does not mean commit suicide if you get sued, that’s the bottom line and main lesson of their piece, not to self-harm, don’t do drugs, and #stopsuicide. One of my Facebook friends just died of an overdose, a twin, do me a favor and dont make a losing team out of a team that is already suffering, and alienate me or cast me out as someone who has not contributed in positive ways over the years to everyones well being. You dont know me, you dont value me, and whether I live or die now matters to me, take it to court! cc: #SCOTUS
There’s a time and a place for all commentary, when it comes to what you think about life, the times, and where you stand in relationship to whats going on in the world, its important to care, but not to the extent that you make others around you uncomfortable knowing that you do care, worry for you, or worry for others, who may or not be casted under you spell to care as well. That’s just a system of caring that will never stop, advocating for the best interests of others, call it a spell, to be well spoken and articulate, but its just that, what makes sense to do, to care. You can’t make a big deal out of everything, that’s not the point of caring, to blow things out of proportion, or to bring things up over and over again, especially when nothing presently is concerning the matter, use your common sense. There’s a difference between calling attentions to yourself, and calling attentions to causes, that are not one in the same, one who is advocating for others, should not intend to draw negative attentions to oneself, that would be defeating the purposes for providing a positive source of support to others. For instance if its suicide and self-harm you have overcome, and understand the issues when it comes to attention, rejection, and failure in life, then don’t discuss what caused you to feel that way, instead discuss how you overcame those feelings, and what you are doing now to better yourself, no one wants to hear you work yourself into a hole again in life, and belittle yourself in front of others, left feeling embarrassed and less than again in life, like a troubled case, or someone who is worrisome, or uninspiring, as unapologetic of their past, sometimes in talking about our conditions, we may come across as insensitive or short, that’s because its painful, and that shortness, is because its painful to talk about, self-harm is a way of “dealing with deep distress and emotional pain.” [1] Sometimes we sound insensitive to create a humorous tone to deflect attention away from the self-hate that caused our demise in life, and led us to suicide or self-harming behaviors, none of which is excusable behavior, all of which is punishable, at the ER they put you on a 5150 hold for 2 weeks if you self-harm or feel like self-harming. Never waste time convincing yourself that youre nothing in life, to which road will that lead you to in life, if it serves no positive purpose for you to think poorly of yourself, then think again, how could you build a better perspective of your current situation or better articulate your present circumstances so that you can fully appreciate where you are presently and where you have been, and what years you have to live in life, without causing worry to others, that is not disturbing your own peace by wasting time, in life, self-harming, and not disturbing the peace of others, who may grow to become unhappy with you because you are not successful or are not earning a wage in life, making it difficult to be around you or proud of you. Its okay if you feel like your life forward is difficult, I feel like that, life is challenging! Embrace all the difficulties and challenges that life has to offer, DMV lines, Car purchases, Health Insurance, Rent, Bills, Meds, Laundry, Life is tough! Its meant to be lived, why God gave us so much $hit to do everyday …. Makes sense. If you’ve come this far in life, there must be something to live for, its all a matter of figuring out what to live for and finding your self-worth again. Best you can do is wake up live and sleep each day until you can figure out what to do with your life. Im not even sure if its okay to talk about this, being lost in life, it happens, that doesn’t mean youre coming to an end in your life, its just marks a new beginning sometimes, theres a slow down, and then you pick up again, as you transition into a new phase in life, a new job, a new school, a new relationship, a new home, a new friendship, a new something, theres always something new to explore in life, life is full of endless possibilities, and places to go, it’s all a matter of choosing to live your best life until your options are so limited that you are left to live life as life is given to you to be lived. Live life and have a great day! Never give up, everyone cares!
Reference: [1] www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm |
AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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