Its not a place you arrive to wellness, its something occurring within you, that keeps you moving forward, not weighed down by any confusion, disinterest, hardship, or competing ideologies. Theres nothing to get about a person who stays well, we all have it in us, an ability to be happy with who we are, and content with where we are in life. The only time frustration hits, is in: (1) disappointment (2) rejection (3) isolation/alienation (4) disregard/lack of compassion (5) perceived competition/jealously (6) and questionability. Those are feelings that disturb progress, affect your confidence, and hurt you within. When you feel hurt within, you will not feel like yourself, you’ll feel like youre being watched, you will feel frozen, and that puts you in a waiting period, and so long as you wait for approvals from others, for permission to move forward that’s how you get hurt by negatives, not reinforced, by positives, and instead your own sense of direction gets mislead, by what you hear, not what you know, and theres no telling what amount of controversy and completely disable you from being the person that you are, and that’s what intimidation is about. Happiness for others is not giving your heart away, its not giving your identity away, its not giving away your peace, and its not being put at odds with others. Everyone goes by feeling, everyone thinks their intuition is best, everyone thinks they know what everythings about, everyone thinks they know you, everyone thinks they can predict you, everyone thinks they have a grasp of what a good life looks like or feels like. If you ever feel like you have been wronged in life, these will be things that you could endure and not know who to go to for help, and its not a state of wellness you can dig deep and achieve a state of mind, that is above any issue that anyone has with you, they will always be them, and you will always be you, the point is to be understanding of one another, have compassion for one another, and not put one another at odds, by who thinks they know best, and watch things not work out in anyones favor, that’s when a change is needed. That’s when its time to let go, that’s when nothing can be explained, that’s when there is no more room for excuses, and that means doing what is right, not being accusatory, not questioning, not lose faith. You have to be happy with the work that has been done in order to ever become a completed work, that others can identify with in a way, that brings them peace of mind with a greater understanding for the common good, that’s not how a lesson is taught, doing things to a person, to see how they respond if they are made to feel like someone else, that’s not education, that’s sabotage, and that’s not support for either side, that’s ridicule. Its very rare for someone to stand out, in a way that others can see and be okay with, especially now, everyone wants to know whats so special about everyone, and whats so likebale about everyone, and where what quality comes from and why, and credit whoever they think demonstrates a better candor in life, and not value and appreciate others for the originality in like and what they bring to the table. So if you have not heard from someone, such as myself only in my 30s, began sharing my story in a permanent form through book writing, social media, and support through memberships, that may be because they are important, and they are important because they have had a life, been in people’s life, and not readily in tune with all the humor, and company making in regards to what the people need, what society needs, what is needed in general to help restore the faith of most people. So what is suicide? It’s a feeling of disconnect, you feel completely alone, nothing can be fixed, its a heavy weighing feeling on your heart, where you don’t think anything is possible, you cant sleep, you cant wake up, you don’t want to move, you don’t have energy, the meds make you tired, your head hurts, you don’t do anything to work toward wellness goals, you don’t want to talk to anyone, you cant get help, or when you get help you don’t feel better, you feel like no one can help you, you feel like its too late, you don’t understand whats going on, and you have trouble talking to people, no one is interested in you, no one texts you, no one calls you, no one hires you, you cant get into jobs, schools, and you don’t feel confident, its not with awareness of code, or watching tv, or thinking something about life in a way that would not make sense to another, its not being on the real team, its not by exposure, its not a condition talked into you, its not a condition that anyone can talk you out of, its how you feel about yourself, its how others feel about you, its not always guilt, sometimes you’ve done nothing wrong, sometimes people think you have done something wrong, some people believe in you, and some people don’t even know who you are, your head hurts, you don’t know why your head hurts, you could be getting voices, and not know why youre getting voices, you wont recognize yourself in the mirror, you wont like your body, you wont remember all the hard work you’ve accomplished, you wont remember the good, you wont feel apart of anything, it’s a very confusing state of being and thinking, and its not a place that anyone wants to get stuck in in life, feeling like they wont get better, or feeling like things wont get better, its not a trend that can be offset, by anyone who has made it through or is talking about it, like its normal, its not normal, its not okay, it hurts, it sets you back, you don’t move forward, it makes you unapproachable, no one trusts you, people will not like you, they will not understand, they will try to rationalize and make the mistake of justifying it, or trying to solve it, and it’s a condition you end up living with for the rest of your life, and that’s not a secret that anyone will later respect you for, its why they intimidate you, its why you feel scared, its why you feel small, its why they feel bigger than you, its why you don’t feel pretty, its why you struggle with weight loss, its why you don’t have friends, and its why you cant find love, why? Because you are not comfortable with yourself, you don’t know the difference between when you are doing well or when you are failing, and no one else who recognizes that you are well or headed in the right direction can encourage you without hurting you and ultimately becoming frustrated with your life as lived, expecting you to be well the whole time, to have never made mistakes, to be a better role model, or to be smarter. This is why I went to two law schools worked on a JD and graduated with an MSL, I was top of my class when I started law school getting As on essays (not good at multiple choice) after taking the LSAT 3 times and got the same score each time (beginning 2006 took my first LSAT in Denver).
So how do you cope after a suicide attempt or self-harm: (1) don’t talk about in public (online on your own) – if you share your story, be strong! (2) don’t justify it to anyone, accept guilt for whatever preceded the incident (3) be forgiving and move forward don’t read into the past too much make anyone feel bad (4) hold your head high and take good care of yourself and others (5) live the life you were meant to live, with or without people watching you, caring (6) even if things will never be the same no matter what meds you are on never give up (7) be consistent, be strong, don’t pretend to be stronger than you are (8) don’t set unreasonable expectations for yourself or others (9) know that if you feel bad others will feel bad they didn’t know you too (10) always call 911, the police, your psychiatrist, your therapist, or call a hotline if you get sick (11) upon being sick, if you cannot get better, call your judge, and notify them, not feeling well (12) if there has been a fight, do not respond to fighting, you are not strong enough to fight (13) do not drink past the point of being put on meds, if you are on meds you cannot drink (14) do not date until you are at least 6 months to a year clear of self-harm, or voices (15) read and write everyday, get to know yourself, get to love yourself, and talk to a professional Originally Posted 03-08-21 - Should not speak if Im not feeling well, then viewed as not helpful/off/purposeful - If youre not okay, chances are they will not be okay with it, and if your words dont feel good, dont speak
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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