Never expect that when confident, for your confidences in life to be tampered with or for your good deeds to go unnoticed, everyone appreciates a good Samaritan, or someone who looks out for the best interests of the majority, we can always choose which types of behavior we accept, and which types of behavior are to be abhorred by society, sometimes peoples behaviors are a manifestation of their fears in life, too boisterous or off putting, and sometimes upon leaving relationships we only remember the negatives in life, never question oneself due to a misunderstanding of the origins of the attitudes of others toward you, sometimes its jealously, sometimes its admiration, but don’t expect anyone to look up to you like your some crystal ball of hope, but just in case, don’t drink or do drugs when there is high expectation of you and when trust is granted to you, to explore life among others, like interviewing and attending trainings at the Boulder DAs office, if you can live a normal life, that means you are living in an altered state of mind, of fewer responsibilities, sedentary, and a recluse, is rarely a well adjusted person fit to work in any environment, let alone study, and be acknowledged as being worthwhile having been taught informations in life. Its common in times of chaos to lean on those who are most stable, and when unstable its common for others to be hard on you until you get stable, that’s called being in a caretaking position managing the stability of others, or entrusting your life and livelihood under the direction of others someone with more knowledge or a better outlook in life, seeing beyond your troubles, believes in you, and helps you to realize your potential in life, its easy when frustrated to feel stubborn to talking to anyone who gives you a hard time in life, and to feel bad about yourself, its called behavioral health, learn to work among others, and manage your moods, and stability yourself, the less you rely on social cues and things you’ve been through to make decisions as to now, the more intune you become with whats before you and how to presently process in order of importance what is important to your understandings, whats hurting your understandings, and what is just plain too much unnecessary info and harmful to everyones health to hear about your mistakes in life, who you trusted, what drugs you did, who you hooked up with, and where you ended up in life, that’s just plain stupid to only have guy friends or lovers, and expect to get far in life, even as an academician, that’s not love, that’s someone mistaking your wellness for invincibility. We are all human, and every heartbreak weakens or scares you emotionally, its that physical withdrawal (in loving relationships) from being in a trusted position to being in a position that causes harm to the stability of others, that some are not put in caregiving positions in life, and instead given a backseat to the wellness of others, it’s a choice to not be apart of and to take chances with your health, the more times you can leave things at friendship the better homie youll be in life, stay well, and never forget who has loved you in life, and by the time you find yourself, do your best to never give up or be too hard on yourself for not having lived a perfect life, we all F up sometimes, its not necessary to always be right to live a good life, sometimes we are too strong for the times, independent, and instead of being understood, viewed as a threat to the best interests of others, and their fundamental basic health needs, to be liked and wanted by others.
Usually when things are going well for you in life, you are tested for emotional stability, never get too attached to anyone or anything who doesn’t think highly of you how you enable others to control how you feel, your circumstances or outlook in life. Without explanation always do your best to stay positive, whether others are for you or against you in life, most importantly always believe in yourself, its by your hardships in life that you struggle for acceptances in life, fighting is never the solution to your problems, the better you get the harder you fall, the moment you respond to any negativities in life and become defensive, always do your best to live a good life, care what people think, but don’t become overconsumed with the thoughts of others, you may experience losses in life but do not be defined by those losses, there are small problems and there are big problems, always follow advices given to you by those in your immediate surroundings, people who generally care about themselves as well as the well being of those around you, so long as you do not show your face nor video in public, there is no way anyone can tell the writers health, don’t wait until its too late to present yourself, before a cycle of negatives are run about you, until you become affected by others negative judgements of you, and not understand why your face keeps changing or why you experience difficulty staying well. Sometimes we shine, and sometimes when we are not well its hard to be around others, limit your interactions when you are not strong, and if you cant stay well, its okay to leave a situation that is causing you discomfort or interfering with treatment of you, not become a pawn or a stepping stone to be misused to create a negative opinion of you as not well or strong or fit to work or to do well, or be a caretaker to anyone you love in life. Until you are well will you be accepted by society, and never expect anyone who thinks they are better than you to accept you wholly into their life, it’s the well that will always pick the most well, in any environment, as it is confidences that trust is built, and its hard to get close to anyone who doesn’t equally fit in, or feel confident and well about themselves yet, maturing is a process.
My best advice if you are experiencing difficulty adapting to your world, would be to blend in, rarely does complaining or blaming others for our difficulties in life, bring us a better life, so long as you value and appreciate what you have been through and recognize where you are now, the better off you’ll be, its when we think things are worse than they are, or lose sight of where we could be in life, is when now becomes a challenge. Everyone deserves to be proud of who they are, we don’t all live perfect lives, and even if every opportunity is afforded to do well in life and achieve, can we realize our potential and get jobs, that prove we are good members of society, life is not easy, take no non acceptances of you in life personally, nor accept rejections of you as though there is something defective or wrong with you, if your condition requires that you be on medications so be it, a lot of people drink and take Xanax, but no one ever labeled them as mentally ill, likewise I need meds to sleep and to function in the daytime, that doesn’t make me mentally ill, it just means I have mental health issues, and difficulty functioning in the daytime, and going to sleep at night, everyone deserves help and assistance with those basic needs in life, it’s a tough pill to swallow, your health, especially when you cannot do basic things in life like work and sleep and go back to work, and have to figure out a life for yourself, that inspires you to keep going in spite of not completely fitting into the norm, what a normal life is supposed to look like, driving to work and back, sleeping and watching tv. Not everyone find their place in life, don’t wait until its too late to try again, its always best to blend in and fit in with society, than to follow dreams, travel, or rely on subsidiary cares in life to feel well, whole or complete, no its not companionship, and no its not love that will help keep you going in life, these are things you think you need to belong, but not always necessary, you need your smarts, and you need to feel well and achieved to be inspired to keep living life, don’t self harm, the longer you prolong the process of getting well, adjusting to the meds as prescribed, rebel, or do what your not supposed to do, like being out at night, drinking or dating, the longer it will take for you to get well, and to achieve a good life, and recover from your disposition, just because one person thinks there is something wrong with you does not mean there is something wrong with you, so long as you are doing everything right in life, things should turn out for the better. And whether you are feeling well or giving up in life, remember to always see things in the positive no matter how you are treated, that’s just life, people are too strong, and too condescending, and most don’t believe in you, and think they know better in life, that’s just someone seeing you and thinking that your worse than you are, or not seeing your potential based upon what you look like, who cares, believe in yourself!
Not feeling well, hearing voices, need to get strong again, will take time. Will write when I achieve wellness, not fight with voices, thats not the solution, to let those hurting me win, if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say it all, thats would be the solution, to voices, I do my best to provide positive insight and share based on my ability to get better, that doesnt seem to make a difference when it comes to voices, its not until you are suffering that they are proven right. Suicide is not the correct response to any difficulties faced in life, be made more difficult. #stopsuicide
No war is the correct response to resolving the difficulties faced by those who have it all but have not yet arrived to reflecting upon life in a way that they are yet free to make choices for themselves, its upon wellness and achievements reached in life that you are given choices. Whenever you target someones wellness, as thought deserved the only person you are harming is yourselves, by attacking those who have been present and taken the initiative to help, and then chosen to remove them from acceptances every other person is granted in life, its not until you allow negative voices to win, that you let them win, a worse condition is never the correct response to improve the conditions of others, you are only letting yourself down when you make poor decisions in life, if a relationship does not work out the first time around, and not present to date then a later rapport cannot be established, how you tell your story matters, never make an offender label out of a victim, then blame them as though by their choices they have not done their best to live life, as best as they can. Often times as someone has failed or given up in life, we blame them, seeing their lives lived as though without care and focus on their education and the monies invested to keep them well in order to get jobs one day. Never go to the wrong people for help when you are in between phases in life, if you are well on your own, then it is not necessary to incorporate anyone new in your life, its when trust is lost that people think it justified to invade your private spaces, and to take and devalue you, whether you have produced original work with good intent, and whether you have provided accurate inside to benefit those who do provide advocacy, there are many ways to live a positive life, and talking $hit about anyone who you don’t believe in is not the solution, nor is connecting and sending them negative voices to prove mental health issues exists, if one cannot think independent for themselves and keep the best interests of others in mind, its because they have been excluded from their right to live a full life, and to achieve the wellness required in order to continue working, you cant stop negative interpretations from taking their toll on your health, its by insult injury occurs to self and to their outlook, and its only those who care and love you who protect your best interests, never expect that anyone will go out of their way to make a positive difference in your life, whether you are smart, good, or have living alone, minding your own business, trouble does not come into your life, unless you accept others into your life, its when we are on our own, that our guards cannot protect us, from others taking advantage of us, when we are well, lost, or working on our independence. Over the past 8 years I have learned a lot from working and finishing a masters, that whenever I do not feel well to go to the hospital or to call my Doctor, that is why I am here today, and for whatever it is worth, once I become sick, it then becomes a disservice to everyone if my condition is hurt when well.
Unless you are well, don’t worry much if you are feeling misunderstood in life, you cant predict the future, nor control the reactions of others to your condition, nor expect the same acceptances given to others during moments of turmoil be empathized with, it is however advantageous for you to continue to do well and not give in to negativity, whether it be to correct you, put you in your place, or subject you to harms in thought deserved or purposeful retaliation upon your safety and wellness needs, without compassion. No condition that cannot be controlled by ones own choices is ever deserved, it is however the responsibility of someone under conditions they cannot control to get help, and when provided with resources for coping, such as therapeutic settings or meds, to be gracious for any services in response to ones condition, however with expectation expect for ones hand to be held through the whole process of recovery, certain leaps you must take on your own, whether it be a decision to get help, whether it be a choice to respond, or whether it be choosing to rely on your intuitions and best decision making skills, its hard to find your own voice, during difficult times, easy to question oneself, and while under the good care of others and medications to be treated differently depending upon how a person feels being around you or depending upon the energy or poise you exhibit in different surroundings, it just so happens that those who are most well, can easily adjust to any settings, find their way, without being influenced by the talk or behaviors of others, that would be unusual to think that anything anyone else is experiencing is about you, unless there happens to be a connection made, a parting of ways, or disbelief in anything you have to say as being genuine to self, at what point does that occur? When we are paranoid, or in states of disillusionment, its easy to think that things are about you, does that cause one to ever feel threatened by others? I think its when other people think that they are being thought of as being in the wrong, or where there is an exchange or interaction that causes one to feel like they were in the wrong, or held a misjudgment of someone they thought deserving of mistreatment, to then feel sick unless proven right, that’s when the wellness of someone you don’t know, or know of from online, gets well and you don’t think that they deserve to be well, having met them in person, looking and speaking from a different disposition, we are all not outgoing people, some more shy than most, its not a gift unless is a valuable character or trait, that you have harvested by your good efforts to improve upon, speaking doesn’t come easily to most, nor does writing, it’s a practiced profession. What happens when you are denied care? A denial of care occurs when even after following treatment goals, and not improving, or achieving a condition thought befitting to someone deemed to have mental health issues and self-harm issues, caused by use of drugs or alcohol, seeks different treatment, a better condition cannot always be achieved, only through experience do we learn that unless we are compliant to whomevers care we are under, are we treated with care thought deserved, its when we rebel from the care given that others give up on helping you. If you have been compliant for 8 years, on risperidone and abilify shots, and have not given your best always online as a writer, does not mean that as a person you are a lost cause, and its okay if someone you seek help from does not want to help you, never take that personally, its just because either they have lives or their own or think that your issues are heavier than they are, think that its better to toy with your condition and treat you as beneath others to control your options in life, and to hurt you when options are afforded to you in life to move forward, life is not a movie, and although that could be a happy ending in someone viewpoint who doesn’t like you to see you get to a well condition and then get hurt to a point of no return, would be giving you a taste of the good life, or a better condition, than trying to take back all opportunities for acceptance, by attacking your good character based upon your experiences growing up shared. Until you get well, will you get better, until you try to make a good impression will you overcome self-doubt or intimidation by the interpretations of others, or auditory hallucinations such as voices, enable illness to kick in, that would be throwing up for three days, after taking handfuls of anti-psychotics several nights in a row, and write this. There is no value to anything shocking or hurtful, non-acceptance only hurts until the point you feel unwelcome in a place you were removed from, and thought justified, to prove that all displacements are a result of poor decision making, or resulting from you liking people who don’t like you, what is compassion? Friendship, and when was it a good choice to stop dating, 2014, after the first failed relationship, after punishment, you become a worthless endeavor to care for, and its then you must care for yourself without expectation of help or guidance from others, and as privileges get taken away from you, medications changed, always do your best to stay positive, not all people were meant for love some are best as friends. Proving psychosis and causing psychosis in someone who is publicly announced as bipolar, is a risk I took with my health, and being labeled an addict or someone with voices, is why I was taken off Adderrall and Vyvanse and put on Provigil, its important to be smart, and no matter how far down we go in life as a result of poor judgment of us, its not until you are well that it is appropriate to be around others, never trust an unstable condition in the hands of others, its usually those we don’t understand who get put down and rejected or ignored, to see how they respond, whether they leave or return to our lives, in a worse state, to prove or disprove the causes for the mental health issues of someone they don’t respect or think has not tried hard enough in life.
With love, all things tend to fall into place, that’s when you’re most certain and confident, sometimes with companionship, sometimes in the company of friends or a loved one, do we experience a sense of peace within, that we are exactly where we should be in life. That sense of togetherness and focus independent of self, is called feeling a sense of belonging, love is not always required, but in small doses can make a significant change to our outlook, and voice within, where no matter how lost be become, sick, ill, or no matter what pains we encounter, along our journey to recovery, its that faith in ourselves that is crucial to our well being and ability to adapt no matter what our circumstances. Remember you are human, and although there may be moments of sadness, joy, or pain, you can always move forward, and choose to focus on something that brings you that sense of inner peace, alone, or among all, by our experiences in life, we learn how to adjust our settings to meet our needs to accomplish and to be around others, never hide from living life, or wallow in sadness for too long, youre only hurting yourself, when you isolate, its upon starting life over, or reintegrating among others, and connecting with old friends, you get reminded of the life you’ve left in place of whatever illness or sadness you allowed to sit to convince you not to move forward or that youre not worth it in life, theres never an emotion so strong that is worth leaving life for, that’s simply a state of mind when you are overcome with mental health issues, sometimes when we think too much, communicate our fears, or in private ruminate over our lives and what has gone wrong, give power to negative thinking, what you hear back then are things that don’t make you feel good or confirm those feelings, always think beyond, when you are feeling the darkness of the day, or moment, its just not being on point, not moving forward, convinced that no change is possible, why give up on yourself, always let your good days determine your future potential, the more good days you have to be proud of yourself will give you the momentum to keep going in life, and not feel like time is long, or too short, or feel not good enough to try, or to begin something new, like a new job, friendship, or relationship. Its upon disconnecting that we stop, its upon connecting we feel, and its upon thinking we make choices, and choose what direction we allow our thoughts and feelings to take us, life is always in your control, and no matter what happens to you in life, or around you, remember better days are always ahead.
My record gets expunged 2020. Because I am still getting voices, I feel suicidal, and my face looks weird again. You can always go to the hospital, and if you can't figure out why youre not feeling well, you can always do step work, thats to identify upon looking back in life, when your life was normal, and at what point you needed medication to function, and whether it was due to alcohol or drugs. I think because I was punished, after losing 50lbs, and achieving beauty, it will be difficult no matter how well I get to be around anyone who doesnt like me, or thinks poorly of me, my journey back to wellness, after staying home for 3 years on 4 night meds, sleeping all day and night, after talking myself through my problems and hitting my head, decided to write because I dont deserve voices. After you get punished its hard to live a normal life, especially, if you didnt recognize that talking through your problems with someone else was offensive or sickening, everytime I am social I lose trust, everytime I fall in love, I get left alone and get sick, you are only smart once in life, I think voices are hurtful, not helpful, I dont experiment with others, nor should anyone experiment with me. I worked so hard in school and got jobs, to get a job, stayed home never went out, and upon going out at night, eventually you get sick, its for once in awhile, please stop bullying me its causes me suicide, its taken along time to adjust to being around people, trips to starbucks, get used to the noise of the day, upon connecting and disconnecting causes me illness and suicide, this was helpful to write here, I think the court was too hard on me, without hearing from me, and I deserve to live life. Ive done my best to talk to courts and help them, I only know what I know, and thats to prevent illness from occurring based upon illness Ive experienced. As you get better in life, don't commit suicide, because someone thinks your a bad person, or because you look weird, life is not a joke, and no one deserves to be hurt because they were misunderstood, or got sick bullied, if I can only focus on one thing at a time, school, writing, or running tormenting me is a handicap, its not motivation, and taunting causes illness, not #worldpeace, and music helps, but only when well, I spent (2004-2017) living alone, running, and writing in private I dont deserve to have mental health issues. #stopsuicide
Based upon my own experiences, once you receive help, you usually do better in life, and move on from whats ailing you. I think in private we deal with our problems, and once you have overcome a problem, those thoughts are never forgotten, but are put to rest in place of new thoughts, which keep you moving forward in life, not drawn toward memories of sadness, or be reminded of times of illness, then you end up right back where you were. There will always be adjustment phases in life, sometimes well and independent, and sometimes functioning better with friends, on in relationships, and sometimes you need to be alone. If you ever feel threatened by losses in life, let things go, never try to understand a loss, do your best to stay well, sometimes its not intended for a loss of companionship to occur, and if its been an issue in the past, then its simply something to talk about with a present companion, that’s a fear, everyone is entitled to socialize and be friends, that’s not the cause of loss, nor does thinking anyone is trying to take away from you anything that makes you happy, life is meant to be lived first for oneself, and secondly for those around them, if you ever feel sabatoged in life, think first how could you make better decisions, in life, as we mature, less of the small things in life cloud our perspecitives, or choices, or needs, and rarely when we are not well, does it do any good, to self-harm in response to any taunting or voices you hear, if you and your problems are deemed responsible for your cares, then it is deemed unreasonable to understand the causes for care, if for selfish reasons, or a disposition caused by losses in life, I don’t think you can ever live a better life, to make proud an old life, once you leave one life, you will always face difficulty adjusting as having suffered those losses in life, it’s a choice to make sacrifices in life, and to separate from others, its never the fault of whoever has insulted you, or made you feel small, don’t allow illness to take hold of your sense of being, a lot of things people say hurts, its what you take personally, transforms you as a person, and affects your disposition, the more fear resulting within you as you enter the world professionally, the less likely you will be taken seriously as maladjusted to reality, and offbase, there are ways of punishing people for how the have talked in the past or in good humor told stories about their lives, that tone does nothing to undo the hatred and bullying the results from others thinking you have imaginary fears, and thinking that you are the producer of fears, for those justifications others seek to cause one illness, you can either allow the opinions of others to cause you illness, or you can do your best in spite of those negative feelings others have toward you, whether banded together to destroy you thinking that you experience illness as a product of your own choices in life, and whether you where once able to overcome bipolar. If illness is saught to be proven, than any addiction reinforces that belief, and any non-compliance illustrates a purposeful effort to get the opinions going in motion, of you purposefully not well, and once you get well, no matter what meds you are on, always do your best to be smart, life is tough, no one is to blame when illness occurs, unless you can identify people with illness, and purposefully causing illness to others. Bipolar is not contagious, if put on the right meds, tantrums do not occur, and if sober, wiser decisions are made, I don’t think its necessary to judge a person in the privacy of their phone or computer, to determine whether they mean well, are sick, or to prove illness, if taking meds as prescribed. Risperidone and Abilify are not a choice, they are prescribed, on those meds I sleep all day, if you self-harm or cut yourself dramatic, if everything is going well, and suddenly life gets difficult, as you grow up and mature, its not a big deal, there will be more opportunities in life, and if you cannot provide for yourself, and do not get a job well, you can always file for disability services, in my best opinion, even if one gets voices, bullied, or taunted, whether it can be proven or not, at that time, it was thought deserved, as though you were not doing your best, and sharing illness or fears resulting from your own wrongs, if you did everything you could to do well to get good grades get a job, then it shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks, from my own experience its based upon your own analysis, and how you see things, you will be judged, and someone who has attended law school, will be tested for mental illness, because they don’t understand how bullying caused the deterioration of your mind, or face, that is done to you, as you take personally negative voices, which cannot be proven, don’t commit suicide. If you can speak or you can write, then write until you can tolerate hate, so long as you allow hate to win, you react and respond in an immature way, slurred speech, and in writing. #stophate
There is nothing heroic in doing the unexpected, usually nothing by surprise is appreciated or valued for whatever work was put forward to accomplishing a goal in favor or self, persons, or others, not necessarily to the disadvantage of others, as everything can be read and analyzed its to achieve what ends, in favor of whom, whether that be a negative judgement or information written in support of self, anything that helps you in life, if you are in the public eye, may be used to hurt you, whether there is any truth to their understanding its not seeing you win in life, as not an agent of your own cares, but in response to the cares or issues of others, as though one cannot think for themselves if not hinted or triggered by others, its usually the case that you are focused on yourself, sometimes you accept that you don’t always understand everything, I think that I am at a greater burden than most as a blogger, not needing to prove myself, but upon acceptances, reminded of what hurts, whether directed toward me, or later seen and recognized, as viewed in private, its to whom is attached to your interests you wither or wane in energy, not knowing or understanding for what reasons, its upon being talked about, whether for positive reasons or not, if you are not doing the right thing can easily get lost in the fogs or seeming disillusioned states, we cant be hyper focused and sharp at all times, its okay to enjoy the moment, and just because one is uncomfortable does not mean defective and just because one is taunted, but does not realize it, does not mean that that occurs always, I think what is being judged is whether I attract negative attentions or whether I help stop violence, I think I have done my best on Facebook and Twitter and Website to rationalize, why when things are not going right we turn on professionals, and why would you ever put on the front lines, people who are analyzing the issues of those they are in disagreement with, there is proper forms of fighting and expressing displeasure, then its attacking a source of someone who works hard, as to blame of the cause if or about, that was not the purpose for sharing to be used, to make everything about me, if any warnings were given to make things not about people, then that’s why nothing is about people from my life, its until triggered to give examples of where you are coming from, that that just gives other more examples of sides to support other than you, and continue to attack you as not being on the right team, not right minded, not a team player, or creating teams, or some kind of leader of input, no its by writing you are read, not by popularity understood or accepted, I write. *I incorporated my hashtag, if the music is not good enough, I get blamed for a "#."
Finding your stopping point, depends on your threshold, or need for clarity to feel whole, or to feel right, (1) in the wrong, more to feel better (2) perceived in the wrong, less to say, more to do (3) speaking freely looks in avoidance to speaking to issues, as though speaking makes you feel well, not looked at as a useful processing of thoughts. Different forms of writing are appreciated, (not alluding to my education), word count (not speculating of issue), that’s to say as said, in what order do those circumstances occur, Im not sure, if not sure, then for study? Not to study what I have shared, as I am responding always, not always to myself, but in response to how I feel in reflection of what is shared, later sometimes speak better, or figure out what is used to illustrate insult as described, where anything abstract pretty, is taken down, that’s to see if I feel hurt not knowing hurt later cannot find something, see that I have been hurt then say hurt because of whats taken, to see how I respond, whether whats written is created as disposable information or useful, and how I suffer if I lose everything, that would mean for purpose writing, in school you write by citation, in real life you speak from your mind, the two types of disciplines do not require same focus one more difficult to read understand and comprehend and as applied, show that you understand what you have learned. Its in prosecution mode as heard or defended against there is no stopping point at which both sides are at ease, that’s fundamental to disagreement, not for testing now, why I call the police, where there is disagreement or difference in handling the majority, its assumed appropriate to control the majority not in favor or anticipation of disagreement, but as more knowledgeable than whomever can provide added insight as being in someones life, trusted as close to. There are specialties, we all know ourselves, and as remembered and while responding, as you become more aware of how you have corrected behavior expect that others will look for repetition of causes for illness as they see occurring, to see if existed in another state, as described affected, only by disappointment do those attached become sick, that’s like family and friends, or teachers, then by mentions whether to cast blames and as misunderstood or having done their part, to situate someone as target for taunting as though deserved to say because attached to OJ got away with tweeting and those sick, she is responsible for. I was the first to report to Bazelon, as trusted worked, and once sick could no longer be relied upon. - Again in explanation illness is felt, that is as explained, illness looks like assuming strength or wellness directed toward ones self, deserved.
For the purposes of getting well not opening invitation for fighting, or for making others look insensitive as I become not well, as justification for illness, I respect the opinions of others and their health, as my condition was caused by fighting that caused my separation that caused my drinking that caused my suicide, then to recreate events until not well, to see if when in fighting if I get suicidal to test for care or selfishness, based upon response, as having learned or understanding the consequences for responding, and whether and why not taken seriously as a professional, and at no later point can a shared understanding if it looks like someone who when everything is well by their own mistakes makes everything typically not well, and then back through the hoops of acceptance not because of acceptance before one has disproven wellness, and on what basis, until it looks completely of my doing, then any later matchings of illness, to say because in selfishness, and while in selfishness, not thinking, and that paranoid is not due to me not understanding that others look bad if I look bad to say not being compassionate about the separation of others from me, saying that I have difficulty letting go, or as defined by me, someone in need of others to feel good, to say that not independent or strong but for my work experiences, and to say working to look good not because I care, then saying as trained, any later carings, or rescinding of care was marked by a taking away of a badge not to return as recorded by me, that’s as reported wondering, why a separation occurred, as though not trusting who trained me, then every interaction post, is as accepted, with incident of not well, then rejection then say because of my actions separation, not because of my focus or cares or by experience cared, to say because for selfish reasons, then saying as in defense or as prosecuted in class searched, defensive, and say was reasonable to be made fun of, so even as transparent later, with everything online, makes no difference, if it still bad behavior than it gets processes as illness, and no wellness later will change a negative viewpoint of you, and then say that you are dependent upon others easily offended cant take a joke, then it goes how far back have you seen this way, and whether all decisions because one is sensitive. Everything online is preserving what is a positive representation not as in defense of issues claiming that any previous negativity was not justified my wellness now is to show not deserved then, that’s using a different time to explain another time, and no time is the same unless wrong, so to prove wrong, separated, with or without fighting, head hitting is because one feels as though they are not right and because of their own doing suicidal because it was reasonable for others like a teacher to F with your head as read, hurt you as though they think you have hurt others, see if you respond in the same or a similar way as being misunderstood, and whether reporting of misunderstandings was in defiance or in question and who as outted felt as though they looked bad to justify sibling rivalry as though my understandings caused others to drink or do drugs, upon investigation and reporting, everything gets considered, until its made of issue or reaction, illness, if caused by self or others, reporting in public is what is wanted to say reporting is what makes me ill paranoid, then do things that cannot be said, or proved reported, then to hurt as responding to negatives, or highlighting hows, and then to prove again how putting others at risk of harm, as thinking of ways one has been hurt shared.
Will write again in private, not to others, and establish wellness on my own (2020). And in anticipation of not being prepared for negativity will not socialize for another 3 years. Because its not clear, so whether forgiveable, if hurt, just adds to ammunition, to say I deserve suit. I am not a wanted connection as not well, so long as that can be proved, its reasonable to hurt me, or for me to feel hurt, that is to illustrate that one should not feel good by others, so a sharing in public is to share to feel better, and that others opinions matter, to change opinion, one betters themselves not by what others think and no matter what is thought should be good.
#stopsuicide #bipolar #onmeds #stoppedabilify because it causes later disabilities told, risk of.
Please Note: ONLY UCLA is approved to study why I hit my head or got or get suicidal, please.
There is talking in private and there is talking in public, there is also talking in private in public, and talking in public period, all three situations are different, and depending upon whether you can control, what is brought out of you in life, its best to talking private one on one to a licensed therapist, that is my best advice given my experiences to avoid, mental illness later on associated with talking about private matters in public, and having the public be concerned as to your private matter affecting their health, that’s when no one wants to hear from you, when you cannot manage your issues on your own, and when your illnesses in life affect others, your frustrations in life, do not help you integrate and live a normal life its usually our problems that keep us from living a normal life, focusing or functioning. Don’t compare your best to anothers, that’s not how to achieve well, we are all under a different set of pressures in life, and some more empathized with than others, some more compassionate toward than others, its until you prove others justified for giving up on you, that you lose motivations in life, which were once based upon your own wellness, and simply ignoring bullying, never respond to it, and suit yourself to a $hittier hand in life, to make others feel better about themselves, what was once bullying then gets turned into guilt, and from that guilt, no one feels better or worse by communicating upsets, only interference with wellness is defended upon, and boundaries placed, as though a fight will erupt, that’s not a fight coming, that’s disappointment, disappointment, is when you are made to care, or made to feel bad, and losses of motivation occur, when you care, but don’t care to try, and when you try, and feel like for the wrong reasons a waste of time, to care about why things are the way they are explain, that looks like justification but its not for ones, inability to remain well, there is a point when if you cannot stay well, and do not respond properly, or for the wrong actions explain worries, that you get dealt with as though you deserved to be kept out in life, that drive and inner strength is not physical strength, when it comes to being a professional, weight problems occur, because energy and physical stamina is applied to physical labor in the work place such as in typing and argument, or writing creation, and that stamina, if applied elsewhere leaves less room for focus mentally to think, sometimes it helps to clear ones mind, that doesn’t mean because of illness existing, its hard to work physically, when there is mental illness, and its hard to function without feeling good, which is time in quiet, which usually follows working hard, you feel good about yourself, and if you do not feel good during moments of rest, what more can you do, other than exercise to feel good, you can read, reading takes practice, and with reading, you feel better, as your thoughts are directed by the writer, and material presented by another, is an easier step to wellness, than going from spoken to, before speaking, and hurt, and then as tired and physically and mentally ill, speak, speaking to all, and speaking to one on one, if sued then it becomes “the people” versus you, then that’s a new handicap, you would think upon isolation and earning good time in life, working hard, by the time you present yourself, on paper, and in person well looking, acceptance would be achieved, why you stopped applying for jobs, and continued with your studies, had you been given a job, then no need for a JD continue on, that’s using time spent, achieving, than time spent wasted applying, once you get a no, that’s usually cause for redirection in life, or for trying harder, not toward those places in life that rejected you, usually upon being hurt or not wanted, you don’t go back, that’s not who to “prove wrong” that’s not what is meant by “prove them wrong” its by people who think less of you, to then not worry for you, or hold any opinion toward you in the negative, the more you give for them to justify spaces in life, the more they question your motivations in life, as being because of those spaces credited for your wellness now, don’t destroy relationships, if you have none, that’s why people leave doors open, because they keep moving forward. I think for the most part I have shared as much as possible, Id rather my heart be burning than my head be burning, from taking things too far, if my body is telling me to stop, usually I listen and don’t push myself beyond my capacity physically, with mental illness, running was one way to work hard, without in words, push myself, I didn’t need to take a picture, and later to campaign for causes, was not the purpose for the run, but a pretty photo to share, to illustrate, wellness at the time, and approvals given, that’s not leadership, that’s shared interest to prevent locally. I appreciate the time everyone has taken to read my messages if I have messaged you, I now have a new therapist I am paying for to see twice a week, and think that there are issues beyond acceptance needs, to address at this time, if it sounds legal, then to talk to my attorney as directed by the courthouse I am seeking expungement from, and not talk to SCOTUS, if I can talk to the police and a social worker in addition to whats been going on, to treat my condition, which is thinking Im attacked in private that’s causing voices, so that I do not go out and feel normal in public, so that if out in public I do not appear well, and if so, how I am now, and if I do not appear well now, that’s to justify in the past only hospitalized twice, that I was as disabled then as I am now, if I was disabled then, I would not be able to drink, or need tons of meds, if I was only on 1 vyvanse then and no antipsychotics and maybe Depakote if needed, there was no need to hurt me, and make me look stupid, to make me seem like someone to let go of, so in response, not become someone to let go of, but “prove them wrong” not self-harm if someone you cared about is being accusatory toward you, doesn’t trust you, that’s because they do not hear from you, and if you are not working, then they think you are not trying in order to work. There is a point in time, when you have left your focus, and concentrating too much on the interpretations of others, that can cause you to be suckered into their problem with you, which no amount of writing positive or well thoughtful or calm, can cause compassion toward you, so long as people are able to hurt you to get you to respond weirdly, then they feel justified as having let you go, in life, or made fun of you in life, thought less of you, because you deserved it, or had a big head, its someone who is not aware, becomes aware, doesn’t get upset, its someone whos not aware, and has disability, then thinks, a caused disability, that is not a predictable set of circumstances in life, people are mostly for themselves, just ignore bullying.
Even if you have nothing important to say, that doesn’t mean that an opinion of yours if said is not important, or that your thoughts are unimportant, all thoughts are important, and all thoughts affect how you feel, whether or not you are the one speaking. Sometimes we are at a loss of words, this can occur during times of sadness, other times things just may be so complex or over or heads that we don’t know where to start, or how to add to the discussion. Note that there “will always be those strange and awkward moments in a conversation where we struggle to know what to say.”  Its in those awkward moments, that you realize how little you know, why reading is important. The more you read, the more comfortable you are speaking, and the more you read, the easier it is to write. That is, you are accustomed, to ways of talking, by exposure, so when the time for conversation, arises, you already have that confidence, of how to put together thoughts and how to put together words, to convey and understanding of what is said, and if possible contribute a new idea or string together a few words, that follow in a natural way to what is said, that’s being prepared. Sometimes it happens that “it can be difficult to keep the interaction going in a smooth and natural way because we’re not entirely confident of what and what not to talk about.”  Don’t be dumbfounded, just because you do not understand the basis from which others are speaking or read into things too much as needing to be about common grounds, to share a laugh, or a an understanding of a topic, some arguments have already or never been made, so any thoughts you may have may be new, give yourself a pat on the back, and sometimes when sharing your generalized understanding based upon what you hear, analysis will fall on point. For example, in an lower division writing course in college, I had yet to buy the textbook assembled by the professor, spiral bound, but still participated in group lectures, and made arguments, based upon what the other students were saying, and by the time we met for office hours, without a textbook he replies “you’re a pretty good bull$shitter” “how could you participate without having read the stories?” and I explained. -Don’t be shy, don’t follow my example, but if you have to speak, to speak, speak, but if its better to listen, listen, that’s a judgment call on your behalf, when to share your mind, but have no fear, “no matter what you say to someone in the average conversation, they will almost 100% certainly forget it within a few days.”  Why are some conversations more memorable than others, it just depends on what youre into I guess, whether you have an easy time memorizing what someone has to say, that can be because it makes sense, or have a more difficult time, keeping track of the information being said, because it is more complex, you don’t understand the language, or the concepts enough to get into it, and have something to say in reply, for me its like watching Fox News, challenging. -That’s politics, so complicated, overly complicated, that unless your educated, and with a background in the subjects that matter, will you understand why people are given positions of power to dictate what other people think about people, and the subjects concerning them, that’s just how life is, you have to get used to something sometimes before you can fully understand it.
 Id at 1.
Going in and out of delusion is no easy task, especially without the right meds, it takes a minute to recognize when you are off, and by the time it stops, you are stuck wondering, how and why. This happens to me a lot of Twitter, my mind full of thoughts, trying to make sense of what doesn’t make sense, or even worse trying to make sense of what has passed, based upon how I feel now, as though my feelings now are because of what doesn’t makes sense, don’t give power to the non-sensical, what do you know best, know yourself, and don’t allow the behaviors or words of others to dictate your direction in life and how you feel, cause you to question yourself, or second guess, your direction in life. Many times in life, we get lost, but most don’t stay there not for months and years, if youre feeling lost, and get put on meds that are supposed to help you, well don’t blame the medications for your lack of motivation in life, as keeping you in a stuck state, off base with reality, its always your responsibility to return to normal, yes if it’s a choice, and if life is based upon choices, then yes as a choice, with a bad attitude, you wont make progress in life, and stay where you are, under those conditions, never get too comfortable or used to a set of conditions that you know you can do better or move on from, why stay anywhere you do not feel welcome in life, or at your best, allow time for the dust to settle, its in those cases that its not a matter of routine that will fix the problem, but a matter of change that will produce a better state of mind, moving forward, you cant learn sometimes doing the same thing everyday, sometimes you have to add or subtract things from your routine, even when you don’t feel confident about making changes in your life, to move on from whatever is bothering you. It’s the chances we take when we are not well to get better that you will be most proud of, and then think of all the days wasted, not trying for a new beginning in life, once you get going, it’s a matter of momentum to keep you going in life. Never give up on finding more solutions to better your outlook and physical presence on earth, its you that are in charge of your outlook and how you feel, and much of how you see is based upon how you feel, so you cant always better yourself simply by making minor changes to how you see, your body needs to change too along with that positive outlook, defy the aging process, and keep your youthful wits about you, and demeanor, that is what will make you feel strong, not getting tired, not getting older, that doesn’t make you wiser, what makes you wise is whether under any conditions moving forward you are able to remain the same just as strong as you were supposed to be then, and now just as strong as you wish you could’ve been then.
If ever you think things are about you about peoples work from other departments not concerning your achievements in life, there is not set placement or ideal that’s is trying to be fulfilled, that fixes those losses in time, its by wellness, that wellness fixes others sometimes but not all the time if well can someone be made to feel better, that’s a gift upon appearances. I don’t think its appropriate to continue to experiment with my condition now to recreate 2013, I do not believe in recreating events, to not state points to be attacked, as cares tested for, to see what end results occur from, a manifestation of unknown to known to establish fact is coordinating for an outcome, that’s not my profession, coordinating outcomes. I have been trained to be prepared to help and supply with information, but never to fix. Its upon not being well that you lose your ability to help others. And when that ability is lost, you realize that you were well without having reacted to losses and channeled those sufferings in life, through music, or removal of records or photos from record, as not helpful portrayals of self, if at issue, and not wanting to be part of issues, don’t worry or become defensive, prior to anything bad happening, it was that I was hurt on the street treated as defective that’s not because I was not well, bad photos, or look weird, that’s not deserved, as thinner, but because someone who they thought was appropriately making fun of me for going to law school perfected an idea to minimize me to nothing to not exist, I grew up on the block, that’s not for show, or to tell. Its mostly in discomfort in life, we do not feel or look good, that’s usually feeling like we have to respond for acceptances if you are too tired to be showy kind with energy back, then that’s not feeling well enough looks like youre looking to be checkin in on, not available, that’s okay. Its okay to not be picked, friended, cordial, and not be awake at timing of responding to talking.
Sometimes discussion of issues does not make one look or feel better, but not feel well, that’s in the event you have been harmed, and the person to whom you are speaking to cannot provide you with reassurances in life, as to your outlook whether, well, in a sufficient way to make you feel better as understood or upon recommendations being made to you. Its when issues arise as to causes for discomfort occurring through the sharing of said issue, its to see what guilt or reaction arises in the face of something said being in the wrong, then as something said in the wrong, whether the energy to correct or articulate, how important or motivated one is is based upon what matches as correct there are no alignments of interests just symbolisms current present that may or may not resonate with you that was not the purposes for creating a creative corporation centered on protecting the wellness of those producing material, I think is important has been important to maintenance of my wellness. The purposes for ending a discussion is not to not end up in the wrong or as studied be preserved in the negative opinion of self, as having reflected and upon what and what is causing reflections whether present or going and why why they designate people as rejects or going, or dying, or suicidal, or bipolar, or addictive, to make people not care about people and to see how they respond when not cared for in the negative, or loud, Im not here to console or to provide reassurances as that was not how I was trained, to help others, nurturing, that is for boyfriends to connect by heart love is the solution to pain upon recognition of issues, be yourself again, not all can be close once those issues are protected by #scotus to decide issue.
After much consideration have decided to discontinue the use of Twitter for expressing my ideas and thoughts, or humors in life, ways of thinking about things, as it has not been helpful for my focus, and has an addictive quality, is helpful if assists with my appearance and image, but is not helpful if it requires continued discussion, and then once ending with arguments, is usually a disfavorable position to be in, once appearing well consistently, sets me back, there is not time frame for wellness it’s a decision, to discontinue, what has helped you get well beyond the point of feeling well, so its not that the service does not provide me a service, I love Twitter its that the attitude toward me changes, and I need my confidence in life, am not for boosting the confidences of others by putting myself down in life, or be used as a source of blame, for understandings as though Ive misled the people into believing in the causes I supported. That’s not a reflection of my cares changing, but as tired after 7 years of writing, need to change course in life as to what will help me live longer stay driven and motivated to get a job, and behave in a way that represents myself and those around me well, its time to change my course in life. I think for the most part its fun to lead discussions online, with humor, and intellect, based upon my understandings, but do not think that its wise at this time to lead any discussions without further inspection of my own issues, not get beat up without me knowing it. I think that things were done to me to think I was lesbian then, no never only after rejections in life, that’s how curiosity arises, when you feel grose to feel good, that’s something new. As a writer that grose feeling is just being tired, you have to work on how you look and how you write as a blogger because both matter, and achieved a greater following with pictures to help. I called the FBI this morning and had a good talk with them sharing current worries frustrations with them in regards to image concerns, wellness, life expectancy, and not using the past. The issue, is whether now is to illustrate the past or whether now is creating for future endeavors.
Overtime there is an eventual wear and tear on abilities as one gets tired, do not be mislead by the bad fortunes of others, or feel sad for the misfortunes of those who in expectancy of something good to occur are received with a different set of equations to decipher in life, there is no one main knowledge or understanding, and its not always through a shared similar or like understanding that wellness can be achieved but enable everyone to achieve for each their own wellness based upon where they are in life, don’t fall victim to the big heads of others, or be intimidated by cockiness to boot, that’s not your expectancies its theirs, that’s not your outlook but theirs upon seeing you, as well, in spite of whats occurring think not affected, that’s a constant issue, when to shine, when to allow the past the leave you and what is to remain to be beneficial to a better understanding of protecting whats around you and whos around you. Ive always been a careful decision maker, hiding my friends on Facebook and album, since 2008, that was my choice, given the turbulence at the time, affecting my commute to work, and my brother in Mumbai. I don’t think that there is a causal connection that need be drawn or inferred from my blogging or not blogging at the time of those incidences, have always been a very private person, and have never thrusted myself into public light, to control the outlooks or affect the outlooks of others, what is wellness to me, it has at times been a struggle but have always taken meds as directed, to not make this a lengthly post, have always done my best. -Listen to the women around you, its usually by their patience in life, its time to stop what youre doing and shift gears, if its time to work, work, get well, get well, not date, then don’t date.
Memorandum of Points and Authorities (TBP)
Motion to Diffuse Hate Toward
Leslie A. Fischman
To: #SCOTUS Re: Bars in LA
The later misuse of someones personal history to be treated as for fraudulent endeavors, as for purposes for looks, by someone who has never worn makeup but since 2015, and treated as though acting with agenda as in expectancy of the necessity for future portrayal of self or others in the positive, is to prove some, known position of guilt or disposition existing giving rise to the necessity for future defense, save me your stockpiles, as in expectancy of something to come, as that is not my nature to anticipate the worst, but always see everything in positive light, its upon the cessation of activities causing one harm, that harm doesn't reoccur [meaning as applied to your life by your actions irrespective of your interactions with others, at a later state in time, be treated as though always existing some fear of people or of getting in trouble thats a caused condition, not by rejections in life, but by the mistreatments of persons as guilty prior to any convictions of guilt on such topics, an acknowledgment of the totality of facts suffices for acknowledgement of discomforts and later suicide attempt supports the necessity of a even broader totality of circumstances of who knows who is affected who looks bad, whos to be punished to preserves whos livelihood and esteems, dont group me with offenders, and treat me as the aggressive one its upon talking a bond is made, and for someone who is broken inside, thats not by my initiations depth to the conversation asked for, but inquired and responded to always], such as harping on subjects or by rehashing the past that is for the purposes to establish that something past has caused mental health issues now, and the presence of existence now, means same as known to be in existence past, as though one condition was the same not well, without taking into account the worsening of a condition upon drinking, sometimes only until things are made known, by baramoters of wellness, can we decide who is well and who is suffering, who is knowingly in the wrong, participating in work activities, with a known condition, that has been raised to a higher degree of illness as described as in terms not necessary be retorted or renamed in reply, as though for the current suffering from which a person suffers has always been that way, and for dispositions pre-existing is a popular excuse for diffusing blame from anyone current for someone else current suffering, as not a party to any transactions involving the wellness or unwellness later resulting from the mental health conditions of a patient, with or without a named treating physician, whats really low, is interpretation, considering the better judgment of somone who means well, and upon recommendations, is not guided but exposed to choices in life, and whether made in terms of what is known to them at the time or understand or previously known, or on record as having known, at the time, is the barometers from which all else is used to judge them as being in poor character, as open in private, curiosities, or thoughts out loud, and later made fun of for making such comments, as though unprofessional to think the only way anyone would match what was said to who I know would be to do a face search of my facebook friends, to see by their exposures, who I am in comparison to health of those around me, whether contributed by them, or affecting their wellness once becoming ill, test for relateability, the only way to test a current illness, upon past connections is to review past connections whether in a well state of mind, how they were, and whether at any point in time, became worse of personally or professionally amongst others, never in my life, have I been uncomposed, or brought to a situation in life, I could not exit myself from, its by the choices you make to move forward, no matter what it relates to or upon what basis arguments are made, upon whatever knowledges you hold, should not be judged by in the negative and always given an opportunity to heal and recover 100% health wise, that’s not for the people to decide why stays and who goes, and whats causing it punish.
Not for Public Use in Court or For Personal Use: cc: #SCOTUS
 Amazon Book Writing Inc. (Book #1)
 Keidi Keating (Book #2) (1/2)
 Torah Bontrager (Blog Advice)