By the time you realize you’ve hurt someones feelings its by that time, that they either seem like they don’t care or either side is pretending not to be the culprit of those feelings being hurt. People are mostly concerned with themselves, but if you are a writer, you empathize and see all sides, and to that you respond, both from the perspective of the person to who feels threatened or harmed by you, and from your own perspective as someone whos feeling have been hurt. Usually people whos feelings get hurt react and respond in ways, to dissociate from what is causing them hurt and if assumed its about whom, that is an assumption. If you have not heard from someone for the day, that does not mean that they are busy of themselves, but could be that they have had multiple appointments are tired. It takes awhile to ease back into a schedule, the busier you are the quicker time flies by. Last year was spent book writing, and this year was spent, refining my website, and finishing my books, and a Dissertation, those are my goals this year, to finish a Book and to finish my Dissertation, I am writing self-paced right now. We all process events differently and whether you speak to events that’s to your understanding what makes sense for you to voice yourself or your opinions, but its not everyone’s place to take part in discussions, some are not suited for the part. Be accepting of those who care, and pass less judgment upon the efforts of others to manage their time here on earth, and figure out why so critical of those who choose to blog and write. Not everything is for one cause, not everything is for one ending, and not everything is for one person, or for one type of happiness, there are multiple types of happinesses to be experienced in life not limited to endings. Sometimes just existing brings one happiness, not all are seeking many things in life, some are just happy with what they have, and if they don’t fit your description of what happiness is then don’t designate me a sponsor, and insult my sense of being here on earth, living as best I can suited to the times, and not be affected just like everyone else is trying to not be affected by the times, that’s not something you write to but what you live by … not by what you hear on the news, not by what people say, but by how you are educated come to be and behave.
You won’t always get your way in life, and its upon failures in life that you learn how to build a tough skin … learn how to handle your losses in life, whether they be separations of people or separations of interests, you know you best, fight through the pains of defeat and fight through the pains of embarrassment, you too deserve a life free from discrimination or hardships usually placed upon those who are not doing well, not well off, or not considered a success in life by monetary gains. You choose your own battles in life, and its to that you speak … not from whats inside that’s bothering you, and not from whats outside that’s bothering you, but always speak from a place that makes sense, that’s always the best way forward. Addiction has a lot to do with not feeling good, and in order to feel good, using things in place of that feeling to feel good, that could be by overtalking, or by drinking, pills, or too much socialization … all of which can be draining for an introvert … know your speeds in life, and set limits for yourself, its not necessary that you be well liked or loved by all, but always taking into the consideration the best interests of others, when trying to do well in life, not step on the toes of others wellness. As self-identified addict, or alcoholic, its important not to put the pressures of your pains on the doorsteps of others, your problems are your problems, not the responsibility of others to quell whats going on around you … or the voices within, and if people want to make it about another hardship they assume, well that’s their problem with you judging you by voice, or how you look as someone who has no experienced trauma, and whos disabilities are not yet readily identifiable. Everyone has their own struggles they tell you in life, that people are fighting battle you know nothing about … if you can’t sit up to bat, then don’t bat at all … and if you can’t handle the jokes in between … then don’t suit up and show up for the fight. If you are not well you are likely to be deemed contrary to the opinions of the masses if identified as being of ones own opinions in life, and if you are not valued as being the creator of an opinion in life, well then that’s people just being too hard on you, not seeing you as original or unique. Always strive for your best, that’s not addiction, that’s drive, always do your best, that’s not for others, but because you want to get well, and stay well, that’s for others to care not just for yourself.
Whenever you’re feeling at a loss, its easy to slip back into old coping mechanisms, its mostly your fault if you do, and the self-harm that follows from filling those voids, well that’s your responsibility to correct those behaviors, especially self-harming behaviors which are hard to correct, it all adds up. You’ll think to yourself, what could I have done differently, and if so, wonder if you said something wrong. Not everyone reads your blog you have to remind yourself of that, and especially not the majority of people you encounter in life, but mostly people who know you or who know you now, collectively that can be draining … as your primary gusto comes from being new to others, not someone people already know, its easy if known to others, to be treated differently had no one known you at all. How rare is it that we meet someone and upon meeting them check their social media. Unless directed to … less is more, in the picture department, especially to recipients of photos, if not on a blog, messenger is a new phase of development online, new still to it. When rapport is lost its usually due to something you’ve done wrong … either you as the offender to interests, or you as the self-harmer, and by doing wrong in life, self-harming, difficult to be around or to see. Always be approachable … when you are approachable its easy to be around others, and that usually occurs when you are focused on yourself not others. To make light of associations, an ad was made … I don’t think that the ad speaks specifically to me as I only saw hand doctors but thought was cute nonetheless, I see a Reverend and missed our last appointment … who’s symbol is a hand … my Father wanted me to make a logo for him, the only file is in my desk not publicly shown … with directions for making a logo for a new business of his, how would anyone know that, it would be bipolar to assume that that information was transferred to anyone new I met that was a private document in my desk, for them to then create something based off of something private in my desk. Privacy is so important not just to general discussions, but to private conversations, also not disclosing whats not in the best interests of others, which is to share conversations with others … about conversations you’ve had with others, that would be doing a disservice to the rapport being built between individuals to a conversation. How does hearing what is about to be said occur, there is no predictability when it comes to the language of others, but it is by who you connect with that language is felt and based upon those communications outside of you or within you, a communication is had, and words spoken.
Chapter 12 (v2) Edit 04-17-19
You won’t always feel apart of, especially not apart of the successes of others, and not to be compared … assume as though every joke is on you, until you are able to provide for yourself, under the pressures that you have suffered as a result of blogging online. That’s not peer pressure, that’s of significance, that’s being under the influence of others … but its public pressure that a person gets put under, and that’s a real pressure not to be confused with being put under by others, in a therapeutic environment. Some who are able are able to handle the types of pressures of sharing their stories, and some are in need of privacy especially during times like these, its in private that we assemble and put together ourselves, whether by private schedule kept, or a diary, where we mind our own thoughts, absent minded others. Theres a such thing called a right to privacy, and whether or not anyone has been given abstract permissions to dive into the private lives of others, that is not one business to budge their way into the lives of others … by illegal means, going through the private spaces of others. We are by our conversations connected to others … and by our conversations words chosen affected by recall, some conversations more memorable than others. Do not ruin or hurt those first impressions made upon others, as they can easily be regarded as faulty if you do not stay up to par in life. Do your best always to live a long life, a short life would be giving in to self-harm and letting them win. Do not put yourself down, do not put yourself under the influence of anything that affects your memory or ability to perform well in life … that is be a good decision maker in private and in public, and by your words, not take offense not offend anyone with your sense of humor … that would be putting yourself down, and then stating something to which you should be offended by but making light of circumstances past to not be offended by others. That’s one way in which humor is used … to not let them win, by putting oneself down.
Usually anything that produces a hearty chuckle, is at its core something you connect to, which your heart responds to. That’s not a quality to be judged about a person, how they laugh or by their tone, be judged as asexual or not. That’s really no ones business to what a person is attracted to or what terms cause laughter. The other day I self-identified as an “introvert” and laughed until I cried, at a Sponsor’s response. Usually you do your steps … with people you know … in this case with someone I just met. I don’t think that’s the solution, to keep building stories upon stories, to tell a story about a person, by names or by description as told. Not all stories will be heart-warming stories, and not all women will be your perfect cookie cutter brunette, blonde, or redhead … there are more types of women, than the fine-tuned descriptions sought after in life, just like men don’t want to be described by how they look, women too, I can only imagine how I am described, lamp shade light on, I had a crying fit talking to my Father … no comment. If its conservative you are looking for well that’s hard to find nowadays, as people have loosened up with their judgments of others … yet take more care in their appearances, it seems the more mentally ill we become the better we dress and look, funny how that happens, as a society, that shows care, I may look and feel like $hit but I don’t want everyone else around me to feel that way too, that shows compassion and empathy all likeable character traits to have. When you fit the All-American model in life, you’re likely to be an Ex-Football Player and Surgeon now … my current crush … I was trying to be perfect … but failed to live up to my titles in life, I’m not sure whether that’s ADD/ADHD or just giving up in life, just remind yourself, next lifetime at half time, not to go back out and not to relapse, to hold your head up high, not be reminded of the times you failed, but be hopeful of the moments you have left to live in life, and hope that they will bring you as much joy as you are having now …. If not already in a better mood having read this, you don’t need people, but its nice to have people around, you don’t need friends, but we all need group photos.
Whatever keeps you going in life stay on track. Whether that’s by keeping a schedule and writing in your calendar everyday, going to AA meetings, or going to the gym, don’t let up. The moment you let up upon gaining positive momentum, the harder you fall. To avoid such losses in momentum its important to keep moving forward. You will get back to work, you will have the energy you want, but its all a matter of discipline. I recently took two days off to rest from blogging, not by choice, my phone hasn’t been working. We are told that “for every up there must be a down and that success is cyclical and beyond our control.”  This is very true, working you get spoiled, put on a schedule, but working from home … well that’s moving to a different beat in life, especially if your bed is next to your desk, when you walk in the room after breakfast … hit the desk not the bed. Continually improve upon your results … somethings don’t last … but that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you … you can get back to work, maintain positive esteems, and don’t make mistakes along the way, you’ll be happy you didn’t relapse and go back out, and if you do go out, watch your progress socially, as you get better, you’ll notice you’ll have better conversations about whats going well for you in life, than the moments when you were not doing well only talking about your problems. #staysober
Sometimes we feel safest in our comfort zones, and other times when our comfort zones cause us discomfort or lack of satisfaction we step outside those areas of life. The hardest part about stressing out is not allowing those stresses to carry over to other areas of your life. Whenever you return to a familiar area or group of people … after being away, always be yourself. Its not necessary that you explain why you have been gone, or explain your world to the masses, you just have to be yourself. Whether you remember what went wrong, or why you got sick … remember that everyone cares … and do your best to be present in the now. Its easy to get upset and to blame others for our wellness, whether we are able to stay well, and who is at fault … for our wellness, always take responsibility for your own wellness first and not worry about what others have done or said, especially if its not about you. The more you make things about yourself, the more likely it will be for things to be made about you. The less you include yourself … the less others will interject themselves into your life … wreaking havoc from within. Some interventions are for the purposes of bringing you to a better place in life, and whether you have arrived at a better place in life, be thankful for those in your life now, no matter who gets credited for your wellness later on in life. Do you best to stay humble in all your endeavors, and never seek gratification in order to get well … you’re likely to be disappointed.
After being well rested … one thinks clearer about themselves and what lies ahead, never make an important decision stressed out, loss of sleep is likely to bring up emotions toward self … unhappiness, paranoia, and depression to say the least … after a good nights rest or a long day of napping … its easy to overcome those feelings. There are a few quotes that scare me: (1) that life is fragile or we as humans are fragile (2) “life is short,” and (3) that dealing with mental health issues is “daily.” Im not sure whether its fear of overcoming these difficulties in life, or just needing to change my perspective … that’s something a nap won’t cure … being tired. If you stay active and keep goal setting, that usually takes you out of a slump in life, I just lost 5 lbs recently running to the fence and back down San Vicente … 2 hours of running/power walking … it doesn’t feel like its worth is beforehand, but afterward youre pleased with the results … a lot of life is like that … accomplishing something that seems like forever to get done like a painting, but if you work on a little bit each day, eventually it gets done, much like exercise or energy, being well rested is so important to your mental health … drinking is a depressant … not to be used to help remove thoughts, forget thoughts, forget the past, or for help with sleep, that’s something you should talk to your doctor about. I just know based upon experience what happens to me when I lose sleep, everything goes haywire, and I feel like I’m going backwards in life, not moving forwards … meetings help, but you have to undo your own paranoias at the end of the day, about life and about others, being critical of others when you are not doing well is not recommended. It just makes you look bad, usually those who are critical of others are not happy with themselves, correcting others, instead of correcting themselves, just be patient, everyone is going through something right now, the weather has been crazy, there was a fire, and theres been many losses this year, but you just have to stay strong, don’t isolate and keep seeking out systems of support, to help you keep going in life.
The longer you prolong getting well, like weight loss, the worse you feel about yourself, it takes daily steps to improve self, that is ones thoughts and ones physicality … feel well. When you have achieved confidence by the wellness of your mind, so your body follows … with more energy to boot, improve and foster your future condition as well, by setting you in a better place, overcoming your past …with what hurts further behind you with in place good feelings that bring you joy and satisfaction in life … that’s wellness. Maybe that sounds like a dramatic way to throw things under the rug … but that’s how to get well and stay well … who are you now presently, do you like who you are now, do you know yourself, and how you self-identify … well then there you have it, you are you, and upon accepting that you are you … do you recognize what went wrong, do you understand what caused you self-harming emotions and thoughts … well then you’ve made it past self-harm, and once you recognize your problem, that’s the first step toward finding a solution to your problem, and once you realize that its not others the problem or with a problem with you, you begin to find yourself among again not in isolation … out of fear of failure or disorientation, all new beginnings take time, know yourself.
When you knowingly make decisions to go back out after returning to make your amends … that’s a good day, remind yourself on days when you are tired of what life has to offer by continuing to do what you know best, not venture out into areas of life you know less about, going out and drinking … if that’s not how you grew up, and only by few positive exposures have been able to stay well, than do not blame your surroundings for when you do not achieve well that usually relinquishes them from blame upon you achieving illness in life, be made to look like the offender of interests not allowed back on the side of the well or upon your illness empathized with and treated poorly regardless of the status of your health, that’s a condition that we expect no one to fall under … but the more one builds acceptance as to their condition, the more understanding is processed through others without having to change the beliefs of others toward you, as determining your faults in life, the places you ended up … and based upon where you are now, see you as no different, whether a law student or an employee … still in the face of unknown adversities … do not compare others to one another, based upon their upbringing be critical of where they are now given their opportunities in life for success, critical of when and how they have failed, without knowing any examples of those failures, how and when they have occurred, be experimental with the wellnesses of others, that causes a reversion of care, also known as a going back out, or a leaving of care … when someone leaves the care of an otherwise supportive environment, from which they are able to thrive comfortable in that is because they are well and sober, not because they are lying about the length of their wellness, or the gravity of harm they have suffered under the consequences of being named as someone in front of 93k people, who cannot be trusted, it would be wise to assume that everyone knows why you are the way you are … serious … one should not need to explain themselves to then again in front of others make look sick … I’m not applying for any awards this year, have continued to work on my book … and that’s no ones business but mine.
When you’re not doing well, or at fault, or if something has gone wrong its easy to become separated from others, not necessarily to feel a separation from others, just because people are alone, does not mean there is something wrong with them, or that there is something defective about them, some spend more time alone working on themselves in order to be around others, out of pride … and by that pride sacrifice time out with friends, to focus on their studies, some hit this phase in life at different times than others, there will always be night life, and there will always be people to make friends with but what you can’t replace is the moment, and in those moments how you are remembered by others, whether in wellness or sickness … judged. Over time relationships change … given this its always nice to be kind to both sides of any equation upon a parting of interests or wellness … some are not well enough to date, and because of their deficiencies in life cannot date, that is not because someone is not good enough for them that they need to rise above (me) thats not leaving to find better, that’s leaving to do better, and when someone is alone … that’s to better themselves not better others at their own expense, never for those reasons do people give or receive love … for wellness, its usually to those we already love and admire, and wish to empower at our own discretion and energies empower, empowerment has much to do with love not affection, admiration, not sickness, wellness, and strength, not over focus on weaknesses, or popularities. You get to pick who you want to empower in life, by who you give love to (i.e. yellow) and by giving love to someone who knows and adores you, love is given and received … in a way that can be appreciated overtime, by someone who is doing well in life, knows how to give love not someone who is not well (i.e. me). You can be given insights in life and information upon which to make inferences in life, those are your own deductions, what information you pull from the information given is your choice.
During times of need its mostly maturity that is asked of you, whether or not immature responses are deemed as a show of disrespect of appearing as though one thinks that they are above others, it could just be that someone is going through something very heavy right now and needs to be alone, its usually those who are in the middle of something working on something that is late to appointments or fails to appear for appointments, and its based upon those disappointments of people who are close to individuals, that that disappointment gets passed back to you, as feeling down. Do your best to schedule your time, but don’t take on more commitments than you can handle, during times of need its best to trust someone who is superior to you, in wellness, for guidance in order to get well and stay well. There was disappointment surrounding my first book, because after working on it for years and then typing it for months, and paying for an editor, I shared the first manuscript complete with a woman who is a mother figure close to my Father in New York … not because her Husband interviewed The Prime Minister of Israel, Netanyahu. My Family is a member of AFHU American Friends of the Hebrew University, I attended 2010, with my Father. We sat in the front row table next to the Dodgers Divorcee and Arnold Schwarzenegger who arrived late in cowboy boots. –“Eventually you get old enough to not be sheltered by others or by exposures responsible for processing your own discomforts in life your family cannot go rogue with you when you plan to leave reality and go to hell with the dinosaurs but you can do your best to value a privileged life.” (Written via Twitter 04-13-19). (Written at BungalowSM: I think calling Crossroads was making an amends in the right direction to say something that’s not PTSD to be looking out for the images of friends and loved ones -its not until youre not apart of that you get judged as being off and upon being off (why judgement is [passed]) [to] deem you’re apart of and upon being apart of apart of the problem. -The signaling -and taking – some are welcome to it -and some are not -in tune with it. No matter where you go -you’ll always feel displaced when youre out of sorts or giving in to peer pressures in life -you just have to stay steady -be an easy ear to listen to and with that a trusted counterpart in any of your endeavors” [not sided].” (04-11-19
Some have the power to say anything, and that someone in your life, has the power to help make you well, Im not deemed one of them “mom material.” But I still blog anyways. Whether that comforts you during a time of need or worries you maybe that’s why, because I’m not in a relationship, in recovery, and without children … so be it this is my life and Im going to live it. Theres a false thinking that just because someone is hot or just because someone is well spoken that they are full of themselves, or think that by their looks they can get away with saying hurtful things about others, its usually out of jealousy that others are talked about, unless they cause worry, well that explains if ever anyone talking about me. I don’t think my writing per say causes worry … but it’s the thoughts about my writing, thinking that it is too short for interpretation or too abstract for a deeper dive into the psychology of my mind … I think sometimes you have to accept words verbatim, even the best writers are adept at this, not spilling their insides onto paper, and writing in a way that engineers positive thoughts and feelings likewise for themselves, few run on empty, and just like empty few can run on negatives, its mostly by positive thinking that one is able to put things together in a coherent way that makes sense to all, helpful, whether that’s stating the obvious, never assume that what you know is obvious to all, not everyone knows you or your past or your previous associations in life, and life story -which upon sharing may make you closer to some you wish not to be close to, or some you never thought well enough to be associated to, that goes above and below you in life, be in acceptance of all you never know where you stand in between phases in life, until you get to know a room or a pecking order of A listers or D listers will you understand the concept of people thinking they are better than you, they probably are. Its not that you are unapproachable its that the terms of your dialogue online could be out of sync with whats in the best interests of people to whom they are associated to or think like. That’s not competition, that’s just a simple fact that people are close in groups, and that will never change, and sometimes closeness in groups is a reflection of professionalism not of over-reaching beyond the bounds of decent common forms of communications hellos and whats going on in your life, sharing. Some cannot handle being pulled under unwanted pressures in life, that is a sharing of information about yourself, that is scary for others to comprehend or visualize someone who self-harms. That’s understandable. A noted now discomfort in conversation with me, and noted now unapproachability concerning my present condition. If I had just stayed sober, or just stayed well, I’m sure my life would be in a different place, but given the circumstances I think we are all just doing our best to be happy with what we have now, and who is in our life, maintain relationships, and wellness. Your own discomfort in a room is a product of your discomfort with yourself … whether or not you are comfortable under pressure, does not dictate how a room will respond to you .. everyone is under their own pressures to stay well in life, irrespective of your own wellness, not being judged, remind yourself its not about you. Those qualified to speak are usually those who are doing well in life, on track and on point in life … not just those popular or well spoken … but educated well read, disciplined about their day, and not running out of time … in a rush as having relapsed or otherwise done something wrong, put under a pressure to see what comes out of them as on foot … made to be nervous, or to symbolize a known condition easily caused by a teaming up of standards on a persons well being as deserved or not, to search for truth to their pasts. “When youre in error its to correct your behavior and the restraints put on those who take things too far or who speak too much are sometimes corrected not coddled to discourage behavior or tones that disturb the reputations of others as connected why people separate. When you’ve done wrong in life or made an error in life that heavy pressure gets put on you to pull you under or make you worse off as deserved that I’m not responsible for the system of fame notoriety or wellness not something I focus on others but my own wellness share #bewell.” (Twitter @mymollydoll_ 04-12-19)
You will meet a select few … who will inspire you in life, to make a difference, make a change, or motivate you to continue doing what you are doing or find a new direction toward achieving your goals in life. We call them gatekeepers, to professions, whether they be former employers, or a business online, that makes you realize the possibilities, we are all open to being influenced by one another online why it is so important to stay positive. Fast Company argues that “when things get tough, many people turn to a motivational quote for a bit of inspiration.”  Noting that when “someone else believes you can achieve what you want to achieve can be a powerful incentive to try harder.”  Why its important to always stay positive as a business, and as a person in all your affairs. Whether your demeanor online differs from your demeanor in real life, the two worlds will collide, and eventually you’ll have to talk about what you do for a living, and if its blogging, be loud and proud about it! Its not a rich profession by any means, especially if you are blogging on your own, the background banner picture places aren’t calling your phone or emailing you, asking you to attend events, those are all things you must do on your own, it depends on how well known you want to be, and whether you deserve the kind of publicity as those who are better known than you, for their work or skill sets. Know that “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve,” by Napoleon Hill.”  If thats what you want in life then go out and get it!
When rumors get spread that not only hurts the psyche of the person spoken about but also those who become defensive within as not wanting to claim responsibility for their words or actions toward others or specific individuals. When people get mentioned not by me that’s not my responsibility to correct for example when someone with the same name as someone gets put on a t-shirt by BBDO, that’s not my responsibility to correct that assumption made about names on tshirts … as being like any other tshirt bearing a name, if anyone is offended its me that’s offended hitting my head, and not that is not a product of drinking … but then gets blamed as a product or source for drinking, I had already hit my head, by the time I had a drink … drinking is a consequence of a symptom underlying self-harm, if so its important not to drink as it has been known to be a “depressant.” When someone self-harms (i.e. me) that is a product of my decision making poor or not, and my current life, and my future availability for success or for stability, which is mostly based upon your present condition whether you are well or whether you are not well doing well, if you do not remain sober, than the chaos erupting around you … is a result of the chaos erupting within you … and when you do a better job of not being affected by the psyche of others … or defenses, then you will not be affected by their actions toward you, as though you are the offender, treated as less than. That’s not the solution … to think you have the right to put things together about people, that you do not know, and then treat them as though they are knowingly present as though looking for a similar fight, learn to move along, and not treat the newcomer, as though one is looking for a fight, and fight with them, that’s not the solution, that only causes relapse, its not necessary for you to hurt someone individually so that if they self-harm, to make them appear as the wrong-doer bearing the scars of your words as spoken to them, prior to them self-harming.
Something you will never grow out of are expectations and the disappointment that follows, the lower your expectations of others are, the happier you’ll be. Why? Whenever you expect more from someone, or expect better of them, if theyre so likely to disappoint, will disappoint you, you should always expect less, of others, and allow them to defy youre expectations of them, how to help others achieve who are struggling, less attention, more positive feedback, that’s how to maintain an audience, or keep an audience, not to tell others what to do or think, and not to raise the expectations or highs of others who are already doing well, stability at best is the mean sought to be achieved by blogging, by sharing inner strength, not struggles with the capacity to cause relapses in judgment toward those who are now doing well, why insults cause a backwarding of the interest in moving forward to all, causes the questioning of others wellness, in relationship to what, then the negatives so follow as to a persons condition, and once the negatives are seen not only do we question others but then become affected ourselves, with those negative judgments held toward others, its in everyones best interests to think positively first of themselves, and by not comparing how they are feeling to how another is doing, we are not all the same confidence wise, and we are not all the same wellness wise, but that doesn’t mean to expect the worst, that would be doing oneself a disfavor in life.
Some will be happy for you on your way up and some will be less than supportive, those who are supportive no matter to what extent they know you care, never assume that others no you outside of your interactions with them. If you go out and are not well and have not yet fully adjusted to the voices that come with blogging, whether in acceptance of you or not … that’s not your responsibility or opportunity to contest the voices, which upon cause you self-harm as responding to, or giving a voice to the voices that have harmed you, is not your responsibility to provide support back to those who think that by talking to you without permission have been supporting you … if learned from you, then that is the reason why people chime in from time to time, as that is a lesson they have learned from you … to say something when youre not feeling well or upon being offended always report to someone above you. Dating however does not work in the same way, once they do not want you anymore, any subsequent talking is a he said she said, battle … with people taking sides as to who was the culprit of the failure of the relationship … if no one thinks highly of me … then all the more reason so for being defensive and putting myself down … to honor their privacies as not wanting to be exposed as someone who contributed to my mental health issues, that’s really going out of my way … to make amends backwards … at my expense, or talk to people, who people think we had more than a relationship as friends with … if upon meeting someone once that does not mean a relationship … and any subsequent failure of that relationship is obviously not of my doing failed. When you sober up enough … to value yourself … and not be so free loving … no matter what your weight or disability you will attract positive attentions in life. It should not be about taking sides, due to a failure in a relationship, and no one should be on edge about me going out, Im allowed to go out, that’s not a failure on my part not to stay home, Im 33 I deserve to go out.
Usually when you are not doing well in life a loss of faith happens to you, when either you stop performing to standards or when others deem your performance not up to standards for them to accept you. There is much to the game of acceptance … that requires you to be focused on yourself … not interpret whats around you … but be a steady voice of reason first able to talk yourself through your problems, and secondly to be able to help others talk themselves through their problems. When you are not doing well ALL that power is lost, and similarly if I drink ALL that power is lost (another argument how much faith to divest per person, or upon yourself individually, depend mostly on yourself in life for guidance not lean toward peers in lost phases), that is a giving up in life, not to be commended for by anyone … but it signals a loss of faith within yourself. Do not lose faith in yourself simply because you do not want others to lose faith in you, do not lose faith in yourself because you do not want to lose faith in your abilities to stay well and perform well, and be accepted by others, as a general rule one should always have friends, jobs, and things that they like, its not required that you share your dislikes in life, or be judgmental toward the likes of others, that’s overstepping boundaries of wellness to judge the wellness of others, as well or not well based upon the actions of others, or based upon the input of others, as being responsible for those changes in communication toward individuals, as about them or about others, that’s the phase we are in, always speak in your natural language and by your dialogue you carry a conversation, that’s an outer dialogue not connected to your inner dialogue, everyone gets treated differently, and depending on the closeness of a person to an audience or group of people, treated differently or the same. You’ll walk in some rooms a complete stranger, that’s one of the beautiful discomforts that life has to offer, learn to be poised in those spaces … and never give up mental health wise. #sober