When I first started writing online I was nowhere near where I am now, in terms of introduction of content, subject matter, and displays. I was a rookie. I wrote to write but my presentation was awful. It takes a long time to develop as a writer online and it takes a long time to develop in terms of your presentation and ability to write qualified pieces for review by your peers on social media. I am grateful for my experiences on Twitter, I learned a lot about my writing style, and learned a lot about how to write online. When in Rome ask for help. This is why I went to a Q&A and Interview at Rhubarb Studios. That is where I met Taylor Adams, who I consider to be a good friend today and confidant. He has helped me in many ways develop online, and improve upon my professional demeanor online, which needed a lot of work. I thought that I could just be myself and write whatever I wanted to write and whatever crossed my mind. That only works for so long, to maintain an audience online. What is required of you is that you always discuss issues that are relevant to you and helpful for others to read about. This requires careful reflection of your life, and the impact that you wish to make online by sharing your experiences online. There is nothing artificial about writing online, nor writing online about your own experiences, this is real intelligence. As a student I am required to read and write about the topic assigned to me, however online is the first place in which I was able to share my mind, without a textbook or desk reference nearby, and simply share what was on my mind, and what I have logically put together in my mind, in careful reflection of my life. I hope that the stories I’ve share have been helpful. And I hope to continue writing online, in an educated way, not artificially, or comedic, so that I am well received and so that my audience appreciates how far I’ve come and benefits from having read my writing, not waste their time. Thank you for following and I look forward to writing my next entry.
It is not in anyone’s best interest to delete or destroy any first permanent record of any disclosures which have yet to be heard. It is to each his own, Victims right to come forward when they feel necessary and are ready and willing to come forward and share whatever information they feel is pertinent to the case and those who have been directly affected by the case and how so. Any type of activity to which I myself am harmed or anyone around me is harmed is to be reported in a safe place, such as in a publically observable space, from which the proper authorities can be notified that their informant (Leslie Fischman) is being harmed in private and that her ability to come forward and prevent the harm that is occurring to her, is being disabled, so that she cannot protect nor defend herself and which she is continuously harmed and put at a disadvantage in life and harmed to the extent that she is not able to achieve in life and disabled.
Its never required that we share our stories online. Some of us may feel compelled to share at our own expense, the loss of privacy that comes with sharing our stories online. Which is why I generally refrain from sharing my stories on Facebook, because it is the one place left that I consider private and separate from my Blogging life online on Twitter and Weebly, where I am an open book and willingly share my stories online to help others cope. I am by no means a role model to others but I am in every way an advocate for those who suffer from being misunderstood and discriminated because they are misunderstood. Misunderstandings occur, and often times our judgments of others are not perfect and flawed in many ways because (1) judgment is passed because we do not know the other well so assumptions are made as to why a person is behaving or is a certain way; or (2) we are misinformed of the reasons for why a person is a certain way or behaves a certain way or responds in a way that we do not understand because we do not understand the causes for the way in which they respond to events because again we do not know the person well enough and assumptions have been made. Assumptions are like judgments we pass on others, except they are the excuses for the behavior of others we use to justify the behavior of others in the negative. Be careful of doing so, judging others in the negative causes harm to their reputation and can be considered defamation if information about a person is misused to cause them harm or harm to others, others directly related to them or distant, which in turn causes harm to the person being wrongfully judged in the negative. Facts are facts, and no facts shared by me are with the intent to cause any harm to others or myself, in fact I share because harm has been caused to my good reputation which requires me to share in order for my story to be heard which would not otherwise be necessary nor proper to do so at a time like this when everything has settled down and I am now resuming my coursework in Law School. –Loss of privacy is my number one concern, in fact loss of privacy was the reason I reported to #FBIDC for further investigation. Because I am related to a very big case, I feel as though I was put at risk of harm and my sense of peace and privacy was being invaded for the personal purposes of others to get a birdseye view on current circumstances regarding the case and individuals involved in the case. That is not my job to provide a birdseye view and nothing contained in my computer provides for that because that was not the purposes for which I attended Law School, I took my LSAT and applied long before the case was reopened and a certain accused individual was sent to jail for a different crime. Similarly that was not the purpose for attending a US Supreme Court hearing, my purposes for being there were strictly to visit, but later felt compelled to write about whats been bothering me like I am doing so here, same tone and style except by the sharing of facts. –When misunderstandings occur it is important not to defend oneself by reinforcing any and all negatives about an individual to support your position, this only puts you and the person you are harming at further risk of harm. Its always best to leave things alone. When our judgments are in error and when we come to the wrong conclusions, its always best to just leave things alone and allow the facts to speak for themselves. It is not our responsibility to take facts and argue why they are the way there are and argue for what purposes facts exist which either support or negate a persons disposition in life and purposes or explanations regarding their decision making, choices, and reasons for why they are situated in positions in life that cause us to pass negative judgments on them or support campaigns to ensure negative judgment is passed on them. There are two misunderstandings regarding the causes for my condition (1) why I committed suicide; and (2) why I got a DUI. I committed suicide because my medication was flushed down the toilet and I went into withdrawals became bipolar and suicidal and swallowed a bottle of prescribed medication (Kolonopin) and do not remember anything afterward, woke up in the Hospital. Secondly, I got a DUI because I had 3 drinks and drove on the freeway (2 long island ice teas, and 1 double cranberry vodka) and this was my second DUI that Spring 2013 and could not get out of it, so I requested to just spend the night in Jail and not take the Sobriety test because I knew that I had had too much to drink that night. Prior to my DUI I have had no problems with the Law and a perfect and clean record. I now have a misdemeanor on my record, and am in the process of finishing my community service. I could not get back into Law School after I took 2 weeks off, my petitions were denied. That is why I could not finish my JD, and then I became suicidal and alcoholic, drinking every week. These stories are not important and do not explain why I have been discriminated because the discrimination and people being mean to me and being dumped occurred long before the DUI. That’s why I was drinking because my life was ruined. My Dream was to be an Attorney. My Dream was to go to Law School and finish Law School that was my purpose for being there and when I was not able to finish Law School I was heartbroken. Because I kept getting sick in Law School that made it difficult for me to finish, I started off strong with As and Bs and after dating, I got Cs and Ds and kept getting dumped by my boyfriend at or near or during finals weeks, which was very devastating and traumatic for me, so much so that several times I did not take my finals and withdrew from courses the day before exams, because I did not feel as though I was at my best and could do better. This was to protect my GPA, which needed to stay up in order for me to finish Law School. At this point I do not think I will finish my JD. But can still sit for the Bar Exam if I decide to the exam after I finish my LLM and study on my own, I believe I still have the opportunity to do so, with petition. –It is never required that we share our stories online. Sometimes it is best to just keep quiet and allow your professional work to speak for itself. Confrontation is never best when put under unreasonable pressure to defend oneself and ones reputation in public, is a very traumatic experience and causes me much mental disability. It is at my expense to share my story online and defend myself. It is at my expense and peace of mind to confront individuals who have harmed me. It is at my expense to address anything that I have already moved forward from. It is at my expense to expose myself to risk of harm and loss of privacy as a result of overexposing myself. If I was never trashed and dumped in the first place I would not be where I am today. If I was never trashed and dumped in the first place I would not have gotten a DUI and would not have been harmed during the time I was an Alcoholic and reputation damaged. What we do in private is our own business, who we sleep with is our own business, who we hook up with is our own business and never the business of others or their right to know, that is our privacy protected by the Constitution, our Right to Privacy, and there is good reason why we are afforded that privilege in life. Therefore if already dumped and trashed then why is it of any concern to anyone else if I trash myself. To me, why was it okay for others to harm me but not okay for me to harm myself, why was that so shocking. If someone is behaving a certain way it is because they have been caused to behave in that way and means that they have been harmed in some way, which causes them to harm themselves. That’s what it means when someone is suicidal and they are harming themselves, its because they have been harmed and that harm cannot be undone. *Be careful not to take explanations that are being used in application to my particular circumstances and then apply that rationale to a different set of facts that is wrong and results in a misinterpretation of facts and illogical conclusions. For every set of facts different arguments exist and must be made and no analysis of facts is universal and can not then be universally applied to any other set of facts containing sides in which good or bad character traits are sought to be proven. Only in my particular situation was my present circumstances of bad luck and being single being used to say that I am damaged goods and that I somehow deserve to be in the position that I am in now. I have no problem finding a boyfriend, I choose to be Single. I can go on Tinder anytime I want to find a date and move on. I choose to be Celibate. I do not have a job because (1) there was no job in Century City, he had to make a job for me, that was separate from my work in the office; and (2) my second job was taken by 3 engineers more qualified for the work that needed to be done for this particular startup. This type of required explanation in order not to pass judgment not only violates my own sense of privacy, but also violates my required duty to maintain the privacy of others during the regular course of my business dealings with them and terms of employment I agreed and signed to. But under these circumstances where harm continues and my luck does not turn around professionally, requires me to backtrack and discuss why I am being discriminated behind my back in chatter and for what purposes and what needs to be spoken about in order for those judgments to pass in terms of the gravity of harm they are causing to my current condition and ability to function and live a normal life. Otherwise the law does not protect us against people who simply talk shit about others, and pass judgments upon others in error, those are forgiveable offenses and if can be explained and reversed and no damage is done and condition can be removed then there is no cause of action that can justifiably be maintained on that persons behalf. This is my ideal conclusion, to not take anything to court and to resolve as much misunderstanding as possible outside of court without filing additional papers with the court explaining what kind of reoccurring harm is continuing and discussion in detail of how I am being harmed and the losses I have experienced as a result of people talking shit about me behind my back since before I got my DUI. I am already at a disadvantage in life. The advantages I have been afforded in life are because I am a great decision maker and a very honest and hardworking person. Please do not make my life more difficult than it already is to function daily, maintain a job, and finish Law School. I already left two relationships due to mental illness, which is why I am single. I am only positive online because my job as an advocate online requires me to be positive and present the best version of myself. Away from the Camera I struggle, I do not look well everyday, and I have my own ups and downs which I choose not share out loud because it is not helpful at a time like this and it interferes with my ability to do my job online which is to make people feel safe, not to cause harm to myself or others, or present any information which could be misused to cause harm to myself or others. That is an ongoing concern, and has been a concern throughout my campaign which is why I have not shared my writings online, because there is too much room for misinterpretation without explanation and argument, purely facts presented, not open for argumentative purposes, which I believe they were misused for to cause me harm or inadvertantly used to cause others harm behind my back. Now I know that whenever facts are presented on behalf of myself or others to also at that same time present arguments on behalf of myself or others, for the purposes of abiding by my duty as a law student, I am legally not allowed to represent others, so the best way I could present facts were to present facts in which the arguments were self explanatory, and which the innocence of others was preserved and never intended to result in a negative judgment. Evidence of this is obvious in the outcome of the decisions I have made which have been for good purposes. I am still at Thomas Jefferson School of Law, finishing my LLM I only have 12 Units left (a Degree that requires you have completed a JD in order to get into, I qualified for via the numbers of years and units of Legal Coursework completed); and my Brother got a job at Harvard as a Professor and Doctor. My Family is very proud of us I think we have come a long way, we don’t fight anymore, we understand eachother better, and I think we are doing a much better job of representing one another in our own way by doing our best to excel in our chosen fields and adhere to exemplary standards of ethical decision making and the manner of professionalism we apply to the work completed by us for review, in order to continue achieving and be able to provide for ourselves one days, and Families one day. Always note that when you cause harm to one you cause harm to many and when one is harmed by themselves that requires no additional harm be justified to further highlight or argue that that harm was caused to themselves. We know this I committed suicide, that’s a harm caused to myself, not by others, which is what I have been saying over and over again since 2009 and moved forward why is it again be readdressed now or being questioned, for what purposes, in application applies to no arguments for or against which would justify the usage of such facts to argue why my present circumstances are the way they are. I am not suicidal, and my present circumstances if not doing well are for different reasons not the same reasons for which I was not doing well in 2009. Therefore irrelevant to readdress old information and apply it to new information or old argument to a new set of facts, as we discussed before that results in misinterpretation. When someone causes harm to themselves no one else is harmed, usually people are mad at that person for harming themselves, but they themselves suffer no emotional harm or broken hearts, just get turned off by that person and lack empathy for their struggles in life. That is understandable. That I understand, when I cause harm to myself or commit suicide that is no ones fault but my own that is harm caused to myself as a means for coping with my present circumstances, Ive never placed blame on anyone for my present circumstances I was not raised that way to blame others for my misfortunes. That’s called a cop out, when you do not take responsibility for your own decisions and choices in life and misfortunes, it is then to no ones benefit including ones own to blame others for the sake of misplacing guilt or causes for harm upon another to somehow alleviate the guilt or harm being experienced by one for causing harm to themselves. I am a great decision maker, just because I hurt myself does not mean I have been a bad decision maker or responsible for the harm caused to me, experienced by me, or responsible for the harm caused to others as a result of the reoccurring harm experienced by others who talk shit about me behind my back, that is not my responsibility to correct, I can only perfect my own position in life, not the positions of others, it is not my responsibility to perfect the positions of others to help them live in a morally righteous way in which they can move forward from whatever ills they are currently suffering from that cause them to cause harm to others or reinforce harm causing agents to another. Why is that the case? Because when I am experiencing harm, my only responsibility is to take care of myself and correct that harm which I am currently suffering from which I take responsibility for as a product of my won decision making and not wrongfully place blame on others for my present circumstances. Therefore it is not my responsibility then to address any potential harm caused to others by my condition if not caused by me but a condition caused to me which is my responsibility to deal with on my own, because my decisions are what I am responsible for not the decisions of others who have caused harm to me. Just because something is my responsibility to address and cure on my own, whether a product of my own decisions or the decisions of others, as stated earlier is only the responsibility of the one harm to help themselves cure that condition or current defect or undo the harm currently being suffered by doing their best to represent themselves. One cannot best represent themselves or undo harm caused to them by their decisions or the decisions of others if they are placing blame on others or not taking responsibility for their own decision making. Therefore it is wrong to place any individual who is currently curing their own condition and perfecting their decision making skills in a position to accuse or defend themselves or others, for the sake of applying current facts to previous facts to argue the causes for conditions, that again results in misinterpretation of facts and wrongful application of information provided to cause harm to an individual who has already stated that their current condition is a product of the choices they have made (i.e. me – drinking, drug use, DUI, and suicide attempt in 2009) unrelated to my present circumstances, in which I am not suicidal and I am not sexually active, and I am not being raped, and I am not using drugs, and I am not using alcohol, and I do not have a boyfriend, and I am not in law school, and I am not working, and I am not going out, and I am not social, on its face, nothing is that same or similar as the time when I committed suicide or to any time in my life for that matter. I am making great decisions in life right now, if I become suicidal it is because my health is failing because I am 31 and Single and wish to be Married and with child and a job, and it is taking longer than necessary in order for that to occur. Simple. Not complicated understandable, any other application of information or misinterpretation in the negative is being done so to cause me harm and therefore is not necessary as discussed previously for me to address, my only responsibility now is to take care of myself, by law that is my only responsibility and has been my only responsibility to do so given these facts, in which a condition has been caused by harm to myself which no other persons are affected because I hurt myself and we know that I hurt myself and because I hurt myself my condition fails. No one is blaming anyone right now, and providing that reassurance out loud puts me at risk of harm and puts at risk of harm the privacy of myself as well as those who have harmed me which then subjects me to retaliation.
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Always be traditional/formal in your approach towards relationships. Being a Professional requires you to do so. Even when it comes to dating and friendships. Never let your emotions get the best of you or allow your racing thoughts to interfere with your decision making. So long as you are Professional and honest in your approach you should never worry about what others think or beat yourself up over acceptance and/or rejection. Miscommunications often occur during the formation of any relationship business or otherwise personal. Always be respectful of the feelings of others whether reciprocated or not when others are open with you just be kind and always set firm boundaries with them so they know where you are at emotionally/Professionally. Sometimes when Single as a Professional you have to turn down opportunities to make way for others in the future. No job should ever require you to overcompensate your needs or allow others to overstep your boundaries -you are always the best judge of character and decision making skills sharp when Sober be sure to be Sober at most if not all any Work related events. If I think of any more "Tips for Working While Single" I'll let you know. Be well everyone.
Re: When my Boss told me "love love me" and I got sick.
After 4 years of writing online everyday I have decided to write a book. Why? There are a few obvious reasons, but mostly because Books provide the gift of permanency of shared thoughts, which may otherwise be lost through systems of writing online (i.e. word counts, and forums). Writing in a private space gives the writer a much different room to express oneself, in which the energy derived through the process of writing is calm versus experiencing anxiety (such as what I experienced) writing online in a live environment. This is a new phenomenon, writing in live environments, I suppose research has been done on the effects (personally) such as the ones I’ve experienced while writing online. Often times to cope with such social anxiety I would just erase what I wrote (which I would hear negative replies to in my head). Writing for School is much different than writing for an audience online, this I quickly learned. Online commentary is automatic versus writing in a private space, commentary is triggered at your leisure, upon review of your written work, there are no spaces below for which people can write feedback or commentary can be anticipated or audience insights and thoughts can be read aloud in the mind. These are obvious distractions for any writer trying to compose themselves and their material online. It is not the best way to get down on paper your thoughts when under any kind of pressure, anxiety, time constraint, or word count constraints. However, despite these setbacks I experienced as a writer online, I did learn the value of word counted boxes in which to write, they forced me to compose myself in a few amount of words, which required I make sense (as I chose/adapted to) without the risk of being taken out of context. Meaning I wrote so that my words could not be taken out of context and could be read and understood with or without the submission following or preceding each entry. This was important to me as a writer, because I know that each submission does not always stay in sequence once distributed to a master mixed feed to my recipients (audience). That was one of the benefits I experienced writing in a word counted space. –Today I blog on Instagram and Facebook, in addition to Weebly, Twitter, and Wordpress. Adapting to each space has been challenging, I realize that each audience has a different set of expectations of you as a writer, where some spaces accept less formal contribution and greater leniency on use of humor, some spaces require a more serious tone and generic form of presentation in order to be read, such as standardized boxing of shared websites (i.e. ads for your space and blog post posted in another arena) and standardized formatting (i.e. created via Apps such as Quotes Creator and Over). These are things you learn Professionally as a Writer over time. Of course you want your material to be read. I think I’ve come along way from handwritten pieces photographed and published online, or notepad screenshots from my cellphone. I’ve enjoyed writing online and I look forward to continuing my journey as a writer in a more professional space in book form, following the completion of my Dissertation for my Masters in Law LLM. Be well, and thank you for following.
Whenever someone is going through a difficult time its important to take a moment and step back. The immediate response is generally to be avoidant of that person that is understandable. Often times what does not make sense to us or any conditions to which we lack empathy for, are situations in which we are not inclined to help. Those that do we applaud, those who don’t we neither shun nor regard as unempathetic or insensitive people but share with them the same understanding as we do for those who are currently suffering from whatever illnesses may be. We are having this discussion because during difficult times, the only way in which that person can be helped or the only way for those in helping positions to be able to help that person is through compassion, patience, and not passing judgment on others for their current conditions, neither sympathizing or assuming they are the cause for their conditions or assume that others are the cause for their conditions. We instead take a step back and allow people to come forward when they are ready and willing to discuss whatever is bothering them. That is why we have AA, a confidential space in which people can share their problems in a trusting and loving environment for which they can share and get the appropriate feedback they need to begin moving forward and healing themselves. When another comes to you for help and you do not know how to help them it is always best to redirect them to the appropriate outlets for support, hotlines, hospitals, and AA/NA Meetings. Those are three of the best places in which someone suffering from illness can get immediate help without overwhelming those around them and without causing additional harm to themselves or others during the process of healing. When someone is ill, that does not mean that they are contagious nor a threat to the well being of others. It simply means that they are ill, have identified by themselves or others that they are ill, and what is needed then is support and professional feedback. It is not the responsibility of friends to help those who are ill and it is not the responsibility of friends to care for those who are ill or responsible for the outcomes of not helping those who are ill when they become ill. It is to each persons responsibility to get help when they become ill never the responsibility of others to get them help unless they are a dependent or unable to get help themselves because of preexisiting disability or circumstances which disable their ability to get help themselves. Why are we addressing this topic, because often times when people become ill we feel obligated to help them and that if anything bad happens to them we take responsibility or feel bad that when and if they don’t get the help they need and suffer additional harm become more ill that it is our fault for not helping them or finding the necessary support for them needed when they become ill, recognized by themselves or others that they have become ill. –In todays day and age with Social Media do not be alarmed by those who share their problems, this is a normal response to being in a group of trusted individuals, to share what is on our mind, nothing to be surprised about. No one requires that you be open to anyones sharing of their mind agreeable or not to those shares, but you are required to report if any of those shares have the potential to cause harm to themselves or others, whether currently a threat or a potential threat or currently causing harm or have the capacity to cause harm to any and all individuals with respect to those shares affected by and apart of the audience to those shares. This is called being an Adult. Reporting any behavior or suspicious posting that has the potential to cause harm so that that harm does not occur. This is why we have private avenues for reporting, messaging capabilities, and reporting stations at each and everyone of our Social Media outlets, and functioning capabilities to block and or otherwise hide from anyone we feel has the potential to cause us harm or be harmed by through the process of interacting with them and being apart of the audience to their shares. One of the best features on Facebook is to cancel receipt of posts in your newsfeed from Friends. As discussed earlier avoidance is the first step toward dealing with anyone we feel has become ill who we do not want to help or who we do not know how to help but if continually exposed to that person may feel obligated to help, so we avoid those types of individuals. That is understandable. Why are we having this discussion, because these are issues to which I can personally relate. That when I became ill and would not attend AA meetings, Social Media was the chosen outlet for me to share and share to others what was currently bothering me or subjects I felt necessary to discuss with others not necessarily in public but in a space I felt left with to discuss what was bothering me, that I did not feel that AA could help me with. Why because these were not alcohol related circumstances, or circumstances as we discussed above cause by me or happened to me, but circumstances which when affected by caused me to become ill. For many years I was able to manage those emotions and discussions with the potential to cause me harm, but sometimes others cannot avoid broaching topics that have the potential to harm you, and that’s unfortunate for everyone affected by the discussion of topics which cause us illness, confusion, despair, and dysfunction as a society, such as discussions of why people harm people, cases existing and preexisiting, homicides, gun violence, and GLBT issues. For me those are issues which cause me mental illness, which I have dealt with on my own. That being said, be as avoidant as you want, others issues should never become your issues, and you have every right to avoid being affected by the problems of others. But if you can help, and are given the opportunity to help, the best you can do is be present and refer them to professionals such as hospitals, rehabs, and AA meetings and politely suggest to them that sharing their problems in public spaces such as Social Media are not the best spaces to discuss their illnesses or problems to protect them from additional harm and also to protect the audience from harm having heard discussed their issues out loud, whether exisiting preexisiting or non-exisitent, that is for the professionals to interpret when treating those with illnesses which we avoid discussion of or helping. I hope this was helpful at this time to address my own experiences, and share this thoughtful reflection from the standpoint of my audience, being as understanding and compassionate as I assume they have been towards me, present. Thank you for all your help. Be well everyone and if you have any questions as always please do contact me or go to your nearest professional for feedback.
I have been Fashion Blogging since January 2016. After being selected as a Style Curator for Sassique (sassique.com/mymollydoll) (recruited from my Tumblr Blog mymollydoll.tumblr.com) I decided to create a Wordpress Account. For all the latest Trends and Street Style Fashion Photography check out my Wordpress at mymollydoll.wordpress.com.
In addition, for those of you wondering where #BradyMusicCampaign went. We are now on Wordpress and Tumblr at bloggingcampaign.wordpress.com and bloggingcampaign.tumblr.com. No new updates, but if you have any questions feel free to contact me email@example.com.
So thankful for all my friends, and friends Ive made along the way, during my time online on Social Media. Thankful for the jobs Ive had and the Bosses who have hired me even though I remained active online Blogging. I know that Blogging is not an easy Profession. And I know that Blogging is a trait that is hard to accept amongst your friends. Not an easy attribute to accept or get used to. Despite losing friends. For the most part I got all my friends back Blogging. I think it allowed them to be close to me again after separated for so many years while in Law School. For that I am thankful. As for my new friends who do not know me and still not accustomed to my Blogging habits, thank you for your patience while getting to know me and giving me a chance (i.e. #TaylorAdamsAM). It has not been easy for him liking someone and then feeling so distant from someone. I think that Blogging for awhile kept myself apart from everyone, because I was discouraged from Blogging on Facebook not my choice. I think that my journey on Twitter was a great journey in life in which I learned a lot about myself. Now returning to Facebook, regardless of what anyone says, I think I have a much better head on my shoulders now because of my experiences in life, so much so that now nothing that anyone thinks should affect the decisions I make in my life or dictate who I meet or how that relationship turns out. I realize its no ones fault but my own if relationships don’t work out and that never because of interference by another or others. That was something that took me a long time to realize. Nothing to be suicidal over. Just something I realized. That being said. Just as I forgive others for their shortcomings or wrongs towards me, I expect the same from others. I don’t think it’s the Blogging that is the reason why #TaylorAdamsAM and I cannot date, but because he is probably dating someone else. Which is something I will just have to accept. Its hard when you love someone and you cannot be with them. I have kept myself available for him nonetheless. Because when dating another or on Tinder he has responded in the negative worried or upset, defriends me (i.e. and called my Mom). So Im still kind of blind as to whether he likes me or not, but I haven’t given up faith yet. And will wait for him, and in the meantime get my life together back on track and finish my LLM and work.
I think its really difficult to be in relationships when you are working on yourself and trying to come up in life and find your way. Its really difficult to be close to anyone and at the same time find a job, maintain a job, and still find time to enjoy a social life. Right now my social life consists on writing online and keeping in touch with the friends I make along the way who have been very supportive of me, followed, liked my posts, and corresponded with me, checked in. Its really unfortunate when you are doing well and you are not able to share that happiness with another and for whatever reasons the one you love is not able to share that happiness with you. Everything takes time to develop including what it and what is not, who we are, and who we are in the lives of others, particularly our significant others if and when we find them. Not everything in life in times perfectly and most of the time everything occurs at the wrong time due to poor timing. In order for things to occur on track and on our own best timing, well that is different for every individual. For me my best timing is when everyone around me is happy. But life doesn’t always work out that way. I wish that my life was different than it is today. I wish that I never Campaigned and just lead a normal life. I wish that I never dated in Law School and stuck to my gut instinct which was that I was not able nor ready to maintain an intimate relationship and at the same time focus on school. But at the time I put the needs of someone else’s before my own. When this occurs we are told that everything will come back to us tenfold and that our good deeds do not go unnoticed and that when we put others before ourselves that this means that in the end or somewhere down the line we are to benefit from that experience and those choices we made in life (to put others before ourselves). Eventually you get tired. When this occurs its important to step back, breathe, reassess things, and move forward. Pretending like everything is okay when its not. Or pretending like your feelings are not hurt when they are. Solves nothing. Particularly in terms your ability to communicate with loved ones or significant others. Less is more. The more we try to fix things and the more we try to buffer misunderstandings with excuses, and the more we try to be accepted the less likely those things are to occur. Why is that? Because a person who tries to hard is seen as compensating for some weakness or trying to hard to overcome some obstacle (negative) or trying to overcompensate make positive a life which they assume was not going well (or negative) which is the cause for their current circumstances. Not everything that goes wrong in our lives is to our own fault or at our own expense, usually when bad things happen not only may we be harmed but also those around us may be harmed too. Its important never to play Victim when you are the Victim, this usually breeds animosity towards you as trying to situate yourself as disabled or less capable than the rest and in need. People who are in need are generally characterized as physically or mentally incapacitated to the extent that they need or rely on others to take care of them, guide them, help them, for instance Victims. If you do not fit the mold of someone who could potentially be Victimized, you will not be seen as a Victim, but as a cause for your current circumstances and a product of the choices you have made in your life which you are expected to take responsibility for and correct on your own best timing. This is unfortunate. Many opportunities in life are wasted or passed when we are misunderstood and when we are harmed. Its really not the responsibility of the Victim to defend themselves. But here I am. Goodnight everyone, and hope you have a great day tomorrow. And remember to smile and be appreciative of all your blessings in life and those who are in your lives and not to worry about those who chose not to be apart of your life. Ive always been the most popular whatever school I go to or whatever town Im in. That’s just me. So I know something is wrong when someone who is kind to me at one point, chooses not to associate with me at another point in time. And that’s for me to figure out and is really none of anyone else’s business but mine. All I can do is be myself to the best of my ability and live life without or without people in my life. Without or without their guidance, acceptance, love, understanding, or consideration. When you are down, when you put yourself out there, you can only be harmed, not benefit when situated in a weakened stance by failure, mishap, rejection, or misfortune. Bad luck occurs and its to ones own responsibility to turn their luck around, not rely on others to help enable that to occur. You are what you attract in life.