No one wants to be treated likesome gay pervert steve-o joke, who is inappropriate or annoying to others, unwanted, who wants to live that life anyways, in disgust. And it just so happens that that is what was done to me, at my lowest point in life, trying to establish a career for myself through writing, which no one thought was advantageous, it doesn’t seem to be important to prove your importance later on in life, and that’s whats done to you, to make who feel better about themselves. That’s not the life I want to live, mischaracterized and suicidal and that is not the life I am going to live, treated as unwanted, for all I care I don’t have to talk to a single person for the rest of my life, ever again, and don’t have to have sex for that matter, Ive never asked for love from anyone, its something gifted to you upon doing well in life. So please don’t hang me from from a tree online, and treat me like Im trashy, Ive never treated anyone that way in my life, and I don’t expect anyone to treat me that way either. I have been nothing but loving to others, honest, open, and helpful, I don’t make my life difficult on purpose, and I would never make anyones life difficult for that matter. To get me where it hurts just to see where I stand in the grand scheme of things, lets not build up a shot to begin with, and try to label me post defamation, as being your MLK, Im not white enough or black enough for that anyways, so what the F are you talking about making things about something I am not. How would I be able to preach equality to anyone, who doesn’t treat me as an equal, or a victim, like Im something stronger than a human being who can manage taunting, ridicule, rejection, defamation, and be made to feel suicidal. I don’t deserve any of that in life. So in order to make a better life for myself, that means that I have to stay level headed, and sometimes in taking yourself seriously in life, others don’t, and that’s just them nothing to do with you, so no its not too late to be nice to me, or for me not to be at odds with anyone, maybe that means to expect less, and see the beauty in life, and not put people down in life based upon nationalities, like Im supposed to die of COVID too, and be another dead body in the total body count. Have a heart. It makes no sense to me, why someone would hurt me to get everyone to think less of me, like Im a bad decision maker, then explain to me what the F Ive been doing for 8 years writing online, and stop treating me like Im some selfish secretive person up to no good, not informative, Ive been calling 911 since 2013, I tell them everything, I see doctors, I took night meds, I stopped talking to friends, I don’t overwhelm people, and stop treating me like I have problems when I don’t, or when Im beginning to recover from being shamed online, expect me to speak for someone who has harmed me who thought I could take a hit in life, or manage embarrassment, and put me down and stick up for everyone else, make me the enemy to anyone else’s understandings in life, I was mortified, that those pictures were taken, I was obese 192 lbs, and as a result have been slamming my head into doors suicidal, and don’t seem to be making anyone else feel better who barely trusted me anyways, to get my life back on track, why put me through that, why put my family through that, who are you to cost me my own life, like you know my story or why I committed suicide 2009, whats it to you? If Ive made it this far alive, then why try to recreate a year when no one was attached and no one knew eachother, make things about you and how you are feeling, what about me, and how Im feeling, and if I don’t matter to you, then that doesn’t mean that you don’t matter to me, that’s called being selfish, willing to die for your own Country to protect them from harm, that’s why I applied to the US Navy 2009, because I didn’t want to be on any teams in life, stay neutral. So if you don’t understand my condition, then have some empathy, and if I want to work, let me work, and if I want to move forward in life allow me to move forward in life, and if its not your problem, then its not your problem, and means that its my life to live absent minded you or your problem with me. There is nothing wrong with blogging, allow for people to get well, and be forgiving if someone committed suicide 2009, maybe that just means it’s a condition treated by medications and not having to do with anyone for that matter. As you get older you lose support, and that can cause one suicide, to have nothing, to have no one, to have no life, to not have a job, and to be suffering financially, not able to take care of ones self, and there is no need to overwhelm me for the purposes of putting me down in life, like Im not a team player, I never cared what anything was about, so don’t treat me like Im a let down or disappointment, especially if I don’t even know you, simply because you sympathize with everyone else except me in life, and see my suffering as a result of my own misunderstandings in life, maybe that was the case, and please allow me now to move forward and not have to discuss my diagnose, my condition, my sexuality, my place of employment, my hospitalizations, is none of anyones business, so long as I get better, I don’t have to live through all of that again, and neither do you. It would be a shame to give up now, simply because someone doesn’t want me to move forward in life, and that’s by studying my past, and what has happened trying to make the same happen again for me in life, that’s seeing me or hearing from me and being turned off in life, I don’t have to please anyone for that matter, I can be alone.
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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