By the time you open up, it will have been expected for you to with reflection have opened up, under the totality of circumstances at the time, have some ability to provide some mature reflection as it relates to what is presumed to be something that everyone is going through. So while you may be in a moment of assembly, thinking or writing about what you think is important, it then becomes a waste of time to care for anyone, who is too busy backtracking trying to solve right now for instance. If you have ever kept a diary, you would never think that at some later point, it would be required to share you thoughts with everyone, to make some sort of difference as to what was thought of you, before you ever reached a place of stability in terms of output that matches the maturity of your audience, usually when going through something difficult, you can sound immature, or what you remember seem not consequential, or what you recall wondered about why important, there will be many times when you will have unimportant conversations with yourself, or have unimportant memories of having lived life, and its totally normal to see all your experiences in life as important, no one ever said that it was not okay to talk about your life or your experiences in life. So understand where other people are coming from, when you share something they deem to be inappropriate or unimportant to them, and when a heavy thumb is placed on of what importance are you speaking and about what and why, that’s the pressure, someone wanting to understand the significance of your experiences in life, trying to get to the bottom of something, which is usually their acceptance of you, needing a basis for understanding you, which is to understand what you are writing about and why, and why you remember things and why you are later discussing things you have remembered and for what purpose. This is why talking about your life, when you are going through something difficult, can seem like a slow uphill battle of recollections, not all of which will provide an answer to someone else problem with you not understanding the point of you talking, or feeling like you are talking for selfish reasons to get to some point in life of making anyone else look bad, this is why you don’t talk about others, and you especially don’t talk about anyone you do know or care about make reference to, while in discussion of what you think presently. We all go through learning curves in life, and they wouldn’t have called it “The Trial of the Century,” if that’s not what it was, not important, not significant, not consequential, not traumatizing, not historical, not devastating, not of issue to all, so as far back as you can remember, at what point did the past serve as a learning lesson, which you then applied, given your present understanding, of current power struggles, well had it not been for Fox News not fanning Barack Obama, then I would have not thought to visit the US Supreme Court instead, and was fortunate enough to meet them in person, and perform to the best of my ability taking notes, which Im not sure who read what and why or who went through my computer and why and what any desperation over who knows what ever became of significance at what point in time and why, when it mattered to know who thinks what, or what things are about, and to what end are others trying to reach for the comfort of kicking their feet up on their desk, and feeling like they did a good job, taking care of a situation that I don’t think everyone was ever thinking about in depth, in a public way, addressing all, concerning any discomforts at the time, I think people who are uncomfortable with you, its not that they don’t trust you, don’t love you, or don’t believe in you, it means that there is something going on with them, that could have nothing to do with you, or everything to do with you, Ive been through the same feeling, going somewhere that doesn’t exist, like an end point, or a state of arrival to wellness, that never fully seems to present itself no matter how well I am doing in life, and no matter what is going on in the world, that’s not a gift trauma, that’s being forced to focus on yourself, and to rely on others at some points in time who provide you with stability needed in order to feel safe, and as you get older you have to be more and more independent of others, and that’s the price you pay for isolating as a law student to focus on your studies, if you are not in control of your progress then who is, and then decide is it worth it to be attached to things in life, that are not helping you to feel better, or able to have a clear head and clear outlook in life. All computer data loss issues aside, and online memorials, you will experience a lot of loss in life, whats more important is how you respond in the event you lose something of value to you whether that be property or a boyfriend, friendship, or an ability, you are still you no matter what condition you are placed in, and as you get older more things will come to mind that probably did not come to mind when you were a child, protected from all arguments in life, including arguments about race, disease, winning teams. Don't let anyone convince you that you dont matter, or that life is sad if your own life is not sad yet, people in reflection will come to understand life differently than you see things, and while you have yet to see anything in that way, dont be surprised if you later figure out what all that thinking was about or where its coming from, that will always be the other side of things, the side that probably doesnt make you feel good, feel insulted by, or made to read into things in a way that hurts your own thinking about things, or causes you to feel bad, we can't all be on the same wavelength, allow for people to speak freely, even if its not about you, even if its their issue with you, we cant all be competitive in those respects to understand everyone in a way that all are made to feel better by. So while at the time that may have been an okay reaction for them to have toward you in disbelief, eventually you have to let go, and figure out life for yourself, just dont get lost trying o figure anyone out in life, you can always ask questions and state your fears, there is nothing wrong with not knowing what to do or how to think about things in a way that helps you to process what has gone wrong, without becoming scared yourself in disbelief. So be mindful, not to allow anything past to convince you that life is not living, or convince yourself that people dont care, and when has it ever been so intense that people have been unable to comprehend solution during a time of need, when is it ever okay to convince yourself that life is not good, or people are not good, or treat yourself as an insignificant part of any equations in life, if you have not understood history, or the meaning of life yet, then you will not have understood at 35 how much work goes into keeping you alive, and if you can understand that much about life, then you wont waste time being so defensive or over-focusing on subsidiary issues in life present or past, to convince yourself that life is more difficult than it has been, and if you cant take a look around and appreciate where you are and who you are surrounded with, living people, who care whether you are sick or not, then that’s one step in the right direction to staying well in life, no matter how far back you go trying to understand the historical importance of being a human being on earth, whether you are spiritual or not, connected or not, believe in yourself or not, admire people or not, survive or not, always do your best to let go, the more issues you compile as affecting you, the more things become about your own unhappiness in life, and misunderstanding about where you stand in the grand spectrum of issues, in terms of living a good life, or ever being someone important to anyone you have loved. So at what point does a conversation become heavy, if its not the solution, and if what you have to say does not better others, then that’s the point at which what you have to say becomes unhelpful, and that’s when the heavier your discussion gets, the more problems occur, not solved, by any mentions past, which is why its not in your best interests to use history as a prime example for anything having gone wrong with those people at that time based upon what every did or did not have in life, life gets better, so appreciate that much about the economy and technology, it was meant to save lives, not just by investing dollars in what is of value to us, but also to invest dollars into what give us meaning and purpose in life, connecting to things of value just like connecting people of value matters in terms of keeping people well. Everyone wants to feel good, and everyone wants to make other people feel good, one of the main problems, is people being mean to eachother, people bullying eachother, and people making people feel bad who don’t feel good to them, and maybe that’s how things will always be, not everyone will feel good to eahcother, and not everyone will be happy with themselves, proud, or feeling like everything is within reach, and to a fault sometimes, people take things too far, and it will always be based on what they know, how they feel, or what they see the problem to be, and not consider you apart of any solution in life, based upon your health or deficiencies, treat you as though you don’t matter, so that is why some people are famous and some people are not famous, there will always be a pecking order in terms of what gets distributed in life, or mass distributed for that matter, its based on what translates well and what makes sense to others, so even though you make sense to yourself, that doesn’t always mean that you are fit to tell your own story, and sometimes the last thing you need is for someone else to tell your story for you, as though you are not capable of representing yourself in life, and telling your own story first hand, in a diplomatic way, not in a controversial way, without blame, and without too much explanation in life, that you become regarded as someone who carries guilt, responds in guilt, or who has ever appeared guilty, or not well in public, and assume that you are not well or pretending to be better than you are, you cant fake wellness, that’s one thing you will learn as an adult, and you cant lie to anyone who is watching you, or who has watched you over the years, and knows your patterns in life, or feels like they have a good understanding of what disempowers you, or what makes you feel good being you in life, no feeling lasts forever, including your smarts, you will always be challenged and tested in life, and the more thoughtful you are, sometimes the better sense you later make, the less you care about others, the more selfish you appear to be, and the fewer connections you have in life, the less significant your experiences in life are deemed to be, just don’t allow anyone to convince anyone to push you onto any planks in life, so that you don’t exist, or label you as being anyone who has ever let anyone or everyone down in life, you don’t really become that responsible for other peoples feelings until you become famous, or until you become know, until you get likes, or until you have published your own story. So know your place in life, do your best not to allow others to intimidate you, or cause you to feel like youre not apart of, whether or not they take your badge back. When people are done with you, that’s them punishing your privately, because they don’t see you as someone worth fighting for, or someone worth defending, or someone worth representing in life, and that’s how you get put out to be on your own in life, when people think you have it good in life, they don’t ever foresee the repercussions of their reactions toward you, and really don’t care of the consequences to your psyche, when they respond poorly to you, its as though you are supposed to be responsible for the moods of others or their instability around you, and that’s not always your fault, what issues seem pressing or of importance for them to discern in life, and you will not know what anyone has gone through in life emotionally, until you go through it yourself, just don’t take anyone badge back, just because they complain. That’s life everyone has attitude, everyone has deadlines, everyone is short, everyone bottles up, and everyone either supports you or gives up on you, and it will always be your responsibility to do your best to ensure that others are in acceptance of you, that you appreciate others, and that you do not pose a risk or problem to anyone who has crossed your path in life, later become responsible for anything that has later happened to you in life, as a result of them letting you go in life.
Originally Posted 02-01-21
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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