Chapter 24: Relationships While Working, Dating, and Communication
By Leslie A. Fischman 12/09/17
It's about what you're about, not who you're about, what you know, not who you know, what you recall, what you think affects what you know therefore what you know is a product of you, and what's known about u -then is what you know representative of who you are?
I think its really difficult to be in relationships when you are working on yourself and trying to come up in life and find your way. Its really difficult to be close to anyone and at the same time find a job, maintain a job, and still find time to enjoy a social life. Right now my social life consists on writing online and keeping in touch with the friends I make along the way who have been very supportive of me, followed, liked my posts, and corresponded with me, checked in. Its really unfortunate when you are doing well and you are not able to share that happiness with another and for whatever reasons the one you love is not able to share that happiness with you. Everything takes time to develop including what it and what is not, who we are, and who we are in the lives of others, particularly our significant others if and when we find them. Not everything in life in times perfectly and most of the time everything occurs at the wrong time due to poor timing. In order for things to occur on track and on our own best timing, well that is different for every individual. For me my best timing is when everyone around me is happy. But life doesn’t always work out that way. I wish that my life was different than it is today. I wish that I never Campaigned and just lead a normal life. I wish that I never dated in Law School and stuck to my gut instinct which was that I was not able nor ready to maintain an intimate relationship and at the same time focus on school. But at the time I put the needs of someone else’s before my own. When this occurs we are told that everything will come back to us tenfold and that our good deeds do not go unnoticed and that when we put others before ourselves that this means that in the end or somewhere down the line we are to benefit from that experience and those choices we made in life (to put others before ourselves). Eventually you get tired. When this occurs its important to step back, breathe, reassess things, and move forward. Pretending like everything is okay when its not. Or pretending like your feelings are not hurt when they are. Solves nothing. Particularly in terms your ability to communicate with loved ones or significant others. Less is more. The more we try to fix things and the more we try to buffer misunderstandings with excuses, and the more we try to be accepted the less likely those things are to occur. Why is that? Because a person who tries to hard is seen as compensating for some weakness or trying to hard to overcome some obstacle (negative) or trying to overcompensate make positive a life which they assume was not going well (or negative) which is the cause for their current circumstances. Not everything that goes wrong in our lives is to our own fault or at our own expense, usually when bad things happen not only may we be harmed but also those around us may be harmed too. Its important never to play Victim when you are the Victim, this usually breeds animosity towards you as trying to situate yourself as disabled or less capable than the rest and in need. People who are in need are generally characterized as physically or mentally incapacitated to the extent that they need or rely on others to take care of them, guide them, help them, for instance Victims. If you do not fit the mold of someone who could potentially be Victimized, you will not be seen as a Victim, but as a cause for your current circumstances and a product of the choices you have made in your life which you are expected to take responsibility for and correct on your own best timing. This is unfortunate. Many opportunities in life are wasted or passed when we are misunderstood and when we are harmed. Its really not the responsibility of the Victim to defend themselves. But here I am. Goodnight everyone, and hope you have a great day tomorrow. And remember to smile and be appreciative of all your blessings in life and those who are in your lives and not to worry about those who chose not to be apart of your life. Ive always been the most popular whatever school I go to or whatever town Im in. That’s just me. So I know something is wrong when someone who is kind to me at one point, chooses not to associate with me at another point in time. And that’s for me to figure out and is really none of anyone else’s business but mine. All I can do is be myself to the best of my ability and live life without or without people in my life. Without or without their guidance, acceptance, love, understanding, or consideration. When you are down, when you put yourself out there, you can only be harmed, not benefit when situated in a weakened stance by failure, mishap, rejection, or misfortune. Bad luck occurs and its to ones own responsibility to turn their luck around, not rely on others to help enable that to occur. You are what you attract in life.
Not all relationships begin the same way and each has its own stages. Not occurring the same in every, but unique to each individual we meet in life. Why is that? For every experience that we have we have a new beginning in life, the lessons we learn from previous interactions with others, help to improve the basis upon which we make decisions in future interactions and relationships. A relationship is not defined solely on the intimacy that exists between between two people but can also vary in terms of closeness. In some relationships we desire closeness in others the opposite distance. It does not matter who attaches to us, for every relationships fosters our personal growth, both positive and negative. What does matter is to whom we attach to. To whom where and why we attach may often time baffle us, why attach to negatives, and why so few positives. Why are we so affected by those we do not get along with, and why is it so difficult to develop healthy attachments to those we do get along with. What is it about negative interactions that gets under our skin, that interferes with our ability to attach to the positives in our life. This is one area of relationships that has constantly created disturbance in my life and to the relationships that helped foster my growth, interfering with my ability to attach, because relationships to which negatives resulted from interfered with my ability to maintain current positive relationships and form new bonds and positive relationships. What I learned from these experiences was to not be too concerned with why I did not get along with these individuals and instead focus my attention on what it is that they said to me that caused me disturbance and interfered with my ability to achieve happiness in my life.
One question you always ask yourself when confronted with disillusion, is whether or not you were at fault for the demise of a relationship, which dissolved before you had a chance to save a relationship from falling apart. Sometimes things occur when we least expect it. Not always in our favor but sometimes, to do us a disservice in life, these life experiences we call challenges in life. When circumstances, persons, or things occur to which we do not have a finite understanding of why or how, and we just have to learn how to accept things the way they are without further investigation. I am never one to investigate the faults of others or reasons for the demise of relationships and always move forward and let go. However when the harm resulting from that loss is recurring, then I know it was not me that was at fault if he is still so affected after I have already let go and moved on unaffected by him. When there is room for discussion and discussion is not made, than at no later point in time is discussion or continuation for discussion required on your behalf to anyone who has not given you the opportunity to be heard or left room for discussion. Where one assumes and one is harmed as a result of those assumptions, than the other is not liable for the harm resulting from those assumptions made upon the character of another.
(D) Does Dating Come With a Map?
My Bit on Relationships (Originally Posted 12/18/13)
Leslie Fischman Um, does dating come with a Map, because I think I make sense, but apparently I'm still a little rough around the edges, always been a tomboy, that won't change, fill my closet with high heels and fancy blouses, all I need is my desk and my brain to function optimally. Its hard for me to start a new relationship because I am often clouded by emotions and negative thoughts or comments that get triggered, and then re-triggered when out in public, because I get paranoid, I think people are watching me and trying to see if they get the same result, a negative reaction (that just makes me want to drink), and makes me feel more insecure about myself, why I spend the majority of my time alone in my apartment, the reaction wouldnt have occurred if I wasn't triggered (but no one will admit to laughing in my face, or staring at me funny, they'll just find satisfaction in me reacting negatively, which is when I start talking to myself and being weird, when Im made to feel uncomfortable in my own skin), never been overly critical of others, just of myself, but when the reverse occurred, it wasnt anything I havent already felt or been said to my face before. Just in case you were wondering, I'm not proud of myself, and since everyone is embarrassed by me, I dont want to embarrass you, or people to think you are dating a loser, because I dont have a job, yet. Thats why I'm quiet. | Thoughts for today |
Leslie A. Fischman
Please Note: I have finished writing the first draft of my first book, still editing Ch 5-25, my goal is to publish my book 2020 after I graduate, working on myself right now.