Its getting closer to the new year, when we start the year fresh, with new goals in mind. Whether or not 2019 was a success for you, theres still a lot to reflect on. Before writing down your goals for 2020, its time to reflect. Start off by writing a list of things you accomplished 2019, what went well, and what did not go so well. Where you able to be the person you wanted to become 2019, why or why not. “Failure” is okay, its all apart of the journey to becoming our best selves.  Sometimes while trying to establish a new routine for ourselves, we struggle in the process of learning, and becoming accustomed to a new way of living life, whether that be in recovery, accepting a new diagnosis, being prescribed a new med, making new friends, experiencing loss, learning a new trade, starting a new job, working on a project, all of these things require us to adapt, and continue to educate ourselves, on how to adapt, and adjust our settings to re-center ourselves. Sometimes learning about others and things other than just ourselves, focusing less on what we don’t know, and listening to input derived from other sources in life, can help. Today I watched a Ted Talk by Catherine Reitman, I never watch YouTube, but decided to try something new, since I was already watching YouTubes for my Dissertation Course homework assignment, and think I will incorporate more “Ted Talk” Videos onto my blog, that was helpful to hear someone else’s story of success and failure, and how they made a conscious choice to work, setting specific goals, whether or not one had the expertise, and being “brave enough [to] stick to your choice [as you] will be tested, she reminds us.  According to moneysmartguides.com, “When you stretch beyond your comfort zone, you are growing as a person. It is only natural that you will fail.”  -I guess that’s what this year has been about for me, editing my book, re-reading old writing, and getting frustrated with myself. You know that was 2018 when I completed my first draft of my book, and so much has changed since then, I was on a completely different journey in life then, than I am on now. I think my outlook in life, is more realistic, and instead of setting lofty goals for myself, blogging wise, or volunteer work wise, trying to change the world, I am just sticking to what Im good at writing, and as my writing has improved so have I, and that’s been both a frustrating look back, and also humbling to see my growth as a person, who would’ve thought Id be a “Top 100 Personal Development” Blogger this year, much has changed. I can’t believe I used to think that Twitter was blogging, how frustrating was that copying and pasting from my account to a notepad in my phone, there is a much easier way of writing, on Word, and on a Website! Live writing is fun, theres absolutely no editing, just straight from your mind to your audience, current, how I got started writing online, on Twitter.
 Id. at 1.
In order to simply your life, zenhabits.net suggests doing the following: (1) Identify whats most important to you and (2) Eliminate everything else.  There are many reasons why someone would want to simply their lives, for me, simplifying my life, means getting a day job, blogging on the side, working on my dissertation, editing my book when I have free time, and do my own free reading assignments and book reviews when I can. In order to get all of that done, I have to set a schedule for myself, something constant, like work, that keeps me moving forward, and prioritize my days when Im off of work to get everything else done, writing lists. As someone with bipolar its extremely difficult for me to feel well when I have nothing to do, I get tired, or I end up sleeping all day, why I schedule my week in advance, mark my calendar with everything that needs to get done and when, and always sure to keep up with emails, and respond promptly. Its maintaining a schedule that propels you forward each day and each week, something to look forward to, and with expectation get things done. The more you leave things off until the last minute, the more stressed out you become, the better you plan the smoother the transition bouncing from one thing to the next. When you know whats important to you, such as blogging, actively engaging in activities that boost your positive energy and outlook, it makes everything else seem easier to get done, when you have a lot on your plate, especially, you have to get done first what needs to get done, in order to get going doing anything besides what needs to get done. Its like I cant function at work, if I have an assignment due, that I haven’t at least started, or almost done with. I used to be able to manage working and going to school easily, and stay up late, but now I go to bed around 8 or 9 pm everyday, and avoid the risk of a bipolar episode later in day especially occurring when tired or moody, hear voices. It’s a really embarrassing condition to have, and everyone Ive spoken to assures me that we all get voices, when tired, and suggest not becoming too dependent on Doctors or Medications as a crutch for coping everytime I have a bad day, or need to talk, eventually you have to be more independent if you want to survive in this world, visits to the Doctor are expensive, and so is Therapy, etc. What to do? I don’t let these things stress me out, always taking the opinions of others with a grain of salt, but if I allowed myself to become overwhelmed, with everyones opinion about my condition, I would go nuts and freeze, and not show up to work, regress again, back into my stare at the floor, not make eye contact, itching to go back to my room, uncomfortable in public or around people. That was the worst, to feel totally uncomfortable around people, and only feeling worry free at home, that’s no way to live life, alone.
Theres never a good time to think about life without feeling depressed whether it be over time, the past, history as it unfolds, your own best timing, or watching others live their lives, we often times take a step back, and reassess our goals, and where we are heading in life. That seems to be a natural reaction to responding to the unknown, that’s is our future, and where we see ourselves, tomorrow, 5 years from now, and even 10 years from now, if we can foresee that much future time under our belts. However, its when things are not well, or not good, that we backtrack on future plans, and think more about right now, not even thinking twice about our futures, that tends to get put to the backburner in terms of its level importance, putting ourselves second to the needs of others, that’s just called being human. So when is a good time to think about the future? According to greatergood.berkley.edu the process of thinking about the future is called “prospection.”  Prospection is the process by which we imagine our futures, and make predictions based on what we have learned, it can be things we learned through our own experiences or based upon the experiences of others, even characters we see in books and movies.  How is our outlook determined? Do we base our wellness based on what we have in life, or on what is lacking from our lives? Theres a phenomenon called “delay discounting” much like delayed gratification, when we work toward achieving something in life, for the future, rather than getting something now for our hard work, such as going to school, working toward a promotion, or saving money in a bank, in hopes of “receiving something of greater value later.”  When we practice “delayed gratification” we “resist the temptation of an immediate reward in preference for a later reward.”  How and why is this important? According to psychologytoday.com, “as we get older and mature, we must learn to tolerate the discomfort of delayed gratification if we have a greater purpose or goal in mind.”  Why is that? Because as we get older, we tend to rely less on feeling good to know and understand that we are right where we need to be, when you are younger you rely heavily on reassurances in life, to know that you are going in the right direction in life, via grades, accolades, texts from friends, everything you took for granted in your younger years, you realize as you get older, you get less feedback, and reassurances along the way to wellness, sure Doctors can help you, but eventually you have to continue on by yourself, and live the years of your life, without questioning yourself so much, so long as you know and understand the difference between right and wrong, and follow the law, you should experience that much less anxiety about life, and if its not police that you are scared of for example, than whatever it is that is holding you down in life, in order to conquer those acceptances and live free of those fears, you have to accept where you are and achieve happiness on your own, and keep track of whats making you happy and why, and maintain that sense of wellness about you, without needed affirmation from others, to let you know you are doing well, we don’t even get that much love back from a companion let alone friends, who have their plates full too recuperating from losses on the news, and in their lives, who are just trying to stay balanced, with less time for problems, including your problems, which at this point in time would be selfish to share out loud. Im not encouraging pretending to be well, but often times, when things occur behind closed doors, in a professional way, that leave less to worry about, except when the public has a right to know about whats occurring behind closed doors, to address the current problems, everyone is facing if affected and coping with the times, living in fear, or resentment toward anyone they feel is responsible for contributing to causes for concern, or helping to alleviate those fears. How does blogging represent the term “delayed gratification”? To me it means contributing in a positive way online, that helps to either set or change a tone that’s been set, and continue to support the free flow of information online, that in return educates and supports our well being if not on a daily basis, giving us something new to read, new to share, or lends assistance to developing a new understanding of how we see life, and aides us with the processing of events which have caused us concern, in a meaningful way that’s coherent, and really takes hold of what cannot be said, and illustrates in a positive way, a reasonable means for understanding the present, without the added discord, and without fear causing potential. Shocking is not helpful, while in previous generations that type of freedom of expression helped to articulate what people as individuals were going through, that may not apply to what we need now, we are always changing, the information we receive is constantly being updated and changed, that we as a society, will continue to have that freedom, to accept each day as it comes, whether or not we can foresee our foreseeable future or the future of others, which gets lost when one falls ill or becomes not well, we do less planning in life, and take a step back from a focus centered on the future, our future, and think about everyones future, and what we’re doing right now, taking things day by day, that’s why they tell alcoholics to take it one day at a time, as they are getting well, and focusing on the present, which is to abstain from drinking, which at those moments in time, requires all their focus, reevaluating their pasts, so that they can learn from their mistakes and build a better future for themselves. Im now going through the 12 Steps again with my Sponsor, for a second time, working on Step 2. There are systems for processing the past, your past, stick to what works, theres no need for example to reinvent the wheel, not during times of turmoil, when people are having difficulty compartmentalizing the hows and whys about life, and just trying to live life free of fear, and find their sense of peace again. So yes, there is a lot of “delayed gratification” in what I am doing now, working the 12 Steps donating a dollar every meeting, in hopes to makes friends, maintain wellness, keep a job, and work so hard at my job, that I get paid at my job, that’s having a lot of faith in myself and in others, that if I do as I am told, follow Doctors orders, that I will get well, and even fingerprinted with the LAPD and check in with them often, just to make sure Im not stepping on anyones toes about things as discussed online, so theres some accountability on my part as a writer. According to huffpost.com: “It is our responsibility to take the time to develop our gifts and talents, so we can best serve others. Investing in yourself is an example of self-love, you must love yourself before you can expect others to love you.”  And although the future may seem far away, in your days reminiscing about the past, don’t waste too much time thinking about the past, as your future potential is based upon what you build for yourself now, improving upon your skillset, until you become a better version of yourself, so never stop investing in yourself, and never stop learning. “Each day is a day to better yourself” quoting my Dad.
 Id at 1.
 Id at 1.
While positive thinking is always mentioned as a means to escape negative thoughts, “free thinking” on the other hand works as a catalyst to get us going in the right direction, its what “enables us to generate ideas that have the power and potential to transform” our thoughts, our worlds, and our outlooks in life, occurring every time we “think of concepts not mentioned in textbooks … [which contribute to our] personal and social success.”  Those who are capable of free thinking do so by “thinking [about] ones own thoughts, not the thoughts merely of a the body or of society,” furthermore it’s a “privilege to be able to generate ideas and thoughts of your own,” and actively avoid any “prejudice.”  According to happyhorizons.org its “an ability to think without bias, question without fear and speak without regret.”  Free Thinking is speaking beyond common sense, although our experiences may help us to arrive at concepts quicker than others, to think freely on topics, and to continue ones education on concepts, helps to build a better common sense among us, one way in which writers and bloggers help, sifting through concepts, as naturally self-taught blogging, this comes second nature to them, to speak freely their minds, whether or not its common sense to everyone, make sense of what is now. Psychologytoday.com reminds us that “Common sense, defined as "sound judgment derived from experience rather than study.”  Which begs one to ask, what is stupid? Someone oblivious to what others are thinking? Someone who thinks for themselves, without input from others? Someone sheltered not sharing the same common sense about life as most? By what standards do we judge others for the knowledge that we hold, as each are different, we should rather appreciate others, for their gift or lack of knowledge no matter how much or how little they know, it seems that at the other side of spectrum, the more they sound like they know, the more critical we are of them in their delivery of concepts, expecting everything to make sense, even if its something no one has said before, expect what makes sense, as something that’s been said before, not all words that come to mind, have been said. What determines the parameters of expected common sense, I think in using this term, we are mostly referring to standards of acceptable verse and conduct such as moral principles, governing our speech and behavior. Its important to note that “Real sense can rarely be derived from experience alone because most people's experiences are limited.”  Now knowing that, maybe we should be a little more understanding, of others, as free speech has now expanded upon what was otherwise unacceptable, as acceptable on social media, the sharing of ones thoughts, we usually thought it was the abstract thinker who only thought that way or the socialite who would be approached by strangers and speak to those they don’t know in real life, now its just about anyone leading discussions, and being approached, not just the successful, but everyone expected in public spaces, to be well versed, speak their minds, and share their education and life skills and economic prowess with the world as they succeed in life. Lifestyle bloggers, do much the same, they exemplify those who live the lives we dream of having, and share their experiences with us, as they travel, shop, and home decorate, their ways to a more perfect life. “The protection of the First Amendment may be invoked only when the words used are intended to convey ideas,” even if hostile, also anything of “public interest” however “speech of private interest may be reasonably regulated or punished.”  However, “words of idea-conveying nature, even though objectionable, will be protected because of the benefit to the public interest.”  Depending upon who is “disturbed” time, place, and circumstances will be assessed while determining whether those individuals were invited to the space, a determination will be based upon a defining of “the notion of a breach of the public peace.”  Its important to make sense, convey ideas that at beneficial to the publics best interests not just your own, and to fall within the lines of protected types of speech and assembly of ideas or concepts, that being said “the majority of Americans support the concept of free speech—but a distressing number draw a line that excludes speech they do not agree with.”  Its upon disagreements that civil unrest occurs, however civil unrest should not occur, because of ones disinterest in the hearing of someones life online, or through the sharing of their experiences with others be “disturbed” my arugument would be that ones sense of peace if not representative of everyones sense of peace, is insufficient as prejudice to the information shared by any particular individual as not a protected type of speech, that’s being arbitrary, that upon knowing someone, claim affected and disturbed, because what one knows about a person is disturbing to see them speak in public and be well liked, is not sufficient, what occurs in private by these laws are protected by the first amendment and need not be disclosed, as that is common sense not to disclose private information which falls under your right to privacy. To expose someone, to draw an overall inference of them as a bad source, is a personal attack on someone good character, to remove their ability to speak publicly based on who they know in life, who they have grown up with in life, and to treat them as though their story is not of public interest, Glamour Magazine wanted to interview us, yes I am of public interest, we declined. Its insulting to be treated as someone speaking on a platform created by anyone other than me, and comprised of my life experiences and by who I know know what I know. If by who you know are disturbed by the thought sharing of someone who does not know who you know, respect that people have different outlooks in life, see things differently, and are or have not been offended, and rightfully provoked to speak in public, and re-establish their sense of identity, and pride in themselves, not be labeled behind their back as a joke. If Im not an inspiration to you, so be it, then read something else, maybe for someone else who is struggling my story is empowering, that after everything Ive been through I didn’t commit suicide, think about more than just yourselves, what matters more, that help is provided to those who are in need of better insight, without access or tools for attending support groups in times of need like me. Maybe going to law school is not impressive to those who did not attend law school, think that Ive had it easy in life, or high functioning, my life moves just as slow as the next person, minute to minute, I live life, and do the most with my time on earth its no easier a life.
 Id at 1.
 Id at 1.
 Id at 4.
 Id. at 6.
 Id at 6.
Like a joke you keep passing around, to build upon one thing funny after the other, in regards to whatever you find humorous, until its no longer funny and you move on to something else in life, sometimes the simplest mutual understandings create the best overall output, that is basing things upon concepts that are easy to understand, and by those rules of order, impressions left upon others, judge people by comparisons, to those whove experienced downfalls in life, to those successful in life, to those who could’ve done a better job at living life, and for those no longer with us, hope that we continue to live life as best we can, whether or not we creatively agree with how concepts are regulated in other public forms online or elsewhere, used by the laymen, or whether by the professionals shed light upon. The point being what you put at the forefront of your mind matters, if its laced with fears about the future or about others, than that will translate into your overall work product you as a source, whether or inspiration, or humor, are read into, hopefully for better understandings about concepts, if not mutual understandings, not everyone can take your shoes in life, and from where your standing in life, respect you, or look up to you, see like you, or feel like you, some live autonomously, not codependent to learn or understand the world from others viewpoints, but constantly trying to test and shape their own viewpoints, and more about boundary setting than embracing any other ideas not their own, and whether learned first hand by a sharing of your experiences in life, let them judge you, but don’t let it affect you in the negative. The cycle of harm occurs by thinking about a harm causing incident, feeling the fears and the pains associated with that harm causing incident, then reliving that harm causing incident, that’s what happens when you speak about the times you’ve been harmed or feel like you’ve been harmed, and so long as a rehashing of incidences occurs when you were not well, chances are those feelings may or may not occur again for you, as time goes on, what you pray for, is that you no longer react to causes or consequences that resulted in harm to your identity, persona, personality, behavior, feelings, or outlook, and don’t again become suicidal, just because you don’t feel apart of, or the ideologies of those who run contrary to your beliefs in life, run counter to your wellness, dependent upon illness to feel recovered, to see not well, to understand their sense of normal, and to see failure, to feel and understand their own successes in life, those who live by comparisons, will always lend credit to their wellness, to the demise of those who had it all and then lost everything, for them that makes them feel like a success, to see your life ruined, if you want to have a better life, you cannot similarly see yourself in that way, you have to think positive, its life or death at that point, you either allow negative thoughts to run rampant about yourself, as compared to the wellness of others, not feel good about yourself, and allow that cycle of harm to continue, or you become a living example of someone who has overcome suicide, and never for the false light shed upon you become suicidal, and not give credit to those who have put you down in life as being the cause for your suicide, its that power you give away, that you discredit oneself for what you have accomplished thus far contributing to your wellness. People work on and off like a switch when it comes to wellness, easy to talk to you when youre well approachable, and when suicidal it seems like you cant get a hold of anyone, and no ones around, left to die, you decide how to live your life, with or without people in your life, no one can talk you through feelings of suicide but yourself, its hard to imagine that someone like myself went to two law schools, and still becomes suicidal, sometimes Im not even sure why, and its really no ones fault, Ive never blamed anyone for feeling suicidal, not boyfriends, not friends, no one publicly, it’s a manifestation of your physical health and mental health, untreated, why I take meds, run everyday, stayed in school, work part-time, writing books, keep busy, and don’t drink, because I understand the science behind it, why even if Im feeling up, I sleep on time, even if Im feeling down, I talk or write it out, and even if Im having a good day, I stay productive I don’t drink or use to it to make it an even better day, and even if single, I work on my career, nothing is contingent upon having things in life or people in my life, my health is dependent upon my desire to sleep, and wake up the next day, and continue working on what Ive left the previous day, why blogging is so important to me, gives me something to do everyday. For example, cycleagainstsuicide.com, says “Cycle Against Suicide is all about communicating to others that we hear them, that they are not alone, and that “It’s OK not to feel OK, and it’s absolutely OK to ask for help.”  How do we raise awareness to issues without retriggering those who are fragile. I would say by focusing on the positives in life. Its important to note the differences between self-harm and suicide, some do fully recover from self-harm, in fact “Self-harm describes any behaviour where someone causes harm to themselves, usually as a way to help cope with difficult or distressing thoughts and feelings .”  There’s no quick fix, to self-harm, it requires cognitive behavioral coaching and therapy to overcome, mrsmindfulness.com, states that “Once you understand what causes negative thinking and integrate the skills to work with your mind in new ways, you can transform your life from the inside out.”  And I believe the same to be true, after having been hospitalized 9 times for not feeling well, put on 5150 holds, for harm to self, one suicide attempt, rehab twice, IOP twice for thought disorders, and now sober, Ive been through a lot of treatment in my 34 years of life, to say that all the therapy and cognitive roadmapping has helped me, ingrained in my understanding of what my bipolar is like, and how to control those thoughts from occurring, by focusing on the positives, and continuing to stay in school and educate myself, not let my mind run rampant online, puzzling together all of lifes mysteries, and live life like a joke. That’s would be a worthless existence to live life, in a way, to which you cannot contribute positively to any whole, deemed a burden to those who have cared for you to care, if one cannot be financially independent on their own work, which is the goal of every masters student, to get a higher degree to get hired, that was the point, not anticipating that alcoholism would destroy my life, and limit my opportunities later in life, even with disability, things can still go wrong in life, and poor decisions can be made, so long as you stay sober, maintain contact with your support groups, and go to therapy I assure you everything starts to go right again for you in life, if you stay focused on getting well you will get well, no matter how sick you get no matter what disabilities you suffer from, and no matter what mental health issues you encounter in life. Never give up and keep going in life.
Its okay to pamper yourself every now and then, whether that’s an extra trip to CVS, shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond, or updating your household goods, everything counts toward feeling new and feeling well. Your home matters, so why not invest in making your space feel more like home. You don’t even need to spend that much to look organized, some things can be bought at a discount at Ross, its all about being savvy when it comes to spending. What brings me to this topic, generally its at this time of year, we over decorate our homes, and do a little entertaining, so get those fancy bars of soap, or Molton Brown  sets, its okay. Every detail matters. What makes a home a home? According to centsationalstyle.com a home “is a sanctuary. Home is comfort. Home is inviting. Home is a refuge from the world.”  Although I don’t have the best room in the house, I make the most of my space, surrounded by piles of books and my favorite clothes, everything that makes a girl happy. So do the same, keep out what you cant remember to take care of without a list, and pack away anything that’s a reminder of anything past you need to move forward from. This year I donated four bins of clothes to Salvation Army, although I shouldn’t have updated my wardrobe, I did a little Black Friday Shopping. Its so important to keep your space organized, according to theguardian.com, “It requires reflection and thoughtful choices, but it is a rewarding process. When we create a place that meets our needs and expresses our character, we enrich our lives.”  Although Im not an Instagram Model, that hasn’t stopped me from dressing the part, not assuming anyone would recognize me in the streets, as a blogger, appearances matter. Now in my 30s, Ive become less rebellious, wearing chucks (all-stars) everyday, the same jeans, and white t-shirts and hoodies, eventually you grow out of wearing the same look everyday, and find time to mix things up. Just like being someone nice to look at, so should your home space reflect the person that you are, if your room were a mirror, of everything about you, how would you want to appear to the world. Its something you look at everyday, without thinking, nows a good time to get organized, and present the best version of yourself. Who doesn’t like shelves of neatly folded tops, sweaters in neatly stacked piles, and jeans hanging in their closet. However most of the time, we just throw things in piles, when they come back from the wash and don’t sort them out again, and stay organized, losing things in the process, don’t do that to yourself, you’ll wind up buying more than you need, duplicate items you already have but cant find. Don’t lose track of whats important to you. When you’re at home its important to be “surrounded by pieces that ha[ve] meaning and [bring you] comfort,”  keep photos out, trinkets from your travels out, and store things like old binders, folders, jewelry, I’m not trying to encourage minimalism, as the solution to decluttering your space, but everyone knows what those homes look like, couch, table, art book, and fancy painting on the wall, if you cant afford that so be it, but don’t go tacking up old posters on your walls, like youre in college, some things need to change. Eventually you grow up and become an adult, so what does that space look like? Staring at my plastic filing cabinets, maybe those need to go …. Most of all “A home is any place where you are comfortable, and feel as if you can be yourself.”  -Happy Holidays!
 Id at 3.
That’s life, you’re not always going to hear what you want to hear, even during moments of silence, feeling heckled, taunted, and bullied until you speak to whats bothering others. As a public speaker, you are expected not to contribute to mental health issues, and to help build more love and tolerance surrounding the issues, causing much disability. Social discord, is one thing that stops the earth from rotating at its best, friendship is what makes the world go round, having someone to talk to, things to do, besides working all day and taking life seriously, when was the last time you were able to share a laugh with someone? When you don’t hear what you want to hear, what is it that you are expecting to hear, and if its on subjects you know less about, then state your take on the issues, before allowing life to happen without having said anything in the first place. You cannot win in life, when you have to say your side, and allow others to respond in their own way, whether directly to you, or indirectly toward you, expect to be affected by what other people think, that’s what comes with the territory of writing, you assemble, others read, and critique your writing, as either having adequately expressed a point of interest, or not sufficiently addressed the issues current. Be your own best judge of whats relevant, sometimes, what is relevant to you will not be relevant to all. -You can either allow voices to happen, or you can do your best to ignore any voices that are causing you mental disturbance, such as ridicule and or taunting. There are many phases of mental health issues, you go through, and as you are able to overcome bipolar, and be less and less symptomatic, the better you feel, but that’s not without actively doing your best to reduce symptoms, by practicing self-care, and getting along well with others, all of which contributes to your own happiness in life. Sometimes the happier you are with yourself, the better you feel, and part of that happiness, is others ability to be happy around you, and not be a source of unhappiness to others or mental health issues. Allow the dust settle, never react or self-harm in the face of voices or ridicule, do your best to avoid confrontations in life, and always rise above. If you don’t take good care of yourself, you’ll be looked at less as food for thought, as others grow dis-empathy toward you as a person, for not achieving your best condition again. So do your best, continue to perfect yourself day by day, until you have a better outlook in life. I don’t think that things will never bother you the same as they once did, if spoken about again, but that doesn’t mean you cant enjoy your days in between, having to speak about those times later. So long as you have learned from your mistakes as a person and as a writer, that’s all that matters. And even though everyone is not waiting for you on the other side of wellness, at least you have yourself, to be apart of you have to be a stable person, if not you get made fun of. ~Stay positive!
There are three parts to this book, which covers “the mind, the heart, and the body.” (page 81)  He covers everything from the biggest successes in history, to the most epic fails. In our fast pace world full of noise, Ryan Holiday suggests the following: “art of slowing things down so we can see clearly. The power of ritual and routine. The strengthening of the soul against temptations.”  Even the most successful people, such as Bill Gates, spends alone time, reading, (page 217) “peace is what provides us the opportunity to build.”(page 81)  I was joking when I called this book mini Guns Germs and Steel, as a History book, he writes phenomenally, integrating bits and pieces of history, as well as nuanced understandings of what he calls stillness, that ability to be humble, yet “stronger through resistance and exposure and training,” (page 67) accepting that we don’t know everything, and to make room for stillness in our lives (page 73) and that its through a better understanding of our “strengths and weaknesses” … that we are able to achieve “inner peace and a clear mind.” (page 72). This is a book for everyone, the athlete, the student, the working professional, writers, anyone who is trying to “develop a strong moral compass.” (page 97) Just like those in recovery practice gratitude on a daily basis, he suggests that those seeking stillness also practice the same, even if we feel like nothing is ever “enough.” (page 97) -He describes how when we are impulsive, we turn into bad decision makers, however its normal “to have an impulse and to resist it, to sit with is and examine it, to let it pass by.” (page 118) More is not always the solution, in fact “more does nothing for the one who feels less than.” (page 123) -I can relate to this notion, many times while struggling with bipolar, I have to remind myself that these are just symptoms, and that they will pass, Ive made it a habit now to pray everytime Im symptomatic, and to be grateful for where I am, no matter how Im feeling that day, pray that I’ll get the work done that needs to get done, with or without voices blaring about, chattering in my mind. Just like the resilience he was describing earlier, that we need to build within ourselves. Whereas before I struggled with addiction, taking a pill everytime I needed to come up or come down, from whatever it was that I was feeling, know that feelings pass, its not necessary to control yourself chemically, when you can achieve balance simply by practicing peace of mind. When it comes to the times, achieving peace can be difficult, he quotes to Anne Frank who used to “boost her [own] spirits and center herself.” (page 128) In regards to relationships, he suggests not making yourself “dependent on anyone, if you don’t make yourself vulnerable, you can never lose them and you’ll never be hurt.” (page 143) Overall, it was an excellent read, filled with life philosophy, lessons in history, and helpful tips on how to achieve the stillness he describes.
 Id. at 1.
When it comes to solving problems, remind yourself of the quote by Stephen Covey, “strength lies in differences, not in similarities.”  There’s more than one way to look at a problem, and if you’re only seeing through your own lens, then your missing out on other ways of seeing things. Forbes.com refers to this technique, in business, as diversifying what you see, until you are able to see the big picture. While education matter, standard approaches, only apply to a few problems, but not all, and sometimes “new problems require new approaches.”  According to Forbes.com, “problems get solved when we look at them from a different direction, challenge standard assumptions, and/or push boundaries.”  “There are four basic steps to solving a problem: (1) Defining the problem, (2) Generating alternatives, (3) Evaluating and selecting alternatives, and (4) Implementing solutions.”  Know the difference between a problem, and its underlying symptoms, so long as you can define the problem clearly, you are one step in the right direction to begin the brainstorming process, and all options available to you to begin dealing with the problem. Its okay to step away from a problem and come back to it, sometimes what is difficult, is easier, once thought about, give time for the dust to settle. In fact, according to chanty.com, “sometimes the best way to solve an issue is to stop trying …. [and] walk away.”  When a problem arrives, the first thing we think about is blame, figuring out a solution to a problem, can be a time consuming and stressful process, of both acknowledging our part and the part of others, you’ll likely then feel compelled to “come up with an answer [expecting] it … to be the right one,”  but we are not always right. During the brainstorming process, you will think about your beliefs a lot, that is the time, when its okay to start being creative, the broader approach you take to tackling your biggest problems in life, the easier it becomes to solve, so don’t be afraid to “explore the overall context of the situation”  and break a few of your own rules in the process of coping, don’t be so stiff. In fact according to wrike.com, “nothing stops the flow of creative ideas faster than judging them on the spot,”  which means brainstorm then take the time to think about things before you evaluate. Ask questions, surround yourself with people who you can hear sides from, and “build off existing ideas,”  we don’t know everything, and its okay to do a little research every now and then, just don’t become isolated, with a problem you cant solve on your own, why its important to talk to other people, this will give you a better evaluation of the scope of the problem, and not feel alone in having to handle life and life’s problems all on your own.
 –  https://www.forbes.com/sites/joefolkman/2018/11/25/what-great-problem-solvers-do-differently/#1aded3282566
 –  https://www.chanty.com/blog/problem-solving-techniques/
 –  https://www.wrike.com/blog/problem-solving-techniques/
The best time of year is here, I love Thanksgiving and the Holidays, theres always something in the air about the Holidays, that make it the warmest time of year. It’s a time to reflect, on what we have accomplished thus far, and what else we plan to accomplish by the years end. Its right around now, that we get going, the summer has past, the stress of beginning the Fall season has subsided, and the Winter blues are looming overhead, unless we do something about it. By the time you make time to reflect, are you happy with your progress, or is there more work that needs to get done in order to be happy. It’s the time of year when we can button up loose ends, not rest on our laurels, and finish strong. It doesn’t take a competitive mindset to accomplish your goals in any given year, it just takes enough drive and focus to get going and to keep going. I was just thinking about his today, why some days Im more motivated than others, and why it has taken me so long to get going again. The more you have to do, sometimes the less you get done. It takes beginning a project to complete a project, and if you can do a little bit of work each day toward completing a project then all the more power to you, you must be well on your way to success. According to quora.com: “drive” is the “starting point of motivation,” while “motivation” is the “willingness of doing something.”  Motivation requires having some purpose in life, and working toward that purpose.  Having motivation is one thing, however according to psychologytoday.com maintaining it is another, explains why even the most successful people in life, aren’t even the brightest, that’s because in a “meaningful” way, their motivation out paces “long-standing habits and patterns” that would ordinarily throw someone off, meaning they keep “plugging” away, even when theyre tired, even when theyre grumpy, and even after failure, they just keep going in life, and never give up.  Lack of motivation, explains why even when we know what we need to get done to get going again, we still don’t do it, feeling unable, or disabled. To translate that initial motivation to try into action, you have to “make changes [to] achieve your goals.”  Be prepared, be patient, be persistent, persevere, and make lifestyle changes, all of which will enable you to make the changes you need to make, to stay motivated and accomplish the task you need to get done, to get where you want to be headed in life, and to get going again.  Sometimes we can feel like we are running out of steam in life, that can be due to depression, mental health issues, a lot of things, why its important to talk about your lack of motivation with your doctor, who can help you, come up with a treatment plan to address your individual needs. Change your inner dialogue, to positive, and cut back on thinking about yourself in the negative, you’ll need “strength and security”  to feel motivated, and allow for confidence and self-esteem issues to follow. So when you get back to your grind, whether its this Friday or Monday, remember “The difficult nature of making changes means that you will likely be putting in an effort that will take you far beyond the point at which it is inspiring or fun,”  and its what separates us success wise.
 Id. at 1.
 –  Id at 3.
Like most injuries, recovery is a process, including injury to your image and subsequent self-esteem. Fix.com states that “The number of "sober" or "recovery" blogs increases every day. The anonymity—and shame—that once shrouded people affected by substance abuse is slowly slipping away.”  Know that you’re not alone, we all go through phases in life, some phases we are proud of, and some phases, that we are ashamed of, confidence doesn’t happen overnight, its something you work on consistently each day, until you feel whole again, following any incident that leaves you feeling less than in life. Type in google.com search “what can you do to fix your image socially …” and this came up, according to wikihow.com, your reputation develops “over time through your behavior and relationships with others.”  Therefore if its your behavior that needs to change, such as not drinking or not engaging in risk provoking experiences in life, then that’s how you will be judged, as someone who is taking risks, or someone who has learned from their mistakes, and is no longer engaging in activities, that puts themselves or others at risk of harm. So long as your behavior stays the same, ie drinking, or tweeting on Twitter, than it is assumed that for the same reasons, you are not feeling well, can be attributed to one of two of the following behaviors that is assumed caused you to not feel well in the first place, and it is automatically assumed that you are engaging in those activities, and causing yourself harm in life. There seems to be zero accountability when it comes to mental health, that’s because everyone thinks theyre fine just the way they are, and no one wants to be blamed for contributing to the social ills of the world, or be held responsible for others falling ill in life. Its really no ones responsibility except for the caretakers and for each individual to bring themselves up to par, when theyre not feeling well. Its like a cold, mental health issues, pass, so long as they are treated, one can function again, maybe not to the same pace they were able to perform in the past, on meds now, but that doesn’t mean that they should stop living life all together, and not work, there has to be a happy medium, in which society can accept people the way they are, just as we allow everyone well, to be well without question for their wellness, or blame them, and allow them to stay well. Learn to be happy for others in life, so much about happiness, is not falling sick to others, not being jealous, not being resentful, and not thinking your less than, what is it that makes you happy? If its something you cant change about yourself, your past, let it go, and if its something you can change about your present, then do your best, ask yourself “to what extent you want to comply with society's demands, and how much self-expression you feel comfortable with.”  To anyone watching, a blog seems like too much self expression, why cant she just work, I do work, why cant she just lose weight, I did lose 50 lbs, and no one cared, why does she take selfies, because I am learning to love myself, not everything is a taunt, not if you don’t accept someone in a negative light. Its very controversial to photo yourself, and photo your life and share photos of your life. Especially for someone who is expected to live a very private life, I have no clients, therefore there should be no expectation of me, to that extent. As far as Im concerned protecting my best interests does protect the best interests of those who care about me, and takes into consideration the wellness of others, not just my own. That’s being professional, self-care.
 Id. at 2.
You’ll meet a lot of people in life, few who will change you for the better. Its usually through innocent story telling that we learn the most about others, not geared toward an end result of being of influence to others, or changing people. When you leave others to their own devices in life, that’s how change happens, not forcing people to think a certain way about life, but allowing people to change for themselves, on their own good timing. Information sharing is just about that, not trying to influence to decisions of others, but to help others be better decision makers. Sometimes information hurts our perspective, when its hearing things we don’t want to hear, or to hear things that change the way we think about the world. I stayed home from work today, to rest, sometimes just one post can be overwhelming to share out loud, anything having to do with my mental health I usually refrain from sharing about, as it causes me much unwanted aggravation in life, and unhappiness with myself in the face of others. When you have a “me against the world” attitude in life, that’s because you were positioned so, its not by choice, and when you are underperforming in life, that’s because you are having difficulty getting it through your head, how to overcome the negative opinions of others. The best way to respond is not to respond at all. Fighting is never the solution to your problems, and usually just makes things worse. To re-establish ones esteem post punishment or embarrassment, you have to work hard, such as graduating from law school, getting a job, and writing two books to feel good again, that’s how low I fell in life, and what I did to recuperate and recover socially. Don’t be too hard on yourself, AA makes us apologize to others, for our behaviors past, or failure to maintain a positive sense of self, and stay well, I don’t think its necessary to apologize, not unless you have done something wrong, that requires an apology to specific individuals, if you were the one hurting, I highly doubt, anyone who cared about you hurt too, maybe they felt sorry for you, but if it was others feeling sorry for you, then no no apology should be required. Psychcentral.com cites to this quote “St. Francis de Sales had four words of advice for pursuing spiritual excellence: “Be you very well.”  Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves, that we actually do more harm than good, to be a perfectionist, one must be living in the present, and doing well what one can do well now, not focused on what has not been done well, and criticize others, or be subject for criticism, that only leads to further discussion of one when one was not well, to further justify why not to listen to someone who was not doing well in life, no matter how well they could be doing in life now. That doesn’t seem to matter to critics, progress. Do it for you, we are constantly told, when it comes to weight loss for example … not improving for the sake of having someone in your life, or for added acceptances from others. In sobriety I have gained 50 lbs, but you don’t see me moping around, complaining about my life, and having body image issues, you learn to make due, with the body you are given in life, and the face you were born with, if others cant be accepting of that, then you will find someone else who is proud of you just the way you are, knowing you are doing your best. I don’t believe that someone who is overweight, reflects that a person is unhappy with themselves, I used to run everyday and ran a half-marathon, and could not lose weight, whos fault is that, not mine, it’s the meds I was put on, that caused weight gain, following two hospitalizations 2017. Learn not to blame others for your dispositions in life, its no ones fault but your own, whenever you succumb to blames in life, always do what is in your power, to do what is right in life. If its not your place its not your place, and if its something personal, that its better not to be confrontational with others, especially online, in written form, that just adds more fuel to the fire, and gives people an excuse to justify their reactions toward you, as unfit for leadership, or for advocacy. Don’t be reactive, be proactive. In order for positive change to occur, you have to show through your actions, that you have moved on, and the only way to not be deemed a threat to the mental health of others, is to move forward in life, and prove that you are well. That’s why they say to prove them wrong, disproving your wellness, by reacting to others, just shows that you are not well, and sometimes only makes others feel better to see someone not composed, and professionally sound. I think its gotten to the point, where even if someone is maladjusted, that doesn’t make others recognize their wellness, but now because of lawsuits, claim that they have been personally affected by the mental health of others, if they can prove it, blame someone as not making them well, because they are not well, that’s society these days, always looking for a lawsuit, to better their positions in life, put someone worse off.
Ive had a few pen pals on messenger over the years, one Trump Account, sent a Book to Avenatti, during the Stormi Crisis, and even messaged Lebron James, regarding my previous campaign, where Ive been in life, and where Im going in life, what my plans are. In in between phases in life, sometimes talking to those in the other world, the successful world helps, to get ideas going, and to get your hyper energy back. Its not that its exciting to talk to people who are wildly successful, but you wonder, if they go through the same daily struggles that you do, coping with the present times, and finding their own way in life. Ari reflects that uncertainty, with his recent “IPO collapse.” Whats an IPO collapse? An IPO is a public offering , so when latimes.com was referring to an “IPO collapse” that means that he decided not to go public with his company. There are many reasons why a company decides not to go public. It has more to do with "business model"  fundamentals not so much to do with who his clients are or have been, in case you were wondering. As he is linked to “President Trump and Michael Moore, Martin Scorsese and Oprah Winfrey.”  He is the father of four, and the youngest of three, and has two brothers, one who worked as Obama’s first chief of staff, and the other a Harvard educated oncologist, we have nothing in common, except for the fact that my Brother taught at Harvard and was a Harvard Doctor, and we grew up friends with the Son of the Founder of UTA, another talent organization in Hollywood, Im not sure that makes us a connection in life, or even a distant one. But when I heard that one of his client’s is Michael Moore, I immediately knew, where I got my zest from on Twitter all these years telling movie and book jokes, and writing quotes to pass the time, 5 years of writing on Twitter before working on my first book, I assembled 2017, approved by Brady Campaign and FEMA, as a FEMA student, to write a book. I call the police often, I get paranoid, it would be very egregious to say that Im an advocate, after growing up around OJ, that’s not why, I was a crisis hotline counselor in Boulder 2004, certified, so this is my niche, not something new, but second nature to respond. I don’t think I responded in the best way, posting flyers on poles down Sunset blvd, and Hollywood blvd, in front of the Mann Chinese theater, police offices, saw me taping flyers and smiled, they said BRADY MUSIC CAMPAIGN, and mymollydoll.com on top, and my recent stats at the bottom. When the times get tough it helps to have everyone on one side, we did well for many years, but there have been recent shootings, that have really taken their toll on everyone spiritually and emotionally, of that Im sure. Especially to those who have followed me over the years, wondering what to do next, how to reset the tone, to help prevent violence in the community, and even fires. Im sure that’s probably how Ari Emanuel may have heard of me, but Im no Michael Moore, I worked for the Government at age 22, at the LA City Attorneys Office, a paralegal, so I have a much different vantage point, “1151 subsequent remedial measures are inadmissible as evidence for misconduct” … doing something seemed more important than doing nothing, and leaving law school to fly to DC twice for $2000, seemed like a good option, to be apart of discussions in DC, isn’t that where all our laws are made? I never planned to be a controversial figure as someone who cares, I think that its in everyones best interests to care, but can see how it can be draining, to not feel like your winning in life, or to feel like youre losing in life, if there are additional instances, that prove your efforts futile or not good enough. I assure you that showing up, and addressing those harms, are more beneficial than saying nothing at all. I even tried to start a Shorty Awards campaign, and got nominated for an award for my blogging online, and website building. Although my website at the time, was not fully evolved, it’s the thought that counts, even lost a best friend in the process of campaigning, Im sure being in the middle of everything did not make it any easier for her at the time. They even put me in the hospital twice, when they released her Father from prison, did they time that? Sometimes I wonder what is expected of others to hear when they hear something about someone, what things are made to look like, and whether on the outside, things are made to look a certain way so that no matter what is said, on paper, it looks like someone got released and someone put in, for what flyers? For caring? For volunteering? That’s not a big idea, and that’s not having a big head, that’s volunteer work, that’s not trying to make money, direct money, manage crowd, gather a crowd, or be bigger than I am as a person, it would be wrong to think that anyone who does care, is caring for the sole purpose of making a side, being on a side, or creating a side in life, that suits them, or helps to defend self or others, I didn’t have to do anything, I could have finished my JD, I started the semester, and left. Sometimes people don’t know when to stop, and usually they don’t stop, until things look just the way they want them too, so whether they are around or not, they have made their point, or brought someone so far down, to see what they are made of, as broken, whether angry, hostile, agitated, or resentful, I took myself to Didi Hirsch that’s the hospital that got recommended to me, after being hospitalized 9x, my Father was hospitalized too, why I got a job, to keep moving forward, I don’t think anyone should be brought down in life, to make a point, or to label someone of bad influence in life, then don’t care, forget I posted flyers, and who cares if I die or commit suicide then, is that what you want to hear? Someone worthless, who cared, and die in that memory, or die, as someone who cared, and did their best, and was deemed worthless to a few, who put her down in life. Do you understand how embarrassing that was for me, deflate what ego? That doesn’t apply to me, Im not an alcoholic or a drug addict, Ive had problems, but briefly, not over the years, and my mental health issues, have to do with the embarrassment, of being put in rehab, while in law school, and losing respect from my family, and my best friend, that was a huge let down. So no I don’t think that Im a positive connection in life, anymore, personally, because of what Ive been through and because of how many times I was embarrassed in public, but you don’t see me overreacting about it in life upset, or disgruntled … exactly what are you trying to prove, trying to upset me, hurt my image, and ruin my self-esteem? That Im some crazy Jewish girl, or mentally ill, or a slut, -I can do better than this. Im graduating from Law School, whether you like or not, and if I so desire to can go for a PhD, and wrote two books. When youre dying youre dying, and it feels like theres no coming back, that’s mental illness, and when you regain conscious awareness of your blessings in life and try again, that’s a huge step in the right direction, fighting with how you are treated, and about what meds you get put on, puts you nowhere in life, but below others, who are more well adjusted than you, that’s life! ~Why they say to take it "one day at a time."
You can’t be too particular these days, when it comes to what you get exposed to on a daily basis, tv shows are not even half filtered when it comes to approaching topics related to sex, self-care, etc. In fact most of the time, we find it humorous, to see people not at their best, trying to fly below the radar in life, commentary wise. Certain feelings you cant avoid in life, and one of those feelings are discomfort, especially when it comes to appearances, who isn’t concerned about how they look, but not all are unhappy, learn to love yourself. Have some pride in yourself, each day you manage to put yourself together, it takes time to get your look down. If you’re feeling like “It’s Pat”  well then put on some spandex and make it happen. Don’t be too stiff in life, you miss out on a whole host of happy memories, if you’re only concerned about how you look, or how you sound. Who cares? My voice is deep, but I can sing, does it really matter, tomboy or not? When it comes to your future, liveyourlegend.net says “The only way to experience a dream is through a little healthy discomfort,”  sometimes feeling uncomfortable can be a sign that you are doing things right, and that youre right where you need to be, we don’t know everything, no one expects you to have life all figured out, if youre not learning one new thing each day, well then youre not pushing your intellectual and spiritual limits in life, don’t be afraid to try new things. Building emotional resilience, is one step in the right direction when it comes to handling your discomforts in life, goodtherapy.org says “Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. With practice, it may help you accept yourself and your reality.”  Remind yourself that everything passes, “the pleasant and the unpleasant,”  and if you can pray about it, all the more power too you, plenty of people pray during hard times, to center themselves, until they feel stable again, having some type of faith in a higher power is beneficial to your health, the power of not knowing what to do, and believing in a power greater than yourself, who will restore you back to feeling like you again, your confident self. Ever wonder how that happens, you can have a terrible day, then wake up, and have everything be okay, sometimes a little rest helps, not everything in life worthwhile and difficult to accomplish will bring you joy in life, maybe momentary satisfaction in life, with yourself, but what keeps you going, that positive momentum forward, is what everyone craves, but cant maintain, without adding things into their life, such as shopping, going to the gym, getting a boyfriend etc. To handle the discomfort of future instability, present instability, or past instability, let all of that go, the need to have to be happy, sometimes less is more, therapy is one thing, but you have to be present and in action to be living life, life doesn’t happen for you, you have to make life happen for you by living it thoughtfully, wisely, and not let your curiosities or esteem get the best of you -have more confidence in life, with or without things in your life to make you happy. Who are you on your own? Its your core self you need to work on, in order for all other things to happen, so lighten up, we only have a few years to roam the earth spend your time wisely, practice acceptance and gratitude, not resentments, practice generosity, not shame. I mean do you really think anyone cares who you got f-ked by 2013, of course not, is it required in your 4th step, of course, but does it matter as to who you are now, no, will it interfere with your future ability to begin a new relationship now, yes, then why so, don’t allow the past to dictate your future, that’s one example of letting things go, come to accept your past as a part of your learning curve, it takes some longer than most to accept themselves, forgive yourself often. There will be days you’ll feel crummy and look like crap, and there will be days you shine, and look like a million bucks, the only difference between those two versions of you, is how you think of yourself, and occurs based on how well you are taking care of yourself! So never give up, take everything with a grain of salt, “in one ear out the other” my mother always tells me, don’t let anyones frustrations in life with you, or around you, get you down in life, they may not know youre doing your best, and if you are, keep doing your best, how often we give up at those points in life, the minute someone is unhappy with us, its not you that is the source of discomfort remind yourself of that, its their discomforts in life, resulting from their own happiness in life, not being fulfilled to its potential that day. So you can either contribute to the well being of others, or you can ignore the discomforts of others, similarly, you can either acknowledge your discomforts in life, and let it affect everything in your life, including your relationships, and cause further discomfort around you, or you can adjust your settings to be more comfortable with yourself, and around others, and affect others a little less with those discomforts you have in life, and what you know or don’t know about life. The more you put out there, the more discomfort you will feel, that’s a natural reaction to sharing your thoughts online, the greater acceptance you build for yourself, the less it will matter what voices you hear and think less of how others are reacting and responding, and be more in tune with the quiet gratification that follows good writing, and honest prose. It takes time to get comfortable in your own skin, especially as a writer or blogger, so own it, don’t be ashamed of who you are, or how you sound, so long as you are doing your best that’s all that matters, and allow everything else for you in life, to fall into place.
 Id. at 3.
Avoidance occurs in our lives, when we’re not sure what we’re doing and not sure where we’re going. It happens in relationships, at work, and in our personal lives when it comes to weight loss and exercise. So much of what we need to do often gets put to the back burner in life, in place of whats not as important to us, time on social media, blogging, journaling, watching tv, reading, all of these things are enjoyable tasks, but do they really make us happy. Only if they contribute to completing goals that we generally avoid facing, basing everything on good timing. Don’t base your life on good timing, things wont always feel right, and not everything will be perfect, sometimes you have to follow your whims, and take leaps of faith, and begin a task even when youre not ready, you’d be surprised of how much can get done when we do the work we need to do when we don’t feel like doing the work we need to do. I finished an entire LLM Masters in Law, there where moments when I was into it, and there were moments, when I had to force myself to do the work each week, but for the most part, I didn’t allow avoidance to prevent me from reaching my goal of graduating from law school, I kept going, taking time off from work, to write my dissertation, and made time to accomplish my goal. Sometimes you have to make time for things that may take longer than expected to accomplish, time for projects, time for exercise, anything that you have to a little bit of each day to add up to results, are things you should not avoid accomplishing each day, don’t set yourself behind in life. Avoidance occurs when we are trying to “escape from difficult thoughts and feelings” and “include actions that a person does or does not do,” which keeps us from accomplishing what we need to do to get to where we want to be in life, adding unnecessary stress and anxiety to our plate.  First off, you have to know what you need to do in order to be happy, sometimes, we forget whats important to us, spending time with family, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, texting old friends, checking our emails, theres so much to keep up with these days, I wonder if half of what gets done is even that important, don’t become a machine in life, act and live with purpose, know what youre doing and why youre doing it, and if youre not sure, you can always ask someone, whats the purpose for me doing this this or that, and how will it help me to achieve my goals in life. For example, when I started my new job, one of the questions asked in the interview, was where do I see myself, professionally, and how I would like to grow through this job opportunity, if youre not sure, then don’t apply, you’d just be wasting the time of your employer, and your own time, maxing out at a job, that someone else may be better suited for emotionally and physically, we get physically exhausted whenever we are doing things that we don’t want to do, and that can include work. Why its important to have things be going well for you personally before you start working, so that your positive energy translates well into your work in the workforce, when you have other things that need to get done, such as schoolwork, this can make it hard to focus at work, at least that’s what I experienced, why I was given time off to “get my $hit together” and I’m glad. Note, all your avoidant behavior adds up, “People who live with avoidance are often depriving themselves of many experiences, adventures, and connections,” so be aware of when its occurring and do your best to “stop and reflect on how you engaged in avoidance behaviors throughout your day,” that’s one way to improve, “recognizing when it’s happening.”  Don’t wait until the last minute to get your life together, I highly recommend starting your career in your 20s, do NOT wait until you’re 34 like me, interning, behind in life. Its not something Im proud of, but for me its more important to work, than it is to write, and in order to be a good writer, I need to have confidence, and in order to have confidence, I need to work, so working helps my writing, not directly, but indirectly, similarly, situate yourself in life, to which as you are accomplishing goals, in one area of life, watch other areas of life start to blossom, like my running, and then I started dating, what made me attractive to him, was that I had an interest in getting fit, not because I was fit, Im overweight right now, but the thought of me losing weight, keeps him around, never stop improving upon yourself, it all matters, whether you like it or not. No its not important to be attractive, but yes it is important to be healthy, no its not important to date, but yes it is important to be approachable and nice to look at, -additionally these are factors not obvious about getting a job, but SO important to getting a job, appearances matter. So stop avoiding life, get over whatever it is that’s keeping you from living life, and start thinking positively about yourself. Today in therapy I told my psychiatrist that if Im not reading or running I don’t feel good about myself, and that’s why I think I self-harmed, so if I know my happiness is contingent upon reading and running, then to not read or run, would be putting my happiness in jeopardy, and interfere with my self-esteem, and how I feel about myself, at the end of each day, accomplished or not. If you want more positive attentions in life, you have to go out into the world, radiating with positivity, positivity you build within, and then share with the world. That’s called energy, feeling good about yourself, it doesn’t come in a pill, you make it yourself.
 Id. at 1.
As nytimes.com states, “trust small increments.”  You can’t expect small changes to add up overnight, that means, as you prepare for each day, and perform, keep track of your progress, and note which strategies work best for you. “Don’t dwell on your mistakes,”  sure we slip up on occasion, whether its being late to work, or needing to stay late to finish an assignment, this can all add stress to your day, making it difficult to perform well, don’t get distracted by these errors, get proactive, theres always time to make up for your mistakes in the workplace, just don’t make it a habit. -Multi-tasking is important, but you have to get good at something before you are able to do multiple things at once, especially if youre at a new job, nothing comes easy in life, including getting so good at a job, that you move through your day systematically, without having to push yourself too hard. Note “Your ability to get things done depends on how well you can focus on one task at a time, whether it’s for five minutes or an hour.”  If a distraction reduced environment is what you need, in order to stay focused, then “remove temptation” such as using social media when at work.  Maintain a Schedule, inc.com reminds us that, “There are only so many hours in the day, so making the most of your time is critical.”  Get done what you need to get done without thinking too hard about what needs to get done, that means prioritizing tasks based upon their level of difficulty, “Steve Olenski recommends implementing the "two-minute rule," which means if it “can be done in two minutes or less, do it immediately.”  Similarly, inc.com advocates against multi-tasking explaining that “attempting to do several tasks at once can result in lost time and productivity.”  You don’t need to be perfect, “bang out your task to the best of your ability and move on.”  Being busy is one thing, being productive is another don’t get the two confused, “productivity shouldn’t be confused with busyness.”  We set goals for ourselves, because for each goal we accomplish a bigger goal is achieved. And same goes for improving upon our work productivity, as we make changes to our daily routines, and refine our work ethic, bettering ourselves in the process, is what work is all about, feeling good at the end of the day. Learn how to work smarter not harder, “Productivity means achieving effective results in as short amount of time as possible, leaving you with more time to enjoy freely.”  I was once told that you only get a certain amount of energy points each day, so to spend them wisely. Similarly I recommend not to waste too much energy on distractions in life, and focus instead on what needs to get done, the longer you ruminate about how long something will take to get done, the less you get done, why its important to be task oriented, so that you eventually arrive to the point of getting the work done, as your getting work done, requiring a simple shift in focus.
 –  Id. at 1.
 –  Id. at 5.
 Id at 9.
What are your basic necessities in life? Food, clothing, water, and shelter. Beyond those basic necessities, what other things are required to bring us happiness, and a sense of fulfillment in life? Love and belongingness? According to simplypsychology.org, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, is a motivational theory of human needs.  In order to experience the sense of self-growth there are a “set of needs … we [must first] satisfy,” which include responding to our “deficiency” needs. According to Maslow, when our “deficiency needs” are not met, the longer we go without fulfilling those needs, the stronger our desire to fulfill those needs becomes, stating that “deficiency needs arise due to deprivation … motivate people when they are unmet.”  Your physiological and safety needs come first, followed by love and belongingness needs, esteem needs, until you ultimately realize your self-actualization needs.  Self-Actualization refers to our ability to realize “our true potential and achieve our 'ideal self'” and refer to our “'being' needs; these include personal and creative self-growth, which are achieved through the fulfillment of our full potential.”  Acceptance is so important to becoming a self-actualized person, in fact the greater the “disparity between our internal self and the external” is what moves us further away from achieving our potential in life.  You cannot be focused on “internal gain” alone, to feel fulfilled, some of that fulfillment is based upon what you have to offer the world, and in return feel that sense of belonging, that your skills are needed in the world, and that you are doing your best to help others, meaning “The desire to assist others is borne out of an internal sense of right and wrong, which is grounded in empathy.”  In addition to being of help to others, acceptance requires one to “act and think within the accepted social norms and according to the expectations of others,” which means don’t act simply to stand out, and find yourself, having to explain yourself so often, doing what is right is more important than contesting what is going on, thinking you know best.  Call that stubbornness, but it doesn’t lead to natural autonomy and solitude, but rather alienation from others, because of poor practices in troubled times, saying the wrong things, and in fact insulting the integrity of others, if too critical of the work of others. Don’t be that person. It helps to be opinionated and to have a positive perspective in life, but be sure not to put others down in the process of self-expression, in a way that would be frowned upon by others, its by positive attentions one grows, through a positive questioning about life, not by negative attentions, and a negative questioning of self. Your private self, must be your best self, if in public you want to be recognized similarly for your wellness, that means making good use of your time alone: “private times are spent testing their potential, both mentally (i.e. thinking about their problems) and physically (i.e. acting out to identify strengths and weaknesses),” describes those most successful at achieving self-fulfillment.  What is it that keeps you going in life. Some of the smartest minds are “capable of seeing things from new perspectives” and are great problem solvers, its because they feel good about themselves that they are able to have “peak experiences,” which is how most feel on a good day, running errands and working, and after having an action packed day. How do those feel good experiences happen? “These peak experiences are thought to produce invigorating feelings such as inspiration, physical and mental vitality, and a renewed sense of perspective.”  So don’t be too hard on yourself, theres always room for growth, and its not just how many days are in your life that you should be proud of, but how many days you have to go, to be proud of yourself, always move forward. Know that life wont always be perfect, and you wont always hear what you want to hear. If looking back is causing you harm, then stop looking back, if thinking too much about the future is causing you anxiety, then focus on the present. You know you best. Continue to “connect, communicate, learn, and share knowledge have the capacity to improve … our lives. The sharing of knowledge [will always be] of particular importance,”  don’t stop growing!
 Id. a 1.
 Id. at 1.
 –  Id. at 4.
Photo Courtesy of https://images.app.goo.gl/Qyvg7DDAnZh4Z32BA.
In the world of blogging it doesn’t matter how social you are in real life, all that matters is that you have lived life, and had enough experiences in life to share with the world about life. Eventually you get to a phase in blogging where you will want to become more and more accessible to others and extend a hand. That is, as you build your following online, that presents you with the opportunity to share the work of others not just your own, and continue to build your own network of people, you think deserving of attentions online too. That’s what makes blogging so much fun, being able to work, share your work, help others who would also like their work to be shared, and then expand upon the professional services you have to offer by guest-post blogging on other websites, and be a real writer. For some reason, I feel like blogging is not considered real writing, not like writing in books, but that doesn’t mean that you cant write a book one day. In fact, a lot of blogs have been turned into books over the years, as friesenpress.com told me, that’s possible. -At what point in your career does networking become important, should you only network when you need help, and how does one get started networking? For some people, making friends, and professional acquaintances is all “a matter of being in the right place at the right time and saying the right things to the right people.”  And some are born into that privilege of knowing successful people. I am someone who grew up in Brentwood, on Rockingham, and had the privilege of knowing many children whos parents were very successful, I had a very nice upbringing, and not ashamed to share about where I grew up, and who I grew up with. Although we had our share of troubles growing up, some of us remained friends, and others of us parted. I was someone who grew up inviting everyone to my house, and having kickbacks, all through high school, and in college even helped assemble a group of girls our senior year in college, and we became the best of friends, meeting though our guy friends, my neighbors on Pennsylvania, I had a one bedroom apartment on the Hill in Boulder, and went to CU. Right around now, in your 30s, you tend to miss the old times, and prefer your lifestyle then as compared to now, less social, and more focused on career, work, and personal endeavors, which doesn’t always include having friends standing by, to hang out with every weekend, which is what it was like growing up for me. -According to investopedia.com, we learn in school “the importance of building "what we know," but they never once touch on the importance of building "who we know."  I think for the most part, those of us who grow up around success, tend to think that we too deserve to live successful lives, but that doesn’t always happen, not if you’ve been to rehab and the hospital like me, its taken awhile to even build a successful blog with followers, and humbly accept my self-worth as a blogger, not as a multi-millionaire writer, not just yet, I don’t even think that’s possible and not sure how that happens anyways. All I know is that I love to write, and by following my dreams, this has opened doors for me professionally, and socially, being able to get jobs, in spite of not having jobs in between, and being able to finish law school, and provide advocacy online, which was who I was in college a crisis hotline counselor certified 2004, this is my niche, being of service to those in crisis, and being of help to those in need, that’s always been my calling in life. Although I have gotten in trouble, in the past, that has not stopped me from bettering myself, so that I can again help others, a lot of trust is required of those within the helping professions, and they don’t expect you to be perfect in order to help others, only that you have a willingness to train, be certified, and educate yourself on the issues, so that you can help others through any process of recovery. As someone who has worked in the helping professions it has always been about my resume, not about schmoozing or getting jobs through people you know or asking my parents for help, every job I have gotten I have gotten on my own, I have made no connections in life, to get jobs, that’s just me, not a networker. As someone on social media, my social network is composed of people I do not know in real life, including my readers and my following, and whether they have known me throughout the years on Twitter and seen me grow, or read old posts on Facebook, and seen me battle bipolar, anyone reading now, Im sure is glad I am where I am now, as compared to where I was then, whether heard about or seen first hand. Social media is your “living network the most important part of being successful.”  As foxbusiness.com states, “being liked pays off” comparing your ability to be picked in the real world, to a game of dodge ball, and that “Most people would rather hire someone they are familiar with or comes recommended with a strong track record and work ethic.”  So continue to share your life online, if its helping you to get jobs, my Boss even recommended more social media presence, and Im glad with her approvals I can blog and share on social media, without question. It all depends on what your needs are, privacy, or helping others, focus not on the marketing of yourself, but on the service you have to provide.
 Id at 3.
I just visited the LAPD Station to discuss “public health” concerns, and how to respond to the health of others, as well as those who have been affected by the mental health issues, experienced by friends and loved ones. While it would be helpful to hash out what the issues are, everyone is different, and sometimes what may seem helpful actually does a disservice to those who are protected by HIPAA and their Right to Privacy as victims and any others who may be currently suffering in life. Maybe not for the same issues. It would be wrong therefore to discuss out loud the current “public health” concerns on this blog, as I am not a specialist when it comes to public safety and public health, which is why I went to talk to the LAPD, to get their viewpoint on how not to go down a slippery slope of blame, and civil penalties, for the wellness of others. For some reason putting myself at risk of harm, does everyone a disservice when and if I eventually self-harm, obviously the sharing of my thoughts is not geared toward the sharing of my past as that is not helpful to me, nor to my audience when I am not doing well. That has an affect on others, when I am not doing well, therefore its okay for me not to discuss what my diagnosis is or what issues Im currently facing, if it does me more harm than good, similarly. Note that National Public Health Week is April 6-12 2020.  According to tfah.org recent underfunding resulted in the delayed implementation of a “system focused on prevention, preparedness, wellness, and community recovery for all Americans” which is much needed at this time.  Moreover, “A rapid rise in deaths from drugs, alcohol, and suicide represent an urgent crisis.”  And while not all are affected by this crisis as primary or secondary victims, surely tertiary victims, as overhearing stories about those who have been affected, will not intrude upon the positive progress of those who are doing well, and question too much the surroundings of others as contributing or interfering with the wellness of specific individuals. As someone who writes online, my health matters, but the health of others is not contingent upon me doing well, like most things in life, life goes on with or without you, not one person any more important than the other, and if you aren’t doing well, there are always people who are prepared and ready to step up to plate and provide much needed care and assistance to those in need. Im not for coddling my audience, that makes me extremely uncomfortable to be expected to console others, during times of need, and be a gentle voice of reason, that not my job to mother others, Im a blogger, my tone will always be supportive but from the my own standpoint, based upon what I have been through, and do allow me to maintain my boundaries on subjects as you don’t know whether I am personally affected or not, based upon how I respond, some people mask whats going on, when they are deeply affected, and some wish not to make things about themselves, nor be compelled to speak their mind, if the issue does not directly apply to ones own life. There are many health benefits to blogging, one of which is that it helps to improve our social skills during times of crisis, forcing us to correspond and share, no matter what the times look like, and to keep going in life, and apply ourselves, that “synergy” according to saydizayn.com is a positive benefit to your health, to not become isolated during times of need, and for social support to be easily accessible for you to join in or contribute to the “feedback” that exists online as to the times, and the many perspectives that people have to offer, to help give you the tools to begin coping with your reality.  However you cannot like most relationships become overly dependent on one persons viewpoint to make sense of the times, or the experiences of others, make sense of. Everyone who meets me responds differently, that’s just a fact of blogging, you are either approachable and in person, as accessible as you are to everyone online daily, or you set personal boundaries, that much is due to lawsuit, my hesitancy to make friends, and when I do make friends, back off, that’s because I have fear of suit, and also when my issues come up, have a lot to talk about, which can overwhelm any one person, who has their own issues in life to deal with, sometimes I worry if my distance has been taken personally, by those to whom I confide in in professional settings, that I’ll just have to let go of, for whatever reasons, have difficulty being social nowadays. Im sure that will change.
 Id at. 2.
Today may not be my best day, but better to get the conversation started, than to say nothing at all. I think a moment of pausing and thinking, writing, or journaling, will help. Sometimes writing makes it easier to process events, and to manage our losses in life, and be a support system to those who have lost loved ones. Grieving is a process, whether directly affecting you or not, its important to manage ones wellness, in order to be strong for others, that’s what is required to lift others from hardships in life, is by being successful and a steady support system to who is around. Although it may feel lonely sometimes, and wonder why you are working so hard, or where you are headed, so long as you are well, that’s all we can ask of you, moving forward, to live the days of your life, and if you are living day to day, do your best! The National Helpline to assist those grieving from losses due to mental health issues and/or substances is SAMHSA 1-800-662-HELP (4357), 24/7, to find a support group nearest you, and other community-based organizations, and who provides resources for coping.  When it comes to grieving psychologytoday.com states that “When you have experienced the loss of a good friend it may be hard to put your feelings into words. You may feel a mixture of emotions all at once and it may be difficult to imagine life without your friend.”  Reminding us to “focus on taking one step at a time.”  While “honoring the memory of your friend” there are many feelings you may encounter: (1) Shock and Denial (2) Anger (3) Trying to Find a Fix (4) Deep Sadness, and (5) Acceptance, but not Forgetting …  Be sure to reach out to people to help you, and know that youre not alone on your journey, and your “mountain of grief may not be an easy one to defeat, but its certainly not undefeatable.”  Grieving is a process, everyone experiences loss differently at different points in their lives, it’s all a matter of how we deal with those losses, and come out of those losses in life, for better or worse, “Remember, your grief is valid, and should be recognized by both you and your support community – other friends, family or partner. You need to recognize your right to grieve.”  Later in life, friendships are hard to maintain, and often times our daily lives may “preclude frequent communications”  to our loved ones, and to our friends, I know this as a law student, there were many years, while I was in school and working, that I didn’t spend much time with family or make time to spend with friends, and very much regret that lost time. Focus on now. According to whatsyourgrief.com, “Aristotle described deep friendship saying, “What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies.” Plato reflected deeply and extensively on the nature of friendship,”  they will always be a part of your lives as having lived moments in life together, that will never change, its what you do with your life now presently, that affects how you turn out in spite of those losses you experience in life. Theres so much pressure these days to be someone that others can be proud of, first be proud of yourself. Note, that “The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.”  Remember to be patient with yourself, rather than ignore the issues to which you’ve been affected by loss, its better to allow the healing process to “naturally unfold” its less important “to be strong in the face of loss” and allow yourself to recognize the emotions you are feeling, as related to your loss.
Helpguide.org suggests to handle the grieving process in this way:
“We know from a review of 148 studies on friendship that there is a 50% increased likelihood of survival for participants with stronger social relationships.”  So be there for your friends, through all uphill battles in life, you never know who is still having difficulty coping and needs a friend to talk to or the support of the wellness of those around them, to foster their coping skills, and abilities in life. If you are who you surround yourself with, then its everyone equal responsibility to care and be cared for among those they choose to have in their lives, never give up, remember your friends always, past or present, and don’t lose hope, wellness is always on its way, the longer you believe in your ability to overcome whats ailing you the quicker you heal, the longer you prolong the process of recovery, the longer it takes to begin the process.
 Id at 2.
 Id at 2.
 Id at 2.
 Id at 6.
 Id at 9.
 Id at 8. (https://whatsyourgrief.com/when-your-best-friend-dies/)
 Amazon Book Writing Inc. (Book #1)
 Keidi Keating (Book #2) (1/2)
 Torah Bontrager (Blog Advice)