Privately I have only reached out to a few, mostly for reporting reasons, have made contact with the Government, in the privacy of my phone, that’s really no ones business, what thoughts are had about things, whether I take things personally or not, am affected, sometimes things aren’t about you, but can have a negative affect on you, as interpreted by others, based upon who they know, or what they know about you, think things are about you that are not. -I have only been pen pals with a few Trump Accounts, since leaving AA, someone to talk to who I trusted, when not well, on heavy meds, in bed, not looking like myself, while putting myself back together, post failure in life. It takes a lot of courage to keep going in life, apply for jobs, work at jobs, and stay well, not all are capable of working the hours and getting paid, and sometimes we end up in the hospital when not well. Recently have reached out to a few Actors, one of whom I saw on Direct TV, and thought on a whim to message, and he replied. Shortly thereafter a series of deductions hit me, not assuming anything is about me or anyone I know, fell ill, Im not sure why that happened, just be happy for people based on where they are in life, and do your best not to interfere with current systems of support, taking care of their needs, while trying to stay well, and away from controversy. Its hard to get close to anyone, sometimes under such a heavy pressure in life, that its difficult to even just be me, sometimes its due to my own faults in life, put in a worse condition, and sometimes, based upon my fears, think the worst is happening to me, meaning things will not work out for me in life, that’s just a roaming fear, nothing to publicly announce, I should be happy to be writing on what is now a very successful blog, read by many, and once ranked on Alexa 34,000, that was a huge accomplishment for me, and also to become a Feedspot Top 100 Personal Development Blogger. I always get sick whenever anyone thinks I am talking to people knowing they are married, and trying to disrupt that bond in life, clearly I am not well enough to be paid attention to when I am not doing well, so if they are responding, its only to cheer me on or to support me, with compassion, its not always romantic, and if it does become that way, that’s between me and them, romantic meaning them wanting to get to know you on a personal level, and help you succeed professionally, which would be required to have things in life, like a job, friends, a boyfriend, husband, how quickly those prospects fall apart, upon being misread, that’s how you get hurt, when you share who you have received a reply from, get sick, as though you are an unwanted connection, I don’t think that anything mutual is ever to be interpreted as an unwanted connection or association in life, maybe for people past, who thought less of me, however now I have worked my way back to a respectable place in society as a writer, and very proud of myself, whether that leads to romance, friendship, or simply meeting people who have been successful in life, and able to lend an ear, learn to let things go as soon as you get sick, probably means an untimely meeting, or for unnecessary reasons, controversial at odds.
Love you #JoaquinPhoenix, so nice to meet you, happy when well to talk, sorry I got sick, will take some time fixing myself, to establish a better rapport, not get wrapped up in controversies, or opinions about me, speaking to someone already linked in life, why I look bad now, Im sorry!
As you get older, you may recall your younger years, when you were more at ease, more social, had more free time, watched more TV, made mixes, spent time at the gym in cardio classes, played on sports teams, went to bars, dated, experienced life, and then you settle down and mature, pick a 9 to 5, and that’s all you do, wake up work sleep work, and that’s your life. If your only free days are the weekends, to run errands, and to get things done, well you know you’ve made it in life, in the workforce, and someone who can be relied upon in life, not all are privileged to have that kind of stability and lifestyle, many of us working our own hours in part-time jobs, internships, or working from home, still trying to make in life, or finish our schooling to stand out more as an applicant, having finished an extra degree to boost our resume. What is success? Depending upon how fulfilled you feel in life, will options be made available to you, afterall its those who feel good about themselves that attract the most into their lives, if you know youre an asset, and you have worked hard to create a life for yourself that youre proud of, then there should be no reason to quit, upon failure, rejections, breakups, or losses, eventually we all have to keep going in life, its not that we don’t care, but sometimes there are ways to care, beyond rehashing the same subjects that have caused us emotional turmoil previously in life, in those cases therapy is your best option, to talk about the past, otherwise, everyone is generally expected to be present, keeping conversations light, no one really wants to get into depth with anyone about their personal lives, or sufferings past, don’t we all have a hard time living life, don’t we all struggle, don’t we all have to think hard about life, don’t we all wonder how things are made, or what makes money, if youre into business etiquettes, then that may be something that interests you, why and how, someone is able to establish a company, a brand, a business, get popular, be well known, respected, and returned to for inputs, its all about following your dreams in life. If its something you believe in and think will do everyone a service to make yourself available to others, then subject yourself to that turnover in life, of interpretations, whether or not that subjects you to further criticisms, do your best. Its not a perfect road (meaning there is no one right way about thinking about life or ways to find purpose in life, carve your own path in life), to developing any set of ideas, or foundations, from which to base your understandings and awareness of the risks posed by any present chaos, and be stable in spite of whats going on in the world, not be affected, that’s hard to do, always be patient. It takes many years of working on a project in order for those ideas to come to fruition, and to create a finished product that you are proud of and that represents you and others well, that’s being professional, not personalizing everything to be about you, or about people from your lives, and having a bigger purpose in life, besides your own personal issues, shed light on. We used to think that activists ("Activism" definition: the policy or action of using vigorous campaigning to bring about political or social change)  were, really emotional people, caring about things most dont care about, in need of support from others, who have a big voice, for the purposes of educating others on what the issues are, that’s activism, its not a natural trait, its done by those who have time to think about life, and in thinking about life, want to make a difference and spread the word to others, so that they can be in the know too, about whats at stake or what matters right now, some of us are so busy with our own lives, that we wouldn’t know what to do or what to care about or who to support, had we not been made aware of what needs work, that’s when caring stops, not to the extent that it interferes with your daily focus on your own life, separate from whats bothering you or by what needs work, its hard to keep your mind off anything for long, if more work needs to be done, to further those groups interests, we are not all cut out for the task of getting involved in all matters, but I do know one thing, once you get started caring, youre in it for life, something you will always go back to, support, and participate in ensuring that those community needs are met, and that services are provided to those in need, during times of need, that address those needs, without outright stating exactly whats at issue, especially if there is something wrong with you or someone you know and you dont know why there is something wrong with you or someone you know, it could be for different reasons, made sick, overwhelmed, we all get confused sometimes the worst is when people think one is too late.
Some experiences change us for the better and some experiences in life change us for the worst, as connected we don’t always achieve a better condition, or get the results we want, feelings wise -it can feel like occurring at your expense you allow people into your life, who don’t necessarily balance you out, or curb that tendency to wander away … when in love, the coolest thing, is bringing yourself back to that place, of being at ease, or by having fun with someone you care about, make things less painful, when in love you are constantly reminded that its not just you who goes through life, but they have gone through life too without knowing you, that’s the beauty of meeting people, seeing what they were like before they met you, and hope that while knowing you, they don’t lose that genuine interest in themselves and their cares, and who and what matters to them, become dedicated in anyway to your interests, that would feel like a risky investment, to persuade anyone of your condition needing extra attentions, and then not feeling good when attentions are paid, that’s an awful way to give back to someone you love, express whats painful to understand, or where you ran into trouble in life, remember to think positively about yourself, what is it that you have to offer, a skill, a talent, a project, something special about you, your interests your hobbies, your dreams your passions, share positive things about yourself, that demonstrate that you are capable of being a happy person, if provided with the appropriate outlets to share in that manner, with whomever cares, we don’t all get to be in love, but that’s the most beautiful thing about love, is the space that it creates between two people, where they can be themselves, and with compassion and understanding, get eachother out of harms way, like closing down ocean ave, and putting signs on every pole “no parking” its too dangerous for him to be at the park, romantic, I think that was him, if so worried me …. Whenever you meet someone new, you do your best to connect, and if you cant connect take space, that’s normal, when meeting anyone new, you either connect off the bat from the get go and carry on in sync, and when one fails to contribute positively to ongoing rapport, and subjects another to fears about interpretations, do your best to fix it, without worrying them too, sometimes we see things, others do not, but that doesn’t mean point out everything to them at once, that may be too overwhelming for someone who works, freely, to suddenly be given input about anothers method for staying balanced, I think at this point in time we all keep the same things in mind: the past, the future, and whats going on right now, its hard to keep track of all the changes we have endured, some more meaningful than others, and for the most part I think we should all credit ourselves for contributing positively online in ways, that reflect those current cares, whether or not the past did a good job of informing us of the risks associated with bonding too many to one, because if one is defective, then one cannot be imitated and make others feel good, as impressed upon, that’s why some people match, and some people don’t, and why some get re-categorized as different, so that they cannot multiply spiritually, thought wise, or professionally be granted permissions to care for others in life, a lot of life is about who you meet in life, not all will have an influence on you, which is why many people have been raised to think for themselves and appear to think they are better than others, that’s simply so they do not easily become influenced or take a back seat to anyone elses needs in life, be led astray, or get intimidated or feel smaller than others in life … in fact a well adjusted person (in my opinion) is someone who can talk to anyone, gets along with everyone, and comfortable with themselves no matter where they go, that’s being a mature adult, being able to adapt, and if you cant figure out what insecurities are keeping you from interacting with others in way that you can speak positively of yourself, and don’t feel bad about yourself in front of others, constantly warning them of your deficiencies in life, or struggles, or explain yourself too much, seem like a handful, or someone who is gone, and too far from repairing themselves enough to bond with just one. -As you get older it becomes more difficult to date, used to being alone, having been hurt or left behind, in non-monogamous relationships, get hurt. When hurt it becomes more difficult to give yourself freely to others, whether it be by text or messenger, disengaged, and if upon opening up you get rejected, well thats the price you pay for waiting too long to date, and subjecting yourself to rejections in life, upon seldom opening up to others. Dont forget to be yourself, and leave the past behind you, the more you bring up, what you have been through and what didnt work out and why, the more you enable that harm to re-occur for you in your life, empowering instead those who have left you or moved on, who you are no longer in contact with on a one-on-one basis, and no longer attached to mentally or physically, if you bring it up, it will affect you, and if it affects you, it will affect your new partner, who just wants to start over new with you too and enjoy the moment getting to know eachother, without letting the past dictate for how long, or over what, have any rapport be interfered with by those from your past, thats loving freely, being given opportunities to date again, with the courts permission, allowed to date, and move forward in life. Never have I ever spoken badly about anyone I have hooked up with in the past, nor have I wrongfully accused them of hurting me (other than my image) or causing me mental health issues, my issues stem from my experience applying to law school and what informations I was exposed to prior to entering law school, sometimes when focused, we get hurt, from the moment you become a professional and accepted to law school (or a new job) is the "moment your reputation starts" or so I was told by a law school professor.
This could be the worst case, of coming forward in American History, where by the time one, shares, their lives have already been ruined, and nothing forgotten. It seems that unless you are professional from the start, while, and over the course of your discoveries in life remain professional, will you be considered a trusted opinion worth a read, or written off as someone disliked for good reason, by a few, so by the time you share your story, nothing is believed, and everything discounted, as delayed purposefully for shock value, I don’t think anyone ever intends to wind up worse off in life, its kind of hard to connect with others, when there is any disagreement about you, or behind the scenes consensus opinion of you given your private communications with other, appear to be something you are not. When you lose your right to privacy, your life changes forever, whenever information known only to you, becomes made public, that’s for the purpose of injuring your good character or credibility in life. I never argued that anyone was so important that their story needs to be told, or that the sharing of a story had the potential to also support the causes for which a story was believed to be told, it was a simple quotes campaign, not about me, and general insights, not specific references to my upbringing or personal life story, add fuel to any fires in life, or disrupt the course of discussion in regards to the issues that were most important at any given time, we all move forward in life, and given our experiences in life (professional) are able to help others, not because of where we come from, but because of the years we spent doing good in the world, by our education and work experiences, being online does not have the same affect on others, nor do you bear the same professional esteems you would ordinarily achieve working for others, under the direction of others, you cant just leave a career and apply those skills to an open arena such as online, I never expected to be pried into, but I guess that’s just a fact of life, what is put online gets read into for negatives, how to discredit sources, and hurt the importance of their understandings, and in addition, now realize, that if there are differences toward me, that can affect peoples overall belief in the possibility for change to occur, and for the right help to arrive consistent with whats bothering everyone, if not my cares, their cares about the world, which they do not think are accurately represented by what I have to say, nor wish for me to represent their beliefs, as affected by my personal troubles, affecting my professional abilites, and ability to move on, date, marry, and lead a normal life, that may never happen for me now. You are only as well as you stay well and all relationships, hinge on one thing, comfort, its something you provide to others, during a time of need, and able to provide with confidence, advices, or share inputs that make them feel better, and when they feel better, want to be around you, thats a prerequisite for romantic attachments, that one is able to better the other, its for those reasons that people date, because they compliment eachother, learn from one another, and grow together not apart. Don’t abandon all ideals in life, in place of your whims and dreams, to get anywhere in life, you have to be proud of yourself, inspired and motivated, and driven, stable, consistent, and professional, with the right attitude in life anything is possible. And even when your defenses are down, and you have shared moments of joy with companions you meet in life, be sure not to be too hard on yourself, we are all new to imaginary friends and connections, its never real until you prove yourself worthy of being referenced by people of higher standing than you, otherwise don’t even mention it, you don’t need to share what you think as to who you might have influenced, and suck the wind out of the sails of those just trying to move on, with or without in their lives, everyone interprets traumas differently, and for different causes or reasons, think people get thrown under the limelight, for the purposes of tearing them apart, that would describe someone guilty of a crime, or someone for some other reprehensible action, treated poorly as deserved, on behalf of anyone they feel was victim to their outputs in life, not everything done in love ends well, including business ventures, friendships, or in group setting such as therapy respect, how quickly all is lost, when you seek more than is necessary to get well, how you get judged in the negative, if friendship or love is needed by you -they wonder why, why one cannot be professional and maintain a steady opinion and work, without those things in life, which is why I chose not to date and not to have friends, while finishing my masters, theres nothing wrong with that, that’s just limiting inputs, and influences in life at the moment, so that I can write free, of being accused of throwing anyone in the limelight as they thought was done to me, and be critically looked upon in the same way I was hurt by interpretations, no … its not the same for everyone, different things are expected of people, and as a law student, a different set of standards were expected of me dating wise, to not date, to settle down, or to wait, which is what I have done, and for all the moments I chose to date, I am sorry, its not for those failed relationships that I decided to write online, never when focusing on heartbreak or losses can one function without being traumatized, therefore if Im doing well that reflects positively on me as well as all connections past, if I begin to not do well, then that reflects poorly of me, and thus can have a negative impact on who cared about me, to see me not doing well no matter how hard I try in life, that’s just something Ive been thinking about. Embarrassment and love.
March tides and spotlights grew
And never stopped thinking of you
Follow your heart, and find what youre looking for
If its not love, then sing your heart out
So loud a trolly gone, so hard, my rhinestones fell
You cant go back not even from that, so why not a song
And as we put our glasses on, we sat and thank
In taverns, and green rooms, and even on shark islands
What to do what to do, when no one knows you
I pitched tree fruit at a tree, with a photo of my face taped up
Why couldn’t it be this why, why did it end that way
And so I drank, whiskey, and moonlight, and my glasses fell
To the bottom of the pool, and then I jumped in
If you cant make it there, you wont make it there
And if you cant be here, then don’t go there
Live life, whether together even or apart
Youll be thankful to never stop and sink to the bottom
Before your story unfolds, don’t be afraid to sing
The loudest tune, to all you know, and be true
How many may agree, and find simplicity among they
Who understand your voice, not alone afterall
Maybe it was he, or maybe it was he, or maybe it was she
No one knows, how these things have come to be
And whats done in company is never forgotten
Whats done alone, is never remembered but for reminders
Directions to self, where to start and where to begin
A home office dream for me not them
And then we met, broken, bought, everything but hot to trot
A year later couldnt even choreograph an ending to that
Smile and be positive, is what we need, recommended
A birth certificate handed, and attorney retained
From another case, not forgotten, why a mini mouse appeared
Can we just stand, no, can we just march, no, can we write, only in 5 years
Why is that, why is this, what was that, why is this, why now
And then I sang star bangled and the pledge, has not been forgotten
The only three prayers I know, raised well, not spoiled rotten
And when the stories collide, an image never forgotten
The times spent in disarray, the size that never seemed to budge
And the pounds that got lost, never seemed to shine
Only two photographs taken a flip phone and punishment
Photographs taken, upon request, commissioned, for him not they
And what has been forsaken, all energies spent, and troubled
Like poison, and collar broken, a 5th grade tire swing sang
For attentions broken, not for pain, and not for this broken
Whos losses add, another image torn
Like crowns and steeples and flying buttresses to a tshirt
One from a bar, a high school French drink with a bottom
Dedicated to: Joaquin Phoenix, my current pen pal, love, and crush admired. <3
Being fearless means facing your fears. One of my biggest fears growing up was the dark, I have always slept with a night light on, since living alone, that’s just me, or lived in an extra locked or gated complex, that’s just growing up at OJ’s house, with three night watchmen, we grew up on compounds as children, my Father owned two homes next door to eachother, and Sydney lived on another acre lot 2 blocks away, we grew up sheltered in that respect, gifted by education, and also by the houses we grew up in, made to feel special in life. That’s just childhood, you don’t understand how hard your parents work to provide you with that kind of lifestyle, until you get older, and as your parents get older, realize that you will not be able to provide the same for yourselves, not able to keep up with finances, or earn enough to reach that type of lifestyle as an adult, on your own, careers start in your 20s not your 30s, and that’s just something I will have to live with, being put on meds, and underperforming in life, behind. -What is being bold? In spite of your shortcomings, still decide to pursue, a career least taken writing, as that is your strength, and upon becoming well known as a writer of quotes, start long hand writing your thoughts out in detail, minus the blurbs and anecdotal motivational sayings you believe will help people get going or keep going in life, you can do your best and still not be good enough, life is fragile, and every moment counts, it only takes a little bit each day, of consistent effort, toward achieving in life, focused on what youre good at, perfecting what youre good at, to become an expert at anything in life, just start somewhere. It was a pretty bold move to become a blogger, my Brother had tried blogging in NY, and shared his blog with our family and his friends, he was probably in between jobs, fixing his career to become a Doctor one day, he was a Business Student at Babson. The only time I have ever driven stick shift was in Boston, as directed by my Brother, and then in Brentwood once, even managed to stay steady up a hill and stop at the red light, without rolling backwards, and keep driving. What is key is maintaining a positive attitude in life, although not everything will work out for you in life, there is always time to better yourself, and make better choices for yourself, to open up new opportunities for you in life, but you have to let the past go, no ifs and or buts about it, if you want to have a better relationship, in the future, then you have to let go of what went wrong previously, and not relive the same mistakes over again, as described, live up to negative expectations of you, otherwise you’ll never arrive to a more well state of being, even after everyone has jumped on board back in contact with you, as fair weather friends do, except the only problem is that youre still not present feeling better, that’s something I just learned. Even if you begin to achieve again in life, move forward, and function better among, and even manage to look professional in a new arena where expertise has yet been established such as in “blogging” you yourself have to be happy with where you are unreminded of the past, the sooner you let go, the better off youll be, the more you remind yourself of the past, the more difficult it becomes to move forward, these are painful subjects: heartache, loss, and breakups, not all of which affect everyone the same, depending on what your childhood looked like, some things don’t hit you hard until later in life, the times you missed out on moments with friends, the times you missed out on years bonding with family, and the time you spent alone, trying to build a career for yourself that never happened, whether that be focusing on your studies “head in the books” or trying to get married, and walking away from an otherwise perfectly peaceful life, these are choices you make, and you have to live with that, no one can change your outlook for you. Whats most important is that you look back on your life, eventually and say, you know what Ive done a good job, and despite any setbacks and heartbreaks, I was strong and kept going in life, no matter how embarrassed you become, no matter how much pain you suffer, no matter how difficult it feels in the moment, you kept going, that’s defying expectation of you, someone who lost faith in themselves, but never in others, and when that faith gets restored back to you, by doing the right things in life, that is the moment you will feel blessed, knowing you did a good job, that’s karma, allowing yourself to heal, allowing others to heal, and minding your own business in life, we all lead separate lives, the more you make things about you, the more things become about you, that’s the main lesson, less is more, and if you wish to comment on current controversies, do so, by demonstrating kindness, not resentment toward anyone you feel has contributed to anyones current condition, we used to be a very competitive society, putting one another down, in order to keep the well well, I don’t think that is any longer the case, worries over image, now its about your health, going for as long as you can stay well, and backing off the minute you feel sick, that’s being human knowing your limits in life, you can only handle so many losses in life, before you yourself become sick, but don’t be so quick to jump into the pit of “impending doom” you’ll regret it later in life, all the moments you quit, and gave up on yourself, and all the opportunities lost at your top in life.
There will be moments in your life, when you will feel heavily impressed upon, that is to mold you, correct you, empower you, guide you, fix you, negate poor thinking, hopefully never in ways, for which you will fall astray in life, be short handed, misunderstood, or deemed not unique, or judged as imitation of someone else or something else, beyond your understanding of how and why you have come to be, maybe not all will be accepting of you, but that doesn’t mean, you are to blame for any reasons that may cause others to dislike you, if not stated, or if seen, discredit you, as simply a product of your upbringing and environment, things you’ve not had a choice with, to say you are only unique in so far as others like you, were made to feel special, and that upon disconnecting, was a result of you not measuring up to the best interests of all, or a poor example generated from your cohort, a let down. We are not all given crowns in life, some have to make crowns for ourselves, not everyone who is important is given media attention, on the news, interviewed professionally, or made famous, that’s not what I meant by the top, it simply meant, rising above, the negative judgments of anyone who did not find you intelligent, attractive, special, important, or worth any positive inputs, to quell their doubts or fears about the past, that’s just not taking someones condition seriously, and thinking that they did that to themselves, write them off as an addict of alcoholic, and not be understanding of how and why that condition was caused, and for what reasons, sudden disrespect followed among those who know them in life. That’s not being aware of an outside perspective to matters directly involving you, not all are aware of the bigger picture, to which you have not professionally established yourself a figure within. Who is best situated in life, someone directly involved, someone knowing someone directly involved, someone being on the inside, or someone on the outside, to all matters, only affected as in knowing figures directly involved or inside any equations in life. -I only know that now, I have not benefited from speaking online, only in so far, as having accomplished a professional written body of work, that represents me well, and does a positive service to me in the future if I plan to write a book, having earned likes now, to reassure me, that my work will be well received if written, no matter how successful book writing may be for me, maybe not the next Harry Potter, Davinci Code, or Power of Now, but nonetheless hopefully influential to the lives of those who have read my work, help them. It seems that your audience only feels as well as you feel or are doing, and unless you can write in a way, that accurately reflects that ability, to compose, work, which upon being processed, benefits whomever is consuming your work, means more work needs to be done on your end, not to say things in a way, that would otherwise worry, or cause unnecessary hardship to anyone reading, not understand, get confused, feel gone, or get a headache, trying to understand any concepts yourve presented, is there ever a point when everything you write makes sense? Only so far as one is understood, maybe then and only then, can anything be said, with a grain of salt, not misread or misunderstood to have been written to portray anyone or anything in the negative, including oneself. Writing is not easy, you have to constantly revise and come up with something to talk about each day, as you become more and more aware of whats at stake, what are pressing issues, and without thinking too much of what has passed, respond, and always in a timely manner, share your thoughts about, I think that has been one of my strengths, not to dodge issues, but speak to issues with hope that I can say things in a way that will help others to process better their feelings about recent times, and losses. -What causes giving up? Im not sure, maybe when there is disagreement, failure to view themselves or others in the positive, feeling that there has been a mistake past that cannot be fixed, living with regrets, having remorse for resentment stated out loud, feeling betrayed, feeling like nothing will change, illness, changes in luck you feel dismembered by or less capable because of, too much wonder, lack of faith, instability or unhappiness with oneself, thinking someone who is good was actually a bad person, or coming to know someone and then learning about them through others get turned off by them, thinking that they are trying to be something they are not, or better than they are, smarter than they are, and are really something they are not, not smart or not pretty, or not achieved, or not deserving of being known, or well liked, that would be the side who thinks everything done to you, was done to them, not done to you in the negative, and that everything done to them, if because of you, makes them the victim and not you, that’s obviously a repercussion of dating, whoever is more well known, now, is seem as the one responsible for handling things professionally, and not have any of the interactions or connections in life, be affected by their present decision making abilities, or by how they present themselves online, become worse off, by any of their expressions online, whether in reflection of their past, or while speaking hypothetically about life, as they understand it, I think people who know you, read, like they have some kind of a personal stake in the matter, with intensity read, with expectation that something will be said or situations described, to make them look bad, to make one look better than them, that would not bring anyone peace, not me, nor my audience, to hear about any disagreements, and as a result be forced to take sides.
Sometimes no response is best, without expertise, knowledge of specific incidences past, will encourage or discourage you from speaking, we don’t all have a fine tuned understanding of the consequences for our beliefs always, and sometimes we will be unwilling to accept the defenses of those past, who felt it necessary to cause others to disregard their voice. Under the totality of the circumstances, we need not take personally, any associations past, which may or may not have caused others to think it fair game to provoke you, then without remorse, watch you suffer, as though for the wrong reasons you have achieved in life, granted acceptances, or been admired, loved, friended, or made popular in an online space, we don’t all come up at once, and for different reasons, people sore to the top, or don’t make it at all, that just means that there is a different path in life for you to take, we don’t all know what will become of us, but eventually, if you keep at something in life long enough, you will figure out how to become successful, sometimes all it takes is a little experience, such as public speaking, and writing online or to the public, in a book form. Like all professions, the more experience you have the better at performing you get, and like writing, the more you write, in private, academically, and for professional use at work, the more confident one would feel to write online to all. That’s not a natural way of achieving confidence in life, its a learned trait, meaning its not the first time you have ever tried something, and not the first time you have been presented with issues or setbacks to which you were not able to overcome on your own, that can be considered a positive trait, knowing how to overcome failure, or having been at rock bottom before, continuing to have faith in yourself, understanding that later on, even if you are not met with respect, understand its because they did not respect you in the first place, or thought you had it so made in life, or had messed up so bad in life, that they never expected you to do better later in life anyways, just let people think they are better than you, but the reason why they tell you to “prove them wrong” is so that you don’t continue to feed into negativity, nor respond to it, so that it does not affect your direction in life, so you don’t end up places you don’t belong, or be judged poorly, by people you will meet in the future, who have no knowledge of your past, in those cases letting anyone win, would hurt you presently, as you are trying to fix your life. Always keep in mind that not everything is about you, and while others may think it funny to hurt you, by title, name, company strategy, reference, or man built inference to any truths they think necessary to illustrate to dictate the ways in which people are noticed, respected, or valued, that’s because they believe you to be something beneathe them, and choose to reinforce that viewpoint of you, as a reminder to you of what is known about you, and for those reasons, rationalize why further disrespect of you should be had, given their understandings of you, usually by people who you do not know, outsiders to a puzzle, a story, specific people, whos lives don’t immediately affect nor impact them in a way negative to their best interests, think its okay to shed light on characters before they become known professionally, as an underground attempt to gear respects, that’s not how respect happens, by putting anyone down in life present or past, or claim victim to them, as justification for putting them down now. -Who you are online matters, and your finished product, should always be a solid representation of who you are now, without interference from the past, its usually those who write held down by things in life, become a heavy opinion or side to understand process, and thus a turn off, not because of what they have to say, but because of how things are said, and how things feel, how things are understood, and how things are compartmentalized, when applied, to other memorable timelines, choose to ignore any present progress, with their already pre-made ideologies, prepared for a negative inference to be drawn about another. That’s a gamble someone takes with their identity, to make things about people, places or things, they think based upon their observations, are not going to make it in life, professionally, who they do not think should be known or respected, or viewed as on the team “saving lives” or a “hero” in any respect, with regard to their friendships past, not taking into consideration all the people they have helped in their life, during their professional career working for the government, and think that its okay to expose truths about them, as though they would ever hurt the ability of others to be well adjusted and make it in life, upon knowing them.
Never underestimate the courage of someone who speaks, and put them down as thinking they are more important than they are, we make ourselves important in life, whether or not it is our duty to put ourselves out there, everyone has a story of their own, some more inspiring than others, who is anyone to judge one for their life experiences. Sometimes I think that people who think they know you simply because they have read about you … people who know you generally respect you and are proud of you, its those you meet later in life, for some reason need to prove yourself too, why is that. Everyone has their own lives, and sometimes in meeting others, we fall short on the mark of what is considered special or worthy of being treated as special, if they think that you think you are special, by the type of confidence you exude, don’t be surprised to be put down in life by them, usually those who want to be admired, but do not admire back, want attentions for themselves, but less willing to give the same love and attention back to whomever they seek attentions from. Life is a game in that way, people wanting to be liked, and once they feel that you are at their beck and call, become despondent to you, however its only until you leave that they get upset, all of a sudden needing you suddenly, but not during the course of a relationship. Im not sure what that is about, why in order to be well liked do you have to try so hard, what is all that about, what happened to the days, when we were just nice to eachother, nice to new people, nice to friends, since when did all the hierarchical push and shove take hold of our better judgments toward one another, if there was no code of ethics to begin with when it comes to reality and pop culture themes, then why was it not okay to join in on the banter, and start sharing online, since when is it not okay to contribute to everyones creative energies online, if its not about you, its not about you, who ever said that only those working in entertainment professions are privileged to contribute creatively to all writing endeavors, that never made sense to me. I think its important to share unique facts about yourself but to leave it at that, sometimes the more you share about yourself, an unwanted bond can occur, with members of your audience, who on a personal level try to control your output, sending you voices, making fun of you, or putting you down, because they have decided to take on the shoes of someone from your past who as mentioned you did not get along with, like your Brother, Ex-Bosses who have let you go, or even Boyfriends, when relationships have not worked out. Im the type of person, that when upset, am always forced to see the bigger picture, no one taking me seriously, even laughing in my face, without respect for my paranoia, or fears, lack of confidence, no one can reinforce that sense of self being centered when not overachieving, and not meeting the mark, only you can fix that deficit, by focusing on your strengths, and minimizing, the risk for losing focus, to bettering anyone elses needs in life, sometimes its okay to be selfish, and to focus on yourself, that’s not being selfish in a way, that anyone should be offended by, an unwillingness to succumb to peer pressures, or romantic pressures in life, be fixated on someone elses needs instead of your own, if you were able to be independent once, there is no reason why you cannot be independent again, if we cant manage ourselves well, then that’s a problem, how will you be able to manage anothers moods, if you yourself are not grounded, a rock, that’s the main point. What is attractive about someone who is not well? Nothing. And what is so attractive about someone who is strong and independent? That they do not need people to make them feel good, and do not require reassurances in life, babying, to feel better, that’s what being strong is all about, not marching, not correcting people, not rising above, not allowing others to belittle you, not being stupid, being smart, and not needing sex or a man or a woman, to feel beautiful, able to achieve that feeling on your own, without help from anyone. I mean how independent do you need to be in life, just don’t be extreme about it, I think that is where I failed socially, keeping to myself for many years, while finishing law school, don’t ever completely let go, of your social responsibilities in life to keep in touch with friends, and maintain friendships over the years and maintain positive rapport, Im lucky enough that when I am doing well my friends reply, and willing to catch up with me, even though they have moved on in life, and have lives of their own, trading in a quiet life with best friends I have known my whole life, for a life online, writing in public, only a few people knew me really well, now everyone knows me, that was a huge change in my life. Why did I have such a big response to my initial quotes campaign 2016 (90k+ followers on Facebook) because I shared meaningful insights on nicely prepared squares from an app, that made sense to a lot of people, I think it was just that, being someone who makes sense, there were only a few quotes on cards on Google at the time I got started, now we have many printed quotes on Pinterest, not being an avid free reader, obviously it made sense to me, to begin highlighting the most important deductions that come from a lot of writing, where quotes come from, a summary of what is essential in any body of work, it takes time, to think of ways to say something, applicable to the times, which can help others put into gear, in their own lives, make sense of whats occurring for them emotionally, mental health wise, that’s why I stuck out, and was nominated for a Shorty Award, and because I chose to dedicate my writings at the time, to a cause that mattered to me personally, not because of whom Im attached to in life, but it all worked out in the end, picking a team, that was not an easy campaign, building a website, and reporting to the courts and everyone in private as I made progress, it takes a long time, to figure out the right words to say. I never pictured myself as an op ed, or someone who is writing to political matters or world issues, or responding directly to news stories, but those issues have influenced me some what, in terms of being cognizant of everyones best interests, not just my own attachments, make sure, that I am never respresenting who has influenced me in life, in a way that would turn others off, not all will agree with you or like you, if they think that who you like matters to them, on some basis people are outright rejected, I don’t think I am someone deserving of that kind of treatment politically, I do not make any money, therefore should not be officially rejected as someone given powers, by others, I had to empower myself for myself on my own, no one gave me directions about how to write, or what to write about, or how to share my story in a way, to justify why I decided to share, and then that’s how people work with you.
Along the way, you’ll be given many advices, and criticisms, while finding yourself. That’s a normal part of life, a natural reaction toward anyone, who they do not believe to be at their best, advised, never take any feedback personally, they’re only trying to help. Never veer too far of course, in life, you’ll regret it later, and if you do decide to take a risk in life, make sure youre hearts in it, like blogging. If you could’ve been so many other things in life, but chose to blog, well that was your choice, most people take jobs, not try to make a job for themselves, and figure out how to get paid later, thats the risk you take with starting your own business, or dedicating time to learning a new trade or profession, not all will find success. Always follow your heart, and let the best shine, and even when youre not at your best, do your best to better yourself each day, and remind yourself that you are only human. There will be moments when you will push yourself to extremes, hoping that that will produce the change in you, that will turn your life around, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Even at your best, you can still fail, if youre not focused on the right things in life, you will find your match one day, just be patient. Those who can appreciate you in the moment, value you, believe in you, and proud of you, are the types of people you should keep in your life. Going to law school is no easy task, you have to do really well in college, test well, and perform while youre there keep your grades up so that you can finish and graduate, it has not been easy to say the least to finish law school. -All in all, Ive learned a lot during my time as a blogger, to never give up, no matter what comes to mind, and to never feel too overwhelmed, or under pressure in life, there is always a way out. It may feel impossible at times, but so long as you keep going in life, anything can happen.
The soul searching process is simply, generating a series of deep thoughts, about life, your existence, identifying your purpose in life, and feeling grounded in the moment, able to move forward and achieve whatever you set your mind to, just like today, Im going to run to the fence and back a 2.5 hours run (on abilify), that sets your heart free. Often times, when we are feeling lost, and withdrawn, we do our best to find ways to open ourselves up again, joining clubs, attending aa meetings, going to therapy, hanging out with friends, ever have those moments, when someone is staring at you, and you feel like your stuck in your shell, hard to get through to, it happens, be patient with yourself. We don’t all get our wings at once. When your guard is up, have some self-awareness, about how you react and interact with others, and be sure to not disrupt the flow of energy in a room, filling it up that space with your problems, and bring everyone down with you, that would destroying a moment of peace, in place of your energy, make chaotic, anyones ability to feel close to you, and instead feel withdrawn, not all hyper moments are smart moments, be mindful, sometimes in the zest of self discovery, we feel so motivated that we want to motivate others, inspired to make a difference, that occurs on a one on one basis, or job by job basis, not by putting yourself online, and trying to inspire a large number of people getting likes, you have to be a solid person, before you attract that type of audience, and able to maintain solid ground, when you are being watched, the reverse actually happens when you put yourself on stage, all that energy and gusto you felt inside, that brought you to the point of shining in front of others, actually gets displaced once shared, and fades away, because something you knew about yourself, now known to all, despecializes you, and requires you to keep improving, keep producing, and then go on performing in front of a larger audience, with the same energy and esteem as you had before you were known, seems like you would feel better once recognized, but that isn’t automatic, not if you don’t take good care of yourself, Im not sure what that was, becoming popular on Alexa ranked 34,000, then suddenly depressed feeling like giving up, it must be just not feeling good about myself. -What is it that you want in life? And why are you doing what you are doing? Because if you aren’t feeling good doing what you are doing, then there must be something defective about the principles from which you were so grounded to begin speaking in the first place, if not, its still okay to refine your general purpose for feeling motivated, and fine tune your goals, as you make progress while discovering any career path for yourself in life, because if youre not stable, and able to function daily, drained, then maybe its you that needs to feel empowered, and not give all your energy away trying to help others, remember to be strong on the inside, the stronger your core is physically and mentally, the better able you are to withstand criticisms, and doubts concerning what matters to you and why, and not feel so offended, by anyone who misuses your niceties, sharing online, as a victim of crime, and treats you as though you are looking for attentions in life on the sole basis of a childhood experience, is wrong.
A good time to be spiritual occurs anytime you cant figure out whats wrong, feel sadness in need of hope, without things in life when you want things, for others wellness, to feel centered when you feel like youre stuck in a tornado, and for you to heal from whatever obstacles are standing in your way preventing you from being yourself and realizing your potential. Life is not improssible, in fact there are many ways you can trick yourself out of a rut, if you would only focus on things that bring you joy, and make that your heart, not fill yourself with all your worries or fears, or the sadness of others, that’s no way to overcoming any type of depression that’s keeping you feeling motivated, capable, and able to withstand all the pressures you may encounter maintaining an even keel, getting along with everyone, avoiding fights, and living up to all your expectations of yourself, of course we all think we deserve a better life, but not all of us are able to achieve that, you can only attain, what you are able to measure up to, that is fit in, and a lot about fitting in is your ability to be confident in no matter what setting youre in and no matter who you are well, feel like yourself, not insecure, smaller than, or intimidated, everyone who is smart, generally is required to become professional one day, in some type of job that requires them to be smart, that’s not so other people can have fun, its just because they have an ability to focus, and see beyond their troubles, and still perform anyways, so that is why they are heavily sought for leadership positions, because no matter what pressures they encounter, freezes, guilts, criticisms, or repercussions of the mistakes of anyone else, they are able to rise to any occasion, and set the tone, just like a Boss corrects you, molds you, pushes you, demands things from you, requires you to do things a certain way, and when things are not done right, get reprimanded, anytime you lose focus, so much about being present, requires that without hesitation, and without being watched, what you are doing at all times, is beneficial to your health and the health of others, not subjecting yourself, to becoming dumbed down, by anything that would rot your mind, or the minds of others, happiness is contagious, and so is poor humor and jokes that provide poor insight, leading us to a standstill, in terms of what is allowable, what will help us blossom, what will keep our spirits up, no one wants to look stupid, leave it up to the professionals, to correct you, lighten you up, inform you, and fix you.
If in addition to your past, you experience hardships presently, think for what reasons, you are having difficulty, being happy with where you are now, figure yourself out before trying to figure others out. Some times you will never measure up to expectation of you and that’s okay, all that is required is that you don’t contribute to social ills, by harping on issues that are outside the scope of your expertise, comment on, if not add humor in support of others professional choices in life, not all successes are based upon picking apart one person, that would certainly do a disservice in life, to any set of people, exposed to companies who while during the scope of their business endeavors seek to highlight patterns reflecting on pop culture nuances or humors, without hitting so hard that it hits reality or any other people existing who may have been made fun of in the process of achieving for themselves in life, working for the government, I think its only until recently, that references to official publications and works are used to shed light upon each ones individual interpretations of reality, based upon their exposures in life, or based upon connections in life, see fit. It was never like this growing up, where everyone either feels better or worse depending on how others are feeling, it used to be that people had separate lives, independently being successful, comfortable being social, when the world was private, lit, and everyone felt solid, absent minded any studies for patterns as related to mishaps in the past, where very traumatic events occurred that re-shaped us socially, at least in my neighborhood, to say the least. In Los Angeles its by who you know you have friends and go out, and well if you don’t have any friends, then you cant go out alone, as though youre in NY, to have a meal and a drink, that’s not appropriate. Although the times may be different, never feel pressured individually to understand anyone elses hardships in life, and come to understand life as they see it to be, everyone is entitled to focus on whatever matters to them, regardless, whether reading from the works of others, brings you good luck or not, makes sense, or helps you develop a more meaningful understanding of what you want to do in life, and figure out what matters to you, and in what order you wish to fix your life, start over, begin a new chapter, or let go. Being avoidant is not a bad thing, but if you spend too much time alone, expect that your issues will pile up on you, if you don’t stay active, social skills are just like driving a car, the more alone time you have, beyond what is necessary to recharge or take space, the more difficult it becomes to start again, be social, comfortable with yourself, and feel confident socially, like you did when you had a normal life, around people, with social, academic, and professional connections in life, people who know you at your best, your demeanor should not change simply because you are alone, that is unless, as not being connected to anyone, you lose your sense of peace, feel gone, not centered, or toyed with in conversation, to see how smart you are, or to try to bond with you, and make a friendship out of nothing, that’s actually fun to do.
Have you ever wondered, why you cry, or why you feel pain, or why you worry, or why you don’t feel motivated, ever feel stuck, helpless, DON’T MEDITATE ON WORDS that evoke a feeling or a pain within, whether stated by accident, or because you felt like sharing, may not always be the right words to say DURING A TOUGH TIME, thats when you need to LIGHTEN UP, why? That’s not being obnoxious, when one tries really hard to keep their spirits up, they just know from experience, that when we dwell on words or moments in life, that have caused us pain, and allow events that without explanation, result in persistent inquiry to draw connections and disable anyone not in that zone of thought or feeling, why? Theres BEING DOWN TO EARTH and there is BRINGING SOMEONE DOWN TO EARTH … its really important to KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, that pain, when permanent is caused DEPRESSION, the kind of feeling that makes you feel like crap, unmotivated, making EVERYTHING IN LIFE FEEL DIFFICULT, that’s not the best approach to tackling any unwanted feelings or thoughts in life. At what point do we stop allowing negative voices, to cause us illness, maybe never, maybe it will never be the case that we can hear people say things without remorse and cause us pain or hardship in life, that’s okay to be sensitive, but even more difficult to rise above those moments and not be defined by any terms used to describe you just because they think you have not done a good job in life living life, that’s really painful. There is failure upon making mistakes in life, silent treatment upon having too many problems detached from friends, and there is silent treatment also known as everyone knows something about you and thinks badly about you and doesn’t say anything to you because they want to see how you survive on your own, without anyone telling you what they think you have done wrong in life, or because they think you lost friends in life, because you had ever done anything wrong, no that’s not true, it’s a choice to focus on your studies, just because one is single or on meds, doesn’t mean that they are broken or look gone not present because there is something wrong with them, that just means their hearts are glued to what needs to get done, not glued to what has been done, or what has been said about them, trying to read into the words and actions of others, at this point, it really doesn’t matter what people think as to you, everyone is entitled to live life the way they want to, be bigger than others, better than others, healthier than others, that’s life, everyone wants to look and appear well, well why cant someone who was well stay well, well lets ask God, why cant Leslie stay well, and why does she sometimes glow, and sometimes fade, sometimes look youthful and sometimes look old, maybe its because Im human and 34, therefore what difference would it make for her to have a companion if she is not strong physically, that’s simply an unwanted attachment, upon being consumed by anyone, reading connecting, who does not like you, upon reading what made you feel well, feels well and that’s how someone outside of a conversation feels better and two people in a conversation don’t feel well, as their minds have met, their hearts have met, and then have that sense of togetherness be taken from them, when upon viewing, not thinking that they can notice if they are fading.
I was just told not to “blame everyone else for everything and to start taking responsibility for my life.” Its easy to come up with excuses and to describe how you were treated in the past how you felt, and why you were not strong enough then to make progress in life, and instead treated like an addict, or alcoholic. You are never fully prepared to become something you are not, and sometimes you end up worse off in life, not someone easy to talk to, hasn’t made it, no one to be proud of, it can be so disappointing, especially to my parents who have supported me throughout the years, and while in recovery, from all the imaginary battles I have fought, and compiled issues imagined, the bottom line is that its important to stay focused in life, the minute to fall of course and lose sight of whats important to you, and stop doing everything right in life, which helps you to get to where you want to be in life, is the minute you become lost, subject to negative judgments, and suddenly all opportunities are lost, keep in mind what is real, and don’t get too carried away with what is imagined, or of concern, things only bother you the minute you speak to them, so always do your best to carry on living, with an intent to better yourself, and try again, you may not be the same person, a perfectionist excelling at what you are good at in life, or ever feel valued, but the minute you turn on your systems of support, who want you to get a job, and move forward in life, is the moment trust is lost, always receive concerns with reassurances, and do your part to continue to take steps to apply and get back out there and work again, its all in your head, when it comes to experiencing failures and setbacks in life, your life is not over, and while you would like to think, that your life is over when faced with any pressures in life that amount to a greater responsibility than youre willing to accept for your condition or place in life, is not the time to give up and complain, or defend yourself, or talk about what you went through and why you are not where you want to be in life, if youre not good enough, and your not showing that youre trying to be a better person, then its your loss in life, any efforts composed to begin moving on in life, and instead you end up right back where you were, except only now not suicidal, figure out, how to maintain positive momentum, its when people give up on you in life, that you realize you have F-d up so bad, to the point of no return, dying is not the correct response to any hardships or difficulties you may face in life, for some reason, its only now that I feel motivated, to continue working, and try again, that took many months, of convincing myself that self-harm is not the solution to negative voices, and that writing, is a better display of my coherent thoughts, not talking myself through my problems, and certainly not being boisterous or hyper telling jokes, wheres the beauty in that, someone making light of life, when they are not at their best, no one really wants to hear from anyone who doesn’t have it made in life, talk about life, like they understand how to overcome setbacks, never question how or why you were treated they way you were treated in the past, and learn to let things go, that’s your choice to disassociate from people who think less of you or who do not understand your disposition, sometimes your not good enough, your presence is not helpful, you don’t make anyone feel better about themselves, you don’t have the beauty or intelligence in life to be treated with respect, that’s just life, not everyone will be on your team, and sometimes it takes years for everyone to stop fighting or trying to change you, and allow you to be yourself, whatever that may be, let go, remember who has taken care of you over the years, and don’t let anyone who doesn’t know you make you feel like your life has not been anything but perfect in spite of your losses.
By the time you hit any stages in life, performance wise, make sure that you are prepared, and whenever expressing oneself, to live for the moment, not live according to what has passed, that’s not a proper form of communication presently, as though to reference the past, by image, photo, or thought to purposefully charade, sometimes when we do not know what to say we observe, such as photographing ourselves, when we are feeling lost, and our journey back to wellness, and re-entering the work force, that’s a proper way of documenting ones progress, who else cares anyways, its for my own use, its not a movie, to be observed by anyone, for that matter. If you have no experience studying people, then don’t engage in any activities in which you study and potentially injure someone who you come to know and after your analysis think poorly of, hurt anyone who has subjected themselves to being read by all, not everyone will like you in life, and not everyone will act in ways to benefit you, or to acknowledge you, that’s not the purpose for sharing to be marketed by anyone other than myself, I can shine on my own, I don’t need any reinforcements in life, to drive traffic to my work, I didn’t even need to share about where I grew up, or what I went through in law school. Ive been hospitalized 9x I think Ive been through enough. Its not helpful to personalize writings too much, in fact it’s a very uncomfortable experience to be put on blast like you are something you are not, simply because you made an effort to respond to what was not working, and given your schooling, experience and background, wanted to help, as a not yet publicized public figure, with a platform gifted to me, being a person of significance with a special viewpoint, not everyone has such a balanced perspective when it comes to fame, notoriety, controversy, humor, defamation, pressures, as well as the cycles of harm you endure if you engage in any alcohol or drugs, your behavior always dictates how you are treated, and if you were raised to be proper than be proper when you are supposed to be professional, some may not think youre writing is smart, but if they have not read other peoples writings, then maybe they should be less judgmental of you, by your form of expressions, granted you have been through controversies in life and were raised to behave well speak well and to represent yourself and others well by always doing your best, I was always a good friend to my friends, and have never had difficulty making friends in life, always picked up at the bars, so I figured it would be worth it to present my writings online, and allow others to get to know me, to decide whether to pursue a career in writing, and make sure to only write about whats appropriate to share to all, why I don’t talk about others here specifically or mention peoples names, because that would defeat the purpose, of allowing them time to heal, from what they have overcome in life, not be brought into a story, that already has elements which caused me to go to the hospital repeatedly, that’s something others may find humor in the failing health of someone who is supposed to be well smart and well adjusted as a law student, people rarely grant sympathies to anyone they would expect more from, like what school they go to, who theyre dating, who theyre friends with, what their lifestyle is like, there are so many ways to get trashed these days, it seems like the go to move, for anyone who thinks someone who is not refined and beautiful is somewhat stupid or theyre alone because theyre a reject or defective jealous of the traits of others, no I have always loved myself, and respect all people, where is that coming from? And why would someone treat someone who has kept to themselves their whole life, like theyre just some imitation trying to come up, by campaigning, or telling their story about how they were affected by homicide, like Im being inappropriate online, that’s life, deal with it, not everyone you will think deserves to have lived a traumatic life put in the news, that doesn’t mean put them down like its their own fault.
Its clear that in order to have a broad understanding (with appreciation) for how the world works, you must first start with identifying what your immediate needs and cares are, its not something we think about on a regular basis, our personal strengths and weaknesses, and what prevents us from moving forward or experiencing pain in life. When you know whats important to you, and who is important to you, you learn to manage your time, doing your best, whether or not you need to publicly demonstrate that or self-identify as you are. It seems that anyone trying to read into you, first looks for what your about, checks for any flaws to anything you have said, looking for causes for setbacks, or reasons for success, to measure your worth, for what reasons is that important, who ever said it was a requirement to be anything to look up to, admire, believe in, or trust, writing is not a leadership position, to which one is required to direct others in terms of identifying whats important to them, we are all deserving having individualized interests, and maintain a unique understanding of the world, not pre-determined by the past, or to be pre-determined by other peoples thoughts, that would only lead to overconsumption and cause a lack of motivation, its better to live life thinking about life and learning as you go, and with reservations (as to your own personal interests) make decisions in life, living life does not always require you to account for everyone elses individualized interests, especially if any of those interests are to see you not do well in life, suffer hardships, or not succeed, based upon their past judgements of you when well, and after experiencing hardships, seek to reinforce that you have not overcome the worst of your troubles in life, and someone who will get sick again and fail, nothing is certain, once you experience mental health issues it’s a (chemical imbalance that requires medication management to fix, undo, or make better a disorganized state of thinking, or being, it takes time to learn about your condition, get used to the ups and downs, and figure out what works best for you, everyone is different). One of the beauties of life, is to figure things out for yourself, and when you find what your looking for, upon being exposed to different sets of ideals, and finished work products, that you learn to appreciate how long it has taken to create, produce, and distribute any finished works, which were mass produced, voted upon, selected for viewing, and eventually made popular, to be consumed by the masses, theres a system of acceptance, that’s not marketing, thats quality control on what works are focused upon and for how long and at what time shared, and with relevance to current turmoils, hopefully speak to the issues that cannot otherwise be expressed, in conversations with friends, a way to bring out emotions, or reflect how we feel, or would like to feel, but cant put into words, and not able to feel that way on our own, some moments its okay to be dependent on systems of support for a better understanding of your world, that’s why I like the entertainment industry. Ive only attended one premiere and grew up best friends with someone whos Father was a very successful athlete, and very famously prosecuted, now as adults, that was very painful to experience, for ourselves, that interest toward any of us, critical of those affected, who survived our childhoods, matured and have moved on, been schooled, and gotten jobs, have to go back in time to tell any stories about our upbringing, like we have made it in life, to a better place in life, which would make the sharing of ones childhood traumas helpful, when I get to a point, where I can share how I have overcome controversy I will let you know, right now all I have to show are my resume, a soccer ball, photos that I could find, mostly well moments, the public sphere was not a natural choice, never really participated on Facebook, except when I had something important to say, I never really expected to go through so many pains public speaking. The point is everyones story is important but that doesn’t mean you have to share it, maybe the time will never be right, to say I (or we) went through a lot, and we still lived life like normal people, unaffected by the news, anyones opinions, not paranoid protected, and under the guidance of our families, were given choices in life, the only adversity I think faced, is upon taking chances in life, dating or being out in the open, has the potential for being misunderstood as someone trying to shine, to shine light on a painful period in time, that’s not what makes a person special their pains in life, or their losses, we may not have all been blessed to grow up at OJs house, but that doesn’t mean that we all don’t get affected, upon disassociating from those who have impacted our viewpoints in life, stop staying in contact, its probably for those reasons, upon not doing well in life, and past failure, you become a difficult person to connect with, and that’s the worst repercussion, of taking chances in life, is not being able to resume your life as it was, normal.
Always be prepared, when in Rome, to rise to the occasion, that means being able to step outside your comfort zone, and adjust your settings to meet the needs of those around you. Its not all about you. While youd like to think that you have time to fix yourself, until perfection is reached, that’s not how life works, not always at your best will you be approved of, or generate the types of acceptances in life required to be considered a keeper. Especially based upon the way you look, never thin enough, never healthy enough, never confident enough, it seems mood means everything these days when in the company of others, if youre not a happy person, and not comfortable with yourself, then it will be a difficult journey to say the least, just don’t get worse before you get better, and don’t listen to any criticisms, that do not accurately define where you are at in life, if there is nothing wrong with you there is nothing wrong with you, so long as you able to function and excel at whatever it is you set your heart to, then nothing should stop you from continuing to do well, despite whatever obstacles stand in your way, you may not be a happy person, and the days may seem monotonous and difficult while trying to improve upon your best, not all progress is valued or noticed, no one new coming into your life, who doesn’t accept you fully upon meeting you, is ever intending to hurt you, when they want to see better, or think that you should be “working” or keeping a job, not all are capable of getting jobs, and not all are fit emotionally to handle the pressures of working, it’s a tough world, people are not easy to please these days, and if youre too old to start your life over again, then start somewhere you are familiar, that matches your skillset, don’t get bogged down, taking jobs, that don’t match your skillset, you’ll likely wind up feeling not good enough, in any environment that requires constant energy and enthusiasm and dedication to the hours spent working, a lot of trust and diligence is required of anyone, trying to make it in life, if youre not consistent enough, and your heart wanders, then don’t be surprised when you are given a hard time in life disconnecting from your workload, it happens, sometimes you just don’t feel like things are right, or that you could be somewhere else, doing what you love and be happier, more proud of yourself, you would think that going to work working and going home and sleeping and going back to work is enough of an achievement in life, how strong do you need to be to show up everyday, sleep on time, and attack each day with the same gusto and professionalism as the day before, don’t we all get sidetracked by personal issues, be present, if you cant stay sharp, and feel gone, maybe youre tired, or maybe that’s just your personality type, that just means its not a match, you cant force anything to happen that’s not working for you, and you cant please people in life, who you don’t feel comfortable with or intimidated by, not all personalities empower one another, and sometimes at your expense others will shine. You learn as you get older, how important it is to be present, zoning out or getting tired, is excusable when you are at home working your own hours, but in a work environment, you are not allowed those types of pauses in life, everyone wants eye contact, and clear responses to all their questions, you cant just show up and do the work and leave, for some reason, part the process of becoming a professional requires you to be comfortable in any environment you choose, I used to be that way, can talk to anyone, am myself no matter where I go, at what point do you become impressionable, or manipulated, if you feel small around others, its probably because you don’t feel like you fit in, and if you outgrow a position, maybe its because you did all the work, and not making as much progress professionally (ie learning) as you had anticipated, not all jobs give back in that way, it used to be the case that you could take any job, and everything learned gave you better insight, so as applied, those insights give you a better or more clear picture of where you fit in best, and if youre tired and don’t have the energy to work everyday, then stay home, don’t max yourself out, if someone doesn’t understand your disability in life, then don’t push yourself to your limits physically and mentally, that’s not how one gets better or improves, by being pushed hard in life, some of us fall apart. #mentalhealth
When one door closes another one opens, or so we thought, when your options become limited in life, your focus doesn’t always narrow with it, too often we think of everything missing from our lives and the reasons we’ve built up in our heads, for things being the way they are, you’ll never get far in life, accepting your condition the way it is, that’s when change is necessary. Taking the first step isn’t an easy process, youre never really moving forward until you wind up in a different place in life, and it all begins with spiritual awareness, acknowledgement of where you are now, motivated by dreams of where you want to be in life, and then doing what you need to do in order to end up places in life other than where you are at the moment. I don’t believe that all people are capable of living freely when they are unhappy, it never really made sense to me, why some are so critical of others, able to express their displeasures in life, and still be strong, to some that’s hot, a woman who speaks her mind, opinionated, speaking from the heart, and not afraid to share her mind. If you don’t like who you are, its hard to speak confidently and still like who you are, find your voice. Whether it be through writing, speaking, journaling, talking to others, therapy, communicating, singing, exercise, discipled study, reading, schooling, it takes awhile for most to adjust their settings, sometimes you wont know how you sound, or look until you view yourself firsthand, and make some adjustments on your own, experiences in life can change you, if you were once social and easily made friends, then there is no reason why you cant experience that again in life, but certainly not if you are being too hard on yourself, its hard to talk to anyone in a rut, people usually expect that you can at least pretend to be hyper or having a good time, isn’t that what being around people is about, excited to see eachother and talk, share a social moment in life, take a group shot, dress up, theres always so much love and pride in group photos, that you take for granted, when left to your own devices, can you glow on your own? Of course. What is happiness? Felling well, being young, living for the moment, how put together must you be to continue living life and meet people? So long as you don’t get lost or hurt in the process of loving the wrong people in life, never wait too long for change to happen, especially when it comes to loving people, the right ones will step into your life, once you have achieved a set of standards professionally that makes you an interesting catch, know your selling points in life, and don’t be afraid to talk about yourself, that’s the best part about talking to people, is talking about yourself, and opening yourself up to their questions, don’t all conversations work that way, by your interests give way to discussions that people think about when talking to you?
We all bottle up, face it, there is more to life, than our own lives, and sometimes when thinking about the world, how it works, and where we fit into the picture, we can lose track of whats really important to spend our time and our energies on, our own lives, not the lives of others, with respect by comparison to where we are at in life, anyone who is anyone, never gets places in life, to dependent upon the hows and whys of life, and more focused on themselves, and doing daily for themselves what is necessary in order for them to live their best in life, you wont always find windows in life, that is people you admire, look up to, want to be like, or who introduce you to a better way of looking at life, also known as inspiration, how nice would it be if even upon meeting someone in life, we could suddenly feel lifted and able again, believe in ourselves, and forsee a better future for ourselves, independent financially, and realize our own self worth, not all people are gifted in that way to appreciate their upbringing, and the simple things in life, always wanting more. From my standpoint, blogging is a positive outlet, a place where I can make sense, even if what I thinking or how Im feeling reaches a standstill, that’s not boredom, that’s just feeling stuck, you haven’t lost any of your abilities in life, simply because you feel frozen or overwhelmed, at any new beginning in life, you’ll feel as though you have nothing from the start, and once you start a new chapter, look back, and say to yourself, well if I never tried, or didn’t do this this or that, then I wouldn’t be feeling the way I am feeling now, that’s a window you created for yourself, establishing a new connection, or getting a new job, meeting new people, and being exposed to other people, who have their own lives, outside of the issues piled up in your head about life, who are able to function without discussion of what they think, and able to express themselves freely, without remorse, having life figured out, not all minds meet when it comes to all subjects, always be about yourself, how you feel matters, and if its someone you meet, or know who exists in a public space, and whos existence in a public space, bothers you, then that’s your opinion or judgment of them, thinking that there is another way for them to live life, as though they are dodging responsibilities in life, such as having real friendships, relationships, getting married, or getting a job, a hobby is a side project, writing is a gift, and building a website takes dedication time and effort to learn how to, pay for the services, apply for the banners, individually, get approvals, get ranked, all of these steps are required to get liked, that is for people to see you, know you, accept you, and like you, it takes time, to be accepted, especially if everyone thinks its okay to make fun of you, or your connections in life, and thinks that because of your connections in life, that you have benefited specially in anyway, no we all struggle to rise above issues, and not make other peoples problems our own, that’s one the biggest problems with being a public speaker, figuring out how well known, and how important your voice is in the grand scheme of things, when it comes to the interpretation of current works and works past, always pride yourself in whatever work you have managed to accomplish, and never give up, no matter what doubts others hold toward you, and no matter what connections you fathom, seek to avoid in the future, contributing to causes for breaking down a system of confidence and professionalism, and the historical basis for the happiness achieved by those who work hard, life was never meant to be this complicated, if you cant work hard and feel good, and need to be a long distance runner, and lose 50 lbs to look good in a photo, and require makeup to look feminine or pretty, at what point do you stop, and say you know what, I don’t feel like Im at my best right now, and I will not allow what anyone has to say about me to bother me, understand that it is never your fault if you get hurt by the misinterpretations of others, and don’t allow your disposition in life, to reinforce those who think that their lives are better than yours therefore your life must not be a good life, or by example, anything worth reading, as though your experiences in life, are not normal, or a product of your own poor decision making, no what happens to you in life, is a reflection of the times, that you are only as good as you are able to stay well, and beyond that point of approachability, are difficult to contact or bring into anyones life, who expects you to have a life of your own, this is why maintaining friendships are important, it seems who you are independent of others, is a visual measure of what you have to offer if you are presented with an opportunity to have a relationship in life, or you can just go to Bungalow and make a bunch of new friends get numbers, and ask yourself, that was not challenging, whats their point?
 Amazon Book Writing Inc. (Book #1)
 Keidi Keating (Book #2) (1/2)
 Torah Bontrager (Blog Advice)