The most crucial time for a person to develop their personality is the phase that comes after childhood. Not that the initial years do not hold any importance in the personality growth, but what a person learns right after that molds their personality accordingly. So, my personal life was affected in different ways due to the changes in my academic and social life throughout my high school and college life. I would not say that life was fair to me but how life treated me actually made me stronger than ever and most of it happened when I was a student. It took me many years to figure out what I could do to help those who go through similar issues in life.
I learned how to deal with the uncertainty through sobriety and processing events in a way that would bring closure. Its not always necessary to know what will happen in the future. Ignoring the fear of publicity is one thing, and coming forward is another. Sometimes we face problems that not only affect our families but those closest to us. Until mature enough to understand difficulty, it is thought change we learn, not forever be disrupted in our lives but the key to overcome them would be my personal growth. Sometimes, in order to ignore the salacious rumors and contagious gossip, we are required to overcome our fears. I always tried my best to accept my past and move on by forgiving those who harmed the ones closest to me and being compassionate, no matter what happened.
There are moments in life when time freezes and it looks like that we are stuck and cannot move forward. I have personally felt that I am living a nightmare from which I cannot wake up. Don’t you feel the same when you get stuck at the moment and just wait for it to pass? Additionally, we overthink that if we did something differently, then things would not have turned out the way they did and only if we had the power to change the past, we could have been living a better life. This pessimism to realize our own powerlessness when events happen to us that we have no control over will eventually weaken us, so make sure you put an end to this.
Throughout the past few years, I have worked very hard to set myself apart from others and overcome my anxiety issues. I’ve learned to forgive those who harmed me and my loved ones, realizing that there is nothing I can do but show compassion and support, despite being hospitalized 8 times for 112 days following a suicide attempt February 2009 before attending Law School. As I continue to change through these hardships, without throwing my life away, it has become more and more clear to me that alcohol is not the solution moving forward, and leaves too much room for error, decision making wise, and with your guard down, too trusting of others, until you wake up do you realize what’s gone wrong, and by that time the damage has already been done, first things first forgive yourself, and let life happen to you not the opposite. When you are in control of your emotions, not setbacks in life, keep you feeling separate and apart from others, these are just feelings, and so is the silent treatment, be careful not to mistake one for the other, for the sake of poignancy and being honest with others, always be yourself. The less you give to others, the more you have, and the less you expect from others the more you get out of life, by being focused on yourself, while paying attention to your surroundings, but not to the extent that your surroundings take hold of your emotions, be misread, it is then you that gets criticized or sized up upon how you respond to others, that is wellness to me.
Since leaving the hospital June 2017 (28 days) I have tried to make a positive change which was much needed to remove myself from the cycle of trauma, and be proactive. When I decided to volunteer for a local crisis hotline (upon recommendation) I was only 19, Sophomore Year 2004, after two years of experience listening to those in crisis, I decided to research and compose an honors thesis while sober, having achieved a 3.8 GPA in Sociology I learned that your graduation designation is based upon your GPA and if written, an honor thesis for designation. This I thought important after having attended my Brother’s graduation, and digital camera stolen with family photos, I had left the party alone, walked back to the hotel in Boston via cell phone directions from my Brother. Since I started blogging I have discussed many sensitive issues many people become a victim of, only because I have experienced these circumstances myself, know now the best preventative measures, is non-discussion, and that being proactive is about building a new life for yourself, not by reliving the past. While defending my honor’s thesis entitled, ‘Dealing with Vicarious Trauma and Managing Emotions While Providing Advocacy to Survivors of Sexual Assault’ after having heard stories and the shared experience of trauma as discussed by others coming forward, I realized that more work is to be done, and its not by choice people meet, but by the decisions we make while avoiding trauma and tragedy which sets us apart from others, sometimes its just about luck, not necessarily the fault of those to whom trust is given, but also our responsibility to set boundaries for ourselves, that leaves less room for error upon disabling ourselves, that is drinking, never balme oneself for hardhsips, every hardship can be undone, if not reported, to alleviate the stress associated with keeping secrets. As a professional I have learned what to remember and what not to, whats to be kept in secret and whats necessary to report, this is by learning the difference between reality and personal pains, or sensitivities, that sometimes its not all in my head after being told “you did this to yourself” remember to prove others wrong, rejected or not. -I did this type of volunteering to develop a deeper understanding of the negative consequences which arise due to traumatic events in life and can disrupt someone’s feelings of safety, emotional stability, and ability to adapt. Being a volunteer helped me to recover from the past and this spiritual healing has had a significant impact on the person I am today more resilient, but always sensitive to the needs of others to a fault, sometimes at my own expense, the better bid of the joke goes to others, not on my own accord, to my good standing, this is a controversial issue, what leads our thinking and patterns, and when the negative is focused upon, how we behave in alignment, with those judgments, or do a better job of representing ourselves and the best interests of others.
To be honest, it is not until we experience pain ourselves that we begin to understand the pain associated with a significantly traumatizing event in one’s history. I have analyzed that what we do in the present is vitally important to see where I stand in the upcoming future. I have since tried to clarify any misconceptions that others had regarding my decision of attending law school.
I had the habit of contemplating my life choices but this time, I finally came to a pause. During this period when I was unable to be decisive for myself, I reached out to those people whom I trusted and respected a lot. I always took advice from the more mature ones because the kind of pressure I used to put on myself was overwhelming to handle. I have always been honest with my seniors and never in any way tried to outsmart or undermine my professors or the administrative personnel in their abilities to do their job. In fact, I often visited the administrator’s office to handle forms and turn in papers in person because I felt comfortable around them and trusted them.
Also, I never questioned their authoritative powers and always thought that I am in their good books. However, when I started dating my ex-boyfriend, the climate around me began to change and I did not understand the reason behind it. It was evident that I was being judged based on the fact that I had started dating which is everyone’s basic right. Because of this, I became very depressed and could not focus on my studies at all. With the passage of time, this started affecting my academic life and my grades dropped. I never really found a law school that much difficult and was always the brightest student in my class. I also had this feeling that this was a school that I could excel in and stand out and not for once did I feel that I was being downgraded or that I was being discriminated based on my personal preferences.
The Importance of Education on My Personal Growth
I knew I had to recover from what had happened in my past and with the passage of time, I developed my cognitive abilities and never stopped learning from my mistakes. I learned how to turn myself into a better human and how to be more effective in working with others and helping others. The experiences that I found most rewarding in my life were the ones when I tried to make a difference in someone else’s life. This is how I grew up, by having this desire to be of society’s help whenever I can. With this personality trait of mine, I gained enough confidence in my ability to take the challenges that life tested me with. I always felt as though I could do more for people, and this is where my interest in law began. I knew how to talk to people who were in crisis and the skills I attained by working with victims made me more sensitive to their needs. Since I was small, I always found it immensely satisfying to help those in need throughout their most terrifying and traumatic life experiences, by giving them the support and access to resources they needed in order to cope up with life.
It takes just a single person to believe in someone who is otherwise ignored and dismissed by the rest of society to make a difference.. Even the blessings of your loved ones count which help with increasing awareness and understanding of those who are having difficulties to move on toward a more productive life. It would not be wrong to say that the end of my senior year marked the most significant growth in my academic career and personal life. During my academic career, I recognized the importance of helping myself before assisting others. I learned that in order to influence change in other people’s lives, I would have to develop the capacity to overcome the personal setbacks which had been preventing me from reaching my true capability to help others.
Not only did I address the problems and dilemmas students like me had been facing on a frequent basis, but I also learned how to deal with trauma and vicarious symptoms of it. This is how I became aware of different ways to help myself adapt to the personal changes I was undergoing. I was also motivated to help those who went through the similar debilitating effects. Effects which can disturb someone’s personal, emotional, professional, and intellectual capacity needed to succeed academically.
Going to law school enabled me to extend my role within this profession so that I would be able to provide legal advocacy to those in need, especially to those experiencing the pains and trauma of being victims of a crime. I was doing a major in sociology which helped me explore my writing capabilities, and I challenged myself academically. I was making the most of my education both as an undergraduate of CU (City University Los Angeles) and as a student in the ABA Approved Paralegal Certificate Program at West Los Angeles College.
As a sociology major and honors student I was aware of the problems individuals and groups in society go through, and I became equally fascinated by what I could do to get involved and make change happen in the lives of others. In order for me to fully understand the fundamental underpinnings of social problems, I had to immerse myself in the problem itself. Rather than being a bystander and passing my judgments on the basis of other people’s experiences, my intellectual capacity was measured by the way I adapted to certain conditions in life. I wanted to examine the problems for myself and address issues that may have been overlooked by those who are different from myself.
I may be young, but rather than getting frustrated with life, I have found education to be the only positive outlet for me to express myself by sharing my ideas, beliefs, and opinions to those who have not experienced what I have. Being able to communicate myself through quotes and blogs has been the sole means for me to grow past the pain of trauma. Not just that but I was also able to develop a deeper understanding of how those experiences can be utilized in a positive manner.
We are either embraced by those who understand us and are similar to ourselves, or we are rejected. I have always been fascinated and drawn to those who are different from myself as such people have taught me the most about myself. We all thrive in an environment that challenges us to step out of our comfort zone. Just like I embraced my weaknesses and found comfort in the unknown, you can also reach out to your strengths to overcome setbacks and insecurities that prevent you from reaching certain goals in academics and work experiences. What we do today and the choices we make in life have a significant influence on the person we want to be one day.
The skills that I have learned as an ABA Certified Paralegal and Certified Crisis Hotline Counselor has significantly influenced the way I see the world today. Especially when responding to others, whether I represent myself in the same way as I was before being hospitalized for 112 days, I’ll never have the pleasure of meeting myself as well. While interning as a paralegal at the City Attorney’s Office, I have learned the importance of building and maintaining professional relationships with the people I work with. This strengthened my ability and capacity to communicate well with people under stressful and crisis situations. As I extended my role as a legal advocate, I began volunteering for Public Counsel’s ‘Community Development Project,’ applying the skills I learned as an intern paralegal and taking the roles and responsibilities as the primary paralegal assisting two attorneys in the project.
With each and every new experience, I am learning how to not only better myself, but also how to be more effective in working with others and helping others. The experiences I find most rewarding in life are the ones in which I can help make a difference in another’s life. I feel that by working on the hotline and by being involved in student groups. I have gained confidence in the ability to take more leadership positions and the confidence needed to pursue future goals in life and stay well.