2009 was a very difficult year for my family. I was in the process of applying to Law Schools, and preparing to take the LSAT for a third time, to see if I could get a better score. 2009 February was the year and month in which I attempted suicide, have since not attempted suicide, but any event in which I cause harm to myself is interpreted as such, suicidal behavior, thus leading to the jumping of conclusions about me, the medications I am on, and questions as to whether any drinking, drug use, or promiscuity is taking place. In addition, because I lived in West Hollywood at the time I attempted suicide, questions as to my sexual orientation as being questioned as whether that played a role in my suicide attempt. A lot of questions, if you would just be so kind as to be patient with me, your answers to those questions would be provided, when you put me in defensive mode, the information is not provided in the same methodical way and a separate timeline is made, to justify the occurrence of events leading up to my suicide attempt.
Side-note: Out of courtesy to my efforts to be as through and clear and honest as possible, if its not mentioned its either not related to the current discussion, or not related to any discussion -a separate event, with no post ramifications or affect on my decision making.
August 2008 – Attended Susan Casden’s Birthday party, invited personally by invitation to attend addressed to my home, and attended in Las Vegas. I bought a dress at Neiman Marcus and shoes, Louboutins. Dressed to the nines, at 136-142lbs, everyone complimented my attire, said that I looked so thin, I never wear tight clothes, but in Las Vegas, thought was appropriate given the invitation’s directions of how to dress. Performances included Journey with e Filipino cover singer, and Marilyn Manson’s Ex-Girlfriend Dita Von Teese. I sat at the Bar drinking during the performance, had lost my date by that time, and was depressed he was missing did not get to dance with him and enjoy the festivities. I was so drunk I cried walking through the Casino, after getting in a fight with my then boyfriend, who wanted to after party at The Wynn with his friends, Sober (from Cocaine) I did not want to attend an after party, where drug use was a possibility. I wish I had a picture to show, there are some, Susan has, a few posted on Facebook. We were told not to bring Cameras to the event, I followed directions.
Fall 2008 – Attended a Southwestern School of Law Orientation in September prior to applying to Law School, in which a Vanna White Lecture was given, case briefed. At the time, #BloggingCampaign was not a thought, and the idea of putting my life into Movies was not a thought or idea, did not think that that was already being done at the time that case was briefed, participated, rose my hand. If personally affected or related I would have been quiet, frozen.
Spring 2009 – Someone shot at the White House, prior to which I have Facebook messaged my then boyfriend, paranoid about a Youtube video with my car in it, requested that he please take the Video down, you can see my license plate, upon which he responded its not a big deal, you cant even see your license plate. Begging him to stop, and told him to go back to School. At that point I was very clear, told him “you almost had the President assassinated.” Knowing it was a 1. Video about a paranoid man driving and camping with a canoe attached to the top of my car 2. Susan Casden’s Party.
Spring 2009 – I applied to The LA City Attorney’s Office as a Law Clerk, job was recommended for me to apply to by Mark Estrada, a USC graduate and present Law Clerk, who was also friends with Aryan Sarbaz, a Windward classmate of mine, which I questioned him about, after I did not get the job. I was an Intern Paralegal at the time. – Re: my personal statement, it was recommended to me by my Brother to talk about how I was affected by the Simpson Trial, and how that affected my decision to apply to Law School, and to show my personal statement to as many people as possible for feedback. I listened and did so, it was very awkward thereafter, my supervisors not understanding why I was having them read my personal statement to law school, one Attorney Supervisor who assisted me goes, who knows “maybe you can run for President one day.” I smiled on the inside, with my eyes, not sure what he meant by that, it only processed as must have written a great essay about myself, glad I will stand out from the other applicants. I did not get into my first choice Southwestern, however I was advised by Kendra Elstad’s Mom, who prepped me going into Law School, telling me that I would be Campaigning for myself, and that personal statements are to explain such and such (I forget now, wrote it down), and to in addition provide any additional details if necessary about any grades that would need to be explained or glitches in your transcript, which at that time I did explain, in an Addendum to my Personal Statement to discuss my academic record which was submitted with my personal statements to Law Schools.
Spring 2009 – I applied to the Navy, as a Paralegal, filled out a paper application, at their offices on Wilshire, at that time I was told that my chances of being accepted would not be high, because I was on medication, and that they do not accept applicants on Medication, and that I would need to be off all medication for basic training.
Spring 2009 – The night of the Grammys Rob picked me up from my apartment in West Hollywood and dropped me off at my Dad’s house, I was already having paranoia at that point, Rob had flushed my Adderrall down the toilet as he thought that was the problem, I got sick after reading the Depositions and Blog Posts and Johnny Cochran’s Website, and called Sydney crying saying “this should have never happened to your Mother,” I think I was processing everything late. The Depositions had a fill in line, missing was Terrence Watson’s name, knowing the name, I told her by text that this was all his fault, he was the one name on the Deposition that was redacted or not included or provided. I was only a Paralegal Student then. –I later went on to study James Bond in Great Britain, who made a Movie in which he said that Jason did it, so did the Psychic, when Caroline in Colorado asked me who I thought did it, high on Cocaine I told her that the Psychic looking at a picture said that she thought that Jason did it, so that was the story that was repeated. So when James Bond came out with a Movie, I immediately felt responsible for the rumor.
[Fogging out, tired]
To be continued . . .
I. Main Point of this Passage – Fast Forward:
A. (Purposes for which this information was introduced at this time, in this sequence in relation to the rest of my blog posts ….
II. (Side-note: Each post is not related in sequence as these are excerpts separate unless included in the same passage should not be read sequentially as related to one another or prompting the next dear Instagram followers, there are breaks, those posts are not written continuously, each prompting the next).
I. Main Point (continued)
2009 Discussion – To get to the point at which I committed Suicide was for a number of reasons, none of which included my current sexual orientation which is unrelated to my suicide attempt, I am single straight.
Outline Why I Committed Suicide:
- No not related to not attending the Women’s March and feeling bad, why suicidal now, suicidal now because Im tired of explaining why I attempted suicide, for you to quiz me as to prior responses to see if Im telling the truth, I am always 100% honest and thorough, the language may not be the same and order of importance how listed as these are not memorized responses, but from memory and the heart.
- Side Note: you cannot take a later happening to prove a prior happening, you cannot say because suicidal now, if circumstances like, then was a cause for suicide then, at that time unlike now, we are not talking about things in retrospect, you cannot compare now to then because then I was mentally ill and now I am not mentally ill, you cannot compare now to then because then when I committed suicide I was not on adderrall and now I am on adderrall. Then I had no support, now everyone supports me.
- I wrote a suicide note – dear reader a suicide note is not known it’s a suicide note at the time it was written it later becomes a suicide note, because it was the last note written prior to committing suicide, no suicide was not a planned event for me.
- This is material I wish to outline in detail in a book, very private personal information, and its very upsetting now pried out as somehow relevant to now, if it were relevant I would have included details that you are now asking me to discuss as a pop quiz which are not relevant.
- (3a – continued) In that suicide note *important information #1: I did not wrongfully accuse my Father of Murder, I was asked who do you think did it (after he read my “suicide note” which means because he asked who do you think did it, means that it was not mentioned not clear whether I knew who did it and that persons name was not listed as it was later asked because not known having read my suicide note, otherwise he would not have asked me “who do you think did it?” *Main point -upon which I responded that I think my Father did this, (later clarification after law school which I can now articulate but which law school did not teach me, by the way I slammed my head into the door in the psych ward, which prompted nurses to drag me down the hall and strap me to a bed because I was hurting myself) -by the way he responded to the Deposition, left doors open as to fault. No I never thought my Dad did it, it was the questioning that caused me to believe that there was suspicion as to my Family’s involvement with Sydney’s family and to what effect if any their lives were related at all, and what information they had, after the Murder trial had concluded as to who would be found at fault.
This is information Id rather write about in a Book, not my Blog, this space is reserved for Professional Writings by me, articles, editorial pieces, not to share very private and personal information from my life, not in this way. I need to be alone, Im upset, I just want to run now, need quiet time to process.
So why Suicide? I was dumped, told to go home. When I drove to Rob’s house. No I had not called Rob yet. After Elliot had sent a group text message while Rob was at my house telling us that “Leslie has serious mental health issues” what are you talking about? After Elliot called me a “bitch” because I answered Rob’s phone, while he was in the restroom, I heard it ring.
“go home” is a comment in the song “Turn it down for what” – in the background I can hear my brother saying “go home.” That’s not very nice.
To be continued.