Taking a break from blogging, need to rest, maxed out in terms of content. Im not feeling well, and if Im not feeling well, what I have to say, will not benefit others to hear from me. I either need to go to the hospital to fix my condition, or stop engaging with others in public if I am not strong enough. I wish everyone well, and glad that others are doing better now, whether or not I am able to do well. Its important that I improve or else my life becomes more difficult than it needs to be. I do support everyones wellness, and Im sorry if my condition now does not support the wellness of others. If I am not well, then I cannot be of positive influence, especially during COVID, if I am talking about things that cause me pain, or are painful subjects addressed. You will work hard in life, that doesn’t mean that you will be smart or feel smart. Once you look stupid, it will be difficult to work, be trusted, respected, or given privileges in life. And that’s called suffering on your own merits. Ive never been one to blame others, respond to everyones texts, and never one to judge anyone as the source of my instability past, but understand that because of who I was and based on who I hooked up with, judged as a “weirdo” or not pretty. I was called “tone deaf” “lesbo” “schizoid” online with nude photos of me published, with hate commentary and hashtagged to OJ and his Family, to treat me similarly as responsible for the conditions of others. Im not connected, Im known, and if known, or famous, one should be taught to control what is thought about them, by having a public persona, not just stay home study or date privately, and that’s how you get looked at for error, and that makes living difficult. When you get situated in a position of responsibility for the health of others, if you are not able to stay well yourself, self-harm is not therefore an excuse from liability to claim mental illness, it’s a condition upon looking well hearing voices, and then hitting my head, punching my head as hard as I can, I used to just hit my head lightly, its gotten worse, not better. I think with mental health issues on meds, based on your education get treated as a normal person in life. A type A personality lawyer, Im not a lawyer, so to be told I was one, if with the degree I was going for in life, make fun of how I got in with ¾ a JD, is hurting me as though I lie for acceptances, or have not met the required number of coursework to get into a law program. I understand my intelligence as not well is unimpressive, and if my condition poor hard to love. I never tried to be loveable or be Americas sweetheart, those positions are reserved for those who are positive and well, not people who talk about private problems out loud mentally ill. You cannot fake wellness, I think I have given it my best online, and need to take a break now. Return to wellness, and when I recover write on a good day, not when I am mentally ill in pain.
Originally Posted: 10-08-20