Goal achieved this week. Slept two days in a row.
Slept 9pm Saturday to 6:30am Monday.
And back to prescribed doses. Down to 40 mg adderrall a day from 100mg a day. I dont feel like shooting myself in the head anymore. And take 1 mg Risperdal every night to sleep, cant sleep without Risperdal, since May 2014. Traumatized forcibly fingered after snorting a gram of Cocaine frozen.
I need a gun.
I should have born a guy. I fucking hate being girl.
Im pretty much a guy trapped in a Woman's body. Im a tomboy.
My Mom and Sydney's Mom made fast friends because they were both tomboys. Not naturally feminine, had to put a lot of effort into it, both a little rough around the edges. They were very beautiful and both had kids and very successful husbands. I think now my Mom appreciates my Dad, why she works for him, but at the time she left him, and moved out, I dont think she understood how much hardship she'd endure alone, my Mom lived in isolation for many years until High School I encouraged her to go out and make friends and she started dating again, found herself, stopped wearing sweatpants everyday, washing cars, keeping to herself. My Mom went through a lot of embarrassment when I was a child butchered by the Media, demoralized, she said. I think that made her very insecure, anti-social, and raised me to be very picky about who I surround myself with. It was really just Star Magazine that embarrassed my Mom, but she changed, affected her ability to raise her children, very withdrawn, needing to be alone, uncomfortable around people, paranoid, and judgmental. She won the lawsuit, but you cant really undo that kind of harm to someones reputation. My Mom was a great Mom, and a great friend to Nicole and her family, she didnt deserve to made to look stupid. Just cause she's Asian and English is her second language doesnt mean she's stupid. Why do you think I work so fucking hard, to make my parents proud, no man is worth setting aside my esteem for, my parents didnt raise me to get bitched around rejected and spoken to like Im retarded. -Im Super Johnny and Jodi Foster, peace. I need to exude confidence, I dont need to suck cock to get ahead in life, I can have a good life on my own merits by my own hard work academically and professionally, dont make me look desperate and needy because you need that to feel secure -then Im not the right person for you find someone else dont change me to suit your needs then complain thats called being manipulative to disempower another to feel empowered is called taking advantage of anothers weaknesses to feel powerful, do so on your own, not by stepping on another. What a low blow, Ive taken a few too many in my short life so far.
Motion for Continuance in FISCHMAN v. BROWN, for INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS.