“Caption under photo” (Facebook 2013) by: Leslie Fischman posted 060513
Um, hello. Excuse me. Huh? Oh, sorry you must have not heard me you had your earbuds in. Oh yeah, sorry I'm just having a moment to myself. Can I see your glasses. Um...sure. Hand them over to him, he looks at them, then hand them back, and says I really like your glasses those are nice. I go, thank you. I'm sorryIm not in the mood to talk to anyone right now, but it was very nice to meet you, hope you have a good night. Then sitting and drinking I see him pass by again and again, then walking with a girl who kind of looked like me. --The following morning, standing outside, I saw an older man in sweat pants and zip up warm up jacket, with his head down, solemn, and looking into the Ferrari display window, I was smoking seated on the planter ledge, he stood out to me but did not think anything of it. I did homework inside at the sandwich shop, and put in a call to the prison where Sydney's Dad is, and told the warden specifically that I was being put under heavy scrutiny since her father went to jail, and told him that I did not want to get involved in any conspiracies and told him about my conversation with Sydney in Feb 2009, after reading a few absurd allegations which needed clarification to set the record straight and put everyones marbles in the same basket and not scattered all over the place burning bridges left and right unnecessarily. No I have never had any intent to publish a book sold in book stores or online for a profit because I want a regular job I don't want to be famous or talk about something that would rehash old tensions, but since everyone else is free to address such topics in the mainstream I thought I would offer my commentary and two cents like a Fox News Junior Reporter for $hits and Giggles. Since everyone is seems to be having a good time making fun of me and Mark Zuckerberg, and Jack, and Mashable, and Google --No we don't know each other, and no we don't correspond, but the FIRST PERSON I CORRESPONDED WITH WAS MARK ZUCKERBERG IN JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2009 IN A STATE OF PANIC AND EXPLAINED TO HIM EXACTLY WHAT I FEELING AND WHY AND WHAT WAS GOING ON, THEN WHEN I GOT NO REPLY I CREATED A PAGE ON THE WHITE HOUSE WEBSITE AND POSTED A SHORT PARAGRAPH ON WHAT I FELT WAS GOING ON (1) ADAPTATIONS (2) USE OF LIKENESS (3) INTERFERING WITH GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ABILITY TO DO THEIR JOB, BY PEOPLE MORE CONCERNED WITH THEIR REPUTATION AND PERSONAL INTERESTS THAT PUBLIC SAFETY AND WELFARE --NO ONE IS GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE FOR TALKING $HIT THATS NOT A CRIMINAL OFFENSE, BUT WHEN YOU INTERFERE WITH MY ABILITY TO INFORM TO TAKE NECESSARY PRECAUTIONS AND PREVENTATIVE MEASURES NEEDED IN ORDER TO ENSURE THE SANCTITY OF ONLINE SOCIAL MEDIA FORUMS AND PRESERVE THE MENTAL HEALTH OF INDIVIDUALS WHO MAY NOT BE IN TUNE WITH HOW YOU GUYS COMMUNICATE, TO MINIMIZE THE SHOCK VALUE, I HAVE TO BLEND IN, AND GIVE UP MY PERFECT AND CLEAN RECORD SO THAT PEOPLE WHO HATE ME CAN FEEL AT EASE, AND FOR PEOPLE WHO WOULD TRY TO STEAL MY IDENTITY OR PERSONAL INFORMATION TO GET JOBS WON'T BECAUSE NOW I HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD, BECAUSE I WAS GIVEN TWO OPTIONS (1) THE MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY IN LONG BEACH OR (2) JAIL. I CHOSE JAIL BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO BE PUT ON A 5150 HOLD, FOR MORE THAN 14 DAYS AND PUT IN 5 POINT RESTRAINTS AND STRAPPED DOWN, EYES TEARING, MUMBLING AND TALKING GARGLE SCREAMING ___________ DID THIS (BECAUSE HE WAS TALKING TOO MUCH SHIT FOR NO REASON), AND I GOT SHOT IN THE NECK WITH A NEEDLE (IN MY LEFT SIDE -SAME SIDE I FRACTURED MY COLLAR BONE ON IN 5TH GRADE IN 1995-1996 ON THE TIRE SWING LEANING BACK AND HIT THE POLE SO HARD I BLACKED OUT) ), THAT MADE MY BODY FREEZE (COLLAPSE FLAT ON THE METAL BEDFRAME I WAS TIED TO) AND LIGHTS FADE & EXPAND, KIND OF FELT LIKE THE TIME I GOT MY WISDOM TEETH PULLED BY (AN ALCOHOLIC WHO ENEDED UP LOSING HIS LICENSE) AND MY FACE BLEW UP LIKE A CHIPMUNK ON ATHLETIC AWARD DAY AT WINDWARD, DUDE STEPHANIE WAS CRACKING UP LAUGHING WHEN MY MOM KEPT TAKING PICTURE OF ME, AND PUTTING MY HAND UP LIKE MOM STOP MY FACE IS HUGE, THIS ISNT GONNA BE A GOOD PHOTO, BUT LAUGHING AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE OF HOW RIDICULOUSLY AWKWARD I LOOKED. --WHEN THEY MADE THE CAMPER VAN THEMED VIDEO (NOT THE CONTENT THAT IMMEDIATELY CONCERNED ME) BUT THE FACT THAT MY CAR WAS BORROWED TO FILM THE VIDEO IN, AND AMERITRADE'S COMMERCIAL DIRECTOR WAS THE ONE WHO STRAPPED THE CANOE TO THE TOP OF MY CAR USING CAR TOWELS TO PROTECT THE ROPE FROM RUBBING AND SCRATCHING ON THE PAINT. (OK MR. GATES, MR. ZUCKERBERG MICROSOFT WORD ZAPPED ME WITH HIS TASER GUN HE KEEPS UNDER HIS DESK, --dude I thought someone taser gunned my leg by the VA on my way home jogging it came from a van I havent seen there before, my achilles totally gave out, I thought that was awkward, it kind of hurt but thought it was just because Im out of shape. You guys suck, thats not funny, but kind of is. I just figured everyone gets discriminated, and made fun of, and given dirty looks at talked to like theyre stupid and taser gunned on jogs home, apparently that kind of stuff only happens to me. Like the time 50 harddrives magically landed on my Desktop, I thought I was a NASA space station airport there for a minute, like the Challenger that was strapped to the bigger airplane and flew from its landing pad to its place to rest.
As a voluntary soldier, in basic training, since my doctor refused to write my medical release to go back to school, the Army picks up struggling students with no purpose in life and teaches them discipline and sense of self worth when they feel worthless (thats me) I bought a bunch of gear downtown and a authentic camouflage vortex jacket (used) and on the night before the LA Marathon I drove around the entire course around Santa Monica paranoid, looking around to see how everything was being set up and organized, and liked the moonbounce theme at the last leg of the marathon, and in the morning put on my Asics which were being sponsored at the event, to be in compliance with the Moonbounce theme and sponsor themed Marathon, and put on my Asics and vortex jacket and walked up and down San Vicente, and paused at the cheer station in front of __________ that was being very loud and loud music and screaming and there weren't very many joggers just a few, the ones leading the race and that would be distracting at the last leg, and mentioned that might not be a good idea (either in my head on on my yellow pad) and put on my earbud helmet because I wasnt even running in the competition and it aggravated me and didnt pump me up at all but more like they were screaming at them. Listen I never criticized you, just suggested that might not be helpful might be distracting. I bought a jacket there and expensive t-shirt because I was cold leaving Souplantation one day walked there, and when I asked them if they had any jackets, the first lady didnt respond and acted like she didnt know whether they had jackets there or not, and then when I looked around another lady helped me, after I told her I asked a simple question and she should have just said I don't want to help you or answer your question, not be mean about it, I don't need your help, I just NEED A FUCKING JACKET ITS COLD AND TARGET IS TOO FAR AWAY AND ITS TOO COLD TO WALK ALL THE WAY TO TARGET OFF OF JEFFERSON IN CULVER CITY, EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE BETTER DEALS it is worth the expense to buy a jacket here, plus my sister (when she lost my favorite black nike leggings I got at Sports Chalet on Sepulveda) and ran so much after a breakup in 2006 I lost a lot of weight and got down to 132 lbs and then made a bunch of new girlfriends and learned how to play billiards in a room too small for the table, and Jagerater, keg fridge, and parana fish tank in the way, it was like an obstacle course learning how to play pool with the Michigan Chicago kids, but I liked hanging out with them, they were fun. --At the LA Marathon I saw someone who looked like the President, his hair was much grayer though than seen on TV, he was sweating with his ear buds in and a few soldier looking dudes running in front and following and one beside him, and then the rest that followed looked like they had just started running the race, I wasnt sure whether it was the end of the race or the beginning of the race, because I was standing at the gate, I didn't go into the VA through the exit gate, because everyone was running out of there, and didn't want to block foot traffic or get in anyones way, since I wasnt running in the race and just a spectator, I am technically not supposed to walk onto the course (reminds me of the time a bunch of kids wanted to sneak onto the golf course, since Im a member it didnt really scare me, they played in the sandbox like kids, and ran and slid on the fairway in their sneakers, and we laughed at each other, then the security guard stars zooming over the hill with their spotlight on shining at us and we all run and bail and climb over the closest fence and hide behind trees as he shines his light into the ivy forrest hill, and we he zooms off, we all climb back up to the kids mansion overlooking a golf course, and in my head, well that was unnecessary, what was that for, I was watching, so I was the first one to jump over the fence and hide.
And when I felt like they were making adaptations (prior to me pointing fingers as to why these ideas were being fabricated and from which sources and to whom this parallelisms were indicating) (1) I am a very private person, so no I do not want a video online with my license plate on it, so that my car can be identified (it's my mom's car too registered under her name, so technically you should have asked her for permission not ask me and then take advantage of two unsuspecting victims of a hoax situation) --prior to committing suicide I begged Rob please please please take down that video I do not feel comfortable with that video online. (2) I told Daniela, I was upset, and wanted to know why they kept making plans without me, and that its not like Im not at your house to hang out with, but you seem to like hanging out with my best friend and I am the one who introduced you two in the first place, why now exclude me, and when she said that it was all in my head, I told her why is she flirting with my boyfriend, and once on a camping vacation touching his arm at the barbeque, and sitting next to him with her knees almost touching his and body language their body language always inviting attention, thats okay but not when im sitting next to him, i dont want to see that, thats annoying, especially after you looks at him and make a move and then look at me to see how I react, dude if you want to fuck him, fuck him, but dont then look at me to see if im jealous, i dont own him, we're not married, but i certainly dont want to look at someone who also wants to fuck my boyfriend because she wants to make me jealous not because she really likes him but ever since i really liked him them all of a sudden everyone really likes him and wants to fuck him too. Whatever happened to "Oh leslie you can do so much better" "oh rob he hooks up with a lot of random people, he's not really relationship material, he's not the type that ready to settle down" um...well he opens doors for me and cooks me breakfast and takes care of me when im tired and sleeping and overwhelmed and don't feel like socializing with anyone working my ass off. I picked up a drinking habit while dating Rob, they drank a lot of beer and vodka, and since i was the most uptight and serious person there, who didnt dress like a skater or gothic or like a musician I felt out of place dressed like a librarian or paralegal intern for the government and student, but I generally get along with all types of people and people think im funny, and when drunk, its easier to open up to people and be myself and not feel so on edge like someone is gonna hurt me or be able to deal with the cold stares and looks like dude we're laughing but do you have any idea what the fuck we are laughing at "no" does it matter? "no" okay good Im glad we had this talk, carry on kids.
At one point, I was just frustrated, so much so with everything that was processing and no one to bounce ideas or thoughts or explanations with to check or verify whats important and whats not important and whats relevant and whats not relevant and who to speak to and how to express the DEGREE TO WHICH MY CONCERNS WHERE JUSTIFIABLY COMING FROM A GOOD PLACE TO PREVENT AN UNNECESSARY SPIRAL OF IMPLICATIONS FROM OCCURRING WHICH HAD A VERY RISKY POTENTIAL OF REIGNITING TENSIONS WHICH HAVE ALREADY BEEN ADDRESSED AND ADEQUATELY DEALT WITH, being one who is able to sit in the shoes of individuals on all sides and see whats in their best interests. ---I left Mark's Website (Kind of like Angie's List now for kids and Television and Movies and Music) because I inherently knew that the purpose for this site was only to occasionally update not overcommunicate, because internally I am not comfortable with having all my personal life out there for interpretation and a very private person I don't even like to talk about myself, and if I do its usually just the bad stuff that happens to me, for some reason Im not good a representing myself well and forget all the good things about myself because I am always focusing on what needs work, not whats already working for me.
I told Rob, please stop and begged him to please go back to school (because he never finished college or film school and moved out the California to start his dream career in film when he met Elliot, whose Dad was a guest speaker at his school, and Rob was inspired and was like dude I dont belong here, I should move out to LA and pursue my dream career). --Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia) break with Us3 (Thanks Gehry and Herbie Hancock for the tip, you guys are brilliant. Oh and Thank you Governor Arnold Schwartzeneger for arriving late in your cowboy boots, I definitely noticed that, everything else I don't really remember, except for my mom's mink that kept sliding off the back of my chair, I felt super old wearing that, it was awkward. But I sat next to one of Harry's Fraternity brothers, that was fun, what a small world.
This is the embarrassing part, screaming at Rob in a Facebook Message to his inbox "Please stop you almost had the President Assassinated.....please go back to school." And he tells me that I'm crazy and flushes my adderrall down the toilet and drops me off at my Dad's house. I go into withdrawals, call and text everyone, throw a chair through my sliding glass door which shatters apparently, but I dont remember that. In the hospital, all I asked them to bring me was my discman and cds. Listening to Eminem taking down patient notes in crayon, and my discman has a radio setting so at least I got radio while I was in there, that was nice, like the time I got sent to detox and all I had was my radio, listening to AM and FM to see what was going on the outside when I was put in isolation for the second time after experiencing another sudden change toward me late in the relationship, like I don't need you anymore, you need serious help, I'd rather be with someone who is more fit and has their shit together and isnt so needy. Well fine, I wont send you text messages and tell you I love you, and ignore everyone else in my life to make sure you are happy, and not realize everything in my life has fallen apart and until Im completely broken and falling apart you realize why I was warning you over and over again, why do you do this, why do you allow this, why are you doing this, why are you not responding to me, how come you are ignoring me, why am I crying when I dont hear form you, calling you worried and you start laughing at me when Im crying and pick up but dont respond and say aaron aaron aaron are you there, what im here why are you crying? and then play stupid."---- like dude they won'yt give me a pen, or shoe laces, so I don't stab myself or hang myself and even took away my disc man at night.
My medical record were in a box in my apartment in the closet, I never read them, because they were kept after my psychiatrist Dr. Makhinson requested for them, upon returning from the hospital, and mailed to him via my authorization without having viewed them myself, and then he gives them back to me at our next appointment and says here I don't need to keep these, you can have them. I didnt think anything of it, and just put it in a box with the rest of my medical records at my house, including my rehab paper work from boulder community hospital 2007.
I was not hospitalized at UCLA in February 2009 from lack of attention or in need of attention, I needed LEGAL HELP AND SUPPORT AND CALLED AN ATTORNEY, WHO PROBABLY ASSUMED I WAS JUST A DRUG ADDICT AND NOT THAT BRIGHT BECAUSE OF WHAT IS SAID ABOUT ME AND HOW I AM PORTRAYED IN A FUCKING YEARBOOK. No dude i put all our fucking marbles together, and need them to be examined by a professional. Vociemail: Hell Mr. _______, I have been reeding some things online, and in the middle of completing my law school applications, and experiencing some extreme difficulty trying to understand whether these are matters of importance to be discussed and addressed or whether these are things that although seemingly pertinent to me, may seem otherwise arbitrary and of no consequence to anyone unbeknowest to the social circles from which this information has been derived from and from what sources, and to which anecdotes take precedent over others, in order to streamline the order in which the issues need to be addressed and to whom and to who is most trusted as the recipient of those contents at the time days prior to committing suicide, and I willed everything via card addressed labeled to a City Attorney Will Jay Pirkey.
(to be continued) (P.S. My google inbox, was hacked, and automated tabbed to include UWLA and my Ex Boyfriend Aaron Brown in on all correspondence which was not authorized by me or tabulated by me, because I keep things separate, and it was not an email addressed to him that it should not be in the "aaron brown correspondence file" in my google MASTER box and my ONLY email account until I realized that I may be a person on interest and created like 5 accounts and fwded everything to my bebe account, after the hostility toward me in public didnt change, i started emailing myself to all accounts, and when that didnt stop I started emailing to myself at the coffee shop, and when that didnt stop them i started driving around town listening to loud music like its getting to loud and offensive in here, if it doesnt stop everywhere, things arent going to calm down and only amplify, and just thought of a creative way to address whats been going on inside my head, which comes out really nice and eloquent on paper and conservative and work hard and have difficulty sleepy when something needs to get done or an assignment is not complete and needs touching up, because I am a perfectionist I dont leave any piece of writing vague or open for interpretation, because Im not an english major or a novelist or a poet, I learned how to write with a psychology and sociology major background in research and writing (research on published and peer reviewed and approved for publication dissertations and journal articles on online library databases, I NEVER CONDUCT RESEARCH ON OTHER PEOPLE OR READ OTHER PEOPLE'S WRITING WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION BECAUSE TO DO SO WOULD BE UNETHICAL UNLESS LEGALLY AUTHORIZED TO DO SO, LET'S SAY IF YOU OWN A BUSINESS IN WASHINGTON DC AND ARE PRESIDENT, THEN YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO PROTECT PUBLIC INTERESTS AND PUBLIC HEALTH, AND PROTECT PUBLIC'S DECISION MAKING ABILITIES, BY DIRECTING THEIR FOCUS ON WHAT ISSUES NEED TO BE FOCUSED ONE AND WHICH ISSUES ARE ARBITRARY UNTO THEMSELVES AND OF NO CONSEQUENCE TO THE NATION AS A WHOLE, BUT AS A MATTER OF FACTLY SIMPLY ONE WOMAN'S PLEA TO STOP AGGRAVATING HER, STOP MAKING FUN OF HER, STOP MISREPRESENTING HER, STOP JUDGING HER, STOP TRYING TO GET HER IN TROUBLE, STOP TRYING TO CATEGORIZE HER AMONG CRIMINALS BECAUSE ITS MORE FUN FOR YOU FOR HER TO GROW UP AND TURN OUT A FAILURE THAN TO REALIZE SHE'S NOT STUPID AND SHE'S NOT ONLY AWARE, BUT SHE CARES SO MUCH SHE DOESN'T EVEN WASTE TIME CORRECTING PEOPLE OR TELLING THEM WHAT THEYRE DOING WRONG AND JUST TAKES CARE OF HERSELF FIRST WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN AND THEN EXPLAINS TO EVERYONE ELSE LATER WHY SHE SHUT EVERYONE OUT OF HER LIFE, AND IT WAS BECAUSE THERE WERE EXPLANATIONS THAT NEEDED TO BE MADE IN ORDER TO DEFEND MYSELF --THAT (1) I AM NOT A WHORE (2) I AM NOT A LIAR (3) I AM NOT MENTALLY ILL (4) I AM NOT STUPID (5) I AM NOT CONSPIRING OR ENTRAPPING OR WORDING THINGS IN A WAY TO "MASSAGE THE FACTS" OR "MANIPULATE THE FACTS" TO WHAT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME --BECAUSE I DONT HAVE THE MENTAL ENERGY TO MAP OUT WHATS IN MY BEST INTERESTS WHEN I KNOW FROM THE GET GO THE ENTIRE WORLD IS AFFECTED AARON (and no you are not more important than the entire world when it comes to me stepping forward and sharing every piece of writing I have ever written BECAUSE IM TIRED OF HAVING TO EXPLAIN WHY IM ALWAYS SO SERIOUS AND UPTIGHT AND PRIVATE AND DONT LIKE TO TAKE RISKS OR BE PUT IN UNCOMFORTABLE POSITIONS OR BE PORTRAYED AS SOMEONE WHO IS UNAWARE OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF DISPLAYING A LACK OF PROFESSIONALISM IN A PROFESSIONAL ENVIORNMENT, TO PUT ANOTHER AT RISK PUT A LOT OF PEOPLE AT RISK. WHATS PERMANENT IS THAT EVERYONE DEPICTED ME AS SOMEONE "SHADY" OR "UNTRUSTWORTHY" OR "NOT BRIGHT" OR "CRACK HEAD" "ADDICT" OR "ALCOHOLIC" OR "POTHEAD" that when push came to shove, I just went marching for 5 months by myself and ran for three hours, trying to empower myself after being told Im beautiful and then stomping on me repeatedly for 2.5 years. I came to your awards ceremony but when you met me in the parking lot you said nevermind, they didnt call my name because I forgot to RSVP on the invite. At least I was your number one supporter even though you talked to me like I was a fucking idiot for 2.5 years and mentally ill, but Im glad I helped keep you afloat and still loved you unconditionally, that I literally broke up with you when the DA wouldnt hire you and you were top of your class at a top 100 law school, I inherently knew, "was it because you are dating me?" --and realized this kid isn't going to be able to do his job if he's wasting all his time practicing his interrogation skills on me and im punching my head with my fists. Dude two thumbs up, you're good to go, go get 'em! You've got me all figured out. Waste of time, because I dont think like a criminal I think like a cop, I defended them for one year before I stepped foot in law school. But thank you LT Brown for the unprivileged invasion, No I have never cheated on you. And when Terry invited me to a hike once I declined even when we were having relationship problems, because I didnt want to upset you or make you think it was because I wasnt attracted to you. I was attracted to you, but when you called me "mentally ill" and a "moron" and NOT recognizing that I HAVE A FUCKING LEARNING DISABILITY than maybe you would have the foresight to realize, maybe I should not be arguing with her like this, she could end up in the hospital again, and clearly when things are not going well for her in her life (career wise) than maybe its best I allow her to grow on her own, because she was a much stronger person and put together and excellent student and motivated intellectually when we first met and now talking to her is like talking to a broken record, she keeps saying the same shit over and over again and I keep saying the same shit over and over again to her, and now she can't get anything done and can't move forward.