It’s a hit or miss when it comes to love, I never really found anyone totally devoted to loving me until I was 21, that was my first bring home boyfriend, golf with my Dad, accepted by my family, at family dinners boyfriend. Perhaps he was the one. Most are simply just not that interested, interested in hooking up, but for the long term, usually doesn’t work out beyond that point, some are fun for the moment, to like, but not to love long term, most just want love, but don’t need it everyday, not ready to settle down, in the way most do, such as to spend the rest of their life with someone, I guess that’s what they think spending time with you means, and why hesitant to, if they don’t see a future with you, why cant we just agree, that we don’t see a future in each other, but it would be fun to spend more time together types of relationships, why don’t they exist, why is everything forever. As I have gotten older, I have noticed that the more time I spend working on myself, the easier relationships become, you really have to have something going for you in life, like a job, in order to be in any long term type of relationship, I guess because I was in law school for so long, it made it difficult for them to size me up long term, either thinking I was not good enough for them long term, or on a rare basis them thinking that they were not good enough for me, and like all friends remind you, you can do better, or that there must be someone better out there for you, we are always told. Don’t ever get down on yourself, because you have no one to love, and while there are plenty of people to love online, and pen pal with on social media, that’s still not the solution, most of the closest bonds Ive had, the most communications with have been online, that’s a relationship without the physical intimacy, but there is still love a bond that exists, meaning, the other person wanting something from you, but not expecting you to provide that to them in real life, or online, and then there are those who just want to see what you look like not composed, and those are usually the hardest types of people to get out of your life, the ones who don’t respect who you are, or who could possibly see you in a negative light having taken picture like that, and then subject you to harms looking like that’s what you wanted, when it was what they wanted, men want different things than women, while I like hugs and conversations, there is a price to pay for those types of intimacies in life, where you do have to give up some of your soul in order to be provided with those things in life, love and friendship. In real life I always found it difficult to find anyone super interested in me, it feels like the men expect to be chased, as having good jobs, and earning high incomes, think they deserve, so unless youre really into them does it last for the long haul, you do have to do a lot of waiting, and if you set your mind to it, you can definitely nab a guy in the right department, depending upon what type of guy your shopping for in life, and sometimes you cant choose, and love who loves you, I have found that my picking meter tends to be off, Im not sure if most women are like me, but the relationships that do last, are by the ones who court me, and really want to be with me, whether Im ready for it or not, sometimes you have to compromise and set your independent needs aside and date, life is much too short, left waiting, its better to be loved than not at all.
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 Keidi Keating (Book #2)
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