In reference to thinking flirting is “grose” stated in the last post, there is an element of hot, in which any woman, can be flirtatious, or jokingly come on to anyone in a playful way, and get away with flirting, with no offense being taken to it, I am not one of them. Whenever you have to think about or hesitate upon whether to like someone in life, usually its not a match, or in cases where my picking meter is off, never take chances, especially in any business type of relationship, there will be a lot of people in life you will like and want to be close to, not all have the time to talk to you, so just be understanding that men can get better in life, and or are looking for someone more put together in life, that is the mistake of liking someone, thinking that they are the answer to your problems or can provide you with the type of stability you need in life, I used to be someone who was stable and lived alone, independent of others, with no problems of my own, on talking terms with everyone, no history of addiction or drug use, it seems like the unhappier you become, and after being dumped in life, is what results, an unhappiness within, a break, after a breakup, why its called a breakup, because it takes a certain amount of time to get someone out of your system to which you have had sexual relations with that is physically touching of bodies, resulting in a physical attachment, internally to which is torn or upsets or is broken upon detachment, that’s from sex, why its very dangerous to be physically bonded with someone, when you are unstable or if you get mental health issues, in my case stop dating, because of my physiology and mental health, and getting voices post sexual relations with others, a physical feeling of being gone or disorganized, usually follows from drinking and drug use, not sex per se, but always be careful of who you love or choose to love, and give and receive love from, as it may have an affect on your own self-esteem in life, why not to give your body up to freely and willingly to others, unless in a trusted relationship to which both can feel safe, that doesn’t mean confide in one another, that’s not for therapy or psychiatric issues, discussion of with a sexual partner, be mindful of their psyche too, and their mental health, that’s not what relationships are for, not physical bond can be made where a discomfort lies, such as in the talking of your problems (usually a turn off) or in a questioning of self or others (a sign of mental illness) that causes discomfort to others, to be in question or to put others in question, so juts be cognizant of one anothers spaces mentally.
It can be really disappointing to say the least when youre feeling symptomatic when it comes to bipolar. –While everyone else thinks its a product of addiction, or a symptom of “multi-genre writing” as learned at CU, whatever it is that causes one to go off tangent, and then the next day, go what the heck was I thinking, can be very disconcerting to me and highly embarrassing, however at the time, not understand that the content is semi-judgmental, and small-minded, let alone, possibly insulting to whomever is reading and thinking its about them, which is what usually happens when someone expresses themselves, and as heard if not understood, automatically causes a discomfort to whomever is reading, as though one should know better, or be smart enough to understand when they are making sense and if not, what is causing them to not make sense, sometimes we ourselves don’t understand the root causes for our own illnesses in life, but I believe it has much to do with your thoughts, and placement in life, confidence, self-esteem, feelings, senses, understanding, hearing, deficits, intelligence, IQ, education, tolerance, temperament, mood … the list goes on, just remember to be human, and if the mistake can be corrected then allow it to be made, you don’t have to do all things with compassion, which is why they label people “addicts” and train you “not to care about them.” That’s one dilemma anyone faces who undergoes a transition from addition, or alcoholism, back to “sanity” or wellness, some don’t make it back to as bright as they once were, and some come back with disabilities, they must suffer from for the rest of their lives, exactly how well do you have to be to make it in this world, very well, so just hold tight, and do your best, its not over until its over, and there is no use giving up in life, simply because you sound out there, or stupid, or think the wrong things in life, its totally okay, so long as you are not causing harm to yourself or others for thinking in that way, probably why I think flirting is stupid and grose, and was so offended when done to my boyfriends, anyways, and while trying not to be that way toward others spouses if known, you kind of build a resilience to it overtime, and when you finally loosen up, and stop being so offended by others, you begin to see the light, that life is short, and to allow people to be nice to each other, and that that is not cheating for them to do so, even if theyre making sex jokes, that’s just humor, look at my jokes, theyre no funnier. –I was hoping to pave the way for acceptances through writing, and eventually book writing and write some research papers I owe FEMA Students, who I signed up with online, and took a few courses, relevant to right now, I highly recommend their courses, theyre very thorough and give great helpful pointers, and anyone can sign up and take their courses online and submit research proposals to them. ---Learn to forgive, remember to stay honest, and so glad youre here with us today, please watch out for your friends, remind them to take good care of themselves, and be kind to others in your surroundings, and don’t be too uptight and judgmental, things are really sensitive as it is, so maybe nows a good time to lighten up within reason, and stop offending each other so much, or being pushy about beliefs, and be present.
Ive never gambled before in my life, but nows a good time to learn to settle before your defense go up, that usually sends you right back to where you started before you began to feel better. Theres a certain give and take when it comes to happiness, happiness with yourself, happiness around others, it all depends on how you feel inside, usually a manifestation of our own unhappiness are taken out on others through blames, when we do not feel good, or think that its because of the other, put yourself first. What can you do to feel better? And secondly what can you do to make others feel better. The age old advice “putting others before yourself.” That’s maybe one of the reason they raise us to be that way. You cannot please all, that’s not what being a perfectionist is about, but if you are concerned with your likeability, then yes the more you can get along with the better, not everyone measures their satisfaction with themselves based upon what other people think, how other people are around them or toward them, or based upon how they feel around others. I thought about this today … jealously … what is it? I was thinking its not feeling good around others, when others are feeling better than you, noticing that, and though maybe its because others feel good, and if they do not feel good seeing someone else feeling good, feel less than, that could be one form of jealously, manifesting itself in people who while watching others, feel less than, or not themselves worse off. I was told today outside 7/11 “I hope you find what you need in life,” after bumming a cigarette to someone standing outside of my car, waiting for me to get out, wove to him twice to go away and then didn’t make eye contact with him, and gave him a cigarette anyways when he asked me. (You’re so cheap they reply, ya probably now). There are so many unhappy people in the world I thought to myself (Note: Not in reference to #BLM at all), I think when people are unhappy, its about them looking at you, or thinking you have more than them, and then them becoming unhappy having seen you, and your confidence, and feeling good, and wanting to feel good themselves, only issue is that you don’t make them feel good, and they don’t want you to make them feel good, but they want someone else or around them or something to happen to them, that makes them feel good in the same way, or to have the same things in life, to feel good, to no longer be threatened by someone with more than. This brings up, me on IMDb (make the “b” small, I made the “d” small, thanks #IMDB). I think if youre not in the profession, it can be insulting for someone trying to be of influence within the profession, that’s one issue, also advocacy, how can anyone help anyone who cannot help themselves, that’s a typical quote to “if you cannot help yourself you cannot help others” or “love yourself” or “how can you love another if you do not love yourself” this really makes sense to me, especially with self-harm, hard to love, hard to give love, and hard to receive love, and even when you get love, cannot be repaired, and meds can fix that void either, it’s the self-satisfaction issue, to me, it’s a happiness with oneself, call it success, is that really a requirement to happiness, yes in Los Angeles it is, a paycheck, friends, a house, and a nice car usually does the trick, and if you cannot afford that, means that you need to work harder.
Foreign relations are not a walk in the park, and if found guilty of anything, carrying a record on your plate, makes you less of an equal representative, of your country, than you were prior to having been treated as such. If you have ever committed a wrong and been punished for it, its to set you aside in society, as being rightfully heard, as having standing, for your disabilities or ailments, and treated as though based upon your own conduct or of your own doing or making, that is how people in society are treated, whether important, or unimportant, and on the pure basis of their importance, set a priority in life to care for, recognize, understand, or comprehend any statements they have made, as to the good character or themselves or others, sometimes left best as ignored, so as to not waste anyones time, with concern for what they think, in place of a concern thought for everyone, with necessary exclusion of their needs or worries, from any equations concerning the wellness of all, this is why people are put on meds, and labeled as disabled or not, its about whos under whos care and why, and based upon the care that one is under, judged, and judged based upon responsibilities born to those in the company of someone who is found guilty, to automatically find them not guilty, should anything have happened to them in life, prior to them getting in trouble or after them getting in trouble, living is all about care, and its sometimes hard to live life with others caring less about you … just remember that just because others care less for you, does not mean to stop caring for oneself, or for others eventually, if you make it back to normal, and are understood and appreciated later in life, whether for a good deed, though done so for the purposes of rehabilitating ones character, or whether out of the goodness of your heart, helping others, be cognizant that others will be less likely to hear you as helpful no matter how well liked you are, known, or successful in life, and depending upon how you feel in life, to another is how you will be treated, its based upon what is felt upon knowing you, situates you as among or apart from the general whole of cares when it comes to wellness, and self betterment, not all who are better are well enough to be better among others, and some are better apart because of the fact that they are not well among, others who perceive them to not be well by their disability, or by who has been carried in their company, thought of as less than in life, not popular, not of high status, not of high socio-economic stability in life, or having come from a high earning family, thought to have it made in lfie, to the extent that their general worries are not cared for. So while my advice may be helpful, does not mean that its because there exists a bond let alone a loving bond or bond of friendship or trust between two sides, nationality wise, or country wise, its just whatever makes sense, in a non-aggressive sense, no offense taken to advisement.
It’s a hit or miss when it comes to love, I never really found anyone totally devoted to loving me until I was 21, that was my first bring home boyfriend, golf with my Dad, accepted by my family, at family dinners boyfriend. Perhaps he was the one. Most are simply just not that interested, interested in hooking up, but for the long term, usually doesn’t work out beyond that point, some are fun for the moment, to like, but not to love long term, most just want love, but don’t need it everyday, not ready to settle down, in the way most do, such as to spend the rest of their life with someone, I guess that’s what they think spending time with you means, and why hesitant to, if they don’t see a future with you, why cant we just agree, that we don’t see a future in each other, but it would be fun to spend more time together types of relationships, why don’t they exist, why is everything forever. As I have gotten older, I have noticed that the more time I spend working on myself, the easier relationships become, you really have to have something going for you in life, like a job, in order to be in any long term type of relationship, I guess because I was in law school for so long, it made it difficult for them to size me up long term, either thinking I was not good enough for them long term, or on a rare basis them thinking that they were not good enough for me, and like all friends remind you, you can do better, or that there must be someone better out there for you, we are always told. Don’t ever get down on yourself, because you have no one to love, and while there are plenty of people to love online, and pen pal with on social media, that’s still not the solution, most of the closest bonds Ive had, the most communications with have been online, that’s a relationship without the physical intimacy, but there is still love a bond that exists, meaning, the other person wanting something from you, but not expecting you to provide that to them in real life, or online, and then there are those who just want to see what you look like not composed, and those are usually the hardest types of people to get out of your life, the ones who don’t respect who you are, or who could possibly see you in a negative light having taken picture like that, and then subject you to harms looking like that’s what you wanted, when it was what they wanted, men want different things than women, while I like hugs and conversations, there is a price to pay for those types of intimacies in life, where you do have to give up some of your soul in order to be provided with those things in life, love and friendship. In real life I always found it difficult to find anyone super interested in me, it feels like the men expect to be chased, as having good jobs, and earning high incomes, think they deserve, so unless youre really into them does it last for the long haul, you do have to do a lot of waiting, and if you set your mind to it, you can definitely nab a guy in the right department, depending upon what type of guy your shopping for in life, and sometimes you cant choose, and love who loves you, I have found that my picking meter tends to be off, Im not sure if most women are like me, but the relationships that do last, are by the ones who court me, and really want to be with me, whether Im ready for it or not, sometimes you have to compromise and set your independent needs aside and date, life is much too short, left waiting, its better to be loved than not at all.
When you grow up and have your own company one day, then your input is valued, after having built something of your own you have had to sustain and keep afloat, with likes, and a following, not just be a trend, or someone who blew up on social media for one post, or one video. It takes a long time, to be able to maintain a following, it has taken me years to get the hang of it, and to build something that is resistant to not only my own stresses, but hopefully helps others to build a resistance to things that stress them out about life. I guess here is for conversations about what we think, and what we say, and the difficulty one experiences when there is too much held within, that a literal pain can be felt in speaking, that’s not wanting to speak. What does that mean? Im not sure Im not a doctor, but I know during the times when I have been carried away, literally carried away by a stretcher, taken to hospitals from the ER, I was not only not feeling well, but probably not thinking well too, that’s a good lesson to learn in life, to know your limits, and to understand and know the limits of others, when it comes to furthering your understanding of life, not everyone will be as interested bombarded by the same concerns you have about life, if they venture too far off the beaten path of normal. Ive found that 90% of the time when I assume I am being belittled or made fun of to my face, its not that they think Im cute and do so, maybe its because they think that I think Im cute, or trying to be cute, and not really cute inside, or a nice person, I think we are all capable of flipping out, and being taken off the cliffs of sanity in life, what I call a bipolar episode, when you go absolutely haywire, like a tantrum, and simply cannot deal with life, as though things are so complicated that you don’t have the power to put into words how you are feeling, never forget your education and ability to be your own voice of reason during those times and journal. -I remember the first time I learned not to bully, was in elementary school playing dodge ball, with an overweight kid, throwing balls at us, and started teasing him, he ran across the court at me, and my friend put him in a headlock. Later in the school year, the same kid was carried up the stairs to the principles office, over the shoulder of our Cambodian PE teacher. That’s how I learned not to make fun of anyone, because I got attacked when doing so. Similarly online, be cognizant of the same competitive energies people have concerning their smarts and the way they look, not wanted to be taunted or tormented, as though its ever deserved, or a retaliatory effort to put another in their place, as though they have brought that harm upon themselves. We don’t all stay after school with the guys to learn this lesson, but I did. Im sorry if ever being online with a jazzy pen name, ever made anyone feel under attack or criticism, in life as coming from me, as though I was trying to be smart with people, and not actually smart myself, via my own merits, there is a difference between someone smart, critiquing you and someone who is not as intelligent as you critiquing you as though they have had the same education and background to do you a disservice in life, as though you intend to do anyone else a disservice in life, by your pen name. Or as though your pen name is to some admission, of any wrongdoing on your part or the part of others, with concern directly to your own life story.
Whats the difference between being small minded and having a big mind? I woke up thinking the same thing too, and did a little research. According to merriam-webster.com, being small-minded means: “1 : having narrow interests, sympathies, or outlook. 2 : typical of a small-minded person : marked by pettiness, narrowness, or meanness small-minded conduct.”  When you’re small minded you typically have a “narrow perspective [that is] very firm, [or have an] unchangeable opinion on things.”  Being “tolerant of those with different opinions or experiences” therefore requires one to have an “[un]biased view of the world.”  Perhaps what being so-called worldly is about, is that why people travel? So, someone who is worldly is someone “having or showing devotion to the affairs and interests of this world.”  Now that makes sense. Which bring us to what does Big Minded mean? A “big-mind” means something completely different, referring to “the Zen tradition, an awareness of reality that transcends the merely personal or subjective.”  So why are we having this discussion? Because to me, being small minded is a criticism taken of someone who is not viewed as intelligent, who does not speak to the masses, with insights or with the amount of care that demonstrates that they carry a big picture perspective and therefore their interests and what they have to say, will or can or is accommodating the best interests of the whole of people, not just directed to a specific organization of people, or class of people, beneficial to all, I guess would be the goal of blogging, to cater to more interests than just my own. Which leads us to our next question … Why is being small-minded wrong? When it comes to success “successful people tend to approach life with an open mindset” versus someone who is small-minded or narrow minded, does the opposite, with concern only for themselves “at the first sign of disagreement … would rather die than be wrong” whereas someone who is open-minded is “eager to learn and willing to be wrong.”  According to fs.blog, “the ability to change your mind is a superpower,” to them it’s the difference between moving forward and being sent backwards in life . I can agree ... so many times, when I am worried what others think, I hesitate, and upon hesitating erase, or make mistakes in thinking, which wind up leaving me feeling embarrassed in life, it took awhile for me to just let go, and go with the flow, and no matter what is said, allow myself to change naturally throughout the learning process, its hard to get started as a perfectionist, you are constantly questioning yourself, wanting to sound right and if you sound wrong, retract your steps and just feel like giving up completely when there is no window for you to grow, just be patient, I would tell myself now. Ive learned so much through blogging. So why is being small-minded wrong? I just went off on a tangent. Excuse the elaboration. According to quora.com, “unless [a] person has a verified developmental disability … unable to learn … [that its] a choice – of living in [the] dark ages and not knowing anything.”  I guess there is some truth to that, but how and why is that wrong? Isnt that just being sheltered? To me there is nothing wrong with being sheltered, some people just cant handle knowing it all. Okay so here is where it cuts to the chase on wikihow.com, “they often think they’re right and everyone else is wrong. Narrow-minded people can be difficult to deal with in relationships, work settings, and other situations.”  Basically they can be viewed as "toxic." I guess that makes sense, when I think of an addict, who thinks they are not doing anything wrong until it is brought to the attention of others, and in defiance, don’t recognize that they are not well, and hard to get through to or change. So as an overall deduction, I would say that your ability to change and be open determines your likeability and success when it comes to getting along with others, so don’t be small-minded, and instead carry on an attitude in life that is open and perhaps big-minded as suggested by the Zen following, so that you can transcend your happiness outward into the world, and similarly be happy for others, and create environments of trust not conflict.
Theres always a clash of ideologies when in comes to figuring out whos in charge, why anyone is in charge, or while making allegations as to who is in charge, becomes disgruntled, as to the direction and focus of any company, or place of residence, assuming that it is by a misled direction that things have come to pass, or not go right. In my mind, there is no such thing as being put together wrong, the man up top will always be God, and if you have an attitude, concerning how things are assembled, and by your opinions, do not agree with any assembly of ideas, or understandings, other than your own, well that’s not keeping an open mind, as to what is a right or proper form of discovery, or delivery of insights to help aide or assist others in moving forward in life, or steering clear of subjects not concerning them, not make all things encompassing as being related to one another, that would be injuring well built systems of thought in favor of a system cyclically built upon a series of private understandings, as a means to make sense overall of everything, as though truths are contingent upon knowing, and that any system of thought of not knowing, is somehow flawed by comparison to those who do know more, or do know more about, from their own viewpoint of how the world works, enough to put you down in life, as not knowing enough, or knowing less about life, simply because of how much money you don’t make, based upon where you live, what you think, and by who you were or were not close to or friends with, judge you, as though youre some kind of tagalong in life, to the successes of others, without a mind of your own, to be well deciphered on your own merits, the meaning of your life, not as it relates to the lives of others made. Call it control, but people have a serious need of control when it comes to mindsets of others, with regards to what they think is happening, what has happened, and what they know or have come to understand as happening, so as to not include anyone who they think is contributing to things going wrong, and it is by that understanding of anyone that people are excluded, from importance, or further interpretation as relevant to solutions, and only related to causes. It seems to be the case that either I am uncomfortable, or someone who does not like me becomes uncomfortable, to that there is no solution, once there is discomfort on either end, it just means that people do not get along, and by one anothers condition, either are affected.
I guess that’s just a part of life, call it beautiful, seeing yourself in others, or seeing yourself as becoming like others in life, and then there is just being yourself, and being found relatable to others who may admire you, and wish to be more like you in life, admiration is a beautiful quality to have about oneself, to not just be about oneself in life, wanting admiration alone. There are two influences in life: (1) older to younger and (2) younger to older. I believe that the route cause of older to younger influences, is peoples natural tendency to take others under their wings in life, its an automatic take charge attitude that someone older has over someone younger, like a pre-disposition that gets acquired upon interaction, thinking their years about them make them smarter or more knowledgeable than someone younger than them, and think that leadership is needed over them. Then there is an influence of younger to older, that’s upon watching, either deciding to mentor others based upon their own experiences, and empowering one another, by each others pre-dispositions in life, to help one another, learn from each other, and to allow the other to bloom, the younger one, grow up, looking up to others. Who knows how and why this occurs between people, I think its just natural that as we want to be better in life, make more money, that we cant help from learn from those who are successful, learn from their mistakes, pitfalls, downs, ups, and just want to be like, in order to have like in life, theres gotta be a better way than imitating or emulating someone you admire in order to become like in life, Im sure it doesn’t have to be that way, not at all, be the same as. Then theres finding yourself, and looking back on your life with pride, like looking back through a spiral notebook of notes, or journal entries, something that took a long time to make is always valuable for some reason, without fail, it just seems to possess the natural quality of detail, that is expected of anything made with care, or made slowly, which overtime becomes of value. Just like things become of value, so do people, and this is what admiration is all about in my mind.
Who should you credit for your own wellness? Why not everyone for that matter. Arent we a product of all our interactions, doesn’t it make sense that someone would feel insulted from you in life, if no dedication was made in their honor, for having taken care of you, wouldn’t a complaint about anything be disconcerting to them, let alone, insulting, think about it. At what point does one start crediting others for their wellness, and at what point does it become unnecessary to make no mention to who has helped you, or who has enabled you, to be the person you are today, who made you? I think my pen name is a good example of who you are made by, yourself, or others, or at the bottom line your parents, if you really want to get testy and defensive about things, or others claiming to have contributed to your ideals, energy, personality, as though you are a product or a “poser” of the attractions manifested and created by others in their lives, that you only are assumed to have emulated, or become yourself. Is it really something worth worrying about, shouldn’t we all be different anyways, and shouldn’t we just accept that people from similar places in life are going or are alike, is that such a bad thing, or anything to inflict harms or insults about and to, just be mindful. There are many times in life when you will be thinking things are happening that are not, and everytime you allude to others having influenced you in the negative, or caused you harm, or harm to your psyche, be aware of who is in your life, if no one, than no one not from your life, ever wants to be mentioned, having left your life, as having been of significance to you in your life, that’s just a process of recovery and breakups, that people not in your life, generally want no mention at all. That’s to not be credited for better or worse, what happens to you, and to remain separate from you, as though a mention, creates some shared identity they don’t want to be associated to in life, all insults aside, understand that when you are insulted, that’s no ones fault but your own for having interpreted things in that way, and collecting all your thoughts, and applying them to people, as though things were done to you in life, not a by product of your own choices in life. As the saying goes “cant we all get along” … if its not about others, then say so, and if it is about others, then be clear enough, that as applied to themselves no insult is taken back to them, or to who they know, as having been an example, of a hurt you felt, or experienced.
Theres something unique and special about your setting, being in the familiar, that sense of peace you feel upon returning to your place of rest, new destination, reuniting with people you know, seeing friends, going back to normal, starting over on a new screen, that seems to bring all the comfort back to any situation in life, where you feel uneasy, usually fixes things once you get there in life. *File this one under #worldpeace. We all go through adjustment phases in life, ever notice when youre feeling lost in life, you seem to always focus on the wrong things, and then get corrected, its like your power to be drawn to things in life, gets mismanaged by your emotional well being, and everything that feels right for you, is actually causing harm to you, and like all interventions a separation occurs, between something you love and displaced in situations that are unfamiliar to you, call it addiction, when you have no sense of purpose in life, and no sense of comfort, any new place seems just as homey as any another, while expecting less in life, and as you stand in your shell, remember this always, told to “keep my head down” and that that was the way out of an uncomfortable situation that was very scary to me, hitting survival mode, which kept me calm, instead of panic and feel powerless to my circumstances in life, that’s one example, of being at peace, even if youre not where you want to be in life, and not allowing your surroundings to control you, or dictate your continued direction in life, down or up, always being in control of who you are, and what you want to be in life, and not become something you are not. There was a character from the movie “The Wizard of OZ” up at the local gas station, for awhile, a movie that features the famous quote “Theres no place like home” recited by the main character Dorothy in red sparkly shoes.
Always do things with a good heart, I guess the main point is to feel apart of, and well if you haven’t figured that much out yet, don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions, concerning the past, what was known, or unknown then, and known now, and whether as known, a combination of what is known could have resolved the past, so that we wouldn’t be thinking about it now, have some care other than your own understanding in life, most of life will not make sense to you, especially as lived by another, that’s just apart of life, thinking that you know better, or better equipped to tell the story of another which is one motivation being suggested as upon knowing me and me being in a public light, and by what stories Im attached to or people, that that spread the wrong animosities in life, toward any specific gender, type of people, or depth of knowledge and skill when it comes to managing emotions with regards to the unknown in life. Everyone is entitled to question whomever it is they are receiving informations from, we were all raised to be critical thinkers. -I know when I first got started blogging by mentions and hastags Im assuming people thought I was in over my head, or looked or appeared to have some personal responsibility as to the causes for misinterpretations having taken a poster down, as though my actions messed up some sequence of events thought or believed to have been transpired based upon me writing on Twitter and picture in my phone. Its always a tremendous loss, when talent disappears, when people lose motivations in life, and when people become unhappy or lose faith in life, and for whatever reasons made fun of and thought deserved and purposeful within a family song, its wrong to judge me as having been a weak link to someone of a notable family in history, resulting in the death of his great grandpa, Dr. Michael E. Debakey, I met his Father once, and Mother who works for Red Cross, which is why I later applied to FEMA Students and submitted future research studies to compliment, my hashtagging efforts, and website building, to get conversations going to help keep people alive. -Based on my own experiences, when I (1) give up (2) become frustrated over an interpretation (3) feel powerless (4) think something cant change (5) become fearful of what others think, that’s giving my power away, and not allowing myself to be heard, too scared to talk or work.
There comes a time when it becomes inappropriate to share to anyone who thinks that from their vantage point, their view of the big picture is what makes them smarter, or victim, to anyone who seems to not understand, complains, feel pressurized, or compelled to investigate, question, or be concerned with anothers passing. That’s not guilt. That’s simply checking in with everyone, and sharing how you feel, not everyone will feel or think the same way you do about life, and chances are the more separate you are from others, the less in tune, you are assumed to be with reality, not a verifiable sounding stone from which to base interpretations in life, past, present, or for the future sake, explain what just happened around now. Such losses in esteem, can only be assumed to be as a result of (1) disrespect (2) non-compliance (3) seriousness (4) unethical application of ones personal story (5) use of someone elses story to tell your own story. When any of the 5 things occur, we have what you call a trade secret violation, meaning something that as expressly known about someone, is being used to paint a picture without them knowing, and not to the benefit of the one to whos story is being shared by another, as a means to share their vantage point, as being unique while discounting the vantage point, life, and livelihood of anyone they do not feel is important based upon who they are talking to, who they are friends with, who they are trying to help, who has helped them, who has imitated whom and why, and whether who is being supported has anything to do with the rest of all things related to any particular person, as a solution for understanding life. I chose to be a website to not overwhelm my friends, and chose to write on Twitter, because it wasn’t a very popular space, had 2000 real followers mostly professionals and people I found along the way during my time spent on Twitter, but eventually got “carried away” meaning what was being shared fluctuated from comprehendable to not comprehensive #enough.
(Added 07-26-20) Current # of Likes: 2354
For example an assumption made by relating back to self:
Picture of me praying at a Funeral > Song: Picture Me Rolling by Tupac > “Rolling with the Homies” Clueless > “Suck and Blow” Game Movie: Clueless > Monica Lewinsky > President
Seldom do we share what our views are upon war, and most likely the causes for others immediate disturbance upon meeting you or knowing where you come from or by who you know or what you know in life, think that you have an easier understanding of life than most. There is no way around war, its for causes either not supported or supported that people continue to make progress toward those goals in life, whether others are on board with them or not, relentless so to speak in their endeavors in life, that’s not an academician or a blogger, in the pursuit of circulating knowledgeable and beneficial truths to which all can comprehend in a better way without manifesting themselves into hate, that’s coming from the viewpoint of someone new, to contributing to general understanding about war, cases, and consequences, of knowing one another. I think earlier I was preyed upon being watched more closely which I do not feel now, looking for some cause or reason to argue that (1) Im at risk of harm to myself and that by (1) being or risk of harm to myself that that equated to (2) putting others at risk of harm if I am putting myself at risk of harm and that upon them knowing me that puts them at risk of harm whether they know whether I am putting myself at risk of harm or not, making them victim. Do you understand how difficult that is for me to comprehend causes or circumstances for others claiming victim to me, as though its okay for them to do whatever they want, get upset, retaliate without me knowing it, as though I do anything to anyone without them knowing it. I would never do such a thing, as soon as I studied CSPAN I distanced myself socially from everyone and romantically, barely talking to anyone, and doing nothing but work on finishing my LLM got into another law school, and now graduating, after having freed myself from unwanted controversies in life, or setbacks, caused by any violence for that matter, and whether or not by those violent attacks resulting in death to anyone, myself included, whether or not anyone is trying to relate my story to the story of anyone else in leadership, is sorely mistaken that I would ever think twice or more than is necessary upon anyone else other than myself. Someone who is trying to be successful, not important, successful, is someone who is focused on themselves, there is a reason for that, its not just a quality about someone that you can fake, imitate, or see and copy and repeat in your own life, a demeanor, talent, or way to smarts that’s popularly traveled among others. While others are busy working their way around you and through their own lives and insights without you dropping any hints as though you are aware of others portrayals of a larger picture and trying to include you in it without your permission, and without having coded yet to the masses, is simply trying to pre-establish a means for others to be okay with themselves as related to your hardships, free others from blame, while subject you to negative inquiry or understandings in life, that’s to not be accepted as you are, to be looked at in a perplexed way, or to be treated as ordinary, unimportant, or deserving of having your head messed with, that is that takeway or the memory, from having met someone, and something that they have said that didn’t make sense you then, remembered, and later made sense to you or not later, usually doesn’t make sense later anyways, just an annoyance to remember. But anything you say, as in memory of anyone who has passed that’s what gets fixated on as having some importance as to your demeanor, as though you are a fake representation of who has passed, and not someone to be proud of equally, as having represented who your parents were, or what they had to offer to world, before tragedy. Whenever there is tragedy, there is an infliction of guilts, that an unwillingness to accept ones own fears about things, and instead displaces that anger, and resentment toward someone else who is felt to have been more deserving of the responsibilities to care for someone, who is no longer here, and not allow acceptance to take hold of anyone who is not deemed nor should be held responsible for any losses occurring to anyone, who while under the care of another suffers hardships or incurs losses, as being among, coordinated with, or communicating via an upper level of communications as being about something other than what is directly being spoke about, as though its okay to dismember the words of another, read into the words of another present or past, in order to build trust of them, as though they are or are not speaking in their most natural form, of the word speaking to others, without hinting, or any denominating any unwanted tones or words, that would get anyone to think about anything else other than the topic being presently discussed. -Obsession is not the key to success therefore, and in fact is the route to most failures in life, which explains why people who fixate on any particular facts or memories in life, as judged as having an “obsession” someone who thinks: (1) around a thought, memory, or set of words not their own (2) and two tries to derive meaning from those words or memories and not from their own life (3) thinking to better others understandings of anothers, as spokesperson or a more knowledgeable base for inquiry, understanding, recollection, insight, or brainpower, concerning the intelligences of another, not based upon their own lives intelligence derived. That’s hurting the normalcy from which information is exchanged, to which an uneven exchange occurs to the recipient leaving the giver drained, without mercy, viewed as “weak minded” if any information seems so redundant on its face, that it looks like someone cant get over or hasn’t gotten over anything past, and then to further label someone who cant get over something past, as someone who reacts and responds similarly, and (4) toward people those understandings arrive, that’s wrong to assume that someone who is focused on trying to figure out their own lives, while under the assessment of others, is being judged without them knowing it, and before being given the opportunity to explain whatever it is that needs explanation for further insight or understanding. So don’t focus on any one particular set of facts in life, not when it comes to understanding others, that’s not a Pulitzer, nor a Nobel to take and then balance in ones own favor, a set of inquiries or positive judgements, and then take away from the betterment of all. Sometimes too much negative interpretation can run foul, just as obsessions are capable of running afoul, in terms of (1) whats important (2) whos important and (3) whos detested.
There is a certain admirability that is given to those who are successful without question, standing alone in a room, noticeable to most, and for some trait that holds them up to a high standard in life, higher than most, not by their upbringing solely, or by who they have known comes across or come to know of in life, been close to, but have an identity all their own, to which others can know and appreciate, but that they value themselves, well enough to have reached their fullest potential during their time on earth, and for that they are not mistaken as being something they are not, not unlikeable, or problematic, that is unless situated on a team different than others in life, and that’s where the battle starts. All references aside, generally words are not used, at this point in ones writing career unless to give a positive insight as to the well being of others, winning or not winning in life, no matter whos side has been taken to an issue, however relevant “winning” as a quote was in the level of importance it played to an attorney who defended two clients, and one sat in jail while I was a law student. There is so much credit to give to the past, wouldn’t it be a waste of motivation to live for now, having credited everyone past for anything now that has come to fruition, or for what has manifested itself within each person, as the times have changed, no two times are alike, and while youd like to think that its by the opening of doors to issues, that current problems amount to what has passed previously in history, you are once again wrong. Image is so important, and if hearing my story, without enough detail, or as explained by me, doesn’t sit well or seem important to you, that means I am not of influence to you, not important to you, and not consequential to your outlook, or meaning derived from your life, there is a wrong connotation of someone who is a blogger, that all are trying to look or appear as “influencers” in life. That’s just not understanding better social graces in life, that there is and will always be a certain standard to be maintained when it comes to photography and filming and video, to look and appear tastefully to most, as one would never archive any moments about anothers from their life, or without them knowing, that portrayed them as anything else other than human, then again some people just pry until they get what they want, an explanation of mental health issues, or to test to see if one is mentally ill, and there is always those who size you up in life, pre-diagnose you, or diagnose you in observance of others, thinking that you are the cause for the disturbances to others mental health wise, as though its by your life as lived, that has been disruptive to the comprehensions of others, no one ever takes the side of anyone, who brings anyone unwanted attentions to the mix. And its not because of who you are that makes you important its because of what you have to say, that makes you worthy knowing or hearing from in life, everyone thinks they are important that’s apart of life, and my importance to myself, and significance of the life I have lived and what I have been through, may not be impressive to you, especially if compared to anyone more successful than me, nor is that my drive in life, to be as successful as, or because others around me successful, look or appear as someone who thinks they are entitled to the same successes in life, and therefore a turn off to others, as though it hasn’t taken me years of writing online, and by proper distribution of my work product been granted with likes and acceptances from others, no accommodations required for likeability to take its toll, on hard work and effort shown by someone who cares, genuinely, not as a matter of taking a side counter to the causes in part for which someone who has been jailed, is assumed to be connected to the stresses or strains currently being faced by anyone who is experiencing mental health issues, as though associated to any ones family in life. -What is success a measure of? Conformity to standards or norms of excellency, and what defines excellency, -a measure beyond the basic smarts of most, to be envied, adored, or idolized?
The less you put yourself down in life, the less you give way for others, to take it upon themselves to explain your discomforts in life, or even worse argue that there was always something about you, that they knew was special about you, and thought that that something special about you meant “a secret” and if a secret, that concerned your sexuality, gender, identity, mental health, wants, cares, or needs in life, in such a derogatory sense, no one should ever be sized up in life, based upon how they identify, who with, and whether by who they identify with give reasonable cause to judge someone, as having some kind of deficit, which is later related or fruit for relation as to: (1) causes (2) when (3) and for how long was it known. To me “gay” is a sexual attraction to the same gender as oneself, occurring upon the exposure of your body or upon the exposure of another persons body to your eyes, which you can readily identify as being translated within to some kind of sexual need, or inferiority as to a quality or trait you are lacking, and by being attracted to the same sex, want to be closer to that person in the same way you have desired to be close to a man youre whole life, that’s gay to me, as identified to me. Its not a fun identity, once it gets disclosed and “when disclosed” as being about you (and thought deserved), because others think that they are doing you a service in life by coming out for you, as though you need help or any favors in life, as they have identified something about you, that you have not even thought about yet, especially since you have only had boyfriends. Not only does that do someone a disservice in life, to identify a persons sexuality for them, but you interfere with their choice in life, to identify themselves as they want to be identified and to whom they wish to be identified with, and for what types of attractions they seek to attract in life, for sexual pleasure be judged, as being labeled “gay” that a girly name for a company was chosen to attract women, as though you do not identify as girly yourself having been a law student and meticulous notetaker margin writer and highlight and underlined passages in your textbooks. How insulting. And to view your stats as whether accomplishing your goal to (1) fit in or (2) attract and by what you are attracting argue, that its by what you attract that you are given choices in life, and that its purposeful, the gifts you are given in life. Well if I was not born, then I would not have choices in life, and I have chosen to be straight, absent minded any confusions along the way, and by what causes for attraction occurred along the way, to negate any later argument, that gay is some kind of defense to jealously, as though one has a quality about them, they seek to negate in addition to blaming women for any other women becoming confused or attracted to them, as though I am not attractive myself, a woman, and as though feelings going both ways, can run the risk of normal misinterpretation. And that that type of misinterpretation occurs, after a “gay” judgment of you has been made.
In todays day and age this happens all the time, in the form of saying the right things, and always with caution write online, hoping not to say the wrong things, and run the risk of being ostracized simply for sharing a less popular opinion of things. We’ve all said things we regret, none of which we expect to come back and bite us later in life, yet again, you cannot control what other people think and how they process what you have written, that is just something that you will have to learn let go of during the process of writing online. In fact one website shinetext.com suggests that we start “get[ting] more comfortable being wrong.”  This article describes the pain and embarrassment associated with being wrong, reminding us that its all apart of the learning process, that we may not always be right, and how easy it is to become defensive upon receiving critique.  In order to overcome any embarrassment associated with being wrong this article suggests that in order to “avoid failure and maintain a sense that we are worthy [as those who are right] ….” We need to be wary of which “emotional habits” we have maintained over the years, that may render otherwise cordial professional relationships toxic, meaning to “our interactions with other people.”  What does this mean? Don’t wait until you get something wrong, to be told that you are wrong. This requires you to be proactive in any professional or romantic endeavor, knowing that its okay to ask questions, and its okay to share information with the hopes that you will be well received, its all a matter of communication, sometimes the more the better, the less you communicate, your needs, often times, your wishes fall through the cracks without the other person knowing, don’t wait until you get interrogated to realize what it is you’ve done wrong, ask in advance, and if you don’t know what youre doing, don’t lie about knowing more than you do, that’s the worst thing you could do to your employers or to a lover. I understand the concept of qualifications, as not having finished my JD (failure), an ABA Certified Paralegal (not a lawyer), with an LLM (a masters degree that demonstrates my legal writing and research skills). Work with what you’ve got, sometimes you can only work with what you’ve got. -No one ever tells you exactly what is you are doing wrong until it occurs, be cautious in all work endeavors, that’s why its so important to ask questions, and not just take the go ahead tackling assignments, that’s not being proactive, that’s being reckless, doing things without knowing whether you are doing things right, be mindful, of the time wasted on your end, and the future time wasted, if necessary it will take, having to re-do the assignment that you’ve been working on, because it was done wrong by you. In life you are mostly left to your own devices. And once you get going again in life, you only get so many chances, and suggestions, before you are required to live life on your own and be a “self-starter” that’s what the job force is looking for, so don’t bend the rules. Eventually you have to live life on your own, such as me blogging for my own company. I must have not done anything right! Of course not! Its because of what I did well, I was able to do well on my own, its actually the exact opposite assumption, of someone who is successful online, as a blogger, that they were not successful in the workforce, no I got excellent jobs!
Ive been having one of those moments again, questioning what it is I am doing with my life. Thinking I could’ve been so many other things but instead Im a blogger. I guess its all a matter of pride from this moment on. I could’ve been a wife, a girlfriend, a paralegal, or an Attorney, but instead I am a law graduate with an LLM and an ABA Certified Paralegal -a Blogger. Im not sure what kind of career I have mapped out for myself, but I hope that what goals I have accomplished so far, will get me to where I want to be in life, married and with a paying job one day, whether that’s here, selling my website, or applying elsewhere for pay, Im not sure what to do. So many people would dream to have the following that I have managed to obtain over the course of the past year, its worth a try to keep going and to keep learning, what have I got to lose. I used to think that it was a gamble to blog, its not really a get rich quick gig anymore, even with all my ads up, my website still doesn’t make any income, its not something I have quite figured out yet, and kind of embarrassed about it too. I guess that’s what hiring an IT professional is for, to help set up my website, and to help me monetize my website, Im just not quite there yet, because Ive not had the funds to invest more money into my website. This all takes time Im sure, figuring out who you want to be in life, and doing what you need to do in order to be her in life. Its much better than dating on Tinder, and going out to the bars on dates, with men looking for a life partner, I suppose this is a better use of my time, than dating. I guess with a blog/website, I was hoping to attract the kind of attentions in life, that would help me to have things in life, like a boyfriend (something going for me in life), friends (something worth talking about in life), and a career (something Im proud of doing for myself and others). The skies the limit, only now, I have to continue my education, and learn more about Tech, SEO, Wordpress, Learn how to Code, and continue building my skillset for website building and development, alongside, working on finishing and publishing my first book, my goals at the moment. Everything takes time, I hope that by sharing my journey online, I have similarly inspired others to keep going in life, no matter where you are in life, start somewhere.
The times can get depressing, but only if you allow your present circumstances to keep you from making progress with or without a job at the moment. That’s where reading comes into play. For every job, recently that I have gotten, 2015, and 2018, years that I worked for 6 months to a year, I was a law student studying reading heavily and writing papers, or I went to Amazon Book Store Century City and bought 10 books and read them all. All of these things prepare you for working in the workforce, and going back to work, which is the hardest part, after taking a break from working. Keep your sleep patterns, regular, and make sure to get your rest, and adequate exercise, and don’t binge eat too much on cheap food, I just quit fast food, that was a long unnecessary addiction, as a self-professed everyday runner. I guess the whole defend McDonalds in the face of the book “Fast Food Nation” was a bad idea, afterall. That’s okay, save money, but not when it comes to your diet, really try to eat healthy foods, its better to spend the money on good food, than to waste money on going out, dating, cigarettes, and fast food. These are things you learn later in life once put on a tight budget. That you can only spend what you have, and if you want to go shopping everyday, don’t skimp yourself out on the food department, that’s a really big mistake, health wise. Reading for me is really challenging, not something I have ever found easy, in fact on standardized exams, I get lower scores on the reading comprehension passages, but higher scores in sections like arguments and games. But I have enjoyed free reading new to it, used to only read what was assigned to me in school, but now as I am getting older, I kind of have to choose my own curriculum, and decide what to study, 2013 was all about watching CSPAN everyday, and learning everyones names, that’s was fun to familiarize myself with government figures, and election processes, and the importance of voting, and how laws are made, it’s a really complicated process, and takes a lot of volunteer work, and fundraising in order to ensure that the publics health is responded to and our present concerns, something I became very passionate about as a law student, leaving law school to fly to DC for two weeks, to help make a positive difference, and share from my perspective what I know, how I have been doing, and what the environment around me was like. That I think is helpful, but not necessary, sometimes its hard to check into normal, its not like a hotel you can go to, and leave feeling like a different person more normal, sometimes it takes hard working, such as reading, and learning, and furthering your education, to get that “normal” sense of confidence back when it comes to your thinking, while being mindful of others sense of peace too. Not everything that’s a emergency to you, for you to understand, will be something that everyone else is into, like how company names are made, and the present condition of an industries integrity and pride and who has been affected, stuff like that no one really writes about, but its stuff we all think about, hopefully not to the extent that we become bothered by what people think, or why things are made, and turn on systems of support, because they couldn’t be more perfect, or because of a negative interpretation of how ideas were used to promote whos and what types of interests, you’re only as left out in life, as you allow yourself to be, why its so important to read the news everyday, and by reading the news everyday, that’s how you stay feeling apart of, and by the news, able to assemble, and put together things, you notice overtime, patterns, and hopefully become a better more wise decision maker, as a result of having a better understanding of how the world works, and be in it.
You cannot stop someone who believes fearlessly in helping others, and willing to go to extreme lengths to ensure those safety needs are met, including defenses, when it comes to misconduct or errors being accused of them, such as myself, for simply taking a poster down. You would be surprised, how little information it takes to get your hands dirty, when it comes to public speaking, you really have to be in a solid place in life, in order to be heard and to be well received by all. You audience can tell if you are under pressure, and if so, wanting to know why, and always assuming for the most part, that any nervousness demonstrated by you, is a manifestation of guilt on your behalf, as having done something wrong, therefore not confident around others, and for whatever reasons that may be, disinterested in you, or not respecting you. Im the kind of person, who people are naturally competitive with, I learned this at a young age, that’s just how people are who are in competition with you, trying to succeed, and trying to be better than you, while they are at it. Its really hurtful to say the least to be one of those people, but you just have to be understanding of others, that as people progress, mature, and find themselves in life, and become less reliant on others for self-esteem, or confidence, or companionship, in order to be at ease with themselves or around others, don’t be offended the less you are needed in life, that’s just a process of growing up, its not necessarily to do with not liking you, growing out of you, not respecting you, not being proud of you, or embarrassed by you. Sure in your lower moments in life, you can be difficult to talk to, but never assume that its anyone in competition with you that is bringing you down in life, that’s how you give your power away in life, to the benefit of others, if you complain, or point fingers, as to the causes for any changes to your disposition in life, and then it becomes a who did what, who said what, who changed what, and even worse, looks like youre blaming others, for any changes you have undergone, while speaking in public or being around others, people will treat you as they think you are, and that is just something you will have to accept about life, everyone thinking that they can size you up, know you better than you know yourself, and think to treat you as they think that you deserve to be treated, with or without respect, trust, or given a job in life at all.
 Amazon Book Writing Inc. (Book #1)
 Keidi Keating (Book #2)
 Torah Bontrager (Blog Advice)