Just because I have been hospitalized 9 times, and have attended IOP Intensive Outpatient Treatment at UCLA twice, does not make me an expert at helping others to overcome their mental health issues. Once things are taken personally there is a problem, especially when it comes to someones condition, anyone who is well, reading along, not relating, and thinking that someone who does not make sense to them is wrong, it just means you do not understand my condition or how I see things. The second major problem, is someone who is not well, explaining their condition, not intending to talk about the past, gets hurt when discussing the past, suffers the same condition, again, not feeling well, not feeling apart of, feeling like there is something wrong with them, that is in part true. Which bring us to problem number three, your condition is your condition, absent minded others, and when your condition is poor, dont expect others to relate to your condition, the worse off you become, the harder you are to relate to, and this brings up problem number 4: your ability to make other people feel good, and what "likes" on your blog means: (1) you have overcome your mental health issues (2) your mental health issues still exist, or (3) you are able to help others, and getting like because you are helping, being recognized, make sense, dont make sense, sick, or not sick presently. -Anyone who is not well understands that it takes time to talk to people, catch up with friends, talk to exes, make new friends, finish goals, achieve goals, set goals, and move forward. These are problems everyone faces, but not all will be understanding of your experiences in life, thinking you should be: better, smarter, prettier, more intelligent, more organized, not aggravated, not on meds, stronger, more fit --thats just someones unhappiness when looking at you, being critical of you, because they do not have the same a well made website and blog. -What needs to be understood, is that those with mental health issues (ie me) possess a chemical imbalance, which upon aggravation, gets worse, and they lose momentum, stop achieving, and just like everyone else, become confused, have difficulty concentrating, difficulty feeling good, difficulty exercising, doing things that make them feel good, and suffer just like anyone ele who has a "bad day" except for someone with mental health issues the "bad days" can add up, and they can get worse, and worse, and worse, and then need to be hospitalized, so that they are put on very heavy doses of medication so that they sleep, and stop thinking, and stop living, and stop moving, and stop achieving, and slow down in life. -Its a very dangerous condition mental health issues, one that requires meds for sleep and meds for wakefulness, to live life, just be understanding that its not by choices one gets sick, thats just life, sometimes you are put together and shine, and sometimes, your not the best at everything. I am interesting because although I have achieved a lot, am still sick, and thats not my choice to suffer, be easily aggravated, and self-harm, thats when alone I suffer, so that upon being around others who are more well, something looks wrong with me, so that I cant blend in. Not being able to blend in, means not measuring up, and no matter what you achieve in life, not good enough, not sound, not helpful, makes no difference, until your health, can be argued to be a problem, as though your condition, does not improve the condition of others, make them realize how well they are, and how others have suffered, and are suffering not well. I am someone who had a successful career and was doing well, and then got sick, why I blog now. Its been very difficult to work and finish law school but that was always a goal, just be nice to people who were once very smart, on point, and who now suffer the same unhappinesses in life, without jobs, not able to work, with disability, not social, not dating, not returning to life. Sometimes you leave behind one life, to start a new life, that doesnt mean there was something wrong with any of your lives, is the misunderstanding of sacrificing social time to study be smart. For someone with learning disability I know I cannot drink or go out or date, in order to be smart and graduate, and get a job, or be successful online, learn and continue to grow sober.
When you represent yourself well, all things fall into place, its upon being observed, and not impressed by your current condition, that respect for you is lost. Thats by who already knows you, and by seeing you now, not impressed by where you are or who you are becoming, whether your success story matters, whether your humanity matters, whether your wellness matters, whether their opinion matters (some who does not know you) judging you based upon where you have been, what harms you have suffered, to justify hate toward you as deserving, that is upon seeing someone well, able to carry on a conversation, not be well enough to be apart of, not well enough to be considered of worth, and not well enough to be taken seriously. Who is taken seriously? Someone who does not bother, nor offends the wellness of others, someone who upon meeting is recognized as smart and capable of overcoming their current troubles, someone who is human too, respectable, and worth the love and trust of those who give love and trust to them, thats wellness. Wellness is always by how you respond presently to either justify a dislike for you, or rationalize an understanding of you presently, as having learned from your past, and how to properly respond, during a difficult time, and not become worse off, thats maturing, understanding that the world is a big place, and while things may not work out for you in life, does not mean that your life is over, or any hardship so difficult to overcome, that actions are taken on your behalf or others, to situate you worse off in life, as though thats where you were headed, thats where you deserve to be, or thats who you are, not well, not successful, not important, not of value, not of significance, not capable, or not as well as, because one is on their own, separate from friends and boyfriends. Who is strong? Someone who can resist temptation, someone who does not change based upon their circumstances, someone who remembers everything, someone who lives for the moment, someone who is well liked, there seems to be a misunderstanding, of what is liked? -Someone at peace, with themselves, and others. -Generally someone does not respect your sense of peace if they can generate a reaction from you, that fits within their description of "not well" someone who is only well as among those who are well or someone who is not well when placed among those who are not well, someone who is not able to be at peace with themselves or others, no matter how well things are going for themselves, driven by things in life, and setting goals to look like something they are not, trying to be someone else, not themselves, discredited, and hurt until they become something else, not successful, not well, in repair, not appreciative, not doing well, not a positive reflection of where they have been or what they have gone through, until they experience problems and suffer once again, thats generally by people, who dont think that you have a difficult life too, unless you become worse off, thinking that self-harm is a deserved consequence of you doing something wrong. -No life is an easy life.
Until you become something do not let others define you. What makes special? Being apart of? What creates a space above hate, that upon realization, value is created within, and can be seen by all? How does one move forward? What is being positive? How does organziation help? How does disorganization occur? Who is happy and why? When does unhappiness occur? All of these factors matter when determining the value of someone, mostly based upon a feeling, upon meeting someone, whether by who they are, they have what it takes, to be of value, and upon presentation to all, be considered of value, or whether they are something they are not, sick within, and because of what others think is sick about them (appearance wise) that that condition is contagious, a unwell mind, or someone not of value too, deserving to be heard. What you are drawn to and by your experiences, you are able to keep the sick well, that is by training and by exposure, know how to be during tough times, and what is expected of you during tough times, to be of resource to those who are suffering, gone, or experiencing mental illness. You can't get out of an unwell mind, or a poor condition, unless as directed by someone who is well, get out of a feeling, a condition, or a present state of mind, that is causing you or others illness, that is a disbelief within ones self, in ones ability to overcome conditions present, without a positive outlook or appreciation for moments in which one was blessed to experience wellness, that is recognition of ones humanity, that not all days are perfect, not everyone is perfect, not everyone will make you feel well, not all will recover, and accept the condition you are in, not make worse your condition, no matter the condition of others, be selfless. -Sometimes you will be able to share and make everything feel better, and sometimes you will share, and everyone will turn on you (who knows you), thats just public speaking (everyone curious about a well point of view, something well said, and based upon what is known, why one is well received, unless well too, not feel well, offended by your current wellness, not apart of, and then I get sick too, until who is proven right? That I am not well, what was thought of me, by a few who met me or knew me, not my whole life, not understanding of what I was going through, not understanding of my condition nor the causes of my condition, compared.), unless you can make others feel better, will they see the value in your work, some readers are selfish in that way, only concerned about their own wellness, not concerned about your wellness, or the wellness of everyone, to them special means being apart of, unique, and invincible to the conditions of others, a feeling that one is more powerful or so powerful, that in numbers is what makes someone invincible to experiencing worse, or a bad life, thats not understanding that everyone can get sick, and even by who they love, experience pain, and by those pains, not feel well, and not be able to love or be loved too, worse off. -Anyone who makes someone feel good, is well, thats a basic principle of wellness, and then there is a condition, such as now, when I am doing well online, and privately not doing well romantically, where my condition got worse, upon doing better online and getting likes, not because of my doing but because of what was done to me or expected of me privately, able to give love, share myself romantically, and at the same time be accepted professionally online, you cant be well in both spaces, if anything goes wrong in one or the other, not able to give love, not able to make sense, and not able to feel well. I am human too, its not by your experiences of pain, suffering, embarrassment, that you have know how, its only as you overcome a poor condition, that you are able to explain that cusp back to wellness, a realization of a poor condition, and an experience of what was realized upon being well or getting well, that explains where you are now, everyone is capable of being hurt professionally and romantically, its a new world, everything recorded, and unless you value yourself, enough to stay professional, can you lose everything you have worked hard for your entire life, that is success professionally, so that more doors open up for you and you can get a job too and be paid for your work. Thats everyones right to work, its not everyone right to be loved or to experience love, that is how you get hurt and devalued, upon giving love, not feel well, not feel stable, not feel strong, not feel motivated, not feel respected, and look like someone in need of the wrong things in life, not appreciative of what they have, not feel well. Mental health issues are permanent (on meds) that is something someone not on meds will never understand what causes one to end up on medication? It takes many downs to not be able to come up in life, and it takes many hospitalizations, to keep living life, and correct a poor condition, and its only upon doing well feeling better, that others forget where you have been, and become more obsessed with causes for illness, not respecting your livelihood and wellness now, thinking had it not been for a bad condition, you would not be well? Its had I not been in a bad condition, I would not be on meds, and because Im on meds -I write.
At what point does the beauty come out in others, and who brings the beauty out in others. Generally when someone is loved, they feel beautiful, and when someone is cared for, and takes good care of themselves, see the good in themselves and able to see the good in others. We all have bad days, but that doesnt mean that a person has lived a bad life, or that because they were around bad people, look bad, or turn out to be something they are not, become who is attracted to them, become something they are not, or become a reflection of others, not a reflection of themselves and the work that they have accomplished in their life. Who makes a good example to others, someone focused on themselves or someone below, under the command of someone else, looking as though they are trying to be like, at work it is by whos direction you are under that you work for, not work like, thats work, everyone assigned to do their job, not the job of others, and do their job well so that others can do their job better, thats working for someone. And then there is working for yourself, such as blogging, under your own direction, not to look better than others, but to be yourself. So much of life is about finding yourself, valuing yourself, and so long as you seem like someone in need of attentions or help, to build a company for yourself to work in, is when you get sized up, as being of value personally and professionally, and judged based upon how big someone thinks you are trying to be, or some person successful they think you are trying to measure up to, and based upon who you know, think that it was easy to think, learn how to build a website, and establish a formula for creating writings new each day, respective of your progress, through the management of your own mental health issues. Thats not trying to be famous, thats being professional, when known, or looked at, or spoken to, a sense of ease comes about, a certainty that things are going right, were done right, and will turn out right, thats the blessing of working, focused on whats in front of you, and things turning out well for you and others, which makes you feel like youve had a good day, and keeps you looking forward to the next day, not by compiling risks and trying to solve problems outside the scope of your expertise, wellness is by doing well what you know best. There is always a steep learning curve when it comes to getting good at something, or to be successful at something whether its: work skills, social skills, relationship skills, or people skills, some of these traits your born with and sometimes you learn overtime, how to behave, look, present self, in order to be treated kindly, and not come across as troublesome, out there, not put together, dirty, or someone unwanted trying to be wanted. -I was raised to always see the good in others, and because I see the good in others, am fearless, thats not a belief in those who are bad will change, its believing that those who are good, will not give in to the types of behaviors, that condone those who have not lived similar lives, to cause trouble in the life, or someone who has lived privately, hard working. There is no point in life, when your life will be completely separately lived from the rest of the world, thats life, constantly exposed to all walks of life, one should not change simply because they have been exposed to a different kind of life, nor be devalued, because their life has been exposed to another walk of life, that doesnt take away from someone being special, because of who knows them, not be considered special, based upon who they are later connected to, as not being of high social status, not being beautiful, wealthy, a success. Sometimes people who are smart, are accepting of people, that most people would not be accepting of, and because one has experience in life exposed to all walks of life, devalued, as though ones life does not help or better the lives of those not as successful, influence them. -Thats when your beauty is lost, at your expense given, lost, or assumed to not be beautiful, because of who you were exposed to, not good enough to help. -You will always be judged based upon whether you are someone that others see the beauty in or whether you are someone who sees the beauty in others, or whether you are someone who is beautiful and brings out the beauty in others, by seeing the beauty in someone youre around. What causes wellness, when someone who is gone, feels found, and when found, loves again, happy.
One of the most important lessons you'll ever learn in recovery is that nothing lasts for ever, and in order to overcome feelings associated with the past, you have to move forward, no matter what life you had, no matter how good things were, and no matter what happened to you, allow your experinces to shape you, without impeding your progress as remembered, recalled, written, told, or shared, not step through the same life twice. What does that mean? You only get far in life, if what youre doing now, is going to help you at some future later point, and upon recognizing which things thought about, what feelings had, or what losses past, have caused instability in your life, avoid sitting too long with feelings that remind you of a time past you felt that way, and continue to appreciate where you are now, thats not compounding your current life, with anything past, to explain, justify, shed light, add weight, or build inference toward you that you have not changed, not accomplished, in spite of, but because of those feelings are where you are now, thats giving power to your past, instead of empowering who you are now, separate from those moments in time, a better person, a more mature person, someone who knows where they have been, and as a result of doing everything right, are where they are now. The past will always give you skills, current, that shape who you are, there no doubt to that, our younger years, when we were invicible, social, outgoing, in love, with our whole lives ahead of us hopeful, and then we get older, feel the pressure of every down, every failure, every hardship, every breakup, and before finishing any task, push ourselves to be connected to a future moment, feeling better, instead of thinking backwards be held back, before we arrive to better, thats letting go, knowing when to value yourself, when to slow down, when to appreciate, and when to stop, communicating about how things were, and choose to focus on where you are now, absent minded the past, people, memories, recollections, hardships, thats the journey. -What is being too hard on yourself? If you are happy with who you are now, and someone is not happy with you as you are now, that doesnt mean, every moment you have done well and then not felt good, was because someone did not feel good about you, dont give power to people, to change you, change yourself, and dont give power to people to judge you, and call negative attentions to yourself, becoming something youre not, in response to present ideas or thoughts of you, so that no progress is made, and you are made to look worse, than you have ever been in your entire life. Thats seeing you, and thinking you are trying to be bigger or better than you are, and that you deserve to be put down in life, so that you become nothing, and feel like nothing, as though you dont deserve to have a life too, and feel good. Some people are allowed to be important in life, and some people, based upon what they have been through, are deemed not to be important, thats a choice that is made, by those who upon seeing them, do not see them as well, capable, or deserving of opportunities in life to have a life, as though they have not made sacrifices too, and waited to be loved, to achieve, get jobs, and be successful too. If someone is well liked, its because of who they are and in spite of what they have been through have a positive outlook in life. A positive outlook means not predicting the worse, and because they believe in themselves and others, is why those who come into their life, improve, and explains why they are alone, upon not feeling well, because once they were needed, and all of a sudden not needed. -People only care about themselves, and its not until you become better on your own without anyone in your life, that they begin to feel different, like thats not what I thought and because I thought this treated her this way, and because she has achieved anyways, think that they still deserve the power to hurt you, to explain the past, not allow you to move forward. -What is an alternate lifestyle, friends online instead of friends in real life, not dating, and instead choosing to focus on your goals in life, why is that? Because in order to be loved, you have to have both moved on from the past, recognize how hard life is, how difficult life is, and with appreciation for one anothers hardships, meet halfway, liked again by people from your past, thats seeing you having known you, and being who you are again, as they remembered you, social, vocal, fashionable, balanced, at ease, focused on yourself.
Nothing incomplete is considered an acceptable form of communication, and if anyone thinks you have it good, will prove you wrong as though you have not suffered, or brought it upon yourself, being put down when down, or made to look like something youre not, when in the moment, you entertain advances in private, and as a result make yourself look stupid, it will always be to the assumption of someone on the outside, making it personal, as though your condition was improved by behavior in private, as though you cannot get hurt by looking that way in public, not everyone was fit to be loved by all, no one is trying to be everyones sweetheart, its to the standards others think you are trying to achieve as well as that you are put down in life as not as good as, and for every improvement, docked points, based upon your originality, and ability, not to partake in comradere or mention the wellness of others, while on your own, you only attract back into your life, what you are able to provide, thats simple. And anyone not in your life looking at your life, will always think that you upon not being well, not doing well, are further defined as an asset or expense, or a liability to the wellness of those around you. Every moment you bring up is fruit for jugment later on in life, as you improve, brought up in a way to see whether brought up and applies to you, or brought up, as its been a subject avoided, shedding light upon the happenings of wellness, or insight into things that have gone well, and look like because things are going well, be credited for those changes as though your input brings about positive change in others, or to systems governing the behavior, outlook, and belief systems to which others wellness depends. -Think for what purpose am I mentioning awareness of this story, combined with what my life looks like where I have been what I have gone through, and be careful not to lend insights into the lives of others where how to benefit is by hurting you, to bring about a better or worse result, to then make you matter in a negative way, or you can continue to make progress, and be unaffected by the successes of others, and not because of you be credited for their successes in life, not everyone is able to handle a down, thats the main point, and its upon many downs in life, you stop allowing others to dicate your wellness, your confidence, your self-esteem, your femininity, your athleticism, and become the best version of yourself, and say this is my wellness, whats inside me, and just because things look this way, or I look this way, or I got sick, or this person is not doing well, does not mean its because of me, thats not rising from any controversy, thats saying I understand pain too, I understand suffering too, I understand hardship too, I get f-ked too, I get offended to, my feelings get hurt too, I think I am not doing as well as, and Im single too, trying to have a career and graduate from law school, what does that mean, we all struggle, and once you stop focusing on who is struggling and why, you being to see the light, that no matter where you are in life, life can be made beautiful, and its only upon seeing the beauty of life, that life is lived, irrespective of how others are doing, what points are trying to be made, how things look, what things are about, who helped, who inspired, who was strong, who was sick, who was leading, who was attractive, who was well who was stable, until you arrive to well, and judged as though you were focused on others how you became sick, and why you look like someone from your life, to say that you are a product of those in your life, put you down as a poor representation of other, much different, not evolved, less mature, not poised, not refined, not sober, not intelligent, not arrived, and not going to arrive, because not one of them, well, successful, intelligent, beautiful, original, helpful, does the right thing, has worked hard and reported, so that another story can be told, you as the person rejected or left behind, to see if you become successful on your own without those people in your life. Thats crediting losses, and motivating your progress, its upon losses we pause, think about life, as we are living life, and its not upon failure on our own merits, that we feel at a loss. Thats the difference between being in the wrong and separate or being separate being good, trying to stay well, and do well, thats not to shine above or beyond others, thats you stood out, and upon others doing well, you became less focused, and failed, why because they met you, and did the same or better in life, so that your hardwork, doesnt look special, doesnt look important, doesnt look influential, doesnt look difficult, until what you say becomes about them as read, and until you become on your own again, to watch you improve on your own, that looking at someone, as responsible for catering to your needs until you become well, and then expecting them to be able to stay well on their own, assuming your needs to be well, wont change upon separation and cater to the needs of those who are hurt without you, who are hurt watching you, who are hurt because they know you, or hurt because they dont think you were ever well, had nice insights, were genuine, or ever realized how well or special life was, and that you were not the provider of wellness to anyone not in your life. Generally no one comes into your life unless you are well, and no one is friends with you unless you are nice, and no one likes you unless they want to be loved by you, why? Because it makes them feel good to be loved and they feel special versus, they feel good and you feel special, versus they are special because you feel good, or you are special make them feel good. What despecializes someone, when your gift benefits one to benefit all, versus your gift to benefit all on your own, is how your wellness is lost, by giving first hand, not through someone who is stronger, more well, more powerful than you, who can handle attention.
You pick and choose who to love in life, and based upon who you grow close to, feel a mutual connection absent pain, fear, a place where you can open up and be yourself, and unconditionally loved and accepted in return. Its rare to find people who are so willing to care for you, and watch you blossom, especially in real life. Always be careful of what you say and how you present yourself in private, its upon loss of a connection, love, that pain sets in, if not for one, but for all, thats when one or the other has moved on, and in place of that bond or connection, another one is formed, with someone who brings out a different set fo traits. Its always based upon, who youre connecting with, words come to mind, or behavior elicited, as directed by them, how they want to see you, thats in a loving connection with someone, how they want you to show love toward them, but not all, thats how one who is conservative gets hurt, that upon opening up in a way that they dont show most, are seen under a different light if known to all, to say that she is that way with everyone in private, eliciting for attentions, by being that provocative in close connection with anyone who she thinks likes them, on messenger its who I knwo likes me, and without friends or a boyfriend in real life, its on messenger that one is loved, however the same pains occur upon separation, that is one person hurt, thinking the other is better without them, show how they were with them, to make them seem like they are not deserving of feeling good in a different relationship or a different set of circumstances. One usually feels wronged upon a breakup, everything going right for eachother, and if something goes wrong within, the other doesnt look good or feel good, because things are not the same, and that occurs when love is lost. When love is lost, it is by our choices, that that care is rescinded, and sometimes upon not doing well, catering to voices, self-harming, changing meds, doctors, we find stability, waking up, from a quiet moment with one, and sets in a pain that seems unbearable, but its usually after you have responded to "what things look like" in defense of "what things looked like then at the time you did get in trouble" that you end up worse off "already things were done to make you look like you were being bad: sexual" so someone new looks like the same was done to them upon knowing you, love, and upon you becoming not well, claim to have suffered the same hurt, as though you are someone who upon knowing and connecting with, gets sick, and that when you are sweet thats not genuine, not understanding you have bipolar, and difficutly maintaining that "peace" and "quiet" experinced most often times in loving situations, and be left separate because of their hurt, loving you, and you not being able to provide for them, a version of you that makes them feel good, and in addition, not able to provide a better or different version of you to someone knew who just met you. -In the end, you always wind up looking like, someone who is trying to be like, not someone who is well or pretty, because they think you are not those things, and that by becoming those things in private, and self-harming, that you are not happy with yourself upon being criticized, or assumed to be not smart, or up to no good in private, for those types of interactions or love a "sexual love" or the bond occurring between those who love "be loved" ... Ive always noticed that it is those with love who receive love, and those who know how to love, able to give love, upon getting sick, it is your love that is criticized by the other, as not being good enough, an in sincere approach to you not feeling good, or upon opening up, turning them off, thats them thinking you "opening up" is for love or trust, or that how you speak is to explain a condition "of not being able to be loved" because the last time you were sweet or professional, and not provocative, you were punished for giving love, at a time when you were alone, trying to be something in life, without help, and single, only later to become something, successful, graduating and with a website you dreamed of, be hurt in the same way upon separation with a "you hurt me" "because you left" and because you are not the same "available to love and give love" that "you hurt yourself" by being around others? Then, give me love and you look stupid, you get mental illness, and its not what happened to you I loved you, its I loved you and now I dont love you, because you did something wrong, makes you feel "bad" "upset" "ill" "dont want any love" = unhappiness. -What creates a better condition? Doing everything right, and why? To be loved and to be trusted, so that you can experience "peace" so that you can achieve a "quiet" disposition, so that upon looking at you "what is thought is not justified as coming from you" and that "what is felt" is not justified as coming from you, and that how you look or feel "is not justified as coming from people outside of you "about people in your life" to make you look like someone who behaves and responds in life "based on whats around you" mentally ill, or someone "who reacts and responds" based upon whats coming from them, experienced. -If your goals (assumed) are "to be better" anyone thinking your motivations are "to be better than and make others look bad" assume that your better is dependent upon what other people look like, how other people feel, what other people think, not for whats important to you, not in your best interests, not in the best interests of your cares, but in defense of oneself, thinking about others and becoming something youre not, one can only achieve a bettered condition upon being themselves, not absorbing what others think, thinking for themselves, focused on whats in front of them, thats how one moved forward, its not a better place you get to in life, that makes you realize how far youve come, its whether you understand when "things are good" and leave, or whether "you created unhappiness" that is disatisfaction, or not feeling well, and left a "quiet" life and a moment of "peace" to help. -In the real world if you are strong and confident and put together, dont be surprised, if someone take that opportunity, to be in close quarters with you, and get you to do things to benefit or help them, which upon disclosing to who loved you, causes you to hit your head. Its the difference between being beautiful to one, and looking grose to all, because someone who didnt love you, made you look and feel grose to someone who used to love you. If no one loves you, that means better yourself to be loved, you dont become approachable and easy to know, talk to, and able to love back, until you recognize what is love, and how the other benefits with you around, and how that benefit to them, gets hurt when you get hurt.
Some people think it approrpriate to benefit themselves at your expense, thats because in doing so they prove a point, viable and able to return to wellness be apart of or not going to make it not smart enough, and bearing some characterisitc or trait unlikeable to most, meaning upon recognition of who they are too all will not be likewise interpreted to having been the brains behind anything new, simply telling a story as it is, and not being smart enough to create a story in a way that relates to all, and from which positive lessons can be taken. Thats will a belief that in reporting what you see, and by what you remember and are affected by take personally what you see, as because they see you give you something to remember, which affects you like seeing you affects others in a bad way, or as though its upon seeing you, that they see bad, or think that something is not right about you. What causes that? Usually when people believe you have changed, assumed that it is for the worst, and that upon seeing a change in character interpret that to mean that you are not doing somethng right, or assume there is something not right about you, without regard for what you have in life, who you know, where youve been, what you know, what youve accomplished, what life you have lived, think its not impressive that you got into law school and have worked where you work, and instead think to take a less serious approach to understanding how you were able to achieve in life, and make an unhappy memory of you, upon returning to any social scene, to say that you are a bad decision maker and because you are a bad decision maker and we can prove youre a bad decision maker means that you do not have good life in life and make choices to benefit yourself, and are likewise retaliated on to see how you feel if someone makes a decision for themselves, does better, and looks better than you, after having you in their life, and not credit having met you or known you, why because they dont think you deserve credit, they dont think meeting you helped them, they think knowing you brought them bad luck, they think you are sick because you are sick minded, and that because you are sick minded attract sick people, why you get put among the sick hospitalized, because you dont understand health, wellness, intelligence, or the value of a human life, as though you have not been through sickness and back, and have faith. It takes someone who has been through multiple forms of recovery to identify when things are off and by what causes, and so long as you explain sources or causes for illness, how quickly they hurt you to see if you become sick, to show that they are better because you are not well, not doing so because you were right, but to prove it was because you are sick were sick why they were that way hurt, and if the opposite occurs wellness happens. Thats to show that someone does not become themselves absent minded the behaviors and exposures of others unless they can identify a poor response, and sometimes its only until others experience the same can they understand why you got sick, and they got well anyways. If you understand that people will get well anyways, no matter what I find sick, than why make me sick, to make something in the past look well, as though that was a favor to me a like or a lay, or a friendship, or a job, or a sexual encounter, like I needed that be smart, build a website, be a writer.
If you have an understanding of where you are now compared to where you have been and understand the reasons why you were put on meds, and not able to complete as much work as you would have liked, or been able to finish your studies on time, and receive degrees to credit your hard work, then its probably because you dont understand what things look like to others, whether you have overcome an issue and become a better person, or whether you will be boiled down to one instance of bipolar, breakup, and hospitalization, meaning when left to your own devices get lost, sick, or experince mental health issues, and the reasons for how and why you get sick will always be looked upon, as your exposures in life, and blaming your condition on believing or thinking things are a way they are not because you are not stable, and thinking your stability is dependent upon understanding the past better, your past, as it relates to the condition of others ... this you learn later in life. The more responsibilities you take on in life, the more is expected of you, dont expect that just because you have worked for or been a memeber of organizations, that people will think highly of you, or respect the interests to which you may be known for limits tested in life, to determine whether based upon what work you do, for self or others, how you are affects the outcomes of the interests to which you hold, and then based upon losses or things not going right. establish that because your work ethic does not match the quality conducive to maintaining memberships, or jobs, that its because you as a person do not represent the best interests of those you work for or are member to, because your condition worsens, upon those you work for being disappinted in you, or choices you make whether to participate, able to participate, or choosing to backoff, determine that its to your benefit to be memeber, and that that benefit is not reciprocal, meaning its because of you, that others face difficulty accomplishing their goals, because of your memberships, not benefiting from your condition upon working for others, may not always improve or benefit you, and whether or not you benefit from those you help, that positive momentum, can only be maintained, upon your ability to manage your mental health issues, and refrain from discussions of things past, thought as excuse or justification for caring, as unecessary to think anyone you knew distantly in the past, has been affected by your current interests be mentioned, thats letting go, you can either get into the nitty gritty of why people think your a bad influence bad luck, whether your success is dependent upon the success of others, and be proven wrong "not normal" because everyone is fine and you are not okay, does not mean something is wrong, and the only reason you feel like something is wrong when you are not well, is because you do not understand what went wrong, to understand why you do not feel well, and because you do not feel well is not the responsibility of anyone to explain to you, until proven wrong, meaning your ideas or methods or interests are not helpful, and because there is something wrong with you, upon everyone knowing you, a similar effect is anticipated prayed for, they will know you, see you, hear from you, see your likes, your ideas, and think youre mentally ill, and if upon improving and being accepted you get sick, its because you have done something wrong, and that their rejections of you or non-acceptance of you was justifed, based upon how you look now, where you live, what you look like, energy, be seen as someone who is let go, because they were not disciplined, and because they are not disciplined, is why people are okay without them, similarly not to be credited for work completed as sufficient or demonstrating hard work or professionalism know how. What does this mean, when things do not go right how are you affected? Hurt, withdrawn, bipolar, mentally ill, hearing voices, thats because those who felt right about you rejecting you as being too much or behaviorally unsound, or upon appearances not well if alone, means there is something wrong with you, and those rejections of you justified, as you being problematic, the other not in need, and once in need, seen as someone who is only well when around others, not because they are well on their own, and because separated from others means that its because of who they are, look in public, brainstorm, think, is why they are treated as someone who does not deserve to write online be apart of or liked ignored, and if no one pays attention to them, think it justified because they got sued apply a Brady rule to them "zero attention" because one person thought they were mentally ill for writing in private to someone, expecting them to care, which is why therapy was suggested once a week, and why meetings were attended, and IOP after being hospitalized 14 days. -What does being human mean? Understanding the transitions that others go through upon meeting you, knowing you, working with them, getting to know them, respecting their boundaries, understanding their temperments, be supportive of their wellness, and their independence, and not take personally, when you go through something, absent minded them, and upon becoming focused on the wrong things in life wonder, stick to what you are doing right in life and know more about, work, thats survival, not trying to understand concepts of blogging, sharing, likeness, etc. and be yourself, and always with assumption your lack of focus or unhappiness is not because they dont need you, its because you on your own, cant do what you need to do to feel like you again, together, whole, professional, and proud, that you can fix, with meds and therapy, that you cannot fix, stuck talking to others, you do not know in real life, getting sick, and then taking pictures and sharing yourself online, that show thats you have mental illness, all exhibition is mental illness, looking at yourself, or looking at others, means nothing to how you are treated better or worse, harder on you, kinder to others, is always based on how you are is how you are treated, like someone who needs to be given a hard time to fix them, to see how they respond well not well, or professional, and not describe how everyone else looks and feels without you, means you are not included or apart of because there is something wrong with you, why others are hard on you, and sometimes being yourself strong, is how you need to be to stay well, not wonder why you lost focus, all stories past will always be used again in the future for experiment as to your good character, so long as every loss can be proven as a product of your misconduct or disability, the more bullying is used to justify, your help is not needed, or your help did not help, or your actions were for no reason, or their feelings matter more, and your travels or choices or meds, are because you were not smart, when others became unhappy with you, and that because you left is why you are mentally ill, not because of them.
Originally Written: 04-26-20 (Published to instagram @mymollydoll1985 - Vision Board Memories).
Based upon how you look, determines others acceptances of you, and to others upon looking back through your life determine, whether you are well and unique on your own, or whether your traits are acquired in your surroundings, not a focus born with, that’s to determine whether your drive is affected by the energies of others, someone in a room in respected, noticed, or blends in, able to work, and given your education and experiences respected as smart. Sometimes its upon meeting you, and getting to know you, that people change, get ideas, or see the world differently, either enhancing the capabilities of others or not being anyone noticeable among others, not standing out, not because you are not special, but because you do not look smart, doesn’t mean you are not smart, or git for procreation, and just because you do not dress sexy, does not mean that you are not beautiful or because of whats going on around you, not feel good about yourself, as compared to others. Beauty is about attraction, someone who by their looks whether dressed up or not, is noticed in a good way, not perceived to be something they are not, its upon being out of your element, and upon being looked at or judged as something you are not, that unhappiness occurs within in the form of being tired, that is something about you, thought, which you are not aware of, and because of your change in lifestyle, or because of how you look, look again back through the men who have liked you in life, and based upon how you look in between relationships judge you as someone who does not blossom in a relationship because you look gay after a relationship, after sex, not beautiful, happy with yourself, missing something, that is your focus, not present in photos, not present with friends, and sometimes upon looking at people you can tell whether they are going to be successful or not, or gone, that is thinking something upon seeing you, and predicting a bad chain of events, thinking you are not smart, and because you are so focused and positive, that you don’t also get affected too, face the same hurdles and concepts of living and dying, addiction, alcoholism, sex, identity, fitness, success, intelligence, and opportunity.
At this point be human. What makes someone feel special? Acknowledged, looked at as special, upon displaying oneself, and wanting to genuinely speak to someone, who is interested in speaking to you, that enthusiasm, responded to with open ears of acceptance, that’s upon seeing you, noticing you, wanting to get through to you, usually someone observant, wanting the attentions from someone who is busy and not paying attention, solid and whole, focused. Which is why its usually the case that when you are focused on yourself and not looking for love it happens, as you get older you get a routine down, of responding socially in an inviting way, or if taken know, they’re excited upon meeting you and like you, its always okay to leave things platonic, there are moments when its okay to dress up and be girly for them, and its okay to dress up and look well for you because that is who you are professional, not trying to attract, what does that mean, nice to be nice, not nice to be liked … what is the point? Never think too much about the past, how one is liked, what causes people to like you, or ever wonder what has changed since then, to cause others to question whether you ever had a good life to begin with, if only grose representations or stories about you where remembered to cause those looking at you now, to think you have never been well, or have been hiding some disability or unhappiness related to you genetically, socially, physically, inferior to others, not mature. What causes an immature response in your later years, a deterioration of all the years spent mature and put together, opening up, and feeling lost, when lost, not willing to open up for love, why is that, because someone new who sees you put together, and then sees you as open to love, will think that that is how you are, and able to be put together, got to independence living in that way? What occurs that results in poor decision making alone? Its that recognition of others being closer to one another with you in a room, or with friends, gone, what causes that? Its you no longer close to people, and you don’t know why, that’s upon separation from friends, after being put together and focused really confident and positive talkative, go out once or twice a year, and left at the bar or upon separation found, and treated as someone well who can handle a lay? People who want to have sex with you, but you don’t want to, will treat you as someone new to a social scene or bar “talkative” as someone lost, because you aren’t in the vibe of the room, serious like them, they don’t really care, Im for marriage I can do better! = #dontdodrugs #staysober & FINISH LAW SCHOOL! --At this point Ive moved on from being insecure about my private life DESERVE TO LIVE! Im tired of going to the hospital everytime I dont feel well or suicidal, and dont know why, I think it is important to continue making steady progress, work, write, keep busy, stay active, do my best. Doing my best is not to be FEATURED or to STAND OUT and I improved NOT because I was not well liked became something more likeable or beautiful --- "I AM SMART AND BEAUTIFUL AND PRIVATE."
What is a beautiful story? You know all those movies recommended to you, that’s because you should really take the time to stop and smell the roses, people understand what those experiences are like, and just like a movie explain, its usually you, your issues, and when you get sick, its you, your mind, that needs to keep trying, when you look crazy not smart sharing too much information like what you think is important, means you are missing the point, to understand the value of expressions as solutions needed at that time, they do not guarantee coverage of explanation for everything you’ve experienced, don’t share HIPAA, if you know what causes illness, why explain what illness feels like, if you get sick, that because you are not well smart and because of who you are, you do not understand people paranoid, hats focused, and then that’s I don’t understand why I don’t feel good now, that’s you losing in life, losing your beauty, and turning into a troll, complaining about face changes, if you self-harm, then why would you give up, if you hear voices, where are you in terms of tired, giving up, only lets people know, you don’t care, and because you don’t care, why you are sick, at hat point no one cares about what happened to you, only judges you as someone who give up tired without a job, and didn’t try hard enough to get a job, be happy with the goals she met, unhappiness, is seeing me, seeing others, then watching me see others, then say im this, than say I look grose because they are well and I am not, and seeing them well is why I hear voices, no one past no one you know has anything to do with your wellness or meds put on. Its by what you know how you say things, how much challenge you’ve faced, how important you are, what you remember, think is funny, is how you get looked at as mentally ill, why not because there is a bond, of course not, its awkward, but happy for them well talking, wish I was normal too, I don’t bother people, she runs, she has power inside, and that power inside, doesn’t stop, and because she doesn’t stop its because she thinks strong is beautiful, because she wants to help everyone, I have helped, I was a member, once cared showed that care response, if you guys are not happy, that’s theres no excitement to down time, then figure out why you are upset, why you have energy, why waste time manipulating, ignored, --care, don’t, who cares, people have great lives, if you mention them, they don’t care, that doesn’t make you special, because you knew special people and they have good lives, if you have up, its because you did coke, and because you did coke on deans list is why you are retarded and hear voices, because someone saw you as able physically to try a drug to achieve what about them: “Im awake, I responded, Im here, Im being social, what is cocaine for?” ---Its to cause stupid scared paranoid become insecure, that’s because you looked like you were strong on your own, so you could afford to try a drug, that’s fancy, shared, but doesn’t last, that’s because people use drugs for different reasons, and if you try a drug, and because its dirty illegal and you moved, doesn’t mean buy it because you feel grose now, that you tried a drug when you felt good, and suddenly everyone turned on you. That just goes to show, because you cant handle drugs, have friends, means you need help, need friends, “Why do you have friends?” “Who are they?” –Shouting at you why the F are you in the library for 5 hours a day! Go out and make some friends! If you have friends your neighbors, no one will know that about you, only go by Facebook, how you looks entering college and if you start to do better, means insulted? Maybe … and got adderrall! If you study all day, and night during finals, you memorize outlines and flashcards, attend meetings, get jobs, and don’t have mental health issues, means don’t date! See your job, see your life, and think who the F are you certified crisis counselor, with albums of celebrities, a good life, why the F are you a volunteer, exactly, someone with a job, if youre not gay, by the time you look like crap, the rainbow cannot cover your mental health issues, rehab already happened, you are well past 30, 6 months rest back to wrok, were you on a big journey, or writing everyday, getting better at writing, exactly, when something good happens that’s not a go sign for how to make money from likes, that’s like it was liked, can I re-format the same info for money, no its not new, why pay for something already read for free, means it was written for free because its not important easy or something in her that makes her feel good, no its as you are able, everyone gets sick maxes you, when do you stop working, that’s a choice to self-harm, I really love my imaginary friends, mean, controlling, sweet loving, almost real, that’s because you are real, but because youre here we know you, and because we know you means we understand you, and because we understand you, we just need to know whether you like youself, or whether you are self-harming because you are mentally challenged upon insult, upon insult, and upon worry, how do you respond, frozen, go home. What is sleep, a good day, and rest. What is staying up, why don’t I feel good, and as you look worse and worse, say ya I knew I didn’t feel good, and now I actually look like what I was trying so hard to stop, looking grose not well pretty beautiful, that’s to show, this person was warned, and upon not listening going. That’s me replying I have pleaded please stop “voices” I am not that, hit my head because me looking worse affected by insult, is reassuring to them, that this person is weak, not famous. Why do they like her, because hes special, nice to meet you, why are you sick, everyones giving me talks like its time to get a job, we don’t have money, I was ready, now not ready, Im sorry.
Its not always for obvious reasons that hate is generated toward you, upon knowing you publicly, what you have said, for what purposes you decide to share your mind publicly on Twitter, and by your current wellness, still not be impressed by you, nor think that you did anything special in life, to sound the way you do, as though everyone is articulate can write, and interpret just as well as you, regardless of your troubles, in life addiction or drinking, not been able to hold center, party hard and achieve, some can only do one thing at a time, not functioning addicts, I never grew up out on weekends, a stay at home student through college and law school, not a bar hopper, until after switching law schools in my late twenties, drank alone, in my thinking about life phase, if your not in your element out alone, then don’t go out alone, and if you are in between phases in life, don’t wonder in public, look lost, that’s when your focus can easily leave you, fall off center, while in repair in any public venue, as observed not improve, it doesn’t matter how you spend your down time from working or studying, just be sure once you stop drinking not to drink in those moments after working or being on point. -Stability is achieved upon maintaining positive momentum, and depending what your insecurities or weaknesses are, always best to continue working or do your best to finish a project while its in your mind, and not leave things to the last minute, or try to cram, get done something important, in a short amount of time, it never presents itself well, if its not your best work, and upon presentation, shows obvious signs of disorganization, if not complete, also important to keep in mind, anything well said, or clear, detailed, is easy to digest understand, however the reader may not appreciate how much time and effort went into thinking, researching, assembling sources, reviewing studies, and coming up with a clear picture of how best to describe ones own experience, and describe how while helping others, one is given opportunity to make a positive difference, but only if those experiences helping others are kept private, not shared out loud. Jobs for me have always been by recommendation, upon seeing me, or applying, suggestions made, based upon where I have worked, my first job for the government, via blind advertisement “downtown law firm” applied, not strategically drawn to or made happen by me to situate me politically in a way related to my experiences in life or the experiences of others known, you don’t always need training to help, its by trained help is given upon being spoken to for help or a response or an outlet to share, that’s by training privileged to be someone who responds professionally, you wont get directions for everything in life, and many emotions you will not know how to deal with, but when it comes to jobs, if youre not picking it up, and if your not well, or not able, or into it, or learning, or improve, then you are somewhere you are not fit to be or smart enough for or educated enough to handle, old enough to care, experienced enough to understand why so devastating, why so many mental health issues, you’d think someone who was able to talk others through their feelings provide resources, would not encounter the same need for help or someone to talk to, maybe that’s why upon knowing you, or reading your work, understanding the experience of others, by course work, reading and writing, others grow strength through the hardships of others, that is a put together account or writing that summarizes how to avoid incurring an attitude toward you, like you don’t take an issue seriously, think that you can get hurt too, by people you know, or by people who are nice to you, its upon not following through, that one is treated as friend but insulted that one is not as into the other as they were, don’t let anyone make you feel bad, that you do not wish to exchange love with them physically, and that you may get along with someone as a friend, but that doesn’t mean they did a bad job if liked and spoken to, just means someone is likeable, able to be platonic without a physical exchange, one should never be insulted by a woman, who has many male friends, but does not need sex, means that she is put together has things to do, not yet alone without friends, because she drank or got done by someone she didn’t know, and stopped going out, feeling good about herself, happy social, and open to talking to people, proud of where she is in life, how quickly, someone who has not worked as hard as you, can feel that you are put together, want to be nice to you share a moment, then not need you, because they did a good job talking to you until you could not establish a firm boundary, and remember as under the influence to set a boundary, as an empath, sometimes you feel bad upon setting a boundary because the other person feels bad, and that’s not the point, and sometimes as approached, someone may be nice, or be insulted if they try to talk to you and youre too busy writing, ignore them or say no thank you, not in the mood to talk to anyone, be social, nothing to do with what they look like, or who they are, or their profession, you’ll meet people sometimes, moody not happy, always be nice, and if you can be positive, you never know who will lighten up knowing you, whether they can be with you or not, never make someone feel bad who likes you, take the time to explain, not reject their advances as though they are the cause for you being alone, just explain why you have mental health issues, and not ready to hang out, or fighting with an Ex, the Ex is someone who you took a break from, and upon taking a break, got done, because you let someone into your life, who thought you were fit for a job, not in the middle of something important, trying to go to a new law school, focused on yourself and not looking, however if you are out by yourself, that looks like to others knowing you, that you are out alone, to be approached and being out means you are looking, and based upon your observations, are out to be noticed, to see who likes you, picked or approached until someone you like talks to you, I wasn’t doing research, it was based upon the only bar Ive been to in LA, drank in the daytime, the guy I liked was too shy to budge, kissed on the cheek, chased, and then randomly someone else did me, not attracted to, anytime someone has to convince you, means of course they’ll feel good, but don’t expect them to care if your mental health issues worsen, because all of a sudden you looked like a mature step back to reflect sober fix your life, to someone who is stupid out to date and because out to date, got done, and get blamed as someone out to date to get done, to find better, why better thinks less of you, rejects you as stupid, don’t live up to negative expectations of you, and upon insult, self-harm, or drink, or put yourself in a system if suicidal because someone else thinks the space you take is justified as having done poorly grade wise, attacking you like youre doing anything wrong before anything wrong occurs, it’s a disbelief in you, that if you are not strong, can make you aggravated, cause your head to hurt, be in control, and suddenly hurt by someone you spent 3 years loving, who rejects you back and calls you names, then gets blamed as though you left someone out cold for personal reasons, like your bipolar is not a legitimate excuse to stay separate and figure out whats causing it, recover from a setback in life, regroup, in order to have the energy to love and dot on someone who can function work and succeed independent of you, but then claims need upon leaving them. -Im just someone people like to talk to, open up to, even in jail quiet, -lots of talking!
Depending upon who you have met in life, and now know of, able to see them in person online, how they are at the present moment, are connected, usually those who upon mention of connections known, are judged poorly, as because of knowing about, are stating what they know, to describe your knowledge as an unknown connection to them or not existing or known to them, meaning you know of someone that doesn’t know you, and are put down because they think you talk about who you know, like you know them, to make yourself look connected, when in reality, you have not connected with those people in real life, seem like someone trying to make themselves look more knowledgeable or connected than they really are in real life, and that if upon stating that a person is known but not known in real life, is assumed because you were not good enough put together or popular connected to be places where you could have known this person in person or spoken to them meet them, have connected, and that upon entering an establishment, hosted by a name mentioned to you, that you think its important, think less of you, because you are mentioning someone in your space, website, detailing that you went to a club, rented by a person, who you were later told, helped compose a track on an album, a “black album.” With anticipation that you are going to mention: You lost a “black photo album with pictures of you and your friends, in high school,” went missing, put you down, like youre assuming the same name means titled because of a knowing of an album of your that went missing or shown to others, who may have known you titled the album, to share a story, with the intent, of not enlightening to improve add insight value but to make others look as though connected without you, and even being supplied with information about you, not to make you famous, but to empower those, who are assumed to have inside knowledge about how a title was made, how one was connected past, to say you are trying to establish or make known who you know, because you have “inferiority” issues, or hierarchical issues or power issues or pretty issue, or likeability issues, or attraction issues, or low self-esteem issues, and that because you were that way, why others were pictured better than you remembered upon being viewed by others, and good pictures of you taken, to leave you only to be remembered by the condition you are in now, without recall of those memories, as ever having been a significant factor known to have assisted with any changes within you, that led you to focus better, have a boyfriend, date, or make friends senior year, as though you were missing out in high school (one of the best periods of my life), that you felt the need to explain that missing photo albums, caused you to think something outside of you hurt you, or ever think that having photos, made you responsible for managing the privacies or identities of others as known, and that because of the pictures you had, losses occurred as known to you, or that someone outside of you saw pictures taken by you, to argue you situated yourself in a way socially or by appearance or by neediness, or friends made, with people, that could hurt you, and that because of your poor taste in friendships or associations you were hurt, along with any informations or photos taken by you in your private records, that subjected others to be looked at by bad people, and upon being known to bad people, searched for, or stalked, as though you are continuing as mentioned to explain a connection between similar words as though connected because similar words were used, to make you look stupid as connecting words to say that because two words are the same, that these words are based upon these words, and because you think that way, its okay for us to think you assume, something bigger or better is about you, or referencing you to cause you harm, and saying that makes you look like youre trying to look like a victim, to someone using the same words, and make things about your losses in life, that’s to shed light on an assumption, of a loss, and knowledge provided to someone above, to be credited as bringing together all, and upon mention, be excluded, as not appreciative of that vague reference, to say that losses occurred while knowing your photo albums got stolen or went missing and all your CDs and iPod and Yearbooks, and favorite clothes, pants and tops, because taking from you, seemed like it was okay, because you had so much in front of you going for you, and the fact you didn’t notice, made it look like you moved on, or did not value what was kept, to leave you with a life, not with memories of your good years socially to evidence your normal life, and leave you to create and record a new life, to see how you fair, upon others knowing your old life, to judge whether you were mentally ill or an addict, or obnoxious drinker grose as exaggerated poses making fun of the drinking experience, were left to be seen and judge you as not mature ladylike attractive because of how you looked and behaved drinking in public, in a club, never have been clubbing, to say, you have pictures but no longer in touch with friends or friends of friends a host of get togethers anymore, because you left a connection, because of your instability, and connections not maintained post argument or upset or change, because you do not correct or fix or explain, think the other is being dramatic or sensitive not allowing you to be upset, so you are made to look like the cause of losses, or friendships not maintained, to similarly argue, photos lost, because you don’t care to keep track of or save, that youre a careless friend, or not affected by losses, to see how far you get in life, and upon the moment of looking back, what causes you paranoia, as referenced to by pose in a yearbook similar to a pose on my senior page, to see whether you took that reference personally, as though your quote was not sincere or special, to call attention to a portion on your page, as though it was a topic to highlight and happily shame you as overhead titled “voted most shady” as though, upon losing friends, didn’t try hard enough to make things work, as though you had no friends, didn’t have other friends, to make you look gone or grose, so long as you look worse off, and those images of you can be remembered makes you look like you were never well, or someone who is not well, doesn’t recognize when not well, and as around others, affects the wellness of others, and because shy not engaging with others, that one is similarly experiencing the same issues as one looked like in high school, to say a title on a yearbook was purposeful to make it look like everyone talked $hit about you, behind your back, why you ended up looking grose, without respect for friends you did have, to say you look grose now overweight because you think or with expectation trying to make it look like its because voices are talking $hit about you, to make you look like someone who doesn’t get hurt, or doesn’t complain, because accepts themselves among as lesser than, and that’s how you are lesser than, and only because of who is social, you were social, not social on your own, no in college I made friends, if that was not a goal not needed, then alone time I preferred. #stophate
Its not assumed to be possible, when there is upset, for whomever is the cause of upset, to get along with whoever is upset with them, and then chimes in a third party, who either reassures one of those reasons for upset, justifies causes for upset, explains reaction to upset, and demands privacy, peace, and solitude too in the process of reassessing, the connections one makes in life, time invested, heart and support given, provided and success achieved, and then not feeling good, upon attentions publicly reported to have been replied to, upon checking on someone, connected to a “theme” or a “joke” once shared, upon “responding to losses” for what reasons they passed “the blurb” and then stepping into the scene to figure out what everything is like, as though people you meet can provide you with insights as to how, people leave earth, and given their understandings, or upon knowing you, can recognize why, looking at you, as though knowing you, gives them answers, and at the same time wakes up, another force, a competing energy, which is thinking about the past, as people have been lost, not bringing up the past as mentioned, because that causes pain, to those who hold them in memory, and as someone later affected, thought to have not been affected until after sharing, and learning of the insights of others, thought you could explain, or pin point, what information known privately was again, thought to have been said publicly, not upon a loss, triggering the sharing of information about, as in memory of someone, share a story about, to argue insult upon mention caused illness, and upon insult as mentioned, in connection with other themes and beliefs, set them off to be someone who informs who is not in on a joke, then feel bad, if someone realizes what others have said about them, or eventually figure out what they feel gone, or look grose in photos, maybe just not liked, punished, and as someone achieves a better condition, and then put down labeled a disappointment, that’s to cause others to let go, not rely upon someone with mental health issues, so that they are not looked at for faith purposes, as carrying insight, or ability, that would restore the energy lost, from disappointment, so long as you are not a contributor of wellness, you will be treated by meds, as someone who doesn’t recognize the value of their experiences, or education, and chose to share their lives online, not in a professional way, express themselves, and the worse off your condition could become hurt and as affected, the better letting go could be, of someone they deemed as not suffering real hurt, just failure upon not achieving, not an actual loss of data, that’s after having read ones telephone notes with a Professor of another law school, went to orientation, and spoke with a Professor about a deposition, recalled seeing a flyer on a door, reporting a stolen computer case, no one can answer you if you don’t know what you want to know in life to better understand whom, and if it does not benefit you to share the experiences or losses of others, but only causes you harm, to share your timeline, then stop sharing and call the police, how blames get put aside for you, triggered, to speak to losses, not be considered one in appreciation of the progress made, not apart of that progress, someone trying to get up, by looking at others more complete, that’s to make you look like a poser upon recognition of well, feel better, and only upon being looked up to, adored, loved, shine, why dimmed out.
Going running for 2hrs then work on my dissertation already have a headache overwhelmed have done my best, wish to blog new stuff not from my life + research.
Thank you for your understanding. Being considerate of my feelings not insult me or hurt me on behalf of others put me in the hospital because dissatisfied with my writing or abilities to get along with others be well liked, it’s a gift, social skills, adaptability, being independent, new, not needy, stable, & well looking appearance wise, not broken fragile or nervous, under any attacks, by words or elsewhere, fall apart, a lot of life requires you not to internalize emotions like “hate” “mean words” not get affected, I’m obviously too sensitive for criticism, have given my all in writing over the past few years that’s hard work, a finished product and with likes. I would like to write a book not about my life or love because that just creates sides, they may feel insulted not privileged to be mentioned thought of in the positive, because they’re trying to make me look like I ever got offended as loosely referenced be aggressive toward me bc they think my sharing humor was intended to insult put down not join help think.
How many misunderstandings are later created or mentioned thought of to justify why someone was punished and continue to hurt someone me as someone who needs others to get work done, needs love, can’t focus on my own achieve without love, nurturing, I grew up at my Dads house, and played sports, lived alone, not a sex addict, started dating in college, new to getting picked, liking, hook ups. It takes heartbreak to stop dating #bekind. Don’t treat me as benefiting from having a famous friend was up in life special. No it’s by being a good person, talked to.
Leslie A. Fischman
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about, lending things out for misinterpretation, and whether timing matters, as to explaining, or whether that just adds more fuel to the fire, in terms of acceptances from you, and by the time youre fed up, and complaining, all that is remembered is what is aggravating you, bothering you, and in your weaker moments what is said, to not shed a heavy light upon issues, without disregarding the past, lightening the tone, and anywhere the tone is lightened, gets used to harp on, whether underlying reasons, images, exposures, likeness, or issues, are causing one to speak les or more about some issues, more than others. I think what is offensive, is if someone who if given opportunities in life, decides to give up, and upon giving up, allows things to unfold, in a disorganized fashion, which can lead to animosity toward, as not having the guts or the patriotism to respond, and then blame them if upon responding, they can argue subjects others to harm, that would be a selfish endeavor, if about ones own losses in life, one seeks to notify or make change happen, as though one knows the causes for the passing of others, without regard for someone’s own suicide attempt (2009), it doesn’t matter for what reasons, as it is usually mental health issues, left untreated, that result in making poor decisions for oneself, or respond uncharacteristically to inner turmoils, or threats posed by the possession of another to ones own best interests for attentions in life. –Theres a stopping point, when it comes to providing a clearer respresentation of where someone is coming from, and exactly by what connections, knowledge, or inputs, one has come to understand how things are made, and by what means finished products used, and its really only until after you have said your part, things gets left alone, or issues with you resolve themselves, sometimes you’ll never know whether someone who disliked you, no longer feels bothered by you, but its worth a try, to correct any thought assumptions of you, so that those beliefs of you don’t carry on, and continue to interfere with incoming connections judgments of you, believing you to be something you are not based upon what is heard about you. We all live private lives, and we all have professional and social selves, there comes a point when some of us are accepted no matter how we are, because we are respected, and some of us need to continue presenting self professionally, in order to be social, and be respected again, that’s not a privilege in life, by upbringing or money given to someone, received respect, that’s a quality about someone, as well adjusted, that gets noticed by others, at ease, improves themselves. -If you become worse off, forgiveness is key, not by talking $hit about experiences past, or by sharing outloud interactions, accepting self as stupid, letting the other appear as victim, upon being spoken about, how you get handed a $hittier hand in life as an open book, thats how the telling of your story does not benefit or fix harm to reputation, but builds hate toward you, as though you were aware of your position held in society, and did not say no to interactions with people who wanted love and belongingness needs from you, reciprocate that love.
Book: "Managing Emotions on a Crisis Hotline" by Leslie A. Fischman (2007).
Published by Lambert Academic Publishing, via Email Requested to Publish my Work.
While under the attack of COVID-19, some States and Countries suffering graver consequences of its spread than others, it has become ever more pressing, to be present in the moment, taking good care of ourselves, and those around us: (1) Waiting in Line for Groceries, (2) Texting and Checking on Loved Ones, (3) Practicing Good Hygiene, and (4) Having Manners (6 feet apart). -It can be stressful for anyone at this time to fathom, all those lives lost, and all those lives living, and think of all those responsible for helping manage the livelihoods of those living. Its important to grow, and to think about the future, but also with respect to whats going on presently, take a step back, and be professional, and with good grace, display some respect for all, not waste the time of others, nor aggravate current pressures to stay well, with old problems, concerning ones own wellness, or the wellness of others, give room, for people to move forward, grow from the past, and realize their good fortune, if privileged to be among the well. We all struggle to make ends meet, and now is no different than before COVID-19, now with fewer jobs, and opportunities for success, the pressure may seem unbearable, to be without work now, and in the future, have opportunities lost, if we fall into any kind of mental health issue, or depression, that could inhibit our abilities to stay positive in spite of the times. Why self-care is so important. -Worry less about image, and what others think, you come first. And if you are privileged to be among the well, then by all means take on a leadership role online, and “spread the wealth,” meaning afford other people opportunities to lead, and be given the attentions they deserve, for maintaining their own wellness, living a positive life for themselves and hopefully for all, as shared. -Healing is a painful process, of remembering where you’ve been, what you have endured, and be free from any further harassments, about your past, or how you were, and be accepted as you are now, in a better condition, be forgiven for how long it has taken for you to be a recognized source of input online, and be forgiving of those who were hard on you along the way, and did not believe in you, or your ability to succeed in life, and be respected for your hardwork and talents. Not all hardwork appreciates overtime, that’s the beauty of working, sometimes to better a current position, and sometimes, to ensure that the benefit of work past, continues to be of value in the present moment and for the future’s benefit, work is produced, such as in writing or in entertainment endeavors. -I have yet to earn a living from my writings, have been doing my best to improve mental health wise, in spite of my disabilities (voices and bipolar depression), and in spite of the odds against me, have managed to come full circle, on my own, positive, and going up on Alexa again (2020), the highest mark in (2019) was 34,000, and now this year back up to 47,808. The lesson is to keep trying, and with awareness of your weaknesses, do your best to improve, whether that’s taking new meds, finding a sleep schedule that suits you, in bed by 8 or 9 pm, not pushing yourself to your limits in life, training cardiovascularly, running up to 2hrs at a time, and losing weight (-25 lbs so far), the skies the limit for self-betterment, only you know your limits in life, but always be human. Being human to me means: backing off when its right, and pushing forward when its okay, learning from mistakes, and comprehending the lessons you learn along the way, having an ability to make change happen in your life, and cognizant of the changes ongoing around you, appreciative of how far you’ve come, knowledgeable of the good efforts of others to present the issues, helpful when discerning truths from the issues, and doing your best not to be of issue, not to raise controversies where none are due, attracting only to yourself energies or privileges in life by being yourself, not presenting self as better than you are misleading others to believe in opinions as geared by someone who is weak not smart or jealous of the wellness of others be yourself well enough to not be intimidated or made to feel weak as compared to others successes in life independently successful on your own, even if tired disciplined and tired in a good way, and not bring anyone down with you if you fail, that’s responsibility, acknowledging what you have to offer, appreciative of what others have to offer you, but being no more dependent on the other to fix you, as you are on your own, should need no fixing in order to be loved, and to be of value to another, and just because someone does not see the value in you, continue to value yourself, and be of value to others, is being human, or a website, that promotes the efficiency of thought, that encourages and promotes the holding of opinions, that’s willing to withstand social pressures and backlash for ones past (ie stay sober), to not allow the effects of ones bipolar to affect the outcomes of the decision making of others, as expressed by someone any pains they have endured as misunderstood or feeling under or overwhelmed by issues over their head in life, and continue ones education to continue adapting to the present moment, with respect for all the strides made by others, not interfere with the positive progress of those in charge, or above you in life, discourage their abilities, and no matter how harmed you feel not self-harm or cause harm to others wellness or interfere with their ability to feel loved and receive positive blessings generated from the ones they love or who have given them love in life, not take away from those experiences in life, replace the love given to one or a few, with the need of one, disturb that sequence of care. Its usually the case that someone without something in life, feels more whole having something or someone in life, in the case of mental health issues, as misunderstood, one cannot be made better by having things in life or someone, those issues exist with or without things or people, how and why discipline cures all.
Today we live in a world, that as you make progress you can share your progress along the way, sometimes to your benefit and sometimes to your detriment, are competed with in life. That’s just as a result of sharing where you are at in life, someone seeing what you have, and wanting to do better than you, or thinking that they are better able and equipped to provide to others, better than you are able to provide insights to others. Be professional. As you grow academically and professionally, as I have, you don’t always have the time, to speak publicly to everyone or share photos, such as on facebook, I never participated on facebook, rarely as a law student, it was only until after leaving one law school and getting into another, I thought it would be wise, to share where I am at, what I have learned, and represent myself, and share my thoughts. -Im a much different person now, having shared, than I was before I shared, with more privacy, and ability to focus, and get things done, that’s the price you pay, for sharing, being an open book, and subject to more interpretation. You would think that by sharing, that the discomforts you faced living a private life, would be resolved upon sharing, recognizing your hardwork, and all that you have been able to achieve thus far, however without expectation that more of you would be expected. That’s a choice you make, to avail yourself, to public scrutiny, and learn to be aware of what you share, in public, and how interpreted by all, can either make or change your circumstances in life, better things, or make worse, your condition, when it comes to feeling understood or misunderstood in life. -If you are a hardworker, and if your work product was sought after by other student, because you made great outlines, and able to digest and interpret and put together lots of information in a coherent and memorizable format, then maybe blogging is for you, when you apply your worth ethic, through education, to information known by you and learned, to all, on a much larger scale be viewed, and upon recognizing your work ethic, be equally respected or trusted, as an information provider. -I would like to say that things are much different now, who knows whether I had a blog and a popular website as a law student, that my relationships would have worked out better, or that I would have graduated, as a public figure, you cant go back in time, and wonder always. Sometimes you have to do your best, no matter what your circumstances are, no matter what is known about you, no matter what you’ve been through in life, and continue to be well liked and get along well with others, whether on a smaller scale or a bigger scale such as a website. To what benefit does the reader receive upon reading my work: (1) Everything I have written has been written by me, (2) Everything written, and sources read along the way, have been kept, (3) I cite to anything not coming from me, (4) I am very meticulous and keep accurate records of all my writings, for book writing, if not destroyed or lost, (5) Im not a political figure, (6) I support others in the creation of their finished work products, (7) I do not critique or write opinions about the work of others, with the potential to devalue or make look different than their work stands, or looks to others as is, (8) I continue to improve despite my mental health issues, open about my condition, honest about my disabilities in life, (9) I write everyday, when I can, and whenever its possible to write to stop attacks from occurring to the esteems of the well, speak, (10) I do not mislead, by personal hunches or feelings, always based on reality, current feelings, express myself, (11) I report often to governing bodies, (12) I always do my best, (13) I don’t misuse the work of others, to my benefit, share, to make myself look good.
 Amazon Book Writing Inc. (Book #1)
 Keidi Keating (Book #2)
 Torah Bontrager (Blog Advice)