Intelligence matters when it comes to love and admiration, rarely do we trust our hearts with someone who we think is either (1) not deserving of our love or (2) ill equipped to handle our stresses and make better ourselves, call that selfish but its true, we generally seek out intelligent people people who take good care of themselves and take good care for others, why self-care is so important, it shows that someone cares about themselves and that because they care for themselves, care for others to care about them do, that’s having a healthy mind. You cannot have a healthy mind, if all you think about is people appearing less than, or people appearing as better than you, critical of them, that’s not caring for the health of others but only your own health, life is short, but it need not be made shorter, caring about the wrong things in life, or the wrong people, that causes a set back, to our own wellness and the wellness of others, when we fixate on people who have caused us harm, instead of appreciating everyone who is doing their best to keep everyone well around them. In meeting my Doctors, I don’t think anyone is invisible to mental illness, its just that some can identify better when something is wrong, and fix what is going wrong in order to help make you feel better, that’s intelligence, not absorbing the problems of others, but being your own autonomous unit of care to others, and mostly to care most for yourself, that’s not selfish, that’s just not becoming sick just because someone else is sick or because you see someone who is not well or may be sick. It’s a hard fact of life, that we all get sick sometimes, whether it’s the common cold, or just a mental health issue, like a bad day and being moody these are all normal parts of life, the more we normalize bad behavior however, the more acceptable it may become, why its important not to encourage bad behavior or diving into thoughts that produce mental health issues or behaviors such as defeative thoughts about self, depressed mood, and other self-harming forms of talk therapy that don’t set things right for us in life, but make us worse off, why its important to always stay positive, be accepting of others, and not make worse already fragile conditions spiritually, and socially regarding some believing in others and not believing in some capable.
You can have likes in life, you may not want everyone to know what you like or who you like though, as that may make them or others uncomfortable as being known liked. I think when it comes to liking others, that’s not something you talk about until it becomes official or until you are considered presentable or a person worthy or liking anyone of higher stature, be careful not to embarrass others, you are allowed to have crushes in life, but be sure not by your own insecurities, as co-dependent insult the other to bring the other down to feel worse than you to empower yourself, as being over them, that’s called either taking your power back, or disempowering someone else you think has too much confidence, call that protecting someones best interests, but often times those who love you, explains why they put you down in life, that’s to show care for someone, theres a difference between those who do not care about you and who put you down as knowing you, who you are not close to and people who are close to you putting you down to correct you. Everybody handles things differently … especially when it comes to rejection, they either get upset, mostly with themselves for giving their power away or others get upset with them for not empowering them by being nice to them, that’s a much different form of a feeling of rejection that by someone who does not know you or who you do not know being mean to you. You cannot go through someones private life and think that you know them without explanation from them, we all speak to people differently, that’s by who is addressed how you address others, is person to person, we are supposed to treat all people the same, but that’s not always the case. How someone is with one person may be different than how they are with other people, even though it’s the same person, you cannot expect them to be the same with all, they like, or by who likes them how they respond or write to others … be treated, as though they are lesser than or the reject.
Much about your self-esteem has to do with your past and being happy with where you are now. Its easy to come up with excuses for not liking yourselves, when it comes to body image or maintaining sobriety. Your first years of recovery are always the worst, you’ll go through a lot of changes, gain weight, that’s a normal process healing. When you finally achieve youre ideal mentally and physically again you’ll be proud of yourself, just give yourself time to heal. Its not by likes or rejections you should feel good about yourself, not go by who likes you, but go by how you feel about yourself, no one knows you better than yourself, you cannot judge a book by its cover, assume that just because someone does not look well or is overweight that that means that they are unhappy with themselves, sometimes people are harmed in the process of loving others, and by those rejections or failures in life experience hardship either by use of drugs or alcohol to feel better about themselves. To better oneself, without competing with others, means to be the best version of yourself, absent minded others, what others think of you, or whether they are judging you now as well or being bad on purpose and that’s why you look bad, is because of your own faults in life, there is lack of empathy for people who are not strong or who do not appear well, don’t be so judgmental, acceptance of self is key to build a greater acceptance of others, who not by appearances do well in life, but by their hard work and effort put toward their own self-esteems and the esteems of others, achieve well.
Whenever youre not feeling well its best to consult a physician, with whatever is bothering you, that’s not to say that AA is not helpful to get to a meeting every now and then, but checking out completely from reality is not the solution either to your problems, it just exacerbates your problems or makes worse peoples problem with you, as whether or not you are deserving of doing well in life, based upon your appearances or by how well you are doing able to help lead or be of sound support to others. Its really no ones fault when anyone chooses to drink or do drugs, just like anything done in the privacy of a bar or at home, that’s their right to privacy, to keep confidential their problem with drugs or alcohol relapse, or not do well in life, to who that affects if others, then becomes a problem, especially if someone while using in public causes harm to themselves in front of others, is whats at issue, whether I was harmed and then harmed myself in front of others, and who was responsible and what were the triggers for my self-harm whether it was substance abuse related or via alcohol. [removed] Once you are given an opportunity to live a new life, don’t mess things up for yourself by trusting the wrong people in life, or abusing your privacies and privileges in life, to not do good for yourself and others, that’s the purpose of punishments, is to prevent crimes from occurring.
Its never too late to have this discussion, whether someone you know is feeling that way toward themselves, or others are feeling like someone is feeling that way toward themselves, don’t push people over their edges in life, then blame them for their own circumstances in life. The right words to say are often difficult, a few steps have been provided to help get the conversation started: “(1) Start the Conversation (2) Listen, Express Concern, Reassure (3) Create a Safety Plan, and (4) Get Help.” There are many things not to say to someone who is suicidal, it requires more than faith or upbringing to say the right words, its best to refer someone to someone with experience always to get help like 911 or a hotline, such as The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. I was told, “You may be concerned that they will be upset with you, but when someone's life is at risk, it is more important to ensure their safety.”  I don’t think therefore sharing my own personal experiences overcoming mental illness is helpful to anyone who is currently suffering, an uninspiring lesson in life, is to hear from someone who self-harms usually you are punished for sharing out loud, any stories of self-harm, that doesn’t make you a pariah, it just makes others uncomfortable to talk to you or be around you, much like anyone who relapses drinks or does drugs, once you get labeled as of harm to self, the unpredictability of your life expectancy becomes a cramp to the style of others. That’s why people do not disclose when they feel like harming themselves out of fear of being put on holds by others, I know when I am not feeling well I take myself to the emergency room do not need help from anyone when I’m doing well and with a job, be forced to admit to using or misusing medications and/or blame it on past alcohol use, mental health issues are real sometimes caused by others, and sometimes on our own merits received illness. I do not think anyone is deserving of mental illness or illness, that’s not what I’m saying, all I’m saying is that those who suffer do suffer, and not to rub it in or blame them for their suffering. Only the well can help make those who don’t feel well feel better, and usually its best to surround yourself with people who are well in order to get well like AA, and have these talks out loud, #stophate. Allow people to get well, sometimes it’s a myriad of issues compounded why people self-harm, it can be because of circumstances they cant change about themselves, in my case mostly. No one wants to be blamed for the death of a loved one, and I certainly do not think that my family wishes to be blamed for my previous suicide attempt (2009, 2017) or for my mental health issues. Allow people to move forward in life, allow people to recover, and forgive often.
You can’t go backwards to explain yourself, if not acceptable then then at no future point in time will any positive impressions be made moving forward but a past viewpoint of you as heard by others or by incident preferred to paint a picture of you in their mind that makes sense, that would be by someone in your past who is either being defensive to the illnesses you suffer now, or not wanted to be responsible in the future if you become ill having known you, its to each ones responsible to take care of themselves, you can only blame others for so long until you have to fix your own life, and learn how to live on your own, we cannot be given things in life, if we are not deserving of privileges in life, that includes friends and companions, its important therefore to begin new relationships or end old relationships but not to be judgmental toward those in your past for their current relationships or lack thereof. Some people will think what they want to think and just like offenders or addicts who wont stop, wont stop being boastful of their superiorities in life, and continue to spread gossip about others or about me … to paint a negative picture until they feel admonished of their wrongs towards me, no one is deserving of suicide, not me not anyone, and the only way to defend against such illnesses, is to bear in mind, not all see it coming, that is negativity, and some people when they get hurt self-harm, and sometimes that self-harm hurts the feelings of others or people around them who are trying to help them, that’s not separations to create dysfunction, but we assume to help you function better, not to embarrass you in public on purpose, or to make the voices you experience worse, as real or imagined. Just do your best. Its for no one to judge another in the abstract the purposes for their word choices or the standards of their wellness as based upon care given to them by others, but it usually when we self-care in a way that breeds positivity to fruition in our own lives, and creates energy that others are drawn to, means that we are speaking and behaving appropriately in a positive light to which others are drawn to, that’s not by money or clothes or makeup that’s by being a good person. Once you’ve achieved being a good person, not to forget the people who intervened and tried to help get you back on track along the way, you will be compared to others who have found less than success in recovery, some who have passed, don’t be one of them, be strong, and being strong does not mean action in the literal sense, no time period is so dark or so depressing, or so equivocal, that argument or words are required to fill those spaces or to correct those thoughts about others, share your two cents wisely, and always keep in mind, people have lives of their own, and don’t have the energy to waste going backwards through your past, to help paint a better or bigger picture of the past as a whole as though your connected to a bigger picture, without fame, there is less responsibility influence and leadership wise, but once you put yourself out there to help others, expect criticisms only to strength the kinds of topics you discuss that in the event if needed can help someone through a mental health issue they have experienced along the way either directly or not but not feel alone. On a Personal Note: I am now confiding in a doctor or choice, through the nitty grittys of self harm and why its difficult for me to be trusted now, as someone who has self harmed, that why people get put in hospitals, when tired, do that they can get better not self harm again.
Unfortunately there is no cheating in life when it comes to experience you either know the ins and outs of normal or you struggle to find your own as reading and going by the issues placed on you, having issues of your own, or creating circumstances to make others have an issue with you. You have to always with a sense of humor look back … first at your own past, secondly of those around you (rarely do we think about the pasts of others unless they bring it up, deciding so whether relevant to justifying actions or behaviors toward), and lastly we reflect upon the present, where we see ourselves now, and where we want to be in the future. Some of us are blessed with lives beyond belief, however do not bear the same strengths and gustos of others who are not as privileged or trying to succeed up above you in life, that is why there are some who are educated leaders and some who fail to meet the mark as being among the lead, and pushed down the ranks in life, led. That is okay, when it comes to power and privilege in well, it is the well who stay well, without associations do well, and upon being well make associations in life or maintain friendships as well, once you turn around in life, and fail to meet those marks, then it becomes about who knows who for what, and for what purpose others meets, to share what common grounds, or to help whom, to whom help is received, and by who and what others are empowered … made better or better than, by reactions to others. There is a sense that there are some not to be experimented with, I have so willingly put myself out there, knowing that I have been hospitalized on 8 different occasions for 14 days, ALWAYS taking myself to the hospital except 2017 hospitalized 2017 for attempting suicide. I think if you stay sober and do the 90x90 you should not be hospitalized … #stopsuicide … its by self-harm we cause harm to the reputations of others, and by those embarrassments in life, get judged as being in the wrong, its by our own faults and sufferings in life, we should lead ourselves, away from controversy, not blame the controversies themselves for illness, or be experimental with the past, in the sense try to understand why people commit suicide, it is their own fault never the victims fault, the survivors, and should not be provoked either, by knowing that now. A provocation occurs when for example I say something, if not neutral and specific to a particular population, why not to mention headings as toward groups of people, to whom offenses are taken, and by gender or race, take something Ive said to justify a harm toward me, and then use my words as a defense for putting me down, as though that’s okay to hurt me, its not.
Sometimes under stress youre not always going to get the response that you need or want to hear from someone in order to make yourself feel better about things. Just because someone talks or reports does not mean they are turning on all their friends, or have no friends. Don’t be judgmental towards those who report, its not always for purposes of prosecution or to raise defenses from others, that would be an unreasonable squeeze on circumstances, to transfer those same or similar stresses one feels as though something now everyone feels. You cant remove people from life or from equations to make better your lives, if someone is behaving or treating others poorly, then that would be a cause for removal of a person, if that’s what youre thinking about right now, if you are somebody who does not think well of me, well then those are the defenses you are trying to raise from me, as though deserved as though I am deserving of punishment or not doing well in life, because I am not successful and choose to blog. That is you being judgmental towards me, as though speaking is a turning on others, not in support.
Much about life is remembering the good times, not just overfocused on where you are or are not in life. Often times when we are not feeling well, we will come up with excuses for why we are sick, why we are in a bad mood, or why we are not doing as well as we would like to in life, you really can’t blame anyone with a bad attitude, if you want to be one of the happy people in life, the its time to start realizing what you do have in life, not necessarily what you have to offer others, and by acknowledging all that you do have, that shows love and compassion for those who care for you, and that’s how to receive love and compassion from others. Until you realize what you have done wrong in life, or understand the consequences of what is going wrong with you in life, will others come to understand you better, as not someone at risk of harm to self or others, but be recognized as someone of value, not just by your privileges in life be deemed important, we are all important people, lifes not all about acceptance, some will not be forgiving of you by sharing what has gone wrong for you in life, and based upon where you are at now, will judge you in the negative, so long as you continue to stay where you are in life, and not move forward that’s all the more reason to reinforce those negative judgments of you, we are all deserving of living a good life, always prove them wrong, when in Rome, otherwise they will connect every news story to your newsfeed and blame you as a consequence of your mental illnesses if can be proven are a contributory factor to the poor decision making of others, or as though if like, in cohorts prove you wrong, that’s wrong to take someone who is well, and create a side towards them, and with the words that they use to help empower self and others, not necessarily similarly situated, be treated as someone trying to be an influencer and by those influences in life empowered, in fact it’s the exact opposite its my misfortunes in life and lack of opportunity, and struggles in life, that have empowered those who are not on my team in life, and that’s just a fact of life, not everyone will be for you, but choose to be against you in life, thinking youre not good enough, or strong enough, not deserving of living a good life, no matter how hard you work, judge you based upon how you were, not accept you as you are now, and based upon what they hear about you, assemble you in the wrong. Life is not about doing things for reaction or doing things in reaction to others, once you are hyper vigilant its hard to be creative or to fight negativity, its more like a crumble than it is a fight. That’s living for the moment, not worried about the past, but living for now, that’s hyper vigilance, which does not always mean looking out for others, but also means to look out for self, not because someone is doing something wrong, but concentrating on reading ones surroundings, to keep oneself out of harms way, so long as you look after yourself well, and do unto others as you wish done to you, then no one should worry about your condition just worry about themselves, if they have done nothing wrong to harm you, that’s the problem.
You can only roll with the punches for so long until you look like a follower and let people who know less about life lead you or try to control you thinking that they know better than you, why some of us are leaders and some of us are not. Its by always your best decision making skills that you are able to read and predict whats in front of you, and leave the past behind, that is your past and the past lives of others, are none of your business to pick apart, as deserving of a good life or to do well in life. Don’t be next, not next to die, not next to commit suicide, and especially not next to snap [fight now about the past] and take your love for self [unhappiness's with ones self] or ideas [not transgressions but by what you think is right or perfect of thought sound of mind] about life out on others [try to control what others think], and their ability to do well see and predict their own futures that’s for no one to judge how someone achieves intelligence or friends in life, by what they say or by how they carry themselves as deserving or not of fortune or misfortune. Always do your best to be mindful of the spaces around you and others, and whatever you put at the forefront of your mind, is what will come from me in the defense, as not deserving of suicide and or illness, based upon what other people say about me, or based upon what I have said past, not in a well state of mind, not doing well in life, be held to that standard as not well or not smart enough to help others, or to help situate myself in a place online, to which I am not longer harmed if out in the open. That’s why it’s important not to spread illness, that is by rumor affect how people see someone who has not realized fame or any kind of notoriety hurt their reputations before they are able to get jobs or become successful as a way to prevent their future from occurring or to prevent their future abilities or earning powers in life, to the benefit of a few who think that because they write online, that they are empowered by their sense of purpose online, to the disempowerment of others, now its keeping an even keel so that others keep an even keel as toward me or others … that’s in everyones best interest not to be famous or well known.
People go to AA for different reasons … its mostly for self-harm in my case I would say. That is doing things that make myself uncomfortable and or others, such as talking to self or self-harming. These are not things you discuss out loud, just be understanding of others, I have not been hospitalized since 2017 and have been doing well, for the most part, its really not anyones business for what reasons people self-harm, that’s something between themselves and their doctors. Don’t be worried about others, especially if it has nothing to do with you, rarely will you get reassurances from someone who has caused you worry, or harm, that is the bottom line, until you are able to help yourself, you get designated as worrisome, others playing victim to your condition, which is outside of your control, unless you choose to stay sober, its hard to make your life change for the better, and even then life can still be difficult as sober. I have been sober since 2014, and sober everyday since 04/02/17. It’s a long process of recovery, once you get sober, unless you choose to abstain from drinking and dating can maintain sobriety, it becomes a lonely world on your own, why people attend meetings to have a support group and to be around others who similarly need support, that’s not the same as going out and making friends, the friends you make in AA are not for fun, but for support, more like professional relationships not people you go out and do things with or date, that’s not recommended in your early days, weeks, and months of sobriety. I think the hardest thing is starting over once you do decide to stop drinking, there are a lot of triggers you will face in life, death, co-dependence, hate, suicide, and people getting sick around you, but you have to be strong. Life is not easy everyone goes through losses in life, its how you handle yourself in the event of a loss, that determines your overall positive outlook in life, whether able to maintain it. Just be cognizant of others around you … may wish for stability over worry, and whenever others are under your care, then stability is preferred, always be a person of your word and stay sober.
Its important firstly, not to blame yourself “for your loved one’s suicide in any way” its not your fault. We may not be able to control all the events in our lives, “psychiatrists theorize … we would rather fault ourselves for a tragic occurrence than accept our inability to prevent it.”  Suicide following a diagnosis of depression makes one a “victim of disease, [and] just like cancer victims … [do not] deserve blame” is one way to look at things.  Much like a Holocaust Victim’s suicide, it is questionable whether “[their] emotional wounds [were] so deep that their pain continued to resonate” that may be so, in cases involving survivors of gun violence … pain that has the potential to “resonate and build for years afterward.”  Its important to understand the “common threads that help us understand that we are not alone in the confusing sorrow we face” by studying the stories of others, we can hopefully learn from their experiences and not repeat the same mistakes ourselves when it comes to asking for help.  Its important to note that “suicide is rarely a sudden occurrence … [and that] far more often [is] the result of a long, debilitating breakdown of an individuals emotional health.”  Based on those who have survived suicide, “the primary goal of a suicide is not to end life, but to end pain.”  Its common to put yourself in their shoes, while trying to empathize and understand “what we would have to feel to make the same choice,” that’s arguably not a healthy step in the right direction, because upon “imagin[ing] our loved one in that kind of pain [is] almost too much to even consider.”  The main flaw is imaging through a healthy mind, that is your mind, its important to note that “the suicidal person has a distorted view of their world.”  In that case, maybe its time to fix distortions following tragic life events, how to view the world in a way that we can achieve the same kind of peace of mind, as before the experience of trauma. For example, in suicide notes, they can be more misleading than helpful in understanding the point of view of the victim, assuming they understood everything, or got all the help they needed, or understood fully what was happening to them psychologically, that’s not true.  There are many stages of grief: (1) Shock, (2) Denial, (3) Guilt, (4) Sadness, (5) Anger, and (6) Acceptance. “Up to 70% of people who die by suicide may suffer from what psychiatrists call an “affective illness” such as major depression or a bipolar disorder.” 
There are common difficulties faced when coping with life's difficulties remember that you are not alone and you can always ask for help, and can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. It may take awhile to “move past each setback, loss, and misfortune” remind yourself that we are all in this together, you can ask for help, no matter how small your problem is, and while you may endure pain through each trauma associated to the causes you support, we are here for you. Trust your systems of support … we are all new to this: #endviolence #stopsuicide. Sincerely, #mymollydoll for #teamenough as per our telephone conversation 10/21/18, am now making an extended effort to share a pamphlet I got from American Association of Suicidology Spring 2018 by Jeffrey Jackson.
A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide by Jeffrey Jackson
Whenever we are tired, its usually those full of energy and light, we feel dissimilar from, thinking that they should be feeling the same way that we feel, or that there is something about them off, as though they know more than we do about life, further along in deductions, or further along in life, we all live the same lives minute by minute on earth, to put things in perspective, depending on what time zone youre in, now with social media, we are all on the same time, life happens fast, but not faster than reactions can be controlled, or voices in response to reactions by others, including ourselves. It’s important therefore to not be judgmental, everyone self-soothes differently, and some voices are not soothing, or preferred to be soothed by people we love, or by the physicians that care for us individually, not in particular me, given my discomforts in life, am not a soothing voice always, and sometimes when Im not feeling well, that can be understood by the reader as well. Be mindful its not necessary that we be super intelligent to function in life and have jobs, nor necessary that we be given access to the same education or resources, but it is important for you to have a voice of your own, a voice to which you can express in times of need when you need help, and not keep things to yourself, to the point you self harm or cause harm to others by self-harming. Everyone cares, and at some points in your life people will not care, for whatever reasons they think justified, as you being someone deserving or not of success, a good life, or privileges in life, that does not mean denounce or suggest that people deserve the polar opposite condition of a well condition, based upon peoples standings in life and appearances, you cannot always judge someone as being good or bad toward self or others, not all who look bad are bad, and not all who are not well look not well and not all who are pretty are well and not all who are intelligent look smart and not all who are not intelligent look thin or well kept, everyone is different, we all handle life differently in a different order set our priorities in life, but one thing is for sure, to always trust those who are above you, listen often, and don’t let yourselves go not for anyone or over any trying circumstances give up in life, always do your best and from there better decisions for self and others can be made, that’s the road to achievement in life, not all days will be a success, and not all failures are correctable, some failures result in people being unforgiving towards you, no matter how good you are, no goods are driven to change those beliefs about oneself, its usually by good timing, by being good, good decisions are made, irrespective out of thought the thoughts of others, as thinking about them or judging them.
During times of need its not necessary to address everyone, and raise the stress levels of everyone who attended the #lamarathon, we would rather not hear voices of attack or concern for my health right now, I’m in the best possible health that I can be, I cannot speak for everyone, but can at best speak for myself, who was present today. For those of you not present, its really none of your business to attack my good character as though I don’t care or bring up my past as deserved, that’s really none of your business, to raise defenses or to cause suicide to others, as these subjects come about not by choice, but by circumstance, we cannot control everything around us, but what we can control is how you respond to others, as not in the defensive and cause unwanted voices in me or others, such incantations are unwanted, and as a result of incantations, voices occur, that is by who you are connected to by choice, and by who you are not connected to now, allow people to reframe from unwanted discussions about the past, or about people in particular, and then heighten already unsound attentions wake up the tolerances of others, based upon a few peoples interests, of safety, we are all concerned with our own personal safety and no one is asking for it or deserves it whenever anything unwanted occurs, and no I don’t deserve to be attacked not behind my back or in my face. I think during periods of recovery once you get separated from systems of support and support groups the tendency is for others to write you off, as though you went out, I’ve been home in my room for three years, I don’t go out and I don’t hook up, I’m a good person, I stay home.
Don’t be weirded out by the moods of others, that’s a natural progression when recovering from trauma, or a bipolar episode, that sense of disillusionment and paranoia, that follows. Just because a problem does not directly affect you doesn’t mean not to be emotionally prepared for when and if its necessary to help others. Today at the #lamarathon I found out that two Parkland Shooting Survivors committed suicide, I know the feeling of having been advocated for the highs and lows of advocacy and getting support, and then needing to ask for help, it’s a process, of feeling down and then getting strong again, not everyone is fearless. To reach a point of stability its best to talk one on one with a therapist not in a group setting if you are not feeling well, I was hospitalized for 28 days, upon disclosing a previous suicide attempt 2009 … from trauma in the 90s?! Yes, from trauma in the 90s, you only have one life to live … just do your best to pick and choose your sides wisely, and not be too defensive to the expressions of others, even if Bernie Sanders shows up to #ACLU100, just be proud of everyone how far we’ve come, and don’t forget to be patient with yourselves. I stopped by Nordstrom’s Rack the other day, where the Army recruitment center is, and bought a purse, I forgot to say hello, I was not hired February 2009, because on medications already by then, there are other places to work other than for the government, I should’ve reminded myself, growing up in Brentwood, I always felt free and free from harm, never a quiet or shy person, but have found in my older years a little more paranoid, even smoke that smells stronger than the hotdogs in DTLA bothered me, the police mentioned that it must have been the “confetti canons” if that helps clear anything up, I was walking home from the Marathon, when I saw the smoke, maybe I should have held a sign that says I’m not Trevor, Trevor was the yearbook editor, and I’m not “….shady.” There was a “Go Trevor” sign with an arrow … I didn’t make it past the scooter bend, before I turned around, it was barricaded off by a white fence. I feel better having been out today, than staying home lazy or busy counting prescription meds, administered by my Mom each day. #sober
When you’re feeling down the best thing you can do for yourself is to stay active, that doesn’t always mean being proactive. Its hard to plan for when you’re having a bad day, or plan for depression, it just happens. Life happens daily, and for those of you suffering from mental health issues well Ive been told its something you will deal with daily. Its been recommended to be humorous in your approach to dealing with depression as well as “to be happy.”  What does happiness mean to you? Shopping, Exercise, Relationships, Money, Jobs, Success? We don’t always get what we want in life, and most of happiness to me means being happy with what you have in life, not worry to much about what you don’t have in life. If youre not happy with where you are in life, its hard to achieve other things in life, or maybe you will achieve things in life, and still not be a happy person. Life is not all about staying happy, its just a momentary feeling of joy you may feel sometimes being around others, or by doing things you love to do on your own, some are only happy when excelling in life, ahead of the pack, that’s no easy task, be sure to not set your standards to high above your means in life.
Its not necessary that you be on everyones team in life in order to find and achieve success on your own, its important to make and have friends along the way, but its not necessary that those friendships if not maintained to the same standing they were once held, hold you back in life, as of less than in life, we all move forward we all grow apart, and knowing your connections in life, do your best moving forward to better yourself and your life, not hold others to conversations about you that would make them or yourself uncomfortable as around others. When you decide to be a peacekeeper online you have to be open about your mental health, physical health, and be open to criticisms along the way. When you provide a voice online to 3,000 a week or up to 1,000 people a day, that’s your responsibility to take responsibility for the words that you share, and not make worse your condition or the conditions of others as toward you or others, theres a fine line between sharing so that all can relate, and sometimes sharing to which no one can relate exactly, and that’s okay. We did not all grow up the same, so interpretations may vary depending on the closeness you feel to the writer or lack thereof, in favor of your own best interests and mental health. Given that, its important to understand that not all may be well liked, given there upbringing, and that some of those descriptions about others, they are born with, not something they later changed about themselves to fit any molds or ideals of thought, but based upon who they are, feel or think a certain way. I’ve been told that head hitting is hereditary, something my Grandma went through (#stroke), that doesn’t mean that that makes it okay for me to hit my head or stress out when I’m not feeling well on my own, with or without help from others, no one should have the power to push you over your edges in life, one should always be in control of themselves, not others to be at peace. If you cannot control yourself in response to others, then you are not being tolerant of their hate or disgust toward you for who you are or who you’ve become, successful or not. Not everyone has experienced the same hardships in life, its important not only to be an understanding and compassionate person, but pick and choose to whom your compassions are granted to. It is not expected to show compassion or love for those who cannot mend themselves, get help or rise above hate, or discrimination for who they are, or who they’ve become as single. That is for no one to judge anyone who is unwed, and for what reasons unwed, suicide is a problem, because people do not feel good about themselves, do not feel like they can achieve in life, and do not feel good enough, everything is within your reach so long as you choose to stay sober and clean, the longer you dumb down yourself, or your life, to a few blurbs about you, the more difficult it is to be accepting of your past and the past of others, and move forward. Until you can learn to accept the immaturities of others then, and your own immaturities as responding to others, then the greater acceptance of all can be furthered, as not limiting respect only to those conservative and quiet, in their approaches in life, and be accepting of those who speak for themselves, not for or on behalf of others, and allow people to represent themselves well. Its not a perfect world, you cannot accept people to be happy for you once you’ve achieved well, but it is your responsibility to stay well, disappointment, cures upon success, and disappointments following success, are hard to mend … you can only make mistakes in life so many times before people give up on you, and its by those mistakes you are judged in the wrong, or judged as deserving of mistreatment, so long as you do your best, whether or not you are able to achieve success in life, is your right to privacy, and your right to live life.
A manifestation of someone insulting you, is a manifestation of their own anger toward you or with themselves, usually people who are unhappy with themselves take that anger out on people who are doing well in life and/or are happy with themselves. The times have changed, we certainly do not hope that anyone would provoke illness toward others, to keep themselves as justified … that would be hurting someone you believe deserves to be hurt, and that’s an unwanted manifestation within a person of your hatred toward them, illness. That illness is not then transferable, its just as described an unwanted fact of life, that not all people get along, not all people are well liked, and for whatever reasons people are put down, either presently or in the past as thought deserved. What is not deserved is to highlight the past of someone improved as though deserved and prove an existence of hardship faced their whole lives. What was not existent then, was not justified then, as someone who has been bullied their whole life, what is not justified then, if not justified now, does not mean what is occurring now, is not justified with a record, or lawsuit. Just because someone gets sued does not mean there is something wrong with them, and that they are deserving of suicide now, if what you think the purposes for suit were deserved, and that that person upon becoming suicidal will discuss the terms of what caused them suicide 2009, and 2017, as the same, those instances were not the same and yes discussion of my suicide attempt, is causing me to feel suicidal now. No it is not true that someone reading this becomes suicidal as caring about me, its over many years of doing your best, and upon failure that you commit suicide, it occurs overtime invested, and over losses in life, if you cannot be happy with where you are now, than its best to talk in a therapeutic environment, yes it is true that those who harm themselves do so because either (1) someone is not happy with them or because (2) they are not happy with themselves. It sounds so simple, for whatever reasons those who commit suicide did not find a solution. Why you are not supposed to talk about your illnesses out loud in public, not because it makes others sick, but causes others to feel a sense of distance from you, not wanting to be associated to you or be affected by your problems, if they know you have a record, don’t care for you to live. It is everyones right to live life, it is no ones right to choose for anyone how to live or to die. That is not anyones job, not Gods job, not the public’s job to cause illness, #stopsuicide.
When you’re not feeling well, its okay to let others know, and set boundaries for yourself, help wise, its not necessary to help others or to give others unsolicited advice when they don’t need it, similarly it can be argued that’s it not necessary to put unwanted pressures on anyone who is not asking for trouble, who has been doing well, that’s misdirecting anger towards a person you have self-identified as an offender, and then further justifying those attacks on someone, as deserved, no one deserves to be put down and made suicidal, its never the fault of the person who commits suicide, but it is the responsibility of each person to manage their own health. That’s not out of guilt, regret, or failure, that one commits suicide, those are just excuses for not doing a better job of getting well and staying well, depression is a serious condition, which needs to be managed appropriately. As a writer, its your responsibility to write and remember everything you have said, as the reader reads and remembers everything that you have said, that’s not an agreement, when there is a mutual understanding reached, everyone deserves a right to privacy, and talk therapy, get the help that they need and receive assistance from others #stopbullying. Know when to stop taking your angers and frustrations out on others, such as myself, and do your best when someone comes forward with information to be respectful of their shared story, not all are perfect when it comes to presentation and coming forward on subjects, do your best to help yourself in times of needs, not misdirect your anger or frustrations out on others, who do not deserve it #stopbullying #stopsuicide. Its not necessary to know who represents the basis from which a post is made, its not all according to life experience and people, some of what I write is based upon my education and basic common sense, and by thinking logically and critically not of others but of myself, not to sound defensive, which is the expected response, a suicide and a defense to suicide, Im not suicidal now. To be honest, no one wants to hear about your happinesses in life if they don’t think that you deserve happiness or achievement, everyone deserves to live life with positive purpose. And no one’s suicide or suicide attempt should affect anyone in the negative as responsible. Not for sharing stories, or NOT sharing any stories, prior to suicides be made responsible
Sometimes looking at someone you would never think that they were going through anything that would require help from others, we are not all leaders, some of us have better vision than others when it comes to future planning, and goal setting. We are all not well enough to be successful at the moment, that will never change, people rising to the occasion of wellness, to the benefit of those who can manage to stay well too. It is not to the benefit of anyone to speak or reply to negative voices, when I stated its not important to respond to, that doesn’t mean ignoring problems, theres just a fine line between illness, and empowering the wrong ideologies in life, until those poor ideologies take place of people and or things, replaced, people are not easily replaceable, but thinking, if proper can fix or remedy any discomforts in life. What can cause illness, whenever someone is pressured into keeping a secret that they cannot handle on their own which is not obvious to everyone, is something you would report to the police, who then refers you to a therapist or someone who specializes in psychotherapy or medication management. Watching the news its easy to hear names, see illness, and then blame illnesses on people you can identify as having mentioned as contributing or some type of controller of wellness, God is usually a Doctor, and well is usually controlled in part by them when you are not well, made sick, or in need of recovery to your benefit get well, and to everyones benefit achieve well, not all thinking recommended by those who have experienced suicide in life, ie. my suicide attempt, would understand how to achieve and surpass periods of psychosis and the necessity for talking or getting help or the necessity for sleep whenever overcome with emotions not take those emotions out on others, or like I said ones self, whenever you take your emotions out of someone who cares about you, the likelihood of them self-harming is greater than the likelihood as talked about the creator of the initial harm. Once you misuse alcohol or do not behave normally, walking alone at night, putting yourself at risk of harm, then that is why you get treated poorly, spoken down to, until you correct your behaviors in life, that’s a normal process of recovery, to be treated as lesser than or screamed at as bad.