Hard Story to Tell ...
I had Starbucks with Major and he wanted to have sex with me afterward but declined. He’s friends with Chaka Khan’s Son and got made fun of by a rapper on Youtube. He dated Devin Petelski who died in a Silent Running Drill by the LAPD on Venice (#Petrocelli). And then her Brother who I think I met at Lindsay’s Birthday Party in an Argyle Sweater, at Makai on #OceanAve, asked me to be his friend on Facebook and I declined or did not accept. He then committed suicide while I was in Law School living in Marina Del Rey. (Y) Because he raped my best friend Danielle in a Bathroom (Don't impregnate me with bad souls past my future is my future why I focus on positives "can of worms" < thrown back at you > perpetrators of guilt toward me #unreasonable prosecution) when she was 5, she told me on an Airplane in 5th Grade to DC and I cried. I used to slam my head in the bathroom against the tile (My Brother used to Chase Me In), similarly after coffee with Major, slammed my head into walls, and put a hole in my wall above my bed, through the concrete to the wooden beam, broken in half. I was hearing voices and kept hitting my head into the wall -on Abilify now. Learn how to be patient not overexpose people, once things have been dealt with in the past, put blame on people for not speaking out on subjects, focused. Thats not being in a solution, thats not being apart of the problem. Once everyone experiences the same difficulty concentrating thats not the solution, to set people behind in life.
Order of Issues for Consideration ...
Order of Issues for Consideration:
(1) A drug dealer I met on the street drove in my car speeding did not get pulled over by police, and took me to a club, and drained my ATM, I flashed a photo of my then boyfriend in the club, as this was a long interaction, I had to take adderrall and an M pill to stay awake, as he was hyper and very talkative pouring out his life to me.
(2) I did not get fired from my job 2015, I left because I disclosed to my then Boss that someone hooked up with me after a Clippers party, after I was crying to him, took me back in for another drink, after asking for a ride home, after having had drinks at the party I was hosting and cleaning up after, last there, the parking permit was to park on the street not in the parking lot, on a specific block from which a house was rented. Afterward he put us on another job together, I cleaned the whole house alone, and completed all tasks except for the laundry in the dryer I left, needed to go back and pick up, was screamed at after being partnered with someone I hooked up with, who checked the house after being cleaned at night, after I had already left, and in a group text message complained, and then my Boss proceeded to give me a difficult time, as to why the task was not completed, I had in addition, called the police to disclose that I hooked up with someone at work. -I still talk to my Boss’s Ex-Girlfriend, who offered me a job recently, said that she needed me, and asked if I would be available upon her return from a trip. I had positive interactions with everyone at work, and no difficulties socializing or responding to their questions, concerns, or needs. The first hostess the intern we hired and interviewed.
(3) I did not invite a friend to my 21st birthday, and one did not attend the after dinner party, called in my her then boyfriend now husband to spend time with her, the friend who I did not invite to my birthday party, was a soccer friend in high school, who recommended tumblr to me, to blog. -I was never a drinker, waited until 21 to drink, and had tried cocaine spring 2006 via a friend who messaged me on Facebook to hang out, who I knew from elementary school. Together we put together a group of girls, based upon friends in common, my neighbors, who were already friends with a few of the girls. I did not go out in college, because I was not 21, and only able to get into the bars with a friend who worked in town, we later all went to the bars together after turning 21. Voices did not start until after moving to 13th Street, from my Pennsylvania Ave apartment, a bigger apartment, I thought nicer, but with no parking spot, a spot created by a storage facility, my car barely fit, parked mostly on the street and collected many parking tickets. Voices were a result of doing cocaine, and hearing people talking $hit, which then transpired to hearing voices of people talking $hit about me. I would do cocaine alone, following a breakup, and after beginning a new relationship, experienced a lot of paranoia, had decided to date a friend who was fond of me, who we had mutual friends in common with, who met my family and had taken me to a Notredame USC football game.
Getting Your Feelings Hurt ...
I don’t think anyone ever intends to hurt anyone feelings, but they do get hurt in the process of giving and receiving love, always take things with a grain of salt. Its common for there to be fighting, post breakup, learn how to roll with the punches, that’s one letting go, and the other not understanding why, usually to do with their egos express anger towards you, as resenting you, for the same reasons you left, tired or discontent not understanding of your need for space. Always allow room for others to blossom, people can only give a certain amount of time and attention to the needs of others, especially dedicated to the ones they love. If not for love, then its just an exchange of emotions, to feel and make feel good the other, leave it at that.
The way to make any relationship work is to not be needy but needed, easier said than done. When you don’t need to feel needed in order to feel loved, that means that your independent, and all the more desirable a candidate for building any type of relationship, not one quick to judge, or worry, but comfortable with the odds and ends of any given relationship, sound of mind, and sound of heart … those are the easiest relationships to be in, ones that work.
I used to think that I needed to be a certain way in order to make a relationship last, more girly, or easy to love. You should not need to change in order to be loved, its best when you are able to be yourself, not at your own expense, accommodate the needs of others, that can be draining. Never expect more than you give, and need expect more than any one person can give to you … its what you have to offer in life that makes you who you are, with or without a companion or significant other, able to achieve happiness on your own, that’s confidence.
My Thoughts for Today ...