Presently symptomatic (hearing voices), overcoming self-harm, need to start walking everyday, take it easy, work on keeping a job, disclose my condition to my new boss, and do my best to stay well, work on an as needed basis, getting paid hourly, and do my best to overcome embarrassment, and also figure out how to represent others well, given my mental health issues, not subject myself to harm, or those I care about put in harms way.
If I cant stay well, then the blog doesnt work out, the job doesnt work out, let alone, marriage or dating, I think Ive accepted the fact that Im not having kids, now that I have recurring (voices > self-harm) thats not a condition that I can control through blogging, and its really no ones fault, what kinds of imagined pressures I get put under in life, or think too hard about whether Ive been hurt when and why, and just move forward in life, stay alive, be well.
I understand that everyone is struggling right now, and if anyone should be happy and be doing well it should be me, since I have been working hard for 8 years, to work toward a paid position, and also in writing prove that Im intelligent, sensitive, care a lot about others, never having issues of my own, with no history of being an embarrassment, or letting anyone down in life. I think based on who you are, and how easily you are triggered in life, or feelings hurt, is something you need to mature from, and not allow yourself to get hurt, lose confidence in life, make smarter decisions, not be too loving, not trust the wrong people, or be convinced youre something youre not, that includes being famous (not printed in professional text), or be treated as stronger than you are, as though you have experience with public relations, or managing your own identity, how you are known is not in your control, and thats not something you can change, and especially not if you have ever self-harmed, or been made to not feel good about yourself, thats something that you overcome, and eventually do better in life, that doesnt mean that you will have a better life, not if you allow the symptoms to persist, and cannot manage your own symptoms (bipolar). Even if no one believes you, thinks you can perform without meds, I just dont think its appropriate for any discussion of potential at this point in time, not if you get hurt again, then thats my own fault, for being embarrassed in public, I have never self-harmed out of frustration or been unhappy with myself, its a product of others not being happy with you, being hard on you, and you losing your stability, in any amount of chaos, its not a condition you can explain to anyone, it doesnt mean that I have done anything wrong and that also doesnt mean that I have ever been made to feel sick or "suicidal" because of anything I have said, or been someone offended, and then not have liked myself, I dont really know what to say. You cant please them all.
Self-harm is a private struggle, its not something that anyone respects you for, how you deal with your problems or "auditory delusions," thats really not my fault, how "voices" are caused and Im assuming it occurs if people dont like you, or are trying to communicate to you without you knowing who they are, whether by phone or computer, I think in writing, I do my best to be normal, unfortunately the last 8 years were not perfect, mental health wise, and if I ever have a regret its self-harm, or feeling defeated in life, or not strong, and giving up.
I have not been doing well for several days now, and I dont know why I have not been feeling well, and its not something you can snap out of, wake up from, it takes time to heal from bipolar, to get strong again be posiitve.
Originally Posted: 01-16-21
Removed from the Front Page of my Website
Also Posted on Removed Posts Page
Self-Harm: Research Paper
Self-Harm: (1) After Interaction (2) After Trauma (3) Judged as After Interaction or After Trauma
I wanted to know for what reasons I was self-harming, and for those reasons have decided to write a paper on why I have been self-harming, and what is causing me to self-harm. For me, self-harm occurs when Im not feeling good about myself, or when I’m not feeling sharp, or strong enough in general. I used to think that being pretty, or popular, or well-liked was a sign of success, but it turns out that until you love yourself, you cannot make others happy. This I realized while dating, not being good enough.
It’s important to keep separate your issues, from the issues of others. You are you and they are them, you cannot be others, or accept others to be accepting of you, when you yourself are not well enough to give and receive love, or be a source of love. In order to be happy, we cannot think in terms of equations, but in terms of betterment, better ideas, and better food for thought. When we get in the right mindset, anything is possible, when we are focused on the wrong things, things rarely pan out for us in the long run. It starts with now. I just read an article on UPLIFT which was helpful.
I think “now” (Reference: Thich Nhat Hanh) is being in the present moment, and doing what you think is the right thing to do. Sometimes we have to rebel and go against the wishes of others, who just want us well, and sometimes we have to face our fears, not head on, but in a way that enlightens us. What you commit to in life: read, is what sets me free, I’m not sure about others, but writing could not occur without having read, and reading cannot occur, without learning, and writing cannot occur without reading. So getting back to the basics, and not being stubborn, will require me to read. First things first, study self-harm, and figure out why I’m self-harming and whats causing me to self-harm.
(Start Reading Here: Research)
Causes for Self-Harm
One of the main points I took away was that a higher “EI [is] associated with a lower likelihood to resort to self-harm.” (2) What is it about intelligence that causes us to feel nurtured and apart of. For what reasons would someone who is doing well self-harm, and by what patterns of behavior, are repeated throughout our daily lives, to what invokes in our spirit, a sense of being? Others or ourselves.
“Less emotionally intelligent people” have been judged as being more likely to self-harm. That is because they are judged as “us[ing] more malapadative coping strategies … [that] increase [their] likelihood … [of] self-harm[ing] as an attempt to cope with their ill-regulated emotions.” (2)
There is an “acute negative affect … [that] preceded self-harm.” (2) What is it about stigma, that interferes with one’s ability to move forward in life, and relive the past. For what reasons is the past brought up, to trigger what emotions in others, intentionally, whether deserved or not. For what purposes is one passively aggressive, knowing the issues of another, to pry and prove guilt as to what? It is in our best interests always to be defensive when it comes to our self-esteem, and for those reasons I am writing this research paper, because I’m fed up with feeling less than feminine, when in trauma. That’s not helpful, to treat people, as sources for warmth, or guidance, take over control of what emotions of others, or what opinions of others, then play victim or stupid, as to being manipulative. Image is about awareness of the thoughts and feelings of others, as well as maintain confidentiality not benefiting from the interactions of or between others, to promote a larger public interest or ideology.
In fact, when we preserve the intelligence of others, and not manipulative, we grant one another autonomy just the same, to behave in ways that make them happy, not just us. According to one source, “higher trait emotional intelligence (trait EI) would be associated with a lower likelihood to harm oneself.” (2) Knowing the issues of others, in confidence, don’t make loud, the issues of others, as your own issues, or of or concerning the interests of others, to know the best interests of others, privacy.
When you’re feeling drained, its usually, because you are assuming, the intent of others, as directed toward you, also known as bipolar, thinking things are happening that aren’t happening. Or thinking that people think they are you or you are trying to be them, who is influencing who matters, as to growth, both personally, and figuratively, what we see is what we get, warm or not, for what purpose is that done? Do not bring about consequences, that you yourself are not prepared to deal with, always stick to what you’re good at, and from those strengths you are best able to help others, on time or not.
There is a “decrease [in] the negative emotions [of others] that [can be] exacerbated by malapadative emotional coping strategies, such as rumination, self-blame, and helplessness.” (2) Never “deliberately self-harm [as you put yourself to a] “great[er] increased risk of suicide.” (2) Knowing this, what can be done in order to better your mood in life, so that you are not easily affected by the moods of others? That’s the constant battle, how to not be easily affected by others, their happinesses or unhappinesses. Its important to note, “self-harm primarily constitutes an emotion regulation strategy.” (2) More research needs to be done on what strategies can be used in order to regulate moods.
Self-Harm Awareness: Tinder
There are many resources on self-harm available on google.com. One resource I found was on “deliberate self-harm.” (1) I learned about the “DSHI [which is a] deliberate self-harm inventory.” (1) I first learned about taking down your inventory (not the inventory of others) in AA (2011). That’s when I realized I needed to stop dating, after my 4th step.
What are Emotion Regulation Strategies?
It’s important to note that “self-harm may be used to alleviate overwhelming emotions and decrease tension.” (1) That’s not love. Dating is not love (Tinder), that’s getting to know people in order to have relationships with them, and within those relationships bond, and upon bonding, have intimacy.
Just like self-harm there is a “lack of consensus” by researchers on self-harm and its definition. (1) What is “deliberate self-harm?” (1) Deliberate self-harm is an “episodic and repetitive for[m] of superficial-moderate self-mutilation.” (1) Why do people self-mutilate?