When you look stupid, apologize and move on. If its not you being insensitive, don’t discontinue being sensitive to what others are going though, add to those differences in opinion or chaos, if its your life you need to live, then stay well, and not meddle into the interests of others you would know nothing about not being important yourself, that’s when help is not needed, when you are not well and try to help, is how you look stupid, and when you are nice, that is when you get reminded of how fragile your life is, and if you cannot stay well is why you become separated from people who did like you and did approve of you who cannot deal with someone who is not happy, thinks those who were nice to her harmed her, and not in reality, thinking about others in terms of what is going wrong for them instead of thinking about what is going right for them. Its very disheartening when you become the bearer of words sounding bothered by things your not bothered by or by the expressions of others as to subjects that concern them. So when rejection hurts or a block, that’s you not being well enough to connect or be loved, and that’s how looking stupid or being stupid makes you not a good fit for most things in life: love or job. When others lose faith in you that’s a manifestation of their anger or frustration with you not being well, or seeming gone, or miscommunicated to, and that’s not your fault, we all endure pressures by image and reputation and that is not the fault of anyone who is made to feel sick, or made to feel sick by others, we will not always approve of one another and if once a source of strength, and also be considered a disappointment, which no performances can aide you in rising to any conditions and make others feel good when you have arrive to whereever it is that you found yourself to be a better person, or feel like yourself again: through blogging and messaging, people will eventually understand monogamy when it hits, that’s someone who was kind to them and opened up to them was present, and its only until youre gone that others realize what has been done to you, whether deserved or not, that’s losing a connection in life. So I may have worked hard this past month and some days non-stop talking, but without blogpros and likes, I don’t think I felt the same or others without affirmation that I am being watched or what has been said approved of. So what was it exactly that made you give up in life? If it was voices then that’s a medical condition to consult your doctor about, and why showing up to appointments is important no matter what is said keep confidential, and that’s okay for them to size you up, that’s what doctors are for, to address where you are, and to help you improve not become worse no matter who you open up to, or show your face to, pretty or not pretty, well or not well, that much others will not come to appreciate about you, what you looked like before you got well, and how you were when you were not well. You only have one life to live, and there is not deeper concept to value another human being other than recognizing when they are well. Some moments get lost, in miscommunications, defenses, taking things too far, and you are never destroyed until you are made to feel sick and not having been apart of anything that has gone well, and that’s how you become unimportant, nothing to self-harm about. And if you cannot help and when you have tried to help things have not gone right, then you running looks like defense, you supporting organizations looks like fault, and you reporting to the courts looks like you are in a situation you cant get out of, and that’s to treat you as hostage as though you do not value the lives of those who were ever held hostage, and that’s not recognizing the importance of allowing the justice system and the police force to intervene and to help set things right, and that’s you missing out in life when you get made to feel sick, people not on board with you, so don’t blow things out of proportion, we have all lived life long enough to know when it hurts, when too much is too much, and when good people are not to blame for the actions of others, whether made similar or dissimilar, base wellness solely on who is shining. So if you do have a condition treated by meds, be happy wherever you are in life, you may be on meds for the rest of your life and that’s okay and that much about you others will not understand, if you have no history of violence, or self-harm, or voices except when under the influence of a substance, then there is no reason why sober, or on medications that prevent voices you should get voices. I think it’s the tendency to say the wrong things is what offends people not in support of you, that much cannot be taken back, what you have said, and who was offended by what you have shared, no matter where it is said, not acceptable anywhere, so that’s misunderstanding life and maturing too late, never act in defense of self whenever someone is talking to you, that’s not what hurt feels like, it hurts when no one is talking to you, and that’s when someone has a problem with you, so accept the moments when life is peaceful that’s not something that needs to be helped or corrected in order to achieve, and I don’t need to go to the hospital when I am not well anymore I can stay home. Im sorry I shared where I was and where I am now, and the moments that either made or broke me in life, and Im sorry if ever I allowed voices to hurt my feelings or became some other version of a human being that was not myself, that’s happens, you hear things and when you don’t like what you have heard, not feel well, no one can talk you back to sanity, or away from self-harm, that means leaving a situation in where you are being made to self-harm, its not deserved it means leave whatever is causing you illness, and do your best to move forward, there is no later life past the point of harm, that’s when you allow everything to affect you, so apologize move on, and stay separate from everyone until you are well again, and don’t self-harm no matter what voices you hear in life, if I am not controlling what other people think, then there is no need to control me, to enable others to think more or less of me or my family is the point. You get to vote and pick who to represent you in life I did not vote in 2008, and I did not vote 2013, so that’s where I stand, and I did not vote 2017. So Im not sure what past Im reliving but its something to do with who I am what I look like what I share and what are the causes for voices, and its not fans, its when I am quiet, its someone talking to me that’s not by phone, and not by neighborhood, its I can hear someone, and Im not writing, and Im not doing anything wrong, and its by what is shared, that you become sick, by what people see, and if you self-harm its because someone thinks poorly of you, and that’s why you become sick when youre alone, its by a negative judgement, which you will not know, and no one will tell you, its what happens to your life when you are not paying attention, why you end up with no one in your life. So from here its either move forward, without forgiveness, write until I can get a job, or work online and maintain value or what it is I am working on, and not self-harm or make public my struggles in life or my thinking when things are not well that is how things get made to not be well again. So Im sorry for anyones lives that have met my life, and Im sorry if anyone got to know me who now later resents me, Im sorry I did not get married and did not get a JD. Im sorry for talking about the past, and Im sorry for trying to be strong and running everyday or for whatever looked like a joke, I have never had anyone hate me in my entire life and Ive never been strong enough to look like I could ever threaten the relationship of anyone who is well with whomever they are well with.
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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