When you look no better than the rest, that’s to remind you that you are not special, that’s so no one notices you or changes upon seeing you made to feel good by you, so become someone in the room sensed, but who does not appear well, that’s when there is something scary about you, such as self-harming or hitting your head and that much cannot be changed about a person who self-harms, and that’s how you get treated if you have bipolar treated as mentally ill deficient and insufficient to be in a workplace that demands courtesy and sensitivity to all issues, made out to be a reckloose, not the version of yourself you remember yourself as, and thats after having worked on getting to a place in life where you are able to work again, and then being stripped of all privileges to do well in life, that’s not God taking your power away, that’s someone physically hurting your feelings like you are responsible for making them feel good and that’s taking things too far to make other women feel good by trashing some and making others feel special that’s not how you treat women in order to make other women feel good, making them alike, in “nudity,” that doesn’t simplify the issue of who steps on who in life, and who is being feminine toward whom in life, better than, you either admire women and improve in life, and if you do not feel well no one will be impressed by you and no one will be made to feel good by someone who is emotionally unstable, insecure, and has mental health issues, everyone just wants to have fun, and if they cannot have fun with you, they criticize you like you are going to have fun with someone else, treat you like a whore. Im not a whore, Im trying to figure out where I belong in life, and figure out where I will do well, and figure out how to be loved in life, and there is nothing wrong with improving yourself, not your hand in life, in order to find love and to be loved, and that’s not something you ruin the chances of, make someone feel bad about themselves for being obese or for taking meds, if the meds stop suicide, then that’s the best I can do, and that’s doing what I have been told. Im as smart as I can possibly be and Im sorry if Im not smart enough for you, or if you think life is about different things in life. And Im sorry if Im not having sex with anyone, and if anyone feels offended that I don’t wish to make a life long commitment to making someone else feel good and cheering someone else up on an individual basis, I think Im worth more than making one person feel good, I wanted to get a job, and to feel good having something to do each day, and its not about what my resume looks like, if I have not worked that’s because I have not been able to work, and because I was not mature enough to handle work situations then that is why I am not connected to anyone, and why my Ex-Bosses still keep in touch with me, its always when you are in a better place in life someone past contacts you and wants to see how your doing and that’s okay to have conversations with people about life, and how you are doing, its not a full-time job text messaging, why be glued to someone else physically and emotionally talking all day, when your time can be better spent glued to a book reading a book, and figuring out how to get a job, and what will make you feel good and feel smart again. Everyone is capable of being stupid, and everyone is capable of being harmed, and everyone is capable of being defensive, but there comes a point when you have to stop going by your feelings in life, and try to put someone light out because you think that’s the solution to preserving the light of others, to make someone “go crazy” or “get angry” to see what they do, they don’t care about what happens to you, they just want to “piss you off” and “take things too far” to see what you look like dominated by the intelligences of others who feel threatened by your own stability and sense of peace. Learn when to stop and let people work. Sometimes connecting does not help with focus, train of thought, and ALL writers are self-conscious and try hard, its not easy to do, to think, its something that occurs naturally being able to share what your heart and your mind look like and not all people are comfortable with doing that.
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