Theres a point of being too shocking, that’s whats said under your breathe, and later spoken to, not coming as a shock to anyone, but now serves as a source of disempowerment. That’s when trust has been built, and illness takes over between two Countries that did not have problems with eachother, and now do, over disease (COVID) and now via commentary integrated insights from me, which cannot take back the lives lost, and cannot prove whether misunderstandings if stated now, if stated then could have prevented losses now. I think you live life then you see things, based upon where you are in life and what you have been through speak to. Most people don’t care, care but not affected, that’s life, being strong, and not being easily affected by others, watching the news happen, as it goes on in the lunchroom in Law School, like the ship sinking in Italy, the Italian Ship that sunk when the Shipmaster “Captain” was having sex and not watching his Boat. Then there is God watching everyone, who generally wants to see everyone well, not affected by individual interests, misunderstandings, or micro-cosims about life, be mislead or easily misdirected upon closer inspection, that’s if you are stupid, and under the influence of feeling good, or basking in the glow of peace, or high on a feeling of gotta get $hit done commuting to and from work everyday, no one really sits down and concentrates on these things in life, and that’s the shock, or what hits hard “close to home” its like you cant breathe, shocking, that’s things not having been good enough, or what we were on that was making us feel good in life, not good enough, or not strong enough to keep us going now, that’s when a Country’s identity has been hurt, that’s when what represents us, and the foundations from which others feel good, gets called into question, like they are supposed to care about specific people doing well or not doing well in life, and that’s the headache, to hear from someone, Im certain, everyone was convinced was a disappointment, and that’s losing trust in life, working for the Government, then getting sick, and committing suicide, over who touched your boyfriends arm while they were shucking oysters and punched your own car put a dent in it, that’s overreacting. Lets not sit a little closer, I can see that $hit from here, your knees are like two inches away from eachother, and then we fell asleep on the beach in Santa Barbara, with a train running by every hour we decided to pass, and left where we were sleeping because our legs got wet by the ocean, while everyone was safe inside a tent, that was God telling us, wake the F up, or Im taking you with me. That was my first approved boyfriend, my second public boyfriend, and only boyfriend with friends in common, that was love, and not by name, that didn’t strike my mind as the hot factor about him, we are both comedians at heart. We dated for 4 years, then someone kissed me hanging out with another friend, and that’s why I had to leave that relationship, because an Attorney kissed me with a 4 year long boyfriend, who was saving up to buy me a ring, and who today encourages me to believe in myself, and understands that I have mental health issues, most likely because of doing Cocaine in college, I blew my first line Spring 2006, that was while applying to Boulder DA to work as a Victim Advocate, in training, made it to one training session, and while blowing my nose in my Supervisors Office let her know that I do not think I am fit to work this job, and apologized. I had friends who were neighbors, who I never did Cocaine with, it was around me, offered to me once, but never tried it with them, then met an Upperclassman on Facebook, who messaged me, she was Lesbian and a Dance Major, her Father later passed away, its no ones fault, that there was a blackout in Boulder, and no they didn’t make t-shirts like they do in NYC when it happens, which John Sifton reported in one of his Democracy Now bits “rolling blackouts” I then remembered the blackout in Boulder, and no my condition was not unwanted or a source of embarrassment at the time Michael E. Debakey passed away, and that’s not why I visited the US Supreme Court, to bypass anyone, I sat outside Barack Obamas house for an hour, then walked away in the snow alone, living in Boulder CO, God snowed us in, snow up to my waist.