Theres no such thing as the CIA, no organization that seeks to protect others from harm would ever attack a stay at home student, and no they don’t control computers, they don’t have the time to watch anyone 24 hours a day, and they also cannot help people that cannot help themselves, so while they may be a famous story about firings and turning on each other, or missing agents for that matter, their lives are not a joke, nor are the lives of those coming to be no matter at what age they begin taking life seriously as intense as that sounds, or too much for that matter. How is an organization built? First they need an office, they need a seal on the ground, or they need to be told that their company logo needs to be inside a circle with the word California underneath, that was my requirement, not trying to be like anyone, and not fit for imitation since 2016, for the same reasons that unique identifiers are used to protect the character and integrity of those who are well, excuse me for making a Pretty Woman, woman laying on a piano joke, as though if that were me being told to get off the piano, that’s how a woman is treated who is not wanted. So when I sang in a tone that I created in my voice, melodic, like a soulful singer back in the day who would wear a ball gown and sing by a piano, full figured that was the look I was going for, except I was outside my house, in my people alley and singing by the only place with a spotlight, so excuse me for having long eye lashes, I have had long eye lashes my whole life, and was on Deans List probably with a “billy ocean” song came out, and if my sexuality is of concern to anyone who thinks my life was the joke that inspired music once or resulted in any deaths or concerts, then one does not perceive me to have been doing well in life why everything else around me was going well in life, and not make one song about me, as though I have ever touched myself to women for that matter, I have never been gay, I will never be gay, and I barely have friends at this point, so if you don’t recognize me to have been beautifully stated, or too understated then that is why I am auditioning now, and just like I don’t need help and have been insulted to see what I feel like getting help from someone that I don’t need help from, I also understand them seeing me as helping an organization that I don’t need to help either and who probably doesn’t need my help either, not a point of complete peace with the subject of supporting groups and organizations that have ever been affected by gun violence, and if I am not your advocate I am certainly not your enemy or influence either for that matter, and as much as it hurts me to appear as though I am being put at odds by anyone elses success in life, that doesn’t mean that I deserve to be misrepresented as someone who doesn’t support the careers of others, or their wellness, we cant all be based on the same systems of thinking anyways, some people will always be above issues that were never intended to be taken personally, so maybe I should have never been a crisis hotline counselor because that seems to be the one skill helping others during a time of need that no one else understands thinks Im drawn to nice people as though I am not a nice person or who has never been a nice person, Ive just never been awake enough to care what everyone else was on and that’s okay apparently you need to be very awake in order to handle the pressures of others thinking that they know you or are finding comfort in knowing you that no one else is able to provide to you by knowing you or from your life, means that you are somewhere scary in life, and that throat burn is real, and that head burn is real, and that stress is real, and that quiet is real, and that’s how you know that you know what you are talking about without needing to be anyones leader in life, and this is when things that were done well become not good enough when someone seems like they are not well when everyone else is well, and this is not the first time in my life I have ever not been well and everyone else is well, that’s usually the case that I am going through something different than anyone else was made to go through in life, there must be a higher expectation of me to be something else or somewhere else in life, and just when I am not feeling well, others complain as though its me making them uptight or not feel good, and either that’s what things are about or that’s not what things are about, and I don’t need to physically suffocate for anyone else to understand that I don’t have a problem with people communicating from their own best interests, and if they are ever testing you for your gifts in life, it doesn’t matter who stole my poems, or my first script outline, if those are not stories I have told everyone, I can take a new headshot of my Linkedin, and can make up my own song and make an album, and I don’t need to know anyone in music in order to record myself singing, all I have to do is look up a location, rent the time, and record, and can sing without music and add something later, if I cant afford the connection, or the name combination attached to my own name.
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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