When Everythings Okay ...
It doesn’t matter where you have worked, that cant stop bad interpretations of your life as lived from happening, not if no one is on your side, or speaking in support of you, instead for others. If you have lived a difficult and challenging life, then you would understand the importance of what is said and how it is said, it just may be the determining factor for what you go down for in history, which moment defines you, its not always your choice. And although there may be times when you are losing your battle with mental health issues, respect, and feeling like you belong anywhere for that matter, the less time you spend on improving the worse things get for you politically, there will always be negative judgment past whenever you seem as though you are someone who does not value yourself, or make decisions for the wrong reasons. What makes a fierce advocate? I think first of you have to keep your side of the street clean, you cannot change the way people feel about you, and you have to respect the decisions of others, based upon whether they can accept you as apart of their life, reasons for delay, and what happens in between the time spent with someone you love and admire, made to feel differently about yourself, you cant always take love advice from people who don’t respect your dating style or the standards of your relationships with men, always as described, based on what it ever was, people will try to convince you that you can do better, or not be enthusiastic about your choices in life, not seem like a good fit, and you cant go on waiting either, and if you ever lower your standards based upon anything else going on in the world, then that will the same standard that others will treat you as, not accepting you on the basis of where you have been, who you have been with, job status, social status, political ideologies, and correspondences. When does it become your responsibility to help? I think when you represent an issue, not that anyone is territorial to what matters to them, not in a defensive way care, or intervene, but on the basis for who is being represented along with any other vocalizations concerning private interests. I don’t think that books, work in terms, or negotiating with any opposition in life, and calling them may not be the solution either, to figure out on what basis, is anyone so confirmed that they are doing what is right, when things are going well, hurt the definition of what it means to represent your own country, ideals, or even what the reputation of any tech app or tv show, have anything to do with how people are made to feel who then become associated via what is brought up and ongoing in the news at the moment, advocacy provided for. There will always be risk so long as issues are compounded, maybe why I took my “World Peace” page down and video, it doesn’t really seem to explain why I was writing in that tone or for what reasons personal empathized with, and if it can be regarded as something that’s not helping, or influential in a positive way, then the meaning has been lost, along with the purpose for sharing at that point in time what I was thinking about in life and in quiet reflection about. Coming forward is not easy, its not easy when you have done nothing wrong, and have been made to feel as though you have done something wrong, so helping a situation is hearing from the other side, without giving your power away to anyone else, to determine what are the issues pressing that is affecting everyone, whats personal, and who is being made to serve as a representative figure to anyones clients. There was one file at work that said “Stormy Daniels” and that was with a “Trump” pen pal that I was then separated from at work, phone taken to the other room, I don’t text at work but was receiving messages from. I don’t think messenger or any text messaging forum is suitable for sexual relations, I think it’s a simple space to share your feelings and ideas, your goals and dreams, your worries, share a little bit about yourself, and keep things friendly, not a way to communicate your fears, explain your disability, or be controlled by anyone on a daily basis, or be forced to comply to any standards in order to continue talking with anyone, who becomes disinterested in you, there will always be reasons for people losing interest in you, and it will mostly have to do with your own wellness, and how you present yourself, people will want to know you, maybe even support you, but that does not mean that they will continue to respect you, or say anything to serve your best interests at a later point in time, no one who is not in your life, can represent you, be your spokesperson, or explain to others how you are, or why you are the way that you are, and if you are someone like me who is protecting the best interests of a company, or a brand, or an organization committed to helping people to make the right choices in life, then you would understand your own professional responsibility, to not be thrown into the mix, of who has presented a problem, and not served the best interests of those they have sought to represent in the positive, even if you are not included as a member to any of that good luck in life or good fortune, there will always be bigger, better, smarter people than you in life, don’t let anyone intimidate you, or convince others that you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing in life, or be blamed as being a source of embarrassment to anyone, and allow others who later come into your life, to situate themselves similarly based on something you have said, that they have interpreted in the negative or feel gives them the go ahead, to injure, harm, misrepresent, bully, coerce, intangle, disable, ridicule, or subject you to prosecutions in life, based upon a representation of you, that was directed under threat to comply with, to stop future harm being done to you. That’s the main lesson, you cannot negotiate with someone who is trying to overpower you, or put you down in life, ruin your career, interrupt your psyche, cause you mental disturbance, self harm, or subject you off into a vague political sphere of insults and derogatory humor and company names and references to designate you as someone who is not the bringer of luck, but compare you to any figure historical pass, who they have come to identify you as in what they thought was from the goodness of their heart, not specifically stated to you in your face, but overheard in the form of voices, that’s someone not on your team in life, who thinks that your legal education, location of school, suicide attempt (2009), medications, dating history, breakups, tantrums, self-harm, self-injury, is about people not understanding you, your struggle trying to get a job, and also be viewed as someone who does not act with care and careful attention to the issues in an educated way do their best to present what in their mind is of importance of value, whether or not there is a consequential component, or direct connection between something I have seen or experienced in life, connected to any other bad experiences in life or sufferings. That’s the misunderstanding of judging someone who is trying to help and presents themselves and does what is right, whether or not they are cued by others, who mostly try to intimidate you and convince you that you are guilty of something, and that’s when others are spacey, and you are sharp, is when you generally leave situations that seem disorganized, and to not draw attention to anyone during those moments, or indecision, or uncertainty, and that’s the point of communication, never do anything as a surprise, and never say anything without thinking things through, and never speak to anyone of importance, unless your not guilty, and anyone elses attitude toward you in life, is for personal reasons, become unavailable or busy. People expect you to stay in place, and that gives some people control over you, maybe not all other outcomes in life, but if things are not getting better, than to me that means that a change needs to be made in my life, not give up, I honestly don’t think I have time to learn an entire new profession, why I started applying for law jobs again and finished law school. If studying law was something that I was passionate about and loved, and felt a tremendous amount of peace with, then that is where I do best in law school, or focusing on my academics. If not one respects your story, or anone who has read your story without authorization as to the causes for your suicide attempt (2009) then that’s them studying you without your permission, before publishing your book. So something not mentioned was mentioned and a column put in my book with a graph paper, my first self-published book. Don’t blame me for Aurora, don’t blame me for school shootings, don’t blame me for being Jewish, don’t blame me for reporting to the US Supreme Court, don’t blame me for calling the Boulder DA, the Oklahoma DA, and the Texas DA, just recently OK and TX. It has gotten out of hand, there is not such thing as a cover up, I don’t have an attorney to talk to about my issues, or the voices I get, I only have a therapist to talk to, and I became a member of Brady, out of the goodness of my heart, because I wanted to put my good name to good use, and that was my choice. What causes death? When people fall ill due to addiction, and drugs, that hurts everyone, that’s also not the cause for more death or more sickness, even if you think the same way as they do, even if you understand their story, even if you empathize with their families, even if you know more than the general public knows about specific people, their motivations, causes for support, and social associations in life. You cannot blame someone for a dress the wore in Las Vegas (2008) by the Olsen Twins, or the only black heels available at Saks, Christian Louboutin. If its an epidemic, then its not for study for why it occurs or how it occurs, that’s the bottom line, and you don’t blame peoples identities, associations, distant relationships, connections, knowledge of identities, or reputation, as the problem, or the cause for anyone elses manifestation of hate and violence in life, don’t situate someone who is educated, performed well in school, makes friends easily, does not have a hard time finding a date, or dating in general, who lives alone, and studies, and runs everyday, trying to stay fit, its my face and my body, and if I am proud of myself, then that’s why I only took less than 10 pictures the entire time. When someone puts you down in life, that’s to blame you for things they have not said, without telling you, and thinking that that will not affect you, even if held by people you don’t know and opinion of you you cant hear, its an energy, of distrust, and that distrust eventually adds up to action, and those actions are then taken from someone who carries a negative judgement within them, and that energy carries over to people around them, why its important not to get rallied up or intense about people in life, what people think, or even waste time and energy persuading others or even yourself, that what you are feeling is real in a negative way or in turn be made to accuse anyone else of being the provider of that instability and energy that is causing you torment, or not to feel like yourself confident. So that’s an uneven exchange in life, usually resulting from a lack of clarity, and so long as you remain in that condition, it can get worse, the less you are able to say, and the more fear is instilled upon you, to disclose everything that feels like that feeling, to see if you have done anything wrong, if you have ever been scared, if you have ever felt disempowered, if you have ever felt used, if you have ever failed, if you have ever struggled, if you have ever needed help, if you have ever been not believed, or if you have ever been a source of shame or embarrassment to anyone, at whatever level of intelligence you arrived to or didn’t arrive to, and based upon what you have said past not a good enough try at presenting the best version of yourself.
#trust #stopschoolshootings #mentalhealth #heros #influencers #feelings #negativejudgments
(Issue): With being too feminine online, not trying too hard in that department. Me at Age 34, not to worry, Im pretty sure they're not attracted to me, like their age group, probably a brother online. #humor was requested and liked by one Instagram post, and if I fail in that department to keep things light, then its me responsible for my condition, my outlook, my sharing, my faith, my discipline, my job, provide more answers and solutions for coping than get stuck oversharing whatever difficulties I may have ever faced: got a job!
I understand that presently there is a school #stopsuicide issue, all that I can say based on my experiences, a condition that you cannot change on your own requires meds and therapy to say out loud whats bothering you, what you are having difficulty comprehending, what you are unhappy about, what scares you, what is making you said, what youre paranoid about, what you feel pressure about, what you cant change, what you need help with, who you believe in, whats hurting your comprehension of issues, and get help: call 911, I talk to them about everything scary, thats to make sure that I am not stuck thinking in the wrong about myself or anyone for that matter, make sure that my condition is reported, so that I can be assessed or treated such as going to the ER to talk, and speak to UCLA's hospital who currently represents students and patients with mental health issues, so that they can continue on in life, in private, with treatment, such as I have been treated after staying in the hospital, attending two IOPs for thought disorders, if you dont have the basics down, then its really hard to recognize when its your thinking hurting you, and thats the difficutly with getting help if you are ever being defiant, in addiction, dont listen to others, dont value how far youve come, and all the life you have left to live. Parents will always be in a rush, and the elderly will always be short tempered and give up on you quickly, the moment you become unstable, you may not be able to control if people are nice to you or supportive of you, and unless you have done something wrong, no should should ever be made to feel ashamed, and alone time, lack of socialization, or cares in the world, if people are alive and doing well, then thats the best that the well can do, everyone is feeling sidetracked at this moment in time. My best suggestion would be to attend a youth AA group, to discuss addictions if present, such as social media, eating disorders, negativity, rebellion, conspiracy, attitude, challenges, its the best place to talk you dont have to have alcoholism or addiction, or special stories to officially fit in exactly, self-harm is an issue they are supportive of stopping, and blogging etc. And its a great place to practice speaking and being supportive of others, especially in your age group, be prepared in advance, for how to take care of anyone struggling.
(RIP) #stopsuicide, the son who got into "14 schools" to play football. (I was able to finish 3/4 of law school without antipsychotics, its a difficult condition to report, if you are not willing to take meds or be hospitalized and its not a permanent condition, it can be caused by any number of upsets, losses, breakups, and misunderstandings about life, not everyones life is difficult, most people have people to support them, friends and family, I was actually on the verge of being kicked out of my house, and got a job instead, everyone was fed up with me blogging, because I was not earning an income, and everyone got sick, because of photos posted online, by an older gentlemen, who did not respect my story, my recovery, my progress, the fact I graduated from law school, or dont date, not married, no kids, not an attorney, with a 10 year gap in my resume, since the last time I worked continuously for a year. The disappointment, is coming from something that cannot be changed, if you have been hurt, if you have been misidentified, and I think that was the purposes for defaming me, so that no one would feel sorry for me, so that everyone would be hard on me, so that I become a source of pain not inspiration, until I am not present in the solution, so that I dont look grateful, or I look unhappy, or I look spoiled, or I look better off, or I look like life is easy, or that wellness comes from money or education or any system of reporting, I think anything inappropriate shown online, causes harm to me, and ruins relationships and rapport with a new audience, who cannot handle any disappointment at this time, who was hoping everyone would keep improving, I think at 35, if its something I can change about myself then do so, but singing, dancing, or going back to school to get another masters, or working another job from internships.com, will not allow for anyone to think highly of me, or allow the dust to settle, criticism wise, I think the competition for insight is very assertive without explanation, and as result things can either appear in one of two ways, doing the community a service pointing out a person to be disrespected or not valued, or to respect someones privacy, and not making things about their mental health, communicate to the entire world, that everyone sees a person in this way, before anyone has become a public figure known to all, or ever having been known in a way, that discomfort be caused by being told anything different of them or about them in life. The meds I just learned cause face dysmorphia, so I may need to stop one med, in place of two others meds, and switched to adderrall, because on vyvanse I was too lacksidasical, in bed all day for the majority of 8 years unless working in a job, or shopping trying to get going again, thats what the meds do if prescribed, they dont allow you to feel good feel up, and moving is difficult to begin with, you learn how to run, without feeling up for it, and it causes you to lose your bounce in your run, you end up running closer to the ground, because the meds cause dizziness, thats if your energy gets deemed to be combative, if people know what meds youre on, then they dont care what light or switch flips, or whether you will return to being the person you were at ease, before aggravated, to someone who does not like you does not trust you, it becomes entertainment for them to see you self-harm, or become unstable, so even if its a concern, unless you are fighting with anyone about anything specific brought before a court, the thats people being street with you, who dont follow rules, who are not proper, who dont speak professionally, who easily ignore, or part ways with anyone who knows their important but no one else seeks to validate them as being important in life, because they treat people who seem confident, as small, and its not until you start processing what does not make sense, then your head hurts, and sometimes thats why people say things that you dont understand, to see if you physically can tell if you've been insulted, and thats how you get tested in life, whether you have a big head, can you be manipulated, are you present, doing well, and thats what makes it hard to date or to excel in sports or academics, so its important not to tell anyone what meds youre on, if you have ever been hospitalized, if you ever drank or tried drugs, or who you have ever hooked up with, all of which will be used to judge you, on the basis of whether you are possessive, temperamental, competitive, flirtatious, too social, inviting, not in a good place, or not professional. I think if you later become known, people generally feel good around you, and you stay the same, dont get any feel good feelings from anyone who is quicker, sharper, more energetic, or well spoken than you, is a tell tale sign that your mental health issues have been triggered, and that too much communication is not helping you but hurting you in life, so that was my mistake, to be loving, when I was well, to someone random, who later treated me as though I needed help, or negative publicity, or thought that I thought I was better than others. Im not a socialite, I was popular in high school, and college, and law school. And get bipolar dating, and when you have bipolar symptoms, they dont talk to you, you dont see them, they dont have time or compassion for you, and thats just someone who doesnt understand why you are not well, and is also not responsible for keeping you well, and assumes that its because of something you've done wrong. #understanding #theissue #athletes #schooling #applications #waitingperiods #underassessment #pressure #yourfuture #bipolar
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