If self-help means able to help oneself, then lets try no messenger and no Instagram for a month, no photos, and no videos, and see how I do, if that means that everyone is right, then I should not be afforded those privileges in life, and in the event of an emergency, can call the police or 911, or go to the hospital in the event that Im not feeling well without actual support, or talking to anyone. If writing is to help prevent suicide, and if suicide occurs, then by whos thinking is suicide occurring my own, or the thinking of others, and who is then right. There will be many reasons for you to be so empassioned, to try to help others, lets hope that none of those reason are selfish. To not involve anyone, would be the goal, I don’t think that moving forward in life is going to make any difference with regards to voices, or ongoing mental health issues, that is what I have to deal with for the rest of my life, and its painful. So if now Im hurt, by what is said, or by the voices I get then does that mean to reinforce voices, allow others to let go, or does that mean that I have to let go, and where to go from here. I think I did my best to help everyone, I don’t think that that time is now. I just deleted my messenger and Instagram apps, and am now in pain, first following taking another med made to feel okay, then got voices, and the silence that follows, is for what? Im not someone to take an opportunity in silence to speak my mind, not if its not going to help, and if I seem mentally disturbed, and criticized for it, then Im not going to try harder in life, for whom? Who are you working for and who are you improving for, lets make that not clear and not talk to anyone, continue to run everyday and write, and let everyone win, at whatever battle they are having internally, if not the same as my own internal struggles, not be blamed for not helping anyone to move forward in life or to appreciate everyone no matter what everyone has gone through, a competition of what the definition of a struggle is does help to lend insight in a positive way to me or anyone who was made to suffer for no reason, and if its now that’s different than anytime it has been, then who is overreacting and on the basis of what pains in life, is there to be any further understanding of the issues. I think having nothing is the solution, no money, no job, no friends, no companions, and keep one thing in life a blog, even if that does not better anyone, or help them to see me in a better light, that’s obviously no the solution for me to do well in life, so I can accept living a lesser life, I don’t think the goal was ever to be famous, bigger or better than anyone else, that’s usually the hand that someone else plays in life, trying to be spokesperson to the issues, that I have faced, anyone who is not me is obviously doing better, and as hurtful as it is to write this post, Im sorry if this is not the solution, if this does not help, if this does not fix my life, and if this blog does not better your outlook, or explain what you are going through looking at me, what acceptances are sought, are obviously not needed at a time like this, is when you leave everyone alone, this is why Instagram is not the solution, photos, or videos, no one cares what you were like, if you have changed they always want to know why, even if everything past was viewed in the positive. I don’t think having mental health issues is advantageous to my health, for people to get close to me, mess with my head, watch me self-harm, then call me psychotic or mentally ill, you know what I don’t need you either, I don’t need your help, I don’t need your love, and I don’t need your understanding. Now this demonstrates unhappiness, not positive, has poor outlook thinks this is not doing well can move forward is hurt by voices voices that don’t exist in reality, this is a waste of time, shes not doing well, shes not improved, or for what award, I think 17 million readers and ranked 14,000 in the Country on Alexa deserves an award, but I don’t think based on my goals in life, has anyone ever been pleased with me who ever thought I did anyone wrong. -Since things are not working = talk to no one, be alone.
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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