(I) After attending a Laker Game, and seeing Ari Emanuel in person, that was my first introduction to his name, and to his face. I had heard of his name through a popular television show “Entourage” Ive seen only a couple episodes of. He was wearing a vest, and sweatpants, in navy blue, seating next to a friend, who then mouthed something to me, from across the court, someone who looked like they were from the show Jersey Shore, a man, had a purse at his feet, maybe a real Birkin. During halftime, I stayed, and he walked over to greet Jeanie Buss, who sits in front of us, behind the courtside seats. Behind the family who owns LA Gear, they were Windward Students, and had floor seats for several years, I attended almost every Laker Game 2008, and saved all my Free Taco Tickets, in my Business Cards album. That was before her Mother passed away, and before we lost Kobe Bryant in a helicopter crash. I met Ari Emanuel November 2019, on Messenger, and sent him updates, had just started distributing my blog on blopros July 2019, and started getting likes that showed up in my Facebook button, and when I was getting 200 Likes per post, the Likes stopped showing up, I had been blocked from posting links on Facebook, due to a “Community Standards” violation, I was not made aware of. This is why you have to be careful what you say, no matter what amount of pressures you are under, no matter who has passed, to always respond with etiquette, by what you know, not go by what you have been told, following their passing, that’s insight shared from another, that later does not reflect the care and attention paid following those losses, to support my Siblings, while in Law School 2010, I took Criminal Law and got two As on both essays, and was #3 in my Class to Start. It was all of my Brothers friends who called me to talk, and then to call my Brother to break the news to him, he had been suffering for some time, and once recommended that he go back to school and to take his meds, I did not believe in at the time, I had a WLAC Course Guide in my car, because I wanted to finish my Paralegal Certificate too, to start working, bumped into him twice before he passed, once outside the Beverly Center on his way to Sushi Roku, and once at Qs he was eating alone in a booth. I used to pick him up in Boulder when he needed a ride, and gave my bong to him, when I moved into the dorms, because I could not keep it there, and quit smoking weed 2003. In a spur of the moment response, to the fact that his Mother did not invite any of his friends to his Funeral, made a Page on Facebook, my first Page, and they all responded, and shared stories and photos, and participated on Facebook, I got his birth date or a year wrong, and my Brother corrected me, it was then I started to have paranoia, managing a page online, and instead printed all the photos and posts, and made an album for his Mother instead, to keep as a reminder of him, in case she didn’t think his friends cared they did. So when Major visited me for coffee 2017, and told me that he had been doing drugs before he passed away, I was in disbelief, because I knew he suffered from “Schizophrenia” and my Sister’s friend suffered from “Depression, took Wellbutrin” who I was told had difficulties in her relationship with her Father. I last saw her picking her and my sister up from a Club in Hollywood the designated driver, and we ate at Ketchup afterward at The Roosevelt Hotel, and when she bumped into me at CVS, paid me back for dinner, I didn’t ask for money, she was always very sweet and energetic the two of them hyper together, putting in her hair extension clip ins, in the bathroom, and had photos in my computer of them I think at one point. I saw her older sister who attended school with my BFF, at my BFF “guy’s” house, she is friends with his Wife, the last dinner I attended at his house before they got married, and was not flown to his wedding because I was up all night running, and was not keeping a fixed schedule working, but had lost 50lbs. I saw them last in DC, after having visited, I was supposed to work in DC Summer 2011, got a job at DC Law Students in court, and with a job already accepted, I then received a call from Bazelon, who I did not disclose acceptance to, they were my first choice, “mental health law” since I had been hospitalized once before beginning Law School February 2009. In responding to one of the questions, I mentioned why I was interested in the Clerkship, because two family friends had passed away, and explained that to me it was a problem, and that something should be done, in order to prevent these types of losses, without knowing why, or understanding how possible. This was Fall 2010, I interviewed for jobs Summer 2011, Two Semesters in advance, I had just started dating a New Boyfriend October 2010, after we met Summer 2010, working for Children’s Law Center, I worked as a Law Clerk to Two Attorneys, and was very busy working at both office locations, and in court every morning taking notes. We did not meet until lunch one day, sat with a few co-workers, they were talking about something and by the end of the conversation, mentioned that I was half-asian, and he goes “why didn’t you say anything” exclaimed that to me, I was the only one not smiling, I didn’t understand the joke. Eventually he asked to smoke with me, eventually gave him a ride one day to the Courthouse, he did not have a car, he took the train everyday with another Law Student from Yeshiva, who mid conversation, said “Oh I share my notes with everyone,” and I didn’t that that was a good idea, but since she went to a better Law School than me, eventually shared whatever notes I had left in my computer, we met in the beginning of the Clerkship she was making “two hot pockets” in the microwave. And was told she encouraged Aaron to date me, go for it, I was hesitant to start, he was very shy, and eventually we went on our first date to the only bar restaurant in the area, and there was salsa dancing one night, and we danced, and he laughed. He was very shy, and awkward, he’s tall, was a wrestler in High School, when I took him to a Wine Bar, everyone was bumping into him, he had to lift his arms so they could get by, was not comfortable there, so we left, that was October, that’s when we first hooked up. When I went backpacking in August in Portugal, I was invited by my Best Friend, who took me, who travels a lot, I didn’t pass up the opportunity, and we were going to meet somewhere else, but then he chose Portugal last minute, and reserved a hotel room to meet at a Marriot, we never ended up staying at Hostels, I just found hotels and paid. He read a book the entire time about the US Supreme Court, we didn’t really talk, he was always on his phone. We are comfortable with eachother, he always laughs at all my jokes, who has always been very positive toward me, and am sad, that I could not stay well, to continue my friendships with everyone, be apart of, and took a different course in life, working in internships and writing online. If you don’t know how to help ask, and if you can help do so, but if you get in trouble, that’s your own fault in life, how a good deed, quickly got misunderstood to be for bad reasons attended a US Supreme Court hearing 2013 January, that was not not anything, and starting somewhere, and have not stopped writing since. So when I say Ive come a long way, I feel like I have, and while I have tried to stay in positive spirits and not try to take on many responsibilities in life, when I was well and able took jobs, and during the interim kept busy working from home, managing my own life, records, and files. If I couldn’t work in a Law Office, then that’s why I bought plastic filing cabinets, and used my high speed printer, and made folders for myself, and at least practiced skills, so in the event I was ever given a job, at least practiced managing my own life first, before stepping into anothers life and office. There is reporting and there is having fun, and you cannot mis the two, when it comes to talking in private, and if you ever stop and think and things seem serious in your mind, respect the lives of others, and not share those deductions or fears out loud, life is meant to be lived with normal conversations shared, talking about approved content, not stuff you think or fear, those worries become turn offs, and no one ever clarifies to you, whats going wrong in your life until you figure out things for yourself. And that’s instability, when you ever get lost and question others, is how friendships fade, and if you go public, is how you get ignored, and if you are being fun or entertaining others sharing your mind, then you look stupid. And by the time you arrive back to normal, everyone already knows what they know, while you suffered for 8 years just trying to get a solid head on your shoulders again confident, not following anyones lead in life, not being bothered by any comments, and without worry for anyone trying to cue you into things, and cause you to believe that others think differently of you. That’s laying low, figuring things out for yourself in life, without contributing to any chaos. I think that losses cause you to reflect, and that’s a normal reaction, and sometimes we ask for help and want to know why, and that’s something no one can explain to you, and always based on what your doing with your life, get viewed as the person known: and that’s whats being decided without my advisement, and why Im hearing voices, as though I was not positive enough or successful enough, as though my identity was hard to accept, as though I presented myself to the world in an offensive way sharing all the photos I had and took along the way, and whether anyone cared to understand my issues, or thought I was just looking for attentions in life. Well if no one talks to me, and if everyone is always busy, and if I have to be the one to maintain all my relationships in life, then eventually I get tired, and just maintain contact on a yearly basis with Friends who have known me my whole life. So that’s the burden that was suffered, how to blend in with the successful without interfering in their progress as a unit, and not to be someone they blame, as having contributed to any false understandings of the value of a human life, the preciousness of time, and the importance of being honest, and continuing to move forward in life, its that understanding of life known, that is what is not explained to you in life, how everything is connected, at best you are always responsible for your own connections in life, to make them proud, to work hard, and be a positive influence to others. So its doesn’t matter if all my photo albums are gone, all my yearbooks are gone, it doesn’t matter if I don’t have everything important to me, and things went missing, I never thought twice about it, or looked that hard for things in life, but its when things go missing, that you should say to yourself, do I deserve this, and when it starts to matter, that’s when your life is in danger, or being misunderstood as a cause for bad luck, and that’s how you eventually get mistreated to be someone more difficult or complicated than you are, simply because you are on meds, you are not well adjusted to in life, not feeling as smart, not easy to move around, in bed all day, and all you had time for was running and writing from your bed, or working dressed to the nines. Those were my only two modes. Be sure to speak of yourself in the positive, if you don’t present everything in the positive, that’s when people assume you have always been this way, no its not until later in life you get smart, and that occurs through education, not by luck, by choices and focus, and by doing the right thing, without the necessity for politicking or being social, I later found out, that only makes you appear to be more powerful than you are, as though you have always been this mature or bright your entire life, when it comes to the philosophy of public health, happenings, dating, love, relationships, friendships, academics, we all blossom at our own paces in life, and if you don’t work hard, then things don’t happen for you in life, and you don’t get jobs, not strong enough, not smart enough, not bright enough, not energetic enough, too many snafus in your past, and that’s what east at you little mistakes in lfie, you beat yourself over in for in life. By the time you regain control over your own thoughts, don’t be sad about the years lost, not applying for jobs, you can only do what you set you mind and heart to in life, and if working doesn’t feel right, and if you have already worked, and know what types of jobs you want in life, then its okay to stay home, and work from home, and make a job for yourself, and create a life for yourself, without interfering with the lives and progress of others, not be an embarrassment, not cause trouble, not being defensive, not being accusatory, and keep thinking, when one door closes another one opens. That’s how I live life, I never look back, not until AA, if you don’t recognize your problems, you wont think about your life, in a negative way, that’s when your functioning, an the minute you get made to feel ashamed of yourself, that’s when you stop functioning all together and getting good grades. That was the difference between having a career and working in DC, to being sent to Rehab because she would not prescribe me 3 adderrall, and was taken off all meds, then finishing my Paralegal Certificate and working in Marketing, then getting two jobs Summer 2012 one in Criminal Law Defense, and one at VWAP DA’s Office in Compton, that was August 2012 I got screamed at by those who have known me my whole life who didn’t understand what was wrong with me, maybe too focused and intense, and withdrawn quiet. Life isn’t a secret, never be ashamed about your worries in life, and its always okay to ask questions along the way, not keep everything to yourself. The main lesson is, the stronger you appear, and the more successful you become, the more others think that they are entitled to attack you, the more is wanted from you, the more is demanded from you, and the more you get made to feel like the work you have done thus far is not good enough, and that’s how someone of value, gets devalued in public, stands out, thinks no one is watching, then hurts me while everyone is watching, just to get a reaction from a crowd of people, and witness changes to my stats, I went up anyways, that’s the difference between giving up and losing in life to hate, or not contributing to questioning of you, as though you’ve not been reliable for 8 years helping everyone to the best of your ability, not trip out, and give up in life, and not put anyone in harms way, that’s being overprotective, not telling my family about what I think, and figuring out life for myself, on my own, without help from anyone, figure out my own self-worth.
(II) I contacted this person on messenger a "Donald Trump Account" I have spoken previously to an account circa 2017 after leaving an AA meeting, someone to talk to, who responded, then went to another account, thats two accounts I spoke to and received replies from, then I started work Fall 2018, and my phone was taken away during work, and missed text messages, and eventually the relationship ended, he left. Then February 2020, I remembered I had a pen pal, and tried to look for him, but could not find him, and texted a few accounts, and this one account responded under a different name "Real Donald Trump Tweets" I usually send photos for them to choose whether to talk to me or not, because if they are not attracted to me, or dont like me, then probably would not talk to me and reply. We maintained positive rapport, until March, when I texted a "Joaquin Phoenix" account to fan mail him, following his success, just in case he ever wondered about a poster taken down by me, whether that was relevant to their decision to make a movie featuring just the Joker, after I made "Batman 5" jokes online, Im sure that may have sounded insensitive to blame a Movie for being the cause for the loss of their Star Actor before Aurora, since I went to school in Colorado, I made a choice to submit a preliminary research proposal to CU Boulder's HRC, which based on my request, they could not approve, I have gotten approval from them in the past as an Undergrad, so they were the first organization I contacted, if I were to study crime at all, or its effects on society, and changes that we have undergone overtime, not typed, handwritten, not professionally submitted in a rush, this was living at 158 Anita. So to me it a meaningful interaction, then heard his story, and found out who his Brother was, and what he went through, after we talked. I used to be taken to The Viper Room to drink with my then Ex Boyfriend, a couple times, and then moved to West Hollywood, to be closer to his work location, to be more convenient to see me, while a Paralegal working for the LA City Attorney's Office. Because I paused to talk to others, he got upset, then eventually turned on me, asking for nude photos then posting them online, after I got robbed $7000 from a Leonardo Dicaprio Account, and Identity Theft from another Joaquin Phoenix Account who then texted me by phone asking for personal information, to make accounts for me, and move money through my accounts, to send to others, using my identity, and then making me do things for him, I did not make any money through that interaction, but I lost money in another interaction, where money was taken from me, belonging to me and my Charles Schwab account, as down payment to meet Leonardo Dicaprio.
(III) Im sorry, I am doing my best, and I always do my best even when necessary to prove myself wrong in life, and not allow others to treat me like Ive not done good work, to help others, reporting to others, calling the courts, and not waiting until something bad happens to get help, that’s being prepared in life or anything, and then there are some losses you cannot prepare yourself for, and that’s working hard and not making any money, that’s blogging. Im sorry if my life is too intense to have business associations, have friends, or date, I understand I have an intense life.
Originally Posted 10-30-2o