11-29-20
Everything bad happened to my computer working on #thelot the power was shut down twice, the entire lot lights out, and for everything I reacted to I never once assumed anyone would be in my computer communicating to me that’s unwanted video of my boss popping up deleted, my Instagram account deleted with record of photo’d sent, and communications private and phone directory. Seems to be that I am tested in professional settings to see what I go along with, how assertive I am, whether because I got in trouble, not assertive enough, and/or allow things to happen without the authority to protect anyone from harm, I was never in a phase of being overpowered or outnumbered in life, if you want to look at life that way, then your not being mindful, of everyone elses lives, who need to focus on themselves, why forgiveness is needed, when there is an argument, and when a later period of friendliness occurs, that means drop it, but it also doesn’t mean that if you get questioned your not to bring up what happened to you personally, that’s really no ones business to keep track of how many times hurt, and when, and obviously after suit, makes me no better contender for peace, I can understand seeing me in that way, no power, works and gets power, is not herself, a by product of another person personality, no there is power in who is observing who, and if both my mom and I can be controlled, to believe in something being a good thing, then we both get made to look stupid, not because of who we are, but because of how things look if anyone complains about a new connection trying to reach out and help get Leslie going again in life, which Im sure was a project for everyone, lets hide money under our mattresses, and save up for nothing, Im just kidding. Cool it. So at the job previously paid, I skipped a paid position, to intern in film because I love film, Im not paying close enough attention to have understood whether or not I fit in exactly, or the chunk of human being, that makes them look mean, Im not that harmless, Im sure he made a billion dollars, because one of my jokes was about the causes for illness, not to blame an addict who suffered on set, and for whatever was occurring elsewhere be to blame, including my identity, as ruining anyones game in life, and even if he was bringing to life a poster I took down, how does turning in the pieces to the FBI equate to a harm he suffered upon addressing an issue of racism, and me being the whoever person that doesn’t get it, frustrating the other, I haven’t worked long enough to understand why you need to stay well, because no one in a rush gets jobs, no ones blind, is fun, no one emotional is trusted, no one who doesn’t listen is believed, no one who isn’t social is deemed to still have social skills just on a break, you cant stop doing things in life to do better in something else in life, that’s not the solution, drink a diet coke, don’t ride that sober magic carpet anywhere in life like your headed anywhere without friends, that’s the quickest step down in life you could ever set yourself up for, you actually become less mature, and harder to deal with, I promise I was never a human being mentally ill, and knowing I was ever famous, ever intending to ever be a personality, that once combined with the expressions of another, was viewed to have made anyone else work look bad, whats thoughtless is talking about why people got sick, and why everyone is sick now like its anyones fault, listen you make important who you choose to be important in your life, no politics about it, and if someone is not worth you time and energy, then don’t even visit a subject that’s upsetting you just call the police, and report your mental health issues, its not a game about prosecuting people for things you cannot prove, I don’t think that was done to me, but I fear like all of those little things add up, and people simply don’t want to be on the wrong teams in life, they’ve come so far, to be judged any differently, connected to anyone not worthy of being known yet, and not for going to school, do something, I will audition, I can still take golf lessons, Im sorry I skipped Lakers Games too, and Im sorry I worked on a hotline, I see my focus points, caused me to make the wrong choices, really stupid reasons, especially since you were in the ocean with OJ in a donut tube, exactly, I F’d up Im sorry Kobe, and to the Farmers Insurance son with the Kobe poster over his desk, Im sorry for your loss, and the fact you had me make an excel spreadsheet of gun and knife dealers, and then I was hospitalized for 30 days and had to sign a form about not touching any firearms, etc, so excel must have been the reason, next time you don’t tell them your beliefs or cares, is how you will get made out to be a fraud, maybe why Brady protested outside, their downtown office, its okay, I shouldn’t tell Brady anything just send books, Im sorry guys, they’ll be fine, no big deal.
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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