While you can convince yourself, that you have time, time will always be of the essence when it comes to bettering yourself, and as for relationships making time to bond with those you admire, some of those moments pass us by, many opportunities lost, when we shy away from what interests us in life, and stay in our heads about the world, more happens when you open up, and if you care about others, and want to make a positive difference in the world, then start getting to know your surroundings, the more you try on your own to figure out the world, it seems as though the less the world understands you, don’t come across as foreign upon re-entering society as a new person, what have you accomplished? There is a such thing as waiting too long, but its better to have finished law school, than to have never started in the first place, I was referencing earlier, not bonding with the US Supreme Court, who Ive been pen paling since 2013, but neglected to check in often with Justice Roberts, who I think I made eye contact with in court, but not sure if he saw me, crying at the end of the session. He had to have noticed me, semi-flirtatious walking out of the courtroom to take a break, leaving my turquoise wooden chair, I was seated at, by the bailiff, kitty corner to Justice Sotomayor, who at one point lifted her head when I looked at her, I was writing, and taking notes the whole time, before going into a full-fledged bipolar note-a-long jotting my law school experience down in sections with arrows, to complete a sentence, trying to keep up with the pace of the court, and taking notes based upon the statements made by the Justices, one shouted, at one point, before I took a break, the other with his head down on his hand, upon walking in, that must have been after my break, because I saw him, Justice Roberts. Upon any coming of age ceremony, being introduced to world, can take its toll on public acceptances of you, I don’t think that micro-blogging on Twitter, in an episodic way, reporting my every recollection or memory of instances when things seemed off, helped, it actually made others awkward toward me, a usually stable person, noted as “stoic,” and “placid” during my childhood years, the friend that everyone talks to “even-tempered” but eventually paranoia sets in, anytime paranoia sets in its usually due to some addiction past, don’t blame your education on your lack of foresight in life, an inability to comprehend is simply just that, a comprehension issue, not necessarily meaning something wrong with anything anyone is doing or wrong with you, or how you have expressed yourself, you are only responsible for your own actions, not the actions of others. I was told in The Economist today, at Equinox, on the treadmill, that gun violence is an epidemic, a “man-made environmental hazard” [1] This is probably why upon leaving the court room, I felt like I wanted to do more, I wasn’t really thinking about, my best friend’s Dad being in jail, at the time, I was mostly concerned with what people thought about me attending Law School, in defense of my purposes for being there, as not to free someone who was convicted of a violent act with a gun, which later complicated volunteering for Moms Demand, and Brady Campaign, -my record gets expunged 2020, thankfully, looking forward to overcoming Bipolar, now attending an IOP, was just hospitalized for a 9th time. -My best friend’s Dad’s jersey once stood atop their stadium, he was their Alumni and Heisman Trophy winner, I grew up at his house, on every family vacation, including one to the Bahamas, we stayed at Atlantis, I once walked alone with him through the casino, to the bar, he was stopped and asked to sign autographs and take photos along the way, that was the usual response of people seeing him in public, unlike how he was responded to in the news, and on pogs at the time, his picture behind bars on a slammer. I don’t think that politicizing my position as a Law Student was beneficial to my health, taking a side against gun violence which at the time, combined with a pitched entertainment campaign, vague at the time, and posting flyers with “music” and my “website” made any sense connection wise, other than my sister-in-law who sang a song with Eminem, one of his co-stars died from the Movie: Clueless, in a famous Deposition scene, Cher was asked to highlight everytime she saw something, in the Simpson Depositions, there was only one deposition, with a blank space, that was my Mom’s Deposition, which after reading was highly embarrassed, and later attempted suicide 2009, after apply to the US Navy, wanting to enlist, not take any sides, be on everyones side. -I don’t think sharing these stories are relevant to my now, and not sure whether it makes a difference to share my life story, but at least we’re getting somewhere helpful, that’s always the end goal, a shared understanding, not one that sparks controversy, or leads to sides toward or against, nothing shocking too hard to accept, about the past, but I believe the past can be shared in a way, to which all can make amends and move forward, regardless of what anyone thinks, their condition now, accepted as well or not.
References: [1] https://www.economist.com/leaders/2019/08/08/america-is-the-only-rich-country-that-has-frequent-mass-shootings
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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