Its clear by this point in time, that the protests have moved beyond the issue, of the murder on film, of a #blacklivesmatter, representative of color, with a child, I presume, was successful enough in life, to have a child, care for that child, and provide for her and his family, mistaken as a suspect making use of a "counterfeit bill" at a local convenience store, where "Floyd had been a regular customer for about a year, and he never caused any issues."  "Floyd — who was born in North Carolina, lived most of his life in Houston and moved to Minneapolis in 2014."  According to reports, at the time of his arrest, "Lane asked Mr. Floyd if he was “on anything” and noted there was foam at the edges of his mouth. Lane explained that he was arresting Mr. Floyd for passing counterfeit currency." Although intitially, George Floyd's death was assumed to have been an arrest of a man deemed to be high, they also attributed his death to "preexisting cardiovascular disease “likely contributed to his death.”  I can relate, having been hospitalized 9 times, put on 5150 holds for 14 days, given no day meds, and left to sleep all day and all night, in whichever hospital I was put in, has made it increasingly more difficult for me to run and to work, leaving me in a scared position in life, physically fit, and now unable to run, and do much manual labor full time, for more than a few months of work, Im assuming this is the purpose for the justice system, to not only arrest, but to incapacitate and disable arrestees as punishment, a physical pain, to serve as a reminder not to engage in activities, amounting to that use of force an arrest, although our stories are different, I can relate to the physical disabiling affects of being arrested, put in jail, or imprisoned, there is a reason why people who go to jail do not shine, and cannot stay well among others, not only to they feel different, but they now look different as situated among the well, somewhat weaker, less confident, more scared, and less brave, it seems being brave is a life skill reserved only for those allowed to attack life full throttle, as though living life is a competition based upon physical wellness alone, coupled with a strong mental health foundation from which to beat the odds, once it has been made known, that you were arrested and for what, as though the circumstances can and will occur again and again, if the same behaviors are exuded in the process of defending ones own health condition, absent minded the conditions of others, which usually cannot benefit or make sound someone who is struggling in life, and who has lost their power, that is to live freely among others, as someone innocent without a record, and without negative judgment being passed by others concerning their demeanor and present condition, look like they are suspect presently or carrying guilts in life, that is the reason for what they present as scared or weak as compared to others. Thats just the justice system, you are either strong and getg along with everyone, and if you are deemed to be reckless, relapse, drink, or do drugs, or too social, and anyone rejects you from their place of establishment, viewing you as a threat to their mental health, as though your condition is contagious to their smarts, well then thats why they punish drug addicts and alcoholics, who while impaired, emit an energy that not only deteriorates the positive feelings of those around them, but can be felt, a discomfort, by anyone who thinks by the way they look or sound, that they pose a threat to the bravamente and boisterous and outspoken nature of those who are tough but innocent, not punished for speaking their mind, no matter who it offends, sensitive or not, known or unknown conditions of anyone. Why not to share your mental health status out loud, why not to do drugs, why not to drink, especially if you have been punished, chances are you are more likely to be rejected or thought less of and look suspect in any interactions where it can be proven you were the impaired participant to any communication with another, thus putting them at risk of harm, having listened or read from someone impaired, who suffers from mental health issues, that can be proven the fault of their own. I have been clean from cocaine since 2006, attended rehab 2007 in Boulder Colorado, and before Rehab started, was left behind at a bar talking to someone from the gym who used to hit on my Mom, who saw a hickie on my neck from an Ex "George Nelson" who I met when I was 18 years old, because I was talking non stop to him outside on the patio at "Busby's" and then my friends left, needed to take a cab home, and they insisted that they would give me a ride home, and instead took me to their house, him and his brother who was a DJ, I didnt want to hook up with him, thats not why I was talking to him, I was just being nice to someone who I knew from the gym and who knew my family. Similarly, at work, if youre not 100%, thats what happens, people make decisions for you, talk to everyone around you, and speak to you as though you are disabled, as though there is something wrong with you, its hard to be close to people after punishment, its really upsetting how dark it feels around yourself, though wise, when trying to regroup, and feel lifted again, post punishment, work, and get your confidence back, but thats just life, you cant win with them all, and some get left behind, not anyone fault, nor my own fault. So in lieu of not doing well when taking as prescribed, and after having lost 50lbs, running, its easier for people to get you to admit to things youre not doing, dont ever succumb to pressures in life, to sign or write anything that you are told to write, as though thats an excuse for your disability addiction, if you have no addiction, dating is not addiction, relapsing with a boyfriend is not addiction, doing drugs and drinking alone is addiction. So if youre on meds, and they think its because of an addiction, maybe its because they think youre "lying" if found outside your apartment, maybe no one thinks youve ever been raped, maybe they think youre stupid because you were a crisis hotline counselor then dated, maybe people think youre stupid for drinking alone, expecting a different result, as compared to when out with friends, and out alone under the influence, if you look like youre trying to live a safe life alone, and if it looks like you blamed others for your discomforts in life, then thats how you get treated, as though with expectation of being hit on when out alone, and not being coerced into hooking up with someone you are not attracted to, once people lose respect for you, then dont expect to earn it back at any later point in life, which is probably why everyone is hard on me, as though disappointments past didnt change me for the better, maybe not as social, and not able to stay in relationships for marriage, thats doesnt mean I dont deserve to work, and need to suffer graver hardships in life and disability, as a result of not being as socially strong as other people, work wise, determination wise, and health wise. It was recommended to me by an Attorney suing my Pen Pal Donald Trump, with a client listed in the Company I was working for, that caused me a "conflict of interest" not addiction, I was taking as prescribed, and in order to stay up until 8pm my Boss kept me at work, so I wouldnt keep going to sleep at 5pm, and only working part-time, maybe she just didint understand that I am someone who needs to pace themselves, that if thrusted into a fight, that can cause me burnt out, or leave me out of equations for wellness in life and a good life, you can take risks in life work wise, but never with your health, its okay to bow out, and if you did attend "Keep Families Together" without understanding it was a joke on you, and left when darkness filled the sky, and a riot entered the well lit public space being filmed, then you dont understand earths connection to humans, that when illness passes through any given population, earth can tell, and thats how a darkness occurs in the sky, be aware.
Originally posted 07/03/20.