Theres nothing funny about trying hard in life, or trying to stay well, know your limits in life, it shouldn’t matter to anyone, exactly for how long you plan on being strong for, exactly when you get sick, why you ever feel sick, what has caused you sickness, and what will make you sick now, who is supposed to know that much about themselves anyways. I think its important for others to know how capable you are, how smart you are, and its always to the benefit of others that you are honest, lifes not a team sport, unless everyone has tried to coordinate your care to help you, if you don’t seem there, or not like yourself, that’s not your fault, that’s not anyones fault, try to stay on a schedule, staying up and thinking about life, alone time, is not an acceptable form of recovery, when no one knows where you are, no one knows what your doing, or why you are alone at night, and it doesn’t matter what your doing thinking, writing, working, it means stay home, its not normal to function or be high functioning alone, that looks like your not doing anything important with your life, means work on your computer, whatever is keeping you busy, may keep you going in life but there has got to be a more professional way of writing a book, we understand your need for control, but if you were robbed then everything you were working on if not backed up is in the phone, that you no longer have, so yes if in your possession means you know where something of value is at all times, but that’s not the smartest solution, to managing your work, a computer is just as efficient, left at home, always back up everything important to you, especially when it matters, and if you don’t know whats important to you, preserve what you have managed to save and its okay to put the rest in storage, that’s not a job that’s busy work, and it may be of value to you, but unless you are well, looks like a lot of paper, and you don’t need to print everything, that’s not perfecting your work skills, so I was never completely doing nothing in life, and I have some experiencing saving whats important to me in the event of a loss, keep track of what I am working on, and how to remember what it is Im working on, why my Instagram looks fun, and was assembled in many squares at a time, and no that wasn’t me being intense, that was sharing in a fun way, and sharing in a more intense way now, doesn’t make me sound smarter, and when talking cannot fix your problems that means see a doctor, everyone goes through their own circus of emotions, and usually if you say the right things or think the right things if things can be made to feel better, and if talking in writing is not making you feel good, that’s you body telling you that you don’t feel like writing, so talking yourself through your problems is okay for the iterim its not in a state of nervousness, its like having a conversation with someone you know, and actually being in sync with what they are saying, sometimes if you don’t appear to be a happy person, then no one wants to make you feel bad, about what you don’t understand in life, that will always be the part of you longing to be in sync with others, that’s people who are doing well in life, you see them you know them, but you would never talk about your problems with them, like any gathering only speak in the positive about self and others, work is work, talk about something that is normal, no one wants to know about how you got hurt and made to look stupid, not everyone knows you to be someone who is stupid, if everyone thought you were professional doing your best no one cares if you aren’t making any money, or aren’t social right now, capable of making friends in public out alone, that’s going from feeling good to not feeling good, everyone is different, so you will be affected by a lot of things in life, but if you don’t feel good, whatever you do don’t disappoint others, always be nice, and never take anyones humor to heart, its about them not feeling good, and nothing to do with how you are, you are not the piece of them missing, sometimes we perfect others or ourselves, but its not the solution for understanding wellness and how to help people go by what they look like or sound like, I look like Im lost, or haven’t been hurt, I have a lot to say wrote many posts this year and submitted a copyright, so always assume that people have a lot going on, and even if its unnecessary to share, at least you let them know that you do think things through, you are aware of how others are feeling, you recognize when you don’t look well, and you get that others may view you to have problems intellectually or behavioral health wise, and not see you as a victim, that’s some being strong, that not them being mean, that them knowing better, and you being aloof, which is a tell tale sign, of not being prepared in life if you are not already happy exactly just the way you are, those are your neighbors, they have been through life so many times, that they never waste a minute worrying unless you let them down, then you are responsible for making sure to stay on good terms with people who never had a problem with you, who may later come to resent you, seeing you as not helping a situation, ro being the cause for any disillusionment faced by whoever has lived in your home before you, so that’s not the sober living home across the street, that’s your inability to make eye contact, stay put, be stable, and so long as you don’t have life figured out, no one can help you, and the more friends you have in life, the more promiscuous you seem, that’s not a normal life, you don’t need hugs, you deserve better, you are not a bad person, they are not pretending to be bad with you, b ut if you talk about your experiences with someone you love, who has a job, trust them when they suggest that you go to a seminar for career development, that to help you improve yourself, so that you can work, that’s working and them being proud, and when you are not working, wanting you to “think bigger,” you didn’t need to buy a bunch of books, that encouraging you to be more centered, thatw as someone who wanted to live with me who I was comfortable with you wanted to rent my home with his brother, but because no one knew him, and didn’t know he was a really nice guy, thought that he wasn’t worth it, he actually loves me, and didn’t give me any adderral for my work assignment in the valley with an attorney who messaged me on Linkedin, the job everyone wasn’t sure if I actually worked, he wanted me to work on a case I didn’t know enough about divorce, and assets, etc to write a motion, usually I was given an assignment, I would have to research, and write a professional motion with no prior experience putting together something in writing for review and payment hourly, I wanted a challenging job, I don’t know why I was so scattered, he supervises a professional paralegal who fills out forms for clients, I actually don’t know how to fill out forms, but I always report if something is not working out and if I get sick, so that the person who loved me is not affected by my issues, that not suing someone, that’s separating and letting the courts know that you should not be together, because I relapsed, or I got sick, and Im getting attacked like Im having sex with random people, and not well enough to be loving toward someone who doesn’t have a problem with me, and actually has friends, I wanted to date someone normal, but I guess I am not strong enough to be social, mingle, drink, or relapse, that’s exactly how you go from smart to not smart, totally unnecessary, and that burst of energy talking is you losing an ability in life you don’t recognize you have which is not made to be stronger or better by what you have asked for, why not to relapse, if youre feeling good means that you don’t need anything to feel good, so that was my mistake, you always need your brain, that’s what people like about you is that your talkative and have nice things to say about life, you are never that bad, and life is never that difficult, that being less smart will make anything better for you in the long run, that affects all trusts, and capabilities in life so don’t go on punishing yourself, just be honest, or go to the hospital, that’s hitting on you 5 times before you know he likes you and ready to like someone back again, and by then its too late, things get worse on your own, not better, when you don’t pay attention to everyone when everything is okay, that’s being viewed as too serious, in life, and no one wants to see that in public, everyone is smart, and no one writes that much, take you headphones off and stop offending the DJ, don’t write anything drinking its not smart important or thoughtful, and that’s everyone knowing you, its actually a slow process of being watched, and then not feeling good, and by the time you don’t feel good in public, that’s something they cannot fix, and especially not drinking, means you are not okay, and its not because anyone is not okay with you, its because you don’t feel good somewhere you were never made to not feel safe, that means you don’t belong, so don’t go back. Sober 2 years. Sorry for the drama, appreciate those I met out, but that’s not the solution to missing out in life being around people with lives they cant help you either if you become sick, that’s not what being social is about, your either well, and can afford to drink, or don’t go out at all, not cool. Anyways, sorry.
Afterthought: No they dont know your connected to someone famous, you just have mental health issues and you should not be drinking, in public, or in private, don't go back, however they did appreciate the apology, thats being respectful not get sick in public or be treated as sick in public, because you look well, or need help going through something difficult a breakup, so thats: ex is mad at you and you are not doing anything wrong, to now ex is mad at you and youre wrong, and thats why it doesnt work out, you can drive to yorba linda for a hug next time, everyone is gentle on the inside, you dont need to be nice to people for them to be okay with you, you actually lose power, and esteem. I actually launched a website good, write from home, you dont need our approvals #begood. - "Thats all in your head" everyone knows me now everyone hates me, dont let that happen to yourself in life give people a reason not to trust you or be disappointed in you, what may feel like a smart move on their part is not doing you any favors in life, to look easy, like you can just smile and be proud again, thats them feeling good, and you not feeling good, and when they have support and you are sick, means that you were that way when you met, no he wasnt that way when we met, he was tough then nice, then what causes the length of time to feel good good again why does that take so long, its when you are made to feel lost, or not confident about what you know, losing confidence to anyone who thinks theyre doing you any favors in life or for anyone else, Im a woman, I respect your confidence, please also respect my confidence, never going out for the rest of my life, never dating for the rest of my life, I dont need any friends, I dont need alcohol, or drugs ever again for the rest of my life, not getting married and no kids, not until I figure out why it took me so long to get back to smart, and what was the cause of me not being a strong law student when I was getting As, had one difficult semester Ive never not done every assignment participated in all discussion forums, thats the real world, you can be totally fine and put together at home, but that doesnt mean you are strong enough and will stay put together working somewhere else in life, with the only thing of value to you, your computer, you cant replace me or any work Ive completed, what was going well for me, maybe was something connected to me, those are documents, not things. That was 2013, after leaving the US Supreme Court, thats not their responsibility to make you special. When things are well, and people are not okay with you, maybe that just means they want to know what your up to in life, the more you keep to yourself, the more you seem as though you are being secretive and no one wants to be apart of anyones work ethic that hasnt been commmunictaed to the courts, I see that now, there is not place you can go in life and be treated as important if you are not normal, if you dont seem at ease happy, you will be considered to have problems that no one can help you with, so dont look "shady," and the police are not a cab company, that wasnt an arrest I called them because I didnt have money for a cab, they drove me home. Sorry.
You should not need moments of doubt in life or interactions with people for you to know your limits in life, and if you have never been made to look stupid before in your whole life, then talking about an incident that you later identify as being an experince that made you look stupid, will not make you feel good now discussing out loud, thats your #righttoprivacy, your own defects of characters nothing to do with anyone else's smarts, be okay with yourself, and if someone is okay with you now and you have two people of the same name in your phone, one from IOP (with disability), and one from the bar, whoever replies and is nice to you is probably not the person who made you feel stupid nor the cause for your disabilties in life, if you have to question it, means that its not okay for you to be intimate with anyone, and if you dont feel smart, means its not okay for you to drink, and if you think that you are able enough to be experimental with your health, thats no ones fault but your own for thinking you were smart enough to be social, to date, or to drink, if being you was difficult already, drinking or being social will not be the solution to your problems of finishing law school applying to a new school and moving forwward in life, and especially not appropriate to talk about your experinces in life, its not normal to hook up, appreciate moments when people like you, its when you get sick no one likes you, and you seem like a problem, or put together as though you do people wrong in life who are good, and not a good person yourself, thats not being stable enough to have moved forward, thats confident enough to not allow someone to make you feel like your subjecting yourself to harm, and thats being strong, not thinking too much about life as it happens, and to not let life happen to you, so long as you are not smart or dont make others feel good, thats how ment hink appropriate to hurt you as though you ever intended to ever make anyone feel rejected by you simply because you couldnt stay well enough for their demans in life, thats not because of talking to the wrong people you get done in the wrong, thats if no one thinks you deserve to do well in life, and thinks that they have it harder in life thinks that you havent experienced enough life to understand when you do have it well not ever having been compassionate toward those who were made to feel good by you who later didnt need you, if all you wanted to know was whether I was damaged good or not, you should not need to see me stupid to recognize your smart and on track, getting to know someone in life is a special experience, dont ruin it for everyone else who wanted to get to know someone in the positive, who respected them and saw them as normal, that doesnt make me feel good, I would never ignore or set limits or stop talking to anyone on the basis of what they looked like, its when I recognize that something is off, it may have nothing to do with how someone else is feeling, but they will have wanted to know what you were like through all phases of your coming to be, and see whether they have the power to destroy all possibilities for you moving forward in life, it took 5 months to talk to someone new, and by then Ive been through too much, not an actress, so maybe that was unique to see someone light up, maybe thats because I allowed someone to love me when I didnt need that much love to feel good anyways, thank you, but I need to figure out life for myself, and appearing nice and then being trashed at all hours of the night on meds, doesnt tell a story as it was meant to be told, make happen in public how things ever were in the past, no one has ever been that experimental with me or ever treated me as not being good enough, thats 8 years of discipline in recovery not dating, to know that even if you are someone to be loved, if you dont stay well, thats how you get f-ked over in life, like you ever did anyone wrong in life, Im a human being, Im not an actress, so Im living for me, and I improved in spite of any taunting, and that was more reminder of anyone knowledge of events than me and Lebron and California combined needed, as though we havent all done our part to be stable and well, its me put together because everyone around me is put together, so destroying my sense of peace, may feel deserve din the moment, but taking away my ability to be loved or respected permanently is not deserved for the hours and all the times spent replying to someone, who I was never well enough for, and once I recovered, treated me as though I forgot how I got sick, I dont need help in life, I talk to the police, please dont hurt me, and dont hurt me in public, I hjave not done anyone wrong in life, rebelled, or been the cause of any spread of disaease, if someone is not well with you, or gets harmed elsewhere that doesnt mean one is a traitor or careless or connects to the wrong teams in life, that doesnt mean destroy me, it just means not to talk to anyone, I work hard, I dont have any money, I just got better, I barely graduated, I just bought new clothes, and like everything you earn and lose in life nothing can make things better for you in life, if you give up, not people things clothes or getting a look down. Everyone is smart no one is stupid, and we all try to think normal, but trust if I have been harmed thats not me being hurt like I deserve it that doesnt also give just anyone the permssion to hurt me more, like I can handle not doing anything in life, learn when to stop, I had to work harder, lose 30lbs, and this discussion doesn't make anything better, its only makes things worse, I said I was sorry, I don't have a phone, I don't talk to anyone, so stop making things about wellness, money and status, I have no connections that was me at my best staying positive for everyone, no one becomes famous by photo, thats how you offend others they lose respect for you and you look stupid, sex is so unimportant so is love, whats more important is your health and what people think of you there is always time to get jobs, make money, have friends, or meet new people, no need to be street with me. #besmart