Im working through a new mental health condition, and recently overcame headaches and being stuck in bed and Im sure that has everything to do with my progress, or something I have said, or not said well, but have always done my best and have never given up, or not failed to mention any sources of inspiration, along the way. I never anticipated that I would ever get sick, obviously with mental health issues (bipolar medications) its a condition that you are aware of get treated for, without espectation for it to get worse turn into self-harm for any reason, and that did not benefit me, it made things worse, and as a result I stay home, thats not being anti-social thats people not trusting you if you self-harm, Ive never not liked myself, I think that life gets difficult if you dont have anyone to advise you specific to your quesitons in life, and most of life you have to figure out for yourself without help from anyone, how writing helps. Recently have not been able to keep up with studying, to write more intellgent research based understandings of life, I think writing will always occur in stages depending on your health and what you have to say, either meet expectations, or have to focus more on yourself, I have been prescribed two new medications (finally described all the changes to my face, and that issue has been fixed), so certain setbacks that look really odd, but is a treatable condition. - Have been losing motivation recenrly which means to think about setting goals (work on a new PDF, just received an email from the copyright office), moving to wordpress, with no agenda or plans for growth, my commitment has been posting once a day, based upon my thoughts for the day, not scheduled in advance or by issue, with or without voices, so if there is ever a standstill, that doesnt mean that any excitement is headed anywhere profound, it could be me trying to figure out whats wrong, thats something I have to figure out on my own, without anyones help, and doesnt have to do with anyone, so although there is expectation for you to improve to resume a life, unless you stay well are completely recovered from all new and old mental health issues, by the time you begin to speak more fully, even if you are made to talk about things assumed, never bothering you then, its not worth mentioning now whatever made most sense to others at the time, Ive never been threatened by other peoples reactions, but I also understand everyone who maybe knew of me or did not respect me, I wouldnt expect for any of those communcations to bother me now, or be insulted by anything past, so thats the benefit of writing, it doesnt solve your mental health issues though, nothing is permanent, so learning as I go what to mention what not to mention and to not be on anyones bad side, and also not to waste the time of the courts, if its just (voices) not occurring in real life, which woudl really ruin all my progress doing well in public, easy does it, its not the past that is preventing me from moving forward, its what I talk about, whether that ruins a current rapport or brings up a non-issue that then hurts my ability to write anything of value or importance, whether or not I am to be considered helpful, or not influential in a positive way, I think everyone feels hurt when they know of someone or hear of something they have suffered from past, occur in a younger generation, who we have tried to simplify and not bring up anything that is not already published in a permanent form in a scienctific or leagl document, to verfiy anything as being exact. So its okay to find a subject interesting why its important to also do the research and continue to learn, thats how you learn to read and assemble an understanding of a concept that is hard to understand at length, and create a system for understanding a concept difficult, in a memorizable format, (this would be discussion to bring up missing notes, to say that missing notes to prove intelligence, and a later showing not included, because, thats not a proper system of sharing to attarct attentions to your school work, saved and shared, if not valued to begin with, or not valued in conjunction with the cover of your book, which is read to communicate not in a positve way,
Originally Posted 03-13-21
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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