Just called to cancel or reschedule job interview tomorrow, its clear that Im not stable today, not ready to work, part-time or full-time, its clear that what I have to say is not helping, since I am not able to feel good about myself, or able to speak to others, if Im stuck in my room for 4 years then maybe that means to stay home, not be out, not to try again, maybe thats the joke, then maybe those or the movies they think when they think of me, and maybe that helped at one point, and maybe thats not helping me right now to reference anyone, and thats what losing feels like, you have done the work, you do not arrive to your destination a new life, or a better life, and thats the consequence of trying to make your life better, past the point of non-acceptance it just gets worse, and the more they improve and the worse you look, then it becomes its not right, if it hurts, its not helpful, then I get pain and thats the dificulty of everyone being okay with you, stating a fear, then that fear being played out by others, to make you remember something you have said before to justify them turning on you by reminder, then its to what result, I said once please dont hurt me until something bad happens, then it happened in that way, I did not recover, I am not myself, and since I removed many pages, just paid my Weebly bill, and the search box is back, thats not an informal communication of guilt, Im talking to the FBI, and if I cant figure out a solution they can and then that means not to write online, not to work, not to run everyday, not to text anyone, and stay home stay in my room.
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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