Chances are if its hurting my head, and if I was self-harming, and if this is what was said, then its coming from a place of discomfort, which was just now reported to 911 LAPD, for examination of my thoughts with regards to the passings of others, and what happened to me. It is also known that if my condition does not improve, that will make living difficult for me, beyond what is necessary, at this point being quiet, only subjects me to voices, and if pushing myself only makes me tired, and does not “resolve” hate towards me, then that is a condition about others I cannot cure, nor need to think about, nor can 66k monthly viewers to my Pinterest control how I am feeling or what I am thinking, that’s virtual support, that’s not medicine to remedy anything past or currently wrong with me. Now I know why I look weird in my room, it’s the painting, and the mirror the size of an exercise mirror, that’s to call me out as pervert, as though I exercise in my room, or for the purposes of seeing how I feel being labeled or made fun of esoterically without me knowing it, but visable to others, which brings up an issue of tolerance, if my face and my body changes and I look jolly or obnoxious, that must mean there is an energy on a physical object placed to communicate to others something that is now not making me feel good, to look into. That’s being labeled a pervert, based upon the content you view, the bicuriosity you explore, looked at and thought of as a pervert in need of vagina or a womans love, or who looks at womens bodies or vaginas for pleasure, perverted, and that’s how I was treated, that’s therefore not a source of empowerment to me or others to discuss when that happened, or why that happened, or why when I was not awake presentable and half awake or present, no one could help me, when not performing in life, that’s being treated as a "goner" or someone who is going in life, and that’s how you get viewed, for entertainment, how one looks or appears, based upon what is thought of them, and no one helps you in life, gone. That’s what makes me becoming gay, not okay, and that’s what makes me self pleasuring not okay, which I have since stopped, no matter how empowering it is to others, I don’t need to live a life, people pleasing my way to sanity, fitting any molds in life, or build any acceptances for myself moving forward, be given proof of an ability or even worse proof of being gay and how gay I was, and what I look like gay, and how another felt when I was labeled gay, lose beauty. Im sorry if no one understood asexuality, or didn’t understand me not hooking up with anyone in High School and then in College dated older, it must be because I was not thin and I was not pretty why no one hooked up with me, and why someone older did me, to turn me into a woman. I know now that in order to be a confident woman, you need intelligence, and I know now, that what people think of you looking at you matters, so always dress the part, and do your best to make a good first impression, and I now know, that is at a later point in time I become sick, then it will be justified by my behavior private to support the opinions of others, having watched me over the years in private, be the judge of who I am or who I am not. Now is the point of inappropriateness, to talk to women, or to a younger population, if I now know that because I do not have friends, was treated as more mature because I talk to my Mom, as though it was okay for me to match up with older Men, as though I was not understood the same or treated the same by Men my age, that’s when you understand the male ego, likes to play, likes to keep things light, and if you are too heavy or too serious they lighten you up or ignore you altogether, "you only have one life to live" be happy or complain and be alone talking about things that only matter to you or make others feel uncomfortable hearing about, if its not a problem you were born with, then just stop, and dont explain, next time, free of notifications or help from others, or defenses provided in support of others, now unwanted. Now is a condition of illness, I cant imagine me dating or hooking up now, and can understand now why it seems as though I am someone who gives love but when not well does not make another feel good, I understand that now about myself as mentally ill, with my face and body changing. I can take responsibility for not feeling good, and even if I do not understand what was done to me, I understand it was thought deserved as though I am attracted to younger, or people who are new, as though I feel good among people who feel good, its I do not feel good anywhere. If I cannot stay well, then that makes this blog uncomfortable, not suitable for award as applied to, too uncomfortable, not something publicly discussable, or too immature for comfort, or speaking too far in the past, which is painful if looking back seeing anything in the negative, and that’s me not being well, and others doing well, as representation of me being the thoughts or the person overcome, of excelled beyond comprehension of me or my problems in life. I think things are too personal now, and now I see application for award as not in good timing, or not on subjects comfortable for everyone to know, including my own issues, let alone others from memory, who I was not even that close to in life, or who left my life, and don’t need me in life. It’s the condition I am in now, that causes someone who liked me to hurt me, as leaving or going in life, or not tolerant of others, thinking about the past too much or not happy now. And that is how I get hurt, when my health is failing, when Im in pain, when Im not feeling good, and at the same token do not make others feel good or reassured in life. That’s when life is not a game, although others treat your life like a game, as though that’s appropriate thinking your condition, story, or sharing contributed to others coming up in life, and then treat you as a source of illness as though you were referenced for insult by song, or by body part responsible for the condition of others or hate, as though one was exposed with expectation of being seen by all, or by people who do not know me, or capable of hurting others. At what point are you considered famous, and responsible for what other people think, or how they see things? #stophate
Heading: #blogpost: Personal Update ... #stophate #bodyparts #blames #femininity #sexuality #looking #introductions #similarities #beingawoman #thinkinglikeawoman #beingtreatedlikeaman Originally Posted: 10-08-20
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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