I was thoughtful enough to have included statements about how I have been affected and what I have done in life to help make a positive difference in spite of what my family has been through and what close friends and family have experienced in life, and have done my best to live the best life that I can given the opportunities that I have been afforded. Without shedding light on who I know, what I know, or say names, that would be doing me a disservice in life its not by who you know that you come to identify as a person in life or achieve in life, that’s not how to self-identify, as attached to others, its important to be independent of others, and to think for oneself, and to not have ones life affect the lives of others in the negative, just as one is expected not to complain about later mistreatment as treated in a condescending way as associated to one is expected not to later in the negative allow ones hardships in the reverse to affect their associations in the past, or people to whom they have been connected to. That would be so tacky, to build a website and then as disassociated from my best friend talk about our friendship now, or about her family, that would be disrespectful and lacking good purpose or solid purpose at all, there really is no foundational support that can be laid by explaining who I grew up knowing and why I think the way I think or why my life is the way it is now, that would be complaining, complaining is not the solution to building a better life for yourself, nor does it improve any conditions around you, its always those least affected by your hardships in life, who are most critical of you, seeing things in their most simple form, oh she grew up best friends with, like I was some kind of a tagalong social climber, I lived on 200 N. Rockingham Ave and was a neighbor introduced through her Mother, that’s normal, don’t treat me like Im some kind of reject or person of low class with a poor sense of humor, who is mentally ill and of harm to others, its not by my illnesses that others are being harmed its by the illnesses resulting from people dying and by homicides being committed upon individuals in society that is making people sick, and whats making me sick, is that because I had bipolar and heard voices and took cocaine and couldn’t sleep hitting my head, living in a beautiful home in Santa Monica, the police were called to my house, I was fine, I had just seen my Ex, I have mental health issues, I will never be well, that is because I cannot function without medications, and because the men in my life do not stay, and have been separated from my friends, if I am put on medications against my will and choose to blog because I am bedridden and you think my sense of humor is tacky or in poor taste as though I am wasting my time on earth, than you don’t understand my struggles in life to function and be accepted as normal and do my best and finish law school and be given that opportunity earned for my tuition to be paid, upon being well enough to take the courses to finish the degree which was my purpose for attending law school to finish. #stopsuicide – If you are in disagreement with me do not read my blog you are not authorized to read any of my work purchase any of my writings make use of any of my written ideas or privileged work product produced by me, and use information created by me, to make fun of me, that is wrong. That was my Honors Thesis about our experiences as Hotline Counselors. If you have ever woken up to being sexed, and it hurts, and you were 18 and he was 33, maybe then you were not old enough nor mature enough to handle that type of sex yet if youre new, my first boyfriend, still to this day always responds, ended up marrying someone 100% Filipina and had a child with her, while I was in college in Colorado, wound up dating Julius via Facebook, who left me for someone he met in Denver while out, who introduced herself to me after passing by her in his hallway leaving his apartment, to tell me that shes been in my car before, we lived together at one point, he played ball in Japan and is now studying to be a nurse in NY, still connects with me from time to time, cordial with all my exes. This is something new, men who meet me who dont want to talk to me, and upon liking anyone reject me as obsessed, that doesnt mean Im gay if Im not dating and without friends, it just means Im not right for anyone right now clearly and need to be alone, until Im no longer defective and regain my self-worth, value, a desire to live life without self-harming or becoming suicidal after breakups drinking, the feeling is so devastating, this is why I blog, to fill my time up with other thoughts, new thoughts, be productive, forward thinking, creative, and somewhere people like me, losing 50lbs and being ignored and rejected was the worst feeling in the world, I absolutely wanted to destroy myself, and my cat was dying of cancer, if you just stop needing something ie "men" theres so much more to life, than I feel small today, I feel big today, Im sad today, I feel alone, whats the point .... How I felt everything looked: Don’t treat me like Im some nobody wannabe or an offender or a reject interfere with my earning potential and ability which has already been tarnished delayed with disability in sobriety, and prevent further opportunity to overcome hardship as though Im a lost cause or deserve it. That’s wrong. I complained to the State Bar of California. She can take it court. #stopsuicide. But instead of explaining I was an inconsolable suicidal pen pal, who relapsed on cocaine and alcohol while giving exes blow jobs who would ignore me and not follow up, of course I was insecure running everyday, obviously being thin is not the key to my happiness nor theirs, they didnt appreciate all my hard work and effort, and I could only afford Target, and had no friends, there was absolutely no purpose for it, I still ran a half marathon, its a fun skill to have long distance running, stuff to do when youre alone, perfect! 2.5 hour run, thats so me!