No One Expects ...
No one expects you to be in crisis. I guess that’s looking like a big deal, to someone who knows where you come from in life, and doesn’t think you should be helping people, looking like you grew up on the wrong side of tracks, as though your drive is coming from a place, of pain or suffering not yet realized, the difference between being you, and what your life looks like to others, everything less peaceful, after any inner turmoils, no one likes a fake friend, let alone, someone who later cant figure out whether to identify as gay or not, seeing that dating wasn’t working out, and wouldn’t understand the competitive vibe thought to have existed to explain separations from friends, that’s someone who looks like theyre trying to be better than another friend, which doesn’t make sense to me, friends don’t put eachother down in life, or make eachother look bad, maybe feel bad, or disappointed, what talking things through are for, to manage any upsets, whether or not there are mediators ie friends or boyfriends taking care of business for them, and separating them from potential sources of hurt, that’s being treated like a traitor, leaving one life, to focus on your next life, which may not always happen for you, without having your old life, is the misunderstanding of breaks, they become permanent. And just as you are about to go back to work, how quickly you are reminded you are nothing without respect and trust, and that’s how people who welcome you back into their lives get hurt, having come to terms with your mental health issues past, and accepting you as you are having faith in better days ahead for you, enjoy your time spent with others, and if you cant just means that you got sick thinking about things that don’t matter as much, as those who actually mattered to you in life. The disappointment, is expecting you to be higher up, or end up higher up, that’s not always a high others see you on, wanting to be apart of that’s people living for the moment, without concern for whats in store for you in the future as talked about, let alone observed or overlooked by others, usually things talked about post argument look worse than we were, that’s being taken advantage of, for being vulnerable to seem like, without understanding you got hurt and don’t remember why or what happened to you, that’s your head shape, face, and chin changing, which can later be repaired by running and weight loss, but that defective quality about you, is the first thing noticed, to say, that’s whats unlikeable about you, different in writing, or person, or photo. No one wants to be scared about believing evil exists, lifes not a movie, but if youre ever in crisis, and it gets to that point of just being you and the person youre talking to, they don’t need that, and will assume youre gone to the point of no return, that’s being made a fool of in life. So if your blog and website later take off, that was an allowable condition on and off for years, without being bothersome to others or complained about, so long as one was feeling well in recovery thinking out loud, later looks elementary, not smart, which is how your writing gets viewed once read, makes sense, helps, but everyone else thinks they can do better a job of explaining the whole picture through their own lives, if they know more about life with confirmations than you do, to say that you require nods, confirmations, or cues to know whether you are on track or not, I think that much gets misunderstood Im very proper in public, and that energy started before I even recovered fully from being in my own world to myself, for some reason that threatens others, and if you react that’s how you fall apart as known, without knowing that youre known, if that’s so hard to know someone whos not famous yet, then Im sorry if I was known, and everyone edgy toward me, as though that was the big joke, even people in the hospital were controlling about things including initiative playing apples to apples in the neuropsychiatric center following a mental breakdown, while applying, and a third LSAT. So I think was the joke, seeing your hand in life, and doing their best to not help make things happen for you, that’s to see what your made of should you look guilty, whether additional harms are caused, well according to all stats Im stable, maybe not physically at ease but that’s okay it was well worth coming full circle, to illustrate that difficulties happen that can be overcome, so that’s no reason to quit no matter what pains past are torturing you now to be a joke about, I think when it comes to hardwork, when you invest a lot of time, years in improving your self image, any break in fun, is deemed to be reminiscent of times past you drank or dated, and people lost respect for you, no matter who chooses to like you, appear irresponsible for loving others, liking others, making friends in life, and be made to be the one not proud of you. Since I once tweeted shared on my Instagram, “Im someone who everyone is always quick to take the side of the other, no my own…” something like that that’s how I was treated presently, as though I receive any advices in life on a daily basis or weekly, that’s by me talking get helped, not by talking online or in private get help, that’s to brief someone updates, that not to draw sympathies for me, issues, causes, understandings, or pitch ideas to, its called being social and double checking with others, for whatever its worth, no offense was taken when called a “starfucker” and yes that was the worst things could get for me, a post removed about “nudes,” and yes I did punch my head and slam my head into doors, following social interactions or being alone too long hearing voices, not being proactive enough, that’s voices depending on you, not wanting to be responsible for not doing anything to help you, and expecting you to do better and not mention that there was ever a side of voices in life, ever causing you to become delusional or self harm that’s a private struggle not for the public, and that weird energy means talk not be silent around people, that’s how unwanted communications occur, fidgeting, signaling, awkward.
Im sorry for being graphic, ordinarily I dont think my Reverend wouldve been protesting arrested, she just moved here from up North, and can't afford to meet with her, while I worked.
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