If its not until something bad happens to you or others, that others feel reassured in life, then that’s basing their own wellness or sense of comfort upon your discomforts in life. There is trust, there is knowing people, and then there is viewing people as they live their lives, not trusting someone. Trust is lost, whenever you make someone uncomfortable, or when what you have to say overpowers the general senses of others, as described. That’s when your condition threatens the conditions of others as described, that’s when your look or appearance looked into, despecializes you in life, makes you unspecial to others, and makes those who appear composed and sure of themselves, you the obvious unhappy one, not centered. Then what you have to say is not taken with a grain of salt, seems abrasive, or counterproductive to the peace reached by others in life, not a party to your life, your life as lived, or what youre going through now, not feel represented by at peace with themselves but not with you. No understanding can be reached, whenever you fail to come across as understanding or with compassion for the feelings of others, commentary devoid of empathy, shows a lack of concern for the well being of others, if you reach a point of wellness, upon illness to your own Country. That took 8 years of writing everyday in public and in private, reporting to LAPD, my Attorney, and the Courts (got a phone call back notified I built a website for permissions) to finally launch a website that took off by summer, that was writing everyday, and as punished waiting 4 years on probation, to take full bloom, and graduate finish my masters. Whether or not you care how long it took for me to get well, or why I was hospitalized 9x, comatose asleep for 14 days at a time off day meds, does not seem to ring a bell, to anyone who does not care about what Ive been through, and also doesn’t care if Im a victim of homicide, as though that’s excuse for getting in trouble, or presenting poorly in front of others, in my not well years, in and out of the hospital, and later self-harming a new condition as of 2017, and 2019, punching my head as hard as I can repeatedly, putting dents in my head, and lose my neck, and my head shrinks, to a smaller size, that’s to meet what negative judgements about me, to have a large body and a small head, why Im losing 50lbs again (that’s not a threat that’s a challenge for me no longer in running shape strong enough, light on my feet without a head injury, and difficult to run with a head injury), I used to have a big head and a petite body when I lost weight, was a positive person on the inside, whether or not anyone agreed with my lifestyle choices, friend associations few, and no girl friends at the time in LA, I was obviously not in an acceptable condition to do business with at the time, and was not taken seriously as a person with an idea for a company, or what style of company, as presented. It has now later come to my attention, that maybe when I was on Twitter, everything looked like a Charlie Sheen, Luke Skywalker, Gay, Prostitute, MLK, Kim Kardashian joke, someone trying to be known being like someone who is known, not unique of and to themselves worth knowing, understanding, or being heard, and I believe it is those attitudes in life that made someone think that a plane disappearing represented what OJ’s case was about “memorabilia” or to serve as a reminder of planes, notably used to carry out terrorist attacks on 9/11, that upon introduction to the world was seen as a member of his defense, or trying to be like Johnny Cochran, or another Attorney whos life was lost while representing OJ, acquired Cancer, much like me and my Dad, who have suffered once in 2009 in tandem, and later 2017 upon getting Syphallis after Carcinoma Cancer, given a Penacillin shot. That’s the painful association to a point of controversy its not by treatment of one disfavored by the Court system, and lack of representation in life a product of, but also a condition of illness that occurs upon being misrepresented or associated to people who others dislike. And that’s how I was treated as stupid in life, it just so happens that sometimes you are too slow to figure out what everything is all about or what life is all about until life happens to you in life. And that’s just how life is, people care about you for as long as you can stay well and be in the lives of others, and once you have done wrong, or have made yourself look stupid, too difficult to talk to, too complicate to understand, and not intelligible enough to hear from, not what others want to hear, and a later showing of intelligence, or actions post terrorist attacks, only serves to empower a thinker who does not think you have done the right thing hurt you in life. That’s having had an easier life, not having had to work without pay, or go to two law schools just to finish a masters, or build a website to feel good again, gets treated, like someone who is “lying” or not well, or who “lies about their condition” to not take responsibility for lives lost, who does not pay attention to lives lost, or who is trying to act strong in spite of lives being lost, and seems like an unwanted show of character, or performance that others are not inspired by. That is how I got treated, as though I was someone to make fun of, someone who was not smart, someone who others felt the necessity to make look stupid, or to react in response to others, as though my volunteer job as a hotline counselor was known to everyone, and then served as a motivation to do things in life to cause me to respond, to say that in lieu of hate, death, or gun violence, I came to be, or spoke, or these connections now are a result of them. That is when those who cause harm to others try to be God, or to cause others to react and respond in response to them, that’s being controlled by negatives in life, and losing your sense of agency in life. Should I have run a flyer campaign, and flipped a bench after Malaysia, yes. Do I regret flipping a bench and running a flyer campaign with no record no, did the police see me posting flyers in front of the Mann Chinese theater, yes, did they stop me, no, they smiled. So I don’t care what problems China has, they are not Malaysia, its not their Airline, therefore not their guilt, therefore not the guilt carried that caused illness within a population as connected, that caused an illness to spread and then spread overseas by airplanes, as though we are never to forget China, its not our problem, if your Country cannot stay well, and be on top rich, that is not our problem if your Country cannot make money, or is not viewed as important to others, I am not the half Asian that is responsible for your problems, I support Japan. And yes flyers “pieces of paper” were thrown on Westwood boulevard during the year I drove in circles and two BMWs died due to mileage, that was time spent thinking, away from everyone. I was maybe the only one who watched CNN everyday my then boyfriend replied “don’t you think that’s a bit much, theyre making a big deal of things, hes from Chicago.” When you react, it looks like offense was taken, and that at the time you reacted understood what was offensive about a plane going missing in Malaysia, I just knew that things were not okay, if someone with lives in their hands, decided to make a plane go missing, and all that was found was a piece of paper by a ship from China, I saw that shared live on TV, watched everyday, and the Olympics, during the time I lost 50lbs, and built a website with my best work on display.