If by the time you speak you’re too late, means that the work has already been done, blend in. I think by now everyone has lived life long enough to know what life is about, that’s not something that can be taught at a later point in time, after everyone has already experienced life, and if youre going to be reminded of the past when you identified things to be going well for you or others speak to it, but don’t describe the past as though it were lived any differently, compared to now. So no its not too late, things can be well again, there is no such thing as things being different than they were supposed to be. You are always what you remember in life, so do your best to live a good life. If there is ever a reason you at one point became sick, then your like most people, when things become too much, or too stressful, unhappy, and like most unhappy people cannot be made better not unless your life becomes better, so be it. No one can make you happy or provide for you a life you have yet to recognize as special, there is not need to explore the world out on your own, you’ll likely wind up in lesser known places in life, so if you have a good life keep a good life, no matter which philosophies in life predominate, no one life philosophy has things figured out better than the other, and a good life is never intended to exclude you from what a good life will be not unless you give up your hand in life to something else that makes you less than yourself like alcohol or drugs, it usually changes you for the worst, not being sophisticated or intelligent to looking stupid, and that’s not because of any breakups or any failures in life so stay on board and never go overboard in life no matter what difficulties you face whatever they may be, that’s not trying to have a better life when you have friends that’s because you already have friends you have friends and there is nothing ghetto about having friends in life, or friends who have done drugs, or friends who drink, or friends who work odd jobs, people do what they need to do to survive, and some people date, and some people have sex, and some people go to school, and some people have boyfriends, some people have girlfriends, some people don’t have sex at all, some people do themselves, and some people don’t have any sex whatsoever and have never been touched by another human being in a sexual way until college, and that’s your first experience being naked with another human being, usually occurring in adulthood, nothing to be ashamed about, and then they leave your life, and what are you left with, your body, naked or not. The purpose of having a website is not to say better whats already been said. You will say a lot of things to reflect how you feel when you hear voices (auditory delusions) that will not make you feel good about yourself, and when you communicate to the world that you don’t feel good about yourself, they will probably not be made to feel good about you either, that’s wellness, theyre around when theyre around, just like fans, friends, or boyfriends, that’s how life works, you ar either well and presently able to carry on conversations, or your mind is gone, and who will be to blame then when “your house is not in order” something visibly wrong with you in their eyes, that you cannot readily identify as being wrong with you by looking in the mirror, or by headshot taken on twitter holding your face and not feeling pretty anymore, and if you never thought it was the sex that caused your face to change, maybe it was the distance, or maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the having sex in cars issue, you know people will be cool with a lot of things in life you will not be cool with, and so long as you partake in activities that don’t affect someone who is engaging in behavior with you that you do not agree with, then they will be made to not feel any better by it either, so don’t talk about things that people do with you “in relationships” is the main point, its not gorse for boyfriends and girlfriends to have sex with eachother its called a relationship, but it is wrong for you to talk about it, especially if you guys are trying to become attorneys, stuff you blurt out, as though you have to disclose everything about you, which later does not reflect nicely on those who were in a loving relationship, viewed by the masses to have been out of control, or not what it was, peaceful. When there is no leadership there is no cohesion, when there is leadership, everyone is usually well having fun and able to do whatever they want within reason, but no one drinks and dates and writes about it online, that doesn’t equal sex or friends for that matter, they will usually be nowhere to be found, its like talking to the press, you then become an outlet to the world, that they don’t need to be announced to, so that’s protecting your friends from harm not putting them under any unecessary spotlights in life, managing a crowd by yourself. If there is ever a reason why you later became ill, you don’t need to explain why if it never hit you then, my February 2009, is wayyyyy different than right now, and I signed up for suicidology.org filled out an application before there were any famous suicides, so that’s not me identifying that things are not going well, that’s me having survived a situation in life when I was drinking and not myself, and where there was a conflict of interest by job and floor (the police used to put whenever they won a case, and I maybe borrowed their protocol manual once and gave it back, but that was my only interaction with any government entity in my entire life). I applied to a job at a “downtown law firm” was the ad that was given to my paralegal school, I graduated on deans list and with a president’s award, it was not a strategy for “getting into” an organization for power or credit, or to be invincible or strong or professional, to me work was dressing up everyday commuting on the freeway and showing up everyday for a year, then it became something else by caption (the “10 fwy” car crash) I had called my boss and he told me that there may be too much traffic because of the incident, and read about it in the LA Times that is now parked right next to the 10 fwy, I don’t even know if its legal to build a building that close to the freeway but they let them do that anyways. With a last name matching the last name of someone that I knew from college a neighbor who once parked in my spot and met him via post-it, he was beautiful, he lived up stairs, and he spooned me once, and after I tried cocaine, I only made it to one booty call, the second he told me “you’re too late.” He moved to a nicer building with a code, after his started a career in music, I was at every single one of his shows, beginning under the sandwhich shop next to the gas station with no pumps, I took my friends and he forgot the lyrics to his own song, my friends were girls I met through one friend who knew me from elementary school an upper classman, whos mother worked in law I think she was a judge, but I forget by now, she was friends with a group of girls one of whom shared something in common with we both liked guys who were roommates, and we would study together at starbucks, then we made friends with the other girls who lived in their building their neighbors, and the other went to high school in another country, and used to read books, she had a book shelf, and then moved to California, I almost missed a Club Soccer Game partying with her at her apartment the night before, I woke up and drove to Torrance, we eventually stopped hanging out, my girl-friend from Boulder visited me once while living in Marina del Rey, and forgot to throw out the straw, my mom found in a pouch, this was probably my first year of law school before I met my boyfriend Summer 2010, I already had someone who liked me, and my friend took me to Portugal backpacking, it was spontaneous, he gave me the book he read after the trip as a gift. If its too late that means the work has already been done blend in, so although you may not have lived a wild lifestyle, having friends, drinking or trying drugs, will always be frowned upon, if it was never cool for you to smoke weed, it will not be cool for you to drink, date, or try drugs again, no matter where you are in life, your life will never be good enough to just have fun. So while you may be the favorite story that everyone doesn’t think is magical or thinks is a joke, there is nothing you can do about someone who was never in love with you or who didn’t love you or who took to long to love you or fall in love with you, if it doesn’t happen at the beginning it will not happen at a later point, that’s someone who wasn’t sure about you to begin with will later become mad at you at a later point in time if you become unwell. So no I was never that gone or mentally ill, maybe have just said the wrong things, but if I was able in law school there is no reason why I wont go back to being myself, no matter how unstable anyone thinks I am, Ive never been that sophisticated at story telling to begin with to lead a life that was worth telling stories about anyways, and then I started drinking when I left law school. And no one sent me to rehab. And no one sends me to the hospital now. And no one pulls me over. And no one is bothering me now. And no one is hurting me now, not unless I go back to anyone who has supported me, who then blames me for everything that has ever gone wrong during the duration of every year they have known me, that I cannot be responsible for a different life than they have already lived, moved on and become successful gotten jobs, I have stayed home. So its not that Im selfish and no my boyfriends are not to blame, you just have to give people time to be a happy person, to find themselves, and not to attack whoever has supported you as not having been loving enough, that side of me will always be gone, who I was when I was unconditionally loving, not defensive, light hearted, and unassuming, now is much different I have to be strong, and I cannot afford to be played with, fondled, tested, and experimented with, I only have one face and one body, and although it may be fun to see me shine, its not that important to be pretty anyways. Just stay put.
Originally Posted: 12-13-20