What is self-sabotage? Some things are forgiveable, being stupid is not one of them, especially when you have it all, and wont be anyone elses fault but yourself, if respect for you or your condition, having been hospitalized 9x for being tired, or disillusioned, and its not your fault. What does it feel like? According to healthline.com, when “you feel trapped in patterns that create problems in your life and keep you from achieving your goals,”  that is your ability to stay well, and continue to move forward, your life comes to a hault, and that’s not a force to be wreackoned with, not feeling well, and getting sick, its not a condition you can fight through, its not a stage of life you can talk yourself through, and its not a state of being, that you can turn on and off like a light switch, whether the damage is permanent, its your job to get well. This is why some people are trusted and some are not, it depends on what you allow to control your decision making in life, whether you are thinking of everyone, or whether you appear to be focusing on the wrong things in life, what you don’t have love, a boyfriend, or a husband. That will not happen for you so long as you get sick, or don’t feel well, so spare yourself the disappointment, for trying for things in life, like companionship, friendship, or love, whats more important is your health, when you are well its easier to help others, take care of others, speak normally, not be defensive, and set a good example. So no matter what words are put through you to cause you sickness, to put others in a state of disbelief, always be honest. The first people I reported to were the police (hard to get through to), the FBI (not interested), Texas DA (oversight), Oklahoma DA (oversight), a detective (who Im talking to by email and everyone affected), 911 (oversight), and The US Supreme Court, (what went wrong) that’s in the event that you are no longer yourself, and not feeling well, that is something you have to report, even if nothing can be done about it, what are the consequences? #stopdefamation --Everyone who was okay with you, proud of you, happy for you, didn’t have a problem with you, did not study you in depth, were not bothered by you, respected your mental health issues, did not expect much from you, were looking forward to you doing well in life, understood how hard you’ve worked, how long it took for you to do well, all of that mattered then, but what cannot be fixed now is others trying to comprehend how you got sick, what caused you sickness, how you were harmed, why you were scared, what put you in shock, how you lost control over your own life, and content, what made you unstable, and what caused you voices and mental illness (self-harm) and that’s not something that can be changed, no one can make you feel better, reassure you, fix you, treat you, or help you, not if you are not willing to give it up to God, and move forward with your life, not put anyone at risk of harm, or overshare in exact detail, of what was done to you, for who and why. What is the importance of having a job that you get paid for, earning an income, having money in your bank account, and being able to provide for yourself? And what will people think if you have no money, just overcame mental health issues, started doing well working at a steady pace, what could go wrong then? If youre not desperate and living a slow paced, careful life, then everything can fall off balance, and that’s nothing you can control, what voices are created in response to something not going right, its something everyone can hear, or no one can hear, or everyone can feel, or no one can feel, and that’s not how you determine who is important, who is of value, who has a future ahead of them, or who should not be allowed to move forward, not have a life, not feel good, or suffer and be put in pain, given headaches, and feel sickly stuck in bed, that’s how quickly everything can go wrong for you in life, and that’s why to be careful about who you talk to or give power to make any decisions for you regarding your present state or at the flip of a switch, ruin your life, or put you or anyone else down in life, treat you like your scum of the earth, or come from a bad seed in life, an imitation of something already successful, not someone who has been working towards being well functioning normally, over an 8 year period, responding to the courts, calling the police, reporting as you go, sharing insights, where youre at, whats going well or what needs work, that’s the shock, of your life being thrown away, and no one will understand that much about you. Why is having a job important? Ive been applying to jobs in law since 2008, the purpose for getting a legal education was to work in law, and they are very picky, and if you don’t stay well burn out for something personal, then you cant work, you don’t stay well, and you stay home, and that’s not what I wanted, that’s not recovery, that’s not an excuse to complain, or talk about life any differently, that’s not something you can control, your health and what others think. How has blogging helped, over a two year period, “Having a job to go to everyday is very closely linked to self-worth and self-esteem, says psychotherapist Charles Allen. ... When you have a job, you feel like you are a contributing member of society,”  not to mention I got my face back, I lost 30 lbs, was running every week, sometimes everyday, living a peaceful life, not in seclusion, never ignored anyone, was there for everyone, responded to texts, and did my best when everyone else was struggling on their own at home during COVID, not all will understand or have compassion, nothing was ever my fault, had there not been so many natural disasters, I would not have written books, pitched ideas to FEMA, stayed healthy, or blogged, and do my best not to assume what everything is about, not to play mediator to any ongoing fights or arguments, worked, did not complain, or treat anyone else as suspicious or at fault, for anything happening to me in my life, but there comes a point when you don’t stay strong, and that’s when you burn out, when you look stupid, when you don’t feel good, and nothing can be done. That’s life, you either get let back into peoples lives, or you struggle, doing well is a precondition to being let back into peoples lives, and if you don’t stay well, then that’s hurtful to everyone, and that’s how your life gets ruined, and you have to start over, that’s how quickly wellness is lost. Everyone has been waiting for me to leave my room, start talking, head up, face fixed, lose weight, get going again, get a job, be myself again, not convinced Im mentally ill, or not going to make it in life, or worse be punished, or subjected to lawsuit, and harmed again in life, I wouldn’t work hard or write, if it didn’t matter to me for no one to be mad at me, for no one to not be sure about me, for anyone to think differently than me, without a blog, all you get are voices and no progress, and stuck in bed all day, you have to do something with your life.
Originally Posted 03-06-21
Leave a Reply.