At this point in time, my luck has run out, my options have become limited, and all progress lost, this is what losing feels like, and as the jokes pile up, and all your decisions made with regards to whether you have a dirty mind and think with a dirty mind, and have dirty needs, and if you are the type of person who attracts dirty people into your life, that must mean one is dirty, and if one is dirty, then one does not take good care of themselves, and if one does not take good care of themselves, gets sick without knowing why they feel dirty. There is love, and then there are conversations, sometimes having nothing to talk about is a good sign, its from the moment you don’t feel good, or become mentally ill, that you have done something wrong, and that no one wants to take responsibility for, having given love to you, and watch you get worked on the street hustled, that’s street life, you cannot make a positive ending out of shady experiences, just be grateful to be alive, and take everything with a grain of salt. Then theres the decision to enroll in Tinder, that was a mistake, and uneventful, I think that that’s not the best way to make friends in life, no matter how intriguing it may seem, its better to wait for the same guy for years, until hes ready to come around at peace with you, then to venture off course in life, and be known for having done someone you met on Tinder, who you were afraid to meet in the first place, because you told that fear, you both were scared to meet eachother, and that’s how telling another stories, gets re-lived through your own experiences in life. That’s not fantasy, that’s trying to understand whats going on on this app, and how things are going down on this app, and figure out what the temperature around is like, its thinking how to prevent by addressing a problem, and to illustrate that that’s not okay, and its also not okay to think about the trauma of others, as that puts others in fear, to think that way, or seem like someone who pays attentions to stories, and wonder what was it about a story that captured your attention, and whether you continued to support an organization in which something bad happened, if it’s a matchmaking system, then they should be able to tell who is trustworthy or not, and those things should not happen, if we as women don’t select without a full profile, that change I noticed, professional photos of the Men! Holy cow, the correct response, thank you! -Understand that as others watch you live life, you are the leader to your own story, and that’s something someone can’t help you with in life, direction, sometimes it’s not until someone feels lost, that their true colors shine, or we get to see a side of them, without them knowing it, whether that’s mental illness, poor mannerisms, poor hygiene, self-harm, and reactions, pain sets in, and that’s allowing yourself to be overcome with illness, and that’s how I lost Jay after waiting for him for many years, met January 2013, before the blow job, its been a heartbreaking experience knowing him, the moody techie, to the kiss on the cheek, found. When people are hyper around you and enthusiastic about you, jump out of grumpy mode. Being a soldier is about having fun in life, feeling good around people, not holing up techno style in the zone, that’s too intense for comfort, and maybe seemed too dramatic, like I was going places in life, or gearing up for an occasion, to be face animated social, never actually. What was the big deal, is that seeing Jay after the Superbowl Commercial my sister-in-law was in, was made known to me afterward, after Tinder, after Superbowl, after Jay = #syphallis.