If it doesn’t involve you it doesn’t involve you, and unless you make things about you, or having to do with you, your life, what you’ve experienced, or people from your life, or people who know, and whos here and whos not here, claim affected, then it becomes a matter of why? There are some things better left unsaid, such as matters affecting your health, the health of others, your hygiene, your sexuality, all of these things in turn affect what is thought about you, by what you speak to, what words you express, and by what can be related to your life, your experiences, in order to what is thought to make better sense of you, and as treated, as someone who does not know themselves, and treated as someone who is unpredictable, are treated as someone not to be trusted, or who when in the position of trust or authority of another, is masturbated to or masturbates to, its never okay to masturbate to someone from your life, in your life, who you know, interact with, or work with, that’s just recipe for disaster, its only appropriate to engage in sexual relationships via contact in person or online or in private, in consensual spaces with replies, and which upon requests are made, that’s common sense, and you cannot read into any space without words, and assume is a communication to that subject, by eyes, by tone, by body shape, size, glow, weight, happiness, or health, think is because of masturbation or because of poor health, is the cause for masturbation, in my case yes it is, HPV and carcinoma cancer, was the cause of me experimenting with my sexuality and stopped putting out, after having had consensual sex with 22 men, that’s vaginal by penis always with a condom, except for one relationship in which birth control was requested for, and that’s when I contracted the HPV virus, and got carcinoma cancer, and had two surgeries to have cancer cells removed from my uterus, surgeries that cost $2000 each, on blue cross ppo. After surgery I was hospitalized on 5150 holds, 4 more times, twice as a law student, and twice in my first relationship after my last serious relationship that ended on Christmas Eve 2012, hospitalized by February 2013. That being said, not all of life is a matter of reading carefully, and by experience able to avoid hardships, discomforts, embarrassments and difficulties, not all who are wise or who love freely, ever anticipate getting hurt, its something you learn after you get hurt, how to not get hurt in the future, unfortunately that’s how life works sometimes, but the smarter you are with your heart, and the better you feel, and the more confident you are, the better decisions you make, like any business, love works the same way you invest your heart into it, and sometimes things work out, and you move forward with others, and sometimes things don’t work out, like jobs, business relationships, rapport, not all relationships are for the long term, and that you will just have to accept, and the more problems you bring to the table concerning your own identity and things made sense about your disposition as being “perverted” or “gay” then that’s how you will be treated as “in need” “wanting sex” from “man” or “woman” and then be treated or experimented with your sexuality by others more confident in their own skin about things, that’s just the territory that goes along with figuring yourself out, how to be loved, how to love others, how to be respected, and know when to stay and when to move on, who is around for sex, and who is willing to be around for the long haul: marriage. And some unwillingly to use their body to get love, decide to stop having sex, such as myself, once you realize the hurt, the feeling of needing more, and then you start providing for yourself, what you could not feel provided with, that sense of security for the long haul, long term commitment, certainty, and confidence that things are going to work out will work out, and knowledgeable of the reasons why, prior to any mass murders being committed, prior to school shootings, prior to COVID, prior to riots, and prior to having a record, what was life like then when you were well, sometimes those who attract good things into their life, don’t need everything good that comes into their life, sometimes its important for someone to focus on themselves and not others, and when focus is wanted from others, tends to distract us from our own primary purposes in life, to be successful, to be confident, and to feel smart. Generally things you want in life, you earn the hard way, nothing comes in easy in life, especially not love.
Originally posted: 08-12-13 late night 08-13-20