Feeling Good Being Human ...
There are more people important to love and care for during times of need, however it is already your responsibility to make sure everyone you have ever cared for continued to be cared for. Therefore all risks known to you, will never be too late to announce, something best in words, not by action, no actions in life will ever communicate better than words can describe, that’s when something is off cannot be made to feel better by an action. Therefore while love may be important it cannot fix things, not when things are not going right, and if someone needs to feel safe, then they are not who you should inform, if it’s a problem you cannot fix yourself, so that’s the difference between doing a good job helping others to keep tabs on whats going well, to not knowing what to say in the event that things suddenly don’t go well for you. To stop something bad from happening to you, let alone others, requires you to stop what youre doing the minute things feel off and take a step back, peoples feelings, texts, or emotions are not your emergency, unless its something you are capable of talking them through, and sex is never an emergency, nor a negotiation device to keep someone from harming you, nothing should be needed from you in order for someone else to have a solid hand against you in life, that may be their version of a losing hand for you in life, but you will never be completely lost until you give up in life, and that’s when you either give up on whats going well for you, or you try to do a better job of being yourself, that you cannot fix, someone who does not recognize your difficulties in life, and choosing to decide for you what people should think of you, there are so many unnecessary demonstrations in life, and its nothing to be insulted by, when its time for you to become fully accepted as a professional that time will come in the form of a paycheck, an application, and an acceptance of you to work for someone, that’s not representation, everything about you must be on point, everyone online must be on point, and everything you are being judged for must be at your best, already improved, which is a very difficult challenge in life, to work and get paid, we are not all well enough to work, we are not all smart enough to work, and we aren’t all given chances in life to prove ourselves, that much work must have already been done, no improvements necessary need be made to qualify for any advancements in life including a paycheck, or boyfriend for that matter. So that quality about someone, means they have already seen everyone struggle, they have already struggled, and no one can do a better job of representing the fact that no matter how bad things get that you can and will recover, that is someone who has already recovered, and no one needs to be attracted to me in order for me to be loved or admired by anyone who doesn’t already think that way about me, that’s not what life is about. The power in being a human being is not only to not be affected by anyone, but also lies in not needing anyone to know the difference between wrong and right, and no one who does you wrong in life will ever make you feel better, point you in the right direction, or help you to make things go better for you in life, that’s someone treating you like you are stupid, and letting everyone know that you are, so don’t get stuck anywhere you don’t belong in life. No one deserves that much experimentation. I can create opportunities for myself in life, and its not by being naked, or losing weight, or by money, that much cannot make you smart or feel well, that’s something basic to every human being feeling well, something we all have difficulty with. So if two people ever come to know eachother and one gets sick, its not the responsibility of anyone well to notify the entire world that someone is stupid or not feeling well, that doesn’t mean my mind is sick, that doesn’t mean I am stupid, there is no easy route to being known in the positive, and there is a tremendous amount of risk involved when things are not going well for you in life, that’s a sickness you cannot beat in life, feeling sick, describing how you were made to feel sick, there is no one to prove wrong in those circumstances, but to continue living life, never let anyone do anything to you to cause you to take your own life, life is not the difficult to begin with, and especially not if you are taken care of, and that’s not what makes someone look well, because they have it easy in life. So take my cars, take my home, and take $13,000 given to me as a loan from the government to continue being provided for to support me in the interim before I am able to get a job, but don’t cause sickness to me, simply because I don’t have money, don’t have a nice car, and a home of my own, I need nothing in life in order to be smart, and if I so choose to give up in life gain weight and look grose then that will be letting anyone win who didn’t think that I ever deserve to be well. And why didn’t I go to the hospital, because its not me who needs to give up, or who has given up on me, its someone who thought that I deserved to suffer and die, so that’s why I was not doing well. COVID is a good time to work in a simple way, its not a time to fight to see who matters, and that’s not what you do to people who are being steady and responsive, that’s not how you treat nice people, and that’s not how to make things go right for anyone, not me, not anyone, no one famous can help me, no one regular can help, that means I need to be alone, that doesn’t mean Im going anywhere in life, and you should not be the deciding factor to my future. Therefore if you destroy my future and cause me mental illness and if Im made to feel suicidal trashed online, then that’s why I lost 30lbs, and continued to write, until 5 months later ccan remind someone who is hurting me to please stop hurting me, and tell someone who I could’ve gotten to known better, make sure that’s hes okay and told them everything that was being done to me, so they know what happened to me, that’s not getting away with anything in life, that’s not being important to anyone, and that’s not how anyone should be made to feel in life, put in so much pain that they feel like dying, whats the point in causing death to me, to prove what points about life, as though I was ever on the wrong side of life. You don’t know me, you don’t know my condition. And no Im not a “schizoid” or a “lesbian” and I asked several times for this person to please stop trashing me online, that’s an example of someone who wont stop, and its not me that needs to forgive someone, and its not me that needs to give love to someone, who I was already loving toward, and its not his job to end my life for me, you don’t know what my goals in life are, you don’t know how smart I am, you don’t know how hard Ive worked, you don’t know how long I have been working toward wellness, you don’t know why I am being well online, you don’t care who Im helping, and you don’t see the value in someone who is well and trying to stay well when others are suffering, don’t then make it my fault for you not liking me or thinking Im a trashy example of a human being, I don’t need anyone in my life in order to survive and when I get a job, I will never let anyone convince me or others that I don’t deserve to live or convince me or anyone that suicide is an option, I went to law school to better understand myself, and I don’t care if you don’t understand me, and if you have a problem with me, shooting me in public, then maybe that means you need to see a Doctor or a take a medication for you to recognize the strength of a human being, no human being is strong enough to be devalued in public, that’s not what photography is for, to show an example of someone who you think is disgusting or stupid. I can talk to anyone I want to talk to in life, that’s not cheating that’s checking on people, and whatever you think it is its in words not in photos and not in words, and if I am not doing well I will never connect to another human being for the rest of my life, so that’s someone who comes into your life, and you telling them to stop hurting you and then you feeling sick. Two people who are not getting along can both do well in life, so long as one is not bothering the other, you don’t need to hurt me to light yourself up, or to removed the person from your life who you think is the disappointment, that is causing you to not feel good about yourself, means find another woman who is scaring for you, who does care for, and when I was fun, that was when I was fun and when I wasnt not made to feel sick or feel like Im dying suicidal or self-harming, in order for me to figure out why I am not feeling well requires me to notify anyone who is also not feeling well, that its my body that is feeling sick. So that’s a type of disconnect made by God, when people need to be alone, that’s not having fun or doing well for someone else, that’s doing all the work for 5 months to get to a better place in life to say that those same feelings make me feel like, like Im dying or mentally ill, means that everyones feelings matter. And if my mind does feel good I cannot make someone else mind feel good, so that’s how much pain was caused to me, or anyone who was doing well. No one is invincible to dislike, Im not the problem to your belief system, Im not the family that ever needed to be important, and Im not the person to destroy or blame for anything not going right in life, where is the sense in hurting someone who was being positive toward you and made you feel important. So that’s leaving a fight you cant win, someone who doesn’t stop hurting you like their condition is being affected by you being well someplace else online, you all are lucky enough that Im online that you get to hear from me, or know how Im doing or where I am in life, or whats going well for me, that doesn’t mean that I can talk to everyone. Im not that fortunate in life to hear from anyone after a breakup, I don’t have Facebook to stay connected to anyone Ive dated, in real life if you like someone and they are no longer in your life you never hear from then again, and sometimes you reconnect generally when things are going well for you, Ive never had a bad breakup in my entire life. So if it money that you want, then take the money, if its importance that you want be important. But you don’t need to hurt me and treat me like I have never made anyone not feel important in life, I treat all people the same, Im not competitive, Im not in need, and Im loving or nice to anyone who is nice or loving to me, that’s not what sex is for that’s not what talking is for, you don’t need to destroy someone so that they don’t have a life past a point of a breakup, you don’t need to be close to people to know where they are at with you. I was thoughtful enough to respond, and responded past the point of being made tired, that’s pushing myself at all hours of the night with energy I did not have that’s something 911 cant help you with someone who keeps bothering you, or who is making you feel like you don’t have the option to stop talking to someone, you cannot expect someone to be well and to smile or be loving if you are hurting them, that’s totally unreasonable and unnecessary even to someone who is 35. Im not that strong. And whats difficult about helping me, is that everyone things that I should sound different or look different and thinks there is something wrong with me if I am made to feel tired, we aren’t always in the mood to be social, there is no point of no return mental health wise, that cannot be aggravated or made worse by another observing you, you are not my doctor, I don’t need a diagnosis, if Im not being that way with anyone in life, its no ones business what I went through when I was not doing well. And if this website is not good enough for anyone to accept how hard it is to get a job, then I don’t have to write online anymore and will not share pictures anymore, because the minute you are well they think you’ve never been hurt before, and that just means I don’t have to try anymore being happy for anyones love in life, its not worth taking a good photo to not feel like that’s good enough and no one needs forgiveness for hurting me, many people overreact, and Im not someone who is able to be hurt by someone, and be the same person I was before I got hurt by them, that’s an unusal expectation, Im always affected by, doing well then being nice to someone who was mean to me, how does that give anyone closure to anything in life, I always appreciate support, respect a boundary gone public and taking down something that I don’t feel like arguing about, is not your solution to hurt me and to continue hurting me, that was so you don’t get hurt, because Im complaining, so respect that much, that is someone is doing well its that Im doing my best to move on, so you get made to feel sick by whatever it is Im going though. That much I don’t have figured out in life, why people are allowed to hurt me, and Im forgiving, or never judge anyone, but its not okay for me to set boundaries or be strong, why I always have to be nice to everyone and get treated as stupid. Figure out another human being, and don’t hurt me because you don’t think Im a nice human being. I only have one body.
Example: Talking about a fight that already happned, and then feel sick, after slef-harming, or made to feel sucidal. A doctor can tell you whats wrong, but thats by appointment, 24 hours a day, thats something you have to figure out for yourself, and you dont need to be that smart to be well enough for conversations or writing, you just have to not fight with anyone, if fighting causes me self-harm and suicide, then it doesnt matter who with the same can be done over and over again, and at this point in my life I punch my head and slam my head into doors, so whats your point, having the power to aggravate someone into suicide, thats yor being okay and thinking that I can handle a fight, I cant. So if Im at peace thats not fighting. You cannot negotiate with anyone who is not made happy by you, there are a lot of unhappy people in life, but it is my job to be happy and stay well, my life is not a show that you can ruin, or a job you can sabotage, or a life you can make worse, life is hard enough with disability and mental health issues, and if Im not smart enough to fight someone who doesnt know my limits in life, I dont need to slam my head into doors so that he recognizes what he has done is wrong, thats not the solution to empower anyone to become better or stronger, I have to do so well in life, so that no one is made to feel scared or not helped by me, thats protecting people not putting people in harms way, I dont make a big deal out of things unless I get sick, so dont make a big deal about where my head is at or how healthy I am, everyone gets sick, no one is that strong in life, to be made fun of in public, and still do well in life, totally unnecessary, to get everyone to think I message for sex, no one wants sex from me, and thats not my problem. Fights I cant manage on my own, when I am being attacked, take the $13000, I dont need money, and I want to get a job, and its for me to do well, and to help people who are well, this isnt a movement, Im a woman so that makes sense and Ive never been gay my whole life, everyone calling me names because my face looks grose thats because mean words hurt when you say them and that causes me to hear voices in my body (someone who thinks I need to see people in order to know when things are well or hear from anyone to know what to say or to do the right thing, Im the same as every other person, under the same pressures as anyone who is trying to get a job and to live life, no one can handle a negative attention or rejections for that matter, and I always see things in the positive, Ive never been hurt by any reactions job or breakup in my entire life, if not made public to determine whether I deserved to not be hired or let go, it is always your fault when someone doesnt want you anymore, thats a mind you cant change, how someone is made to feel by you. And no you dont need people to feel good about yourself, and life is best lived not admiring anyone for that matter, no one wants your attention, no one cares if you are proud of anyone and no one can help you if no one likes you or wants to know you anyways, so there is no point in being social or dating anyways, and work hard for anyones approvals anyways in life just to hook up its not worth all the effort your life is better lived doing your best to be smart, not to be liked in order for someone to have sex with you, its not a big deal, your not missing out, and thats not what has made anyone feel important anyways, its always by who is not bothered by you, is generally who you speak to, its not until you bother someone that no one wants to speak to you, and you cant fix anyone who doesnt like you or is mean to you, means that you should not have sex with anyone who does not value you or who thinks less of you and no that does not mean that you will find better or that someone else will like you, once you are mentally ill no one will have sex with you because your not smart enough and not cool enough to have sex, so thats what made me beautiful not because of what I look like naked, I still look disgusting naked, and no one wants to see someone naked who has had sex then no one will like someone who thinks they look pretty naked, so what was the point of seeing my body no one give a F what I look like, that is not the determining factor for anything in life it only causes trouble, no one even cares if Im half-raccoon so please stop insulting me, or anyone who has ever worked in the legal profession, no one smart is ever required to prove they are smart, thats a waste of time working for free, if I am working for free that is out of the goodness of my heart I am well in public, no one cares that much to figure out a profession maybe only 10 people have actually made money blogging), then its when someone does not like you that my head looks masculine and my face looks grose, thats not giving my beauty to anyone in life, thats causing me not to like myself, that doesnt mean Im gay or looking at other womens bodies or faces to figure out how to be pretty, I lost 50lbs and that was the only time in my life I was ever fit and pretty and that didn't seem to help at all or make anyone respect more, therefore no one cares what you look like if they dont like you they will never respect you and they will never help you therefore do not talk to anyone when you are feeling good or confident its a condition no one wants to see and thinks is offensive because no one cares where you have been in life and no one wants to help someone who is doing well when everyone is not doing well, they dont think you can help anyone and if you cannot help yourself then they dont think that you can help anyone and they also will not help you or train you in how to help others because if they dont like you then they do not want you to work for them and help people that go to them for help means that you are not the person who is helping or can help which is why Im online because I cant legally help anyone, not until Im off probation which I had to wait four years in order to apply again for government jobs, that was Im smiling because now I can get a job, that doesnt mean Im ready for whatever you think possible to hit me hard in life that will not steal the twinkle in my eyes and that does not mean Im blind and am not prepared to tell you why what you did to me was wrong, and there is no line or comeback that I can say that if I hear the same coming from another person that I would not agree with if similarly situated to inherit the same new information that comes to mind when you think something that does not include everyone best interests to think too, thats my thinking its not just for me its also to prevent people from hurting someone who they do not recognize as being from their own Country does not mean that I can travel if Im not happy here I will not be happy in any Country, no one wants to take care of someone who is mentally ill people only like you when you are well. All sex is grose (its private unless you need to report it, and if youre mentally ill, no one can help you, so recognize that your not for sex if its not helping you to improve or if you think that is what makes you look stupid, then that means that you look stupid and people think its your fault you look stupid, and no one cares about someone who is stupid, not if they think its your fault, then apparently talking to the US Supreme Court, The White House, and HRW was not good enough, no one gets away with anything they are responsible for in life and anyone who looks important its probably because they were just being nice it doesnt mean that they need help, its a compliment when someone appears well in front of you, and is always necessary to look your best thats apart of life not looking like there is something wrong with you) there are other ways to make people feel good in life that does not require you using your body, we only have one body, theres got to be a better way of showing love.
Please stop stalking my family, the family who has light now, we respect your light, please leave theirs alone.
Originally posted 12-11-20
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