Whats even worse than everything you say getting repeated is when others say things for you to repeat and say, and as the words spoken through you feel a sense of empowerment over you, that’s them treating you as below them, and them feeling better than you as though you deserve suffering and or ridicule. I just relapsed had 5 beers on 03-25-19, my sober date was 04-02-17, for no reason in particular, its not instead of self-harm one self-harms but it’s in a positive way not allowing others embarrassments as toward you, can embarrass yourself, its no ones responsibility to correct your reputations in life, and drinking is never the solution for anyone who knowingly self-harms, to self-harm, not all those who self-harm who are not close to anyone, understand the consequences of self-harm and not to speak for others, only myself, its not until it is too late, that we realize the consequences of self-harm. Its for no one to judge for what reasons read or misread, and upon who is blamed for whos condition, illness occurs, that not the responsibility of the well to pick others apart, you can either participate in getting well or opt out of receiving care from others, whos care you are not under at the time you self-harm, that’s not being fake, that just opting out of receiving care from someone or a group of people you felt harmed by, that is not being permitted to run at night, on Provigil and hospitalized for 28 days for going to a meeting unshowered in a hat, talking about breakups and how breakups were causing me to not feel well. Whenever you get tired whether its from working or unwanted pressures in life either you or others put on you, never assume that it is for retaliation others hold something against you, often times once you provide defenses the side of the other is automatically taken, that’s not a fight its whatever makes people feel better is the side taken, I was hospitalized and the ER let me go home, then my Father was hospitalized, that’s not the same as 2009 when I attempted suicide and my Father was hospitalized, the times are not the same, the pressures, not the same, I had no reason to be embarrassed always a lady in public and with a positive reputation, and never an alcoholic, it is who you surround yourself with that you become a product of when using drugs or alcohol, for what reason people experience mental illness, if there has been a previous misuse of drugs or alcohol you can always credit their current hardships to their past uses, that’s just a fact of life, that peoples unhappiness’s are much to do with their poor decision making skills and that what has happened to them in life is a result of their poor decision making skills, understand that it is never the victims fault, and not wait until one becomes mentally ill to them then label them the opposite as deserving of mental illness to free oneself from blame, 2017 was the worst year of my life, and do not plan to discuss or relive that year just like 2009 #stopsuicide.
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