11-29-20
Before there were protests, there were celebrations, maybe premature for us, but one poster stood out to me, I think the lettering in support of SCOTUS with a circle around it, overseas, when another Country was freed, Im not sure if we are fans of, or which Jews built what, and why I was introduced to Tiesto in the Engineering Quad by a friend who climbs, and is Russian, went to an International High School in Egypt, anyways, who then moved above the Deli many years later and was introduced to Yo La Tengo. Tiesto's bebo song is no where to be found, saved in college, mix stolen, probably along with all my other CD's, thats not my social security number, which happened this year, same old, fancier ways of being hurt in life, that get out of control, so Im sorry, how I got hurt and my family got hurt, with no money, people asking for money, received from edd.gov, so apart of me not completely sharp coherent yet, thats the embarrassing part of disability, I would never slow anyone down to meals and goodnights, thats too slow. But I hear the sense in seeing if I recognize the difference between normal conversation, the pen pal life, its odd, Im sorry, I usually dont talk to anyone, to to be sized up as dumber than I was trying to appear online, is okay just not to who has been supporting me, not convince them Im the cause for their sufferings, as not having done a good enough job sticking up for myself when needed, and letting everything slide, while I was made to look like someone making $hit up, or complaining, about the type of life and interactions I had, probably someone who was making fun of my quotes campaign, as an unnecessary reference to someone who died, seeing me as taking his place, I read his website before I committed suicide, why the F do you think Im still alive, because I dont say $hit, move forward in life, thats not sizing up anyone paranoid, which you learn in Rehab or by Ferguie, the make believe gov't agents spying on you, which if is anything, they dont do much these days other than slow me down, or send voices, which could be someone trying to see whether I communicate with strangers, once in front of my friends house called at night, someone came up to my car, then I was put in jail, he got pulled into an SUV by the world police, I drove him to Heroine detox weekly, in exchange for an adderrall, sober prescribed 5 adderralls already, a runner, skinny, fit. And once walking home from a march to Westwood and back, in front of the bank building with a planter and a missing window, someone random appeared, I saw behind me, so thats when youre alone, people showing up, means that you either appear in need, or someone who needs help not being helped, or not on the right meds at home, while on Provigil walking for 2 hours everyday and on night meds, just to lose 10 lbs, thats why I was trying so hard, really nothing to do with the meetings, if I video myself on my remade Instagram mymollydoll1985, which if Im not well in public after meeting those with normal lives, then I dont look like I appreciated how special that was everyone there and in positive spirits, means thats when I returned not acknowledged was intended to make me seem like I relapsed because I threw away a cocaine baggie (one left with), after the move to the new house, which made me look trashy, and because I dont throw out my trash, makes it seem like it was found, and I was told on, and then put on ambien and in the hospital I stayed Spring 2011, when I drew a fact pattern in crayon, a girl sitting under a tree, and a truck accident on the freeway, which maybe is known to them, watching TV of the riots, not a story I have told, but the entire hospital is painted now, and I found a cricket in my bed, the nurse's name is Leslie I think I wouldve remembered that, I dont really participate socialize, I requested smoking, so was sent to a hospital in Chino, if I start talking to myself in my hospital bed, telling jokes, noticing the family drawn on the arm pump, and talking to the plug, means Im delusional, because thats not code, or is that funny only to maybe them, real to me, stands out, means I probably am too paranoid, and communications are not that sophisticated for building trust, but should anyone gather evidence of you having fun in public and not made scared by strangers than that is how you becom not trusted, and if you try to help others, they think is because both sides know you, which is also scary to think about. Which is why being famous is not fun, I need to get a masters in international negotiations, and without an attorney to advise me, on how to get my life back on track, just listen, and will disclose in the future if there are any strangers perched around me, and not be out at night, which is why I ahve been home going to bed at 8pm every night, and was arrested by the police, once in front of a school, because I stayed in my car all night, so thats others talking to the police, and because of how you have behaved, so threatened your own families wishes to stay in your room, something I talked about by video to my iPod, in front of the Roosevelt, my Dad shouting at me to stay in my room, I went running one night they were filming, a gang in orange kept popping up on my street one in shorts, and I ran through a movie set, they were filming a scary movie, we were notified by flyer, I used to hit my head talking to myself outside my house, I think Ive come along way, trust wise, just today lost my face again, because I slammed my head into a door, so not strong mentally or physically, Im sorry, will do my best not to be scary, and stay healthy, even though a lot has happened to me in life, thats no excuse, for hurting your family, for being out at night, that not only makes you look bad, but serves as an excuse for everyone to treat you as mentally ill like your on drugs, happened twice, takling exactly as prescribed, if I miss a night of sleep, punished, saying Im overdosing when Im not, so the last year I have not been stable running out of meds, taken off meds for two weeks slept at home did not go to the hospital saw a Psychiatrist who told me that I dont have ADHD, and prescribed me Vyvanse, this was March, which is okay, they're the doctor, so if I tell them what works for me, that gets interpreted as me telling them, so if you have disability, and self-harm, just let them know, so they know what meds to take you off of if youre coming across as unruly or too strong to anyone for that matter, allow people to second guess you, its by their decisions in life, you were given a life to live, so no at no other point in time do you know better, or is your timing in life important for anyone for that matter other than yourself, to lose weight, which isnt that important of a goal, being accepted as normal, and not be treated as a truant, drug addict, or "derilic" talking to yourself on your way to jail, Id prefer not please. Writing is a much better form of communication than going nuts with nothing to do, and no job, which I think was the joke, someone smart with nothing to do, so anticipating that posted "Ron Give Me My Job Back." Because thats exactly where you guys are going when you take it all the way back, which is why NYC supports all "never forget." Was that a "never" as in Michael Jackson? As in Neverland? Shes been to the ranch, got in a car accident in a golf cart listening to Michael Jackson in the mini Lincoln, and they lost their driving privileges, and had to take the train, so that was being gifted a Yellow Jeep Boombox, and a box of CDs, the card is probably gone by now, never were gifts viewed by me to be internal communications, but afterward when you share, makes you seem like someone who is given clues in life and misled by things you see or hear or know or come to believe in people who are later found to have harmed others, on the wrong teams in life, if by experience, you were not harmed during your experience, explains why the age demographics wanted to be known, and seeing Facebook is a younger demographic, half nude photos were shown of me, so no me auditioning for NBC's "The Voice" is not it, the blog is. So I hear your war conspiracies of me saying one thing and thinking Im connecting to other teams in life, I get how thats alarming, it alarms me too, Los Angeles is complicated enough as it is, no fighting required, chill, at peace, so the unwanted tourism, is not by my demonstrations to an audience being watched by someone bad, its Wordpress has my domain, Im not sharp enough to get it back but we are still in talks, I told them I hired someone, and ICANN blocks moves now, prohibits moves, so I couldnt figure it out anyways, put a message on my WHO IS to everyone. So I recognize that case, and I dont think that nude photos should have been asked beyond what I normally take, actually naked as though that was going to stop someone from hurting me who wouldnt stop being intense toward me, yes I felt responsible to calm this person down, he called my Mom, had it not been for the lawsuit, then the same steps wouldnt have been repeated to make me look like I was intense at the time I was sued in need or upset by anything that any person I was talking to was responsible for, that means its out of the hands of the person you are talking to, why people who are already getting F over and dont know why, is difficult to permit to speak, because it looks like someone was getting hurt, and didnt say anything because one has guilt, and thats not how life works. Maybe everyone tips eachother off, to maintain some comradere over whos who, but its not until no one feels sorry for you, or does not empathize with you, and sees you as lesbian who sleeps all day, and sees their mom as having to do my laundry, as though she should not be taking care of me, well I started cleaning my own room, you can have the treadmill, it was for me, prime exmaple of moms advice working on others, but cant fix me, not their fault, thats just how I am, everyone connected except me, then everyone angered by me, let me know when Im the leader, and let me know when to take the lead of others, and let me know when Im being out of line, I almost got kicked out of my own house, means I just F-d up, and these are not issues that my parents can handle, why my Dad told me to stop blogging, and showed me a picture of the LA Times Building, back in the day, they got attacked, I see what you guys think, so writing isnt surviving in lieu of being bullied, it is not better of a life, but at least Im speaking, so that doesnt mean I was ever suicidal, everyone just knows my quirks now, so its easy to get under my skin and hurt my head, and thats not intentional, thats just me now keeping my distance, and thats okay, painful for no reason, occurs when things are at peace, and everyone is fine, then someone who seems well because others are not doing well is rising to a some version of king kong online celebrity status, which is a gift back for something youve done well, not because of something youve done wrong, and even if its someone doing you wrong, you cant go back if you were the one who got made to look bad, and a President you finally got to be in sync with through all the action this time, got sick, means that is why Im being blamed, because it looks like post "impeachment" I reached out to talk to someone, who I didnt have a problem with, who didnt know me, then as I got sick expecting me to do better, then once able to stand, knocked me out completely from any running respect wise, looking like I assaulted the President and sent him nude photos, past Hemingway, you know I didnt advise him to go to The Philippines, but I still took responsibility for all his coverage of the Asian States (Countries), not like they dont care, or dont have excellent systems for belief making already pre-established, if only they could fix their sky, California did awesome in that respect! So proud!
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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