Some will be happy for you on your way up and some will be less than supportive, those who are supportive no matter to what extent they know you care, never assume that others no you outside of your interactions with them. If you go out and are not well and have not yet fully adjusted to the voices that come with blogging, whether in acceptance of you or not … that’s not your responsibility or opportunity to contest the voices, which upon cause you self-harm as responding to, or giving a voice to the voices that have harmed you, is not your responsibility to provide support back to those who think that by talking to you without permission have been supporting you … if learned from you, then that is the reason why people chime in from time to time, as that is a lesson they have learned from you … to say something when youre not feeling well or upon being offended always report to someone above you. Dating however does not work in the same way, once they do not want you anymore, any subsequent talking is a he said she said, battle … with people taking sides as to who was the culprit of the failure of the relationship … if no one thinks highly of me … then all the more reason so for being defensive and putting myself down … to honor their privacies as not wanting to be exposed as someone who contributed to my mental health issues, that’s really going out of my way … to make amends backwards … at my expense, or talk to people, who people think we had more than a relationship as friends with … if upon meeting someone once that does not mean a relationship … and any subsequent failure of that relationship is obviously not of my doing failed. When you sober up enough … to value yourself … and not be so free loving … no matter what your weight or disability you will attract positive attentions in life. It should not be about taking sides, due to a failure in a relationship, and no one should be on edge about me going out, Im allowed to go out, that’s not a failure on my part not to stay home, Im 33 I deserve to go out.
Usually when you are not doing well in life a loss of faith happens to you, when either you stop performing to standards or when others deem your performance not up to standards for them to accept you. There is much to the game of acceptance … that requires you to be focused on yourself … not interpret whats around you … but be a steady voice of reason first able to talk yourself through your problems, and secondly to be able to help others talk themselves through their problems. When you are not doing well ALL that power is lost, and similarly if I drink ALL that power is lost (another argument how much faith to divest per person, or upon yourself individually, depend mostly on yourself in life for guidance not lean toward peers in lost phases), that is a giving up in life, not to be commended for by anyone … but it signals a loss of faith within yourself. Do not lose faith in yourself simply because you do not want others to lose faith in you, do not lose faith in yourself because you do not want to lose faith in your abilities to stay well and perform well, and be accepted by others, as a general rule one should always have friends, jobs, and things that they like, its not required that you share your dislikes in life, or be judgmental toward the likes of others, that’s overstepping boundaries of wellness to judge the wellness of others, as well or not well based upon the actions of others, or based upon the input of others, as being responsible for those changes in communication toward individuals, as about them or about others, that’s the phase we are in, always speak in your natural language and by your dialogue you carry a conversation, that’s an outer dialogue not connected to your inner dialogue, everyone gets treated differently, and depending on the closeness of a person to an audience or group of people, treated differently or the same. You’ll walk in some rooms a complete stranger, that’s one of the beautiful discomforts that life has to offer, learn to be poised in those spaces … and never give up mental health wise. #sober
Its not that it makes no difference to use humor, but it makes no difference not to care, and not to say anything at all. If the repercussions of sharing causes and consequences have affected anyone in the negative for that I am sorry (the argument looked for) upon sharing a theory about Clueless (that in theory the movie was made to do away with times, and the trauma of going backwards, comedy), that’s not why my hand was fractured after it hit the shower door. Do not associate my injury and upon sharing my injury of self-harm, to be affected by the death personally of someone in the movie. A movie not about my neighborhood or the people in it, but filmed in the neighborhood, to that which we were affected, so the literal sharing of how someone who passed away passed away in the shower after taking meds, is hurtful to be compared to as someone out of three most like, or someone out of all most like. That’s not the solution to categorize people as types of people or to categorize people by likeness to others, and then use those comparisons, to type them as offenders, victims, or drug addicts, why its important not to study too closely the lives of people who have harmed others, as it is likely to be manifested through your own life, in how you treat others, influenced by. You cannot change your upbringing, mine was very pleasant, and you cannot change your past, my time drinking after leaving law school, what you can change is presently how you process those events, and then make certain that you are not one of them, and that you are not being categorized as someone among those who are generally abhorred by society not accepted, criminals. That is a distinction to which some are comfortable with, I’m not one of them.
You can’t rush through life, and you certainly cannot rush through your past, whenever going through anything time sensitive one should be careful not to unearth old concepts that we’ve bypassed already, and not to cause waves where there are none, that’s the peace that’s underway, and the disturbance of peace, well that’s mindfulness, to choose to be apart of that wellness creation or to take a back seat as a reader, that’s your option in life, not to be in cohorts with anyone, not even me the writer, when it comes to thinking and thought processes. Not everything needs to feel like a hostage situation, to know when to stop. That chest tightness, is stress caused by what you’re thinking not what others are thinking, and by the time you get to an AA meeting and everyone is at ease around you, then you will appreciate the wellness of others, and understand how being conservative or hippie has destroyed parts of your life, and how being open to others, has brought people into your life, all walks of life. There is a positive and a negative to this personality type … those who are open arms to others, those who are welcoming, and those who do not wish to share the same environments with others, due to illnesses, I’ve been all places, and know that no such transfers occur, health wise. -Self-harm is a true illness, of giving up on ones self, and creating excuses for your behavior and thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, kind to others, and keep moving forward.
People return to AA for different reasons, whether your relapsing on your own, having difficulty with medication management, or sleep, these are all reasons or symptoms not always of a greater disease that is bipolar or blogging. People need people, just like people need friends, or people need to be social, or work, or maintain professional or private lives, this can all be achieved sometimes with a support group, I attended two support groups IOP and AA, both of which have helped me move along, get jobs, and find success career wise blogging. I was able to work this year too, fancy that. You have to be a positive person to do things in life, and with positivity be able to function in life, its hard to get anything done when you are not in positive spirits or not doing well. Be circled backwards to time periods or events that have caused you or others you love trauma … that’s a learning lesson, when to stop. Its sometimes common place to take things too far in the face of trauma, that is knowingly understanding how redirecting the thoughts of self can also help others too achieve a redirection of thoughts, called a thought disorder, when you are putting things together wrong, or putting things together in a way that harms either your psyche or the psyche of others. We all are entitled to our own vision boards in life, and we are all entitled to think, imagine, and put together life as we know it not based upon how someone else sees the world, the world is a big place.
There are certain things you do not discuss outloud, much of it having to do with your right to privacy. Everyone gets help in different ways from Attorneys, Doctors, Friends, or Companions. Those are advices given to you to help you, disassociate from whatever fears are taking place of your driving forces in life, that is your positivity. There will be some who by their negative viewpoints see you as problematic, that is their voice as through me to make them feel better. Know your place, if you cannot win in life with all, then that is no reason not to blog and not to share your two cents, to their chagrin … by what words you choose in what references to. Do not use my platform, I built with my own two hands … and use it as a basis for rationale or justification from your viewpoint of whats going wrong in society … that is your negative viewpoint that society is ill or that social circles feel illness toward me, no one ever complains about me, and Im always welcome to share online, on my website, when I so choose to. Over time as a blogger and with experience you will learn that less is more, there are certain things you do not discuss, one thing I’m known for not discussing are romance, dating, and relationships, that’s a subject area I am saving for later in life … when Im at a better place in life. There are so many other things to talk about, that will bring you happiness and success in life, and that’s not all to do with sex, drugs, or alcohol use, which usually brings you all three of those things in life, if you chose wisely. What is degrading is when you are on an up and doing well and someone brings you down, that’s the other side to being lifted up when you are doing well, and when someone lifts you up and you are brought down further by something past, well that creates an inner struggle, and to who is attributed to your wellness, well that is your own responsibility to get well, not to the burden of others to get you well or for you to do well.
As someone who is not perfect, the main problem is sharing to an audience that thinks less of me, and then upon self-harming letting them win “oh yeah shes not fit to write for everyone” or think “oh just what I expected … not suited for writing to a large audience.” These are things I hear people saying, not necessarily what people are saying. To be nice. Theres an inner dichotomy that chooses to keep separate posts on separate blogs of separate material, which can then be used for a book, one book. I have self-published manuscripts online, that’s not a finished product, a finished product is with an editor, read before being published to all. The reason I don’t talk about self-harming is because if mentioned it happens again, much like a witch can craft a stew of potions and say numerous things to invoke spirits in others, I would never do the same to myself or my audience, these are called personal battles you fight on your own in the privacy of your home, with medications, and therapy, these are hard subjects to talk about, why comedy cannot be used in blogs, and why Im not allowed to stay in my car at night and run and write … all of which I have been punished for. You have to build tolerance for these people, you can’t just pop a pill everytime someone is not pleased with you and go in the complete opposite direction of wellness to spite them. The only person youre hurting then is yourself, when you self-harm, that does no good, only further pressures them to pressure you and test your limits in life by talking to you, you have to be your own person, and not allow what others have to say to affect you especially your actions toward yourself, get affected.
You cannot leverage off of the successes of others, and likewise cannot leverage feelings off the wellness of others, that is not wellness, to achieve the same to surround yourself with others who are not well or be surrounded by others like you, and be treated as less than or not well. That is not acceptance … acceptance is no matter how difficult your day is or no matter what mood youre in accepted the same, much like unconditional love works, you have to be unconditional toward yourself, in order to be loved by others. Whether that’s in a relationship or in a working relationship admired and appreciated, that’s for you to decide in what ways you achieve fulfillments in life. For women especially love is a huge factor in self-love, being loved by others, a companion, and to be with someone who is unconditional towards you or helpful helping you to stay on track and do well in life. That is love. Its hard to replicate anything in a different environment … coddling is rarely a successful strategy toward maintaining relationships and often times too much coddling or compliment, can ruin relationships. There will be people in your audience who will care at differing levels, its not required to love anything that benefits you, but if you benefit from having read this and do not love me, that does not affect me, as I am loved and supported by a select few of individuals, and I do not need to go anywhere to be loved or to find love, I have love in my heart for myself, for my future, for my personal endeavors, to finish Law School, and to get a job, I have goals in life, irrespective of whether I am married, I chose to focus on Career. That’s my choice.
Its usually when you already have something going for you in life that new opportunities arise for you in life, whether you can manage all those chances in life, determines how fulfilled you feel, whether feeling set back by losses in chances to bloom, or whether you have the ability to bloom with those new opportunities that lend themselves to you. Its all up to you how productive you want to be in life. The more effort you put into your day, the more you’ll get out of each day … much of life is about suiting up and showing up. The better you feel, the better off you’ll be accomplishing youre goals in life, and the better others will feel around you. If you are ill suited or ill prepared to accomplish a task, don’t beat yourself up over it, plenty of people have applied for jobs in new fields they know nothing about, I worked in film for 3 months and have never worked in film before, and was promoted to Executive Assistant. We all grow and learn at our own paces in life, my best advice would be to do what you love, and by doing what you love whether it be blogging, or law, or makeup, you will achieve the positivity required to take on more tasks in life, with greater responsibility, and get the following or trust you are working towards necessary in order to feel achieved and loved again in life, whole.
Eckhart Tolle once said, “You are the universe expressing itself as human for a little while.”  While that may be true, your universe is a shared universe with others, especially if you don’t live alone and while living alone you may think youre independent of others but at the same time dependent on others for love and support. As you get older more is expected of you, an ability to finance your own life, by working, and to give back to those who have provided support to you over the years … if this is something you struggle with you are not alone. Blogging has been my passion for years, now working on a book … I have self-published 3 books on my own … but that’s not how to earn a living, you would think that by doing something you love you would be able to earn a wage, but that’s simply not the case. There are plenty of paying jobs you have to apply for, if you are willing to give up your side gig, I would not recommend blogging to anyone who does not have financial stability. Put more years into your life, I would say would be the solution, don’t overwhelm yourself, but in the time upon realizing my own mortality, due to a fire, I wrote 4 books, self-published 2 of them (on my website on lulu.com), and almost finished with Law School at Thomas Jefferson School of Law … working on my Dissertation. When push comes to shove where are you in life, and how able are you to accomplish your goals in life, sometimes you just have to work with what you’ve got, and go from there. Other times you have time at your disposal, and can self-pace your daily accomplishments as you go, other days you barely have time to go to the gym, read a book, go to doctor appointments, and work on your studies and side gig as a blogger, but its all possible.
If you are interested in the concept of blogging and would like to blog, there are a range of opportunities for you to do so, while Weebly may not be a popular blog spot online, I know that Wordpress is, and plan to one day move my website to Wordpress. Its hard to start anything on your own, and usually with support and feedback, that helps keep you moving in a positive direction, there are a lot of opportunities to fail elsewhere, photographing yourself in compromising ways, or getting unwanted attentions from others critical of you. I have been very experimental with my blogging online over the years … and have found when I am most at peace with myself, I get the most following, not by necessarily baring it all. It doesn’t always show that you are a comfortable person, when you share personal details about your life, in fact youre more likely to upset others by sharing personal details, than you are to made seem approachable, that’s not how to appear approachable. Always be yourself. Don’t say anything out of discomfort either, you’re likely to be read in the negative as someone who is lacking confidence or not fit for their following, how many people wish they had 800 followers and what they would write or say if they had that kind of following, we can’t all be popular. Just accept when you are doing well online, and accept those moments when youre not as popular online, as it changes. Depending upon how much you share, not depth to your life, but as in how much output words you share matters, that’s how to get a following. The answer to my question is … not that perfect, without sharing details about my physicality or face, I think its through your writing that you attract a following, not by your connections or by who you know.
As a writer, working on a book … you have to be careful what you mass produce about self, just like rumors, can cause emotional disturbance to be misunderstood or critiqued in any way, after sharing you heart with the world, why we have drafts, first drafts, and second drafts, Im glad I did not put anything in stone yet, and have given it a year or so to marinate. I think writing a book takes time … I had a high of 886 and 749 this week, but that doesn’t always translate to a perfect week. I ran three times for 2 hours these past 4 weeks, maybe that’s what did it for me, positivity wise. You have to be complaint with your medications to have a good week once you start taking meds, and that doesn’t always translate to a better sense of self, there will always be things to process past about your life that you’ll be unhappy with but its mostly your responsibility to ride the highs and stay positive even when youre feeling drained or tired. Pacing yourself is so important as a writer, especially if youre writing live to your audience without editing. That’s in real time how youre feeling, matching up in real time how other people are feeling, that’s the beauty of blogging. Not all people are the same, and not all writers are the same, and some share more or less about themselves than others, I on the other hand am very open about myself, not as professional as I would like to appear online, but good enough for 4,317 (7 days) people this week, for that I am proud to be a writer.
When relationships were in real life … those were the days, ice cream Tinder dates, and sit down dinners. Today most relationships are online, for the most part I don’t think that those in healthy relationships write about relationships, but I’m one of them. If you’re missing your crush or your boyfriend who never calls or texts you but on occasion, than you’re in the same boat as me, waiting. You should wait for those that you love, I don’t think dating is for the attached or people in open relationships, it’s a one way street, some can date two but some are less than adept at controlling their feelings or emotions when attached to more than one. I think theres a heavy inner frustration to loving someone you cannot be with and then being rejected by someone you love and cannot be with. Romeo and Juliet Im sure was not a tragedy about a messenger relationship, but it makes sense now … loving someone you cannot be with, that’s not a new phenomenon, people used to collapse at concerts upon seeing musicians they know and love. That makes sense. Today we are lucky enough to connect with those we love and admire through fan mail, not to be abused. But it almost feels like a real relationship, upon talking to a few well known names, and getting replies from them. When youre put together, let them chase you, I was raised to “let them come to you.” However in today’s world with texting and messenger its too easy to mess up and be the first to talk … or check in. I think it’s a positive whenever you get to hear from someone who likes you … hopefully it’s the same for them, not an annoyance. When I get texts I feel better about myself, its okay to check in with others, its not okay to continue texting past the point of rejection, no you will not get an explanation about why you were rejected, but you will assume to better yourself, and if you think you’re all that, get defensive. No one is at their best upon a break up, its usually about something either you or they could be doing better, relationships aren’t easy. Monogamy is hard … being attentive and at the same time not getting jealous by the attentions that others pay to your loved one, sharing is caring. Learn how to be stable and proud of yourself with or without a partner in life, you’ll be sure to lift them when youre around not bring them down.
Its starts with you, not with the reactions of others toward you as you cannot control what people think or say about you, or how they interpret you. Whether they wish to think that you are a product of your own unhappiness and negativity or whether you think that their negative reactions toward you are a product of their unhappiness and negativity with you, some balance needs to be achieved, a happy medium. What is the end goal? Peace? What is the end goal success? What does it mean to be successful? According to google.com “if your goal is to spread peace and positivity …. [then] (1) don’t take it personally, (2) stay patient and create space, and (3) be peaceful and smile.  In the face of negativity don’t give your power away. There are many reasons why someone could be unhappy: (1) lack of self-esteem or self-confidence (2) unhappiness with themselves or their lives (3) trauma (4) difficult situations such as financial duress, job loss, health issues etc. (5) jealousy or envy of others (6) difficulty communicating or (7) narcissism,  these are all explanations of why someone may be exhibiting “destructive … [or] uncaring behavior” more commonly it can be understood that those “who manifest … negative behaviors are showing an outward display of inward pain.”  We can do our best to control our public appearances, but sometimes our personal life struggles spill out into the public sphere. Whether that’s through blogging, our writing, or how we appear … people may be more or less accepting of us, depending on how we appear to care for ourselves, and by the extent to which we care for ourselves. I think its okay to think highly of yourself, but not to the extent that it is offensive to others, your self-confidence, some have none, whether that’s a product of loss of self-esteem, or unhappiness with themselves, it is up to you to be a positive person, through it all. Don't let anyone affect you.
Some of us have off days and some of us have really off days, you can’t keep up with trends you don’t follow, some days are easier than others, feeling put together in life or on trend. I just started free reading again, I was at a reading speed of 1 book in 3 days … however now have found myself writing more, I think that’s a natural progression to go from periods of focus to periods of action … depending on what you study or read about, similarly what you expose yourself to, is what will affect you in the future moving forward, or what will manifest itself though your inner dialogue and conversation with self and others. To which points you reach in life, and depending upon your exposures, everything influences one another, not always visible on the outside of a person, what their interests are or who they follow, or what they know, we can’t all be experts at everything. Some of us by our exposures look luckier than others, to be given opportunities to be among others, to see people who are successful and to be apart of, such as attending a Laker Game. These are just recent thoughts Ive had … how you can hear one thing (positive or negative) and do the same as you hear (positive outcomes or negative outcomes) sometimes self-sabotaging, and sometimes if you hear things in the positive to a negative thought can correct that thinking. It all depends Ive been told on a willingness to change, adapt, and learn how to recover … unless you are willing to change, you will not change, and unless you are willing to learn, will you learn. In recovery from any injury or self-injury or relapse, you will have days when you feel on top of the world and capable and days when you feel off, sometimes what you have to say will be helpful and other times what you have to say, will be more or less inspiring to others, #sober (04/02/17).
Never capitalize on the illnesses of others, on during the quiet moments of peace we have. As a general rule, that’s not the time to be energetic, but if you are suffering do what you can to bring yourself up before lifting others, as this takes time, why condolences are offered to the sick, and we focus on presently what is going well for ourselves, that doesn’t require the necessity of building points of discussion to avoid discussions rarely is that the solution, or so it seems, that way. When someone is having a good day, others may not be doing well, and likewise it can be felt when one is not having a good day, that others are doing well. Don’t assume that all people are connected and for those reasons react or respond to others. Sometimes the timing of your life is not in sync with your environment, with people, or nature, sometimes that’s a psychiatric issue sometimes not, if you stay sober you are less likely to assume the negative in defense to your past, or words chosen used in private to others, used to treat you like you are [being bad] or how you are presently is how you were then and for the same reasons justify so, when I self -harmed that was not in front of 93k people, for a Shorty Award, that was in the privacy on my own home, after relapsing ... which I had not told anyone about (approx. January 2017) [Sober: 2014], its not necessary to retaliate on people, in expectation of them causing harm to you or your psyche if meant well spoken about in the positive, that’s a positive rapport or solicitation of your being, not in connection to negatives and or I the client, if speaking directly to anyone who has been offended by my presence, that’s not something I can control what goes on around me when Im in public, I never solicit for negative attentions in life, that’s not who I am, closest to being Amish, I don’t watch TV and conservatively dressed my whole life, minus a Sky top, and photos to boyfriends judged for in public to my face as though its okay to go through my phone or computer in law school before given the opportunity to see the light of day, that is an outside perspective, now my position and identity has been taken as a well member of society, suited best for those who think they know better than me how to be me, or how to behave in front of 93k people, or speak to them, appropriately, everyone is new.
Another anti-climatic heading from you, is what I bet youre thinking … where to now rogue, I’m not sure. #KeepFriendsTogether is probably why I was in attendance … on a more serious note, thats the issue that hits close to home, but you end up some place related to the issue and march anyways, because it’s a system of support already in existence. I don’t think you experience life and end up a bigger or better person, I think that you may have experiences in life and by those exposures to negativity or self-harm feel like the bigger or better person, that is a status that cannot be manipulated, but certainly tells you whether you are well or not upon meeting me, depending on you you feel better than or bigger than via the sharing of my experiences. I don’t think there is anything chummy about sharing your troubles with others, it usually makes the other feel better than you … with their psychologist caps on reading you … those who were once your friends, and free therapists, later in life get jobs and provide professional counseling to others in their business affairs it just so happens. I don’t think that you can relive life, in any state of wonder about where you are in comparison to others, but that doesn’t mean you need to start your life over or a sign that you are starting your life over, sometimes, a complete do-over in life is not in your foreseeable future and you have to just keep going with what you’ve got, not all have the privilege and the times, nor the monetary support, to start over in life, whether that’s by acquiring another Masters degree to get jobs, just take what is given to them, and from there grow, there are no short cuts in life, to experience and professionalism.
In the heat of the moment anything you say comes back to bite you as the source of negativity from which words are spoken or decisions are made, and its not until everyone has had their revenge and you are ill suited, until they feel better about themselves or by what you have said past, vindicated their rights to put you down in life, that is a common struggle of someone who is forced to go to rehab, for alcohol, in law school and forced to go to rehab to be taken off all meds in law school, that was my second hospitalization with my then boyfriend telling me that “he felt like hanging himself” … it was a comment I then repeated in the ER … by your exposures, when connected to people you love can be easily affected when someone you love is not doing well or not sounding like themselves, this I know personally and have been through without talking about others, and putting them at risk of harm by sharing a story from 2011, of when my then boyfriend was struggling in law school both of us winning CALI and Witken Awards that semester, was easily affected, and drained, do not be ashamed of your past when you are required to go through your 4th step and even if you later get paranoid and assume that’s what it was, its not your fault, if you think your boyfriend read your step work, its probably something else, not your Twitter, and certainly not your friends fault if you become ill, it has more to do with your personal interactions and stability that is what makes you appear well to others following embarrassment, and by continued embarrassment, seem to justify others behavior toward you as the cause of the embarrassment, as though you are an embarrassing person or someone to be embarrassed by … that is not the cause for my mental illness what people think of me, or a matter of people turning on people, myself included embarrassed by myself … as being resituated among those who are not well when I am well and tired … to the point I eventually relapse and drink and prove them right. That’s not the solution to your problems, for people to be threatened by your wellness or status in life, and put you down as deserving of less than in life, when you have earned all your privileges and stripes.
Its not necessary that you assemble thoughts for others or news stories, or stories from your past as overheard by others, which upon sharing for confirmation is how your now changes based upon what is known about you, or your vague connections. In the world of the famous and infamous, its not by who you know that matters, but by who knows you. That’s the power struggle is knowing people who you do not know, and people knowing you who you do not know, and people knowing you who wish they did not know you, it is to that effect, that what you say matters, as to how others interpret you as vaguely about them or others … don’t be so insulted by the tones of others, as about you … speaking well of self is a prerequisite to wellness, so are positive affirmations for self and for others, not to misdirect hate toward others, and not to misdirect bipolar delusions to the masses be known, as concepts that should be widely understood and accepted as truth, there are a such thing as rumors, some truth to them, and there are a such thing as fake news, and some truth to them … but never let those truths get the best of you or how you feel about life and or trust others, always be a positive solution for your own wellness, provide yourself with insight, growing up I always kept a diary and would share photos and stories from my life, of people I met along the way and or liked, that is how I kept track of my own wellness, and it is by keeping track of your own wellness that you are made to get better, be better, and see better, with or without help from others able to achieve. And its once you feel better that you are able to be social, get noticed, stand out from a crowd, and be a positive source of light into the lives of others, otherwise no one wants to hear what you have to say when you are negative and or self harming, some of us struggle with acceptance, rejection, defamation, and mental illnesses … these conditions are all recoverable like a drug addict or alcoholic who struggles with their mental health, these issues can be resolved. To me that is having faith, and it starts with having faith in yourself, to rise above.
You’ll face a lot of moments in life, with the could’ve should’ve wouldves, been more impressive, made a better impression, or made better use of my time, then where would you be now … don’t think that way. You are always where you are supposed to be in life, if you so choose to … sometimes we wind up places we don’t want to be, and sometimes we wind up with people we are not sure of, long term, if you’re not sure, that doesn’t mean move on let go, cut ties, and be hostile about it, it just means be nice, however sometimes being nice has its set backs, if you were one who talked to everyone, and let everyone talk to you, then not being a picky person, drained in a good way, for those expecting more, sometimes yourself included be forgiving of others as you would expect them to be forgiving of you, we don’t always read and interpret situations well, the less experience you have dating or mingling with others. Some are better able at drawing attentions and some of us wallflowers to the empowerment that comes from positive attentions. We don’t all grow up with hugs and kisses, we may get feedback, but not in a nurturing tone, like a therapist, and usually corrected most when we are wrong or need fixing, sometimes to make us better than we are already well, and sometimes, we only have discussions when its time to share good news, however do not wait that long. You won’t be at your best, and sometimes, you have to step out of your shell too beyond just stepping out of your shell for work or for socialization, if it requires effort sometimes its whats best for you like going to gym, running, or exercise, difficult but with practice not as difficult to do, check in with family members, boyfriends, friends, no matter how busy you get no success is worth being alone for, and no success is worth beating yourself up over if you do not achieve in life well. Everyone supports those who pick up from where they were last, not where the friendship remained last, but picking up from the best version of themselves and forgetting the rest, that doesn’t mean don’t learn from your mistakes, but you will arrive to a better place from which you can talk to your 5 friends, again, if you stay well, otherwise it’s a burden to them burden to all to care for someone who is not self-sufficient independent on their own, able to care for self. That’s being an adult, able to care for self, and by that demonstration able to care for others. We can’t all be caretakers, do your best not to put too much pressure on yourselves time is precious but not that precious that you need to remedy or fix the past just be present.