I used to cry everyday, while building #BloggingCampaign online this past summer. It was a very emotional journey for me. If it looks easy, its probably difficult. It looks like someone is having a good time, its probably because they are trying really hard tired. Things aren’t always as they seem. Ive never been a machine. Always athletic and top of my class, whether it be in sports or academics. But an understatement, not the best, but always good enough, is how I felt. I was raised to always do my best, and to be the best at whatever I did, and so that’s how I approached life, and all activities therein.
I always wanted to make difference. And that was what my personal statement to law school was about. Making a difference, but it took a turn for the worst upon review by family and co-workers. More was asked to be mentioned, and some looked at me perplexed, one even stated to me afterwards that’s I could run for President one day, I walked slowly backwards out of the doorway, smiled, but didn’t think anything of it, was like huh? I go, he must think Im special, and that there was must be something special about my statement that meant something, something, important enough, that it made me stand out, stand apart from the others. That was good to know, as a young paralegal at the LA City Attorneys Office. I was only 22 then, it was 2008, and I was working on finishing my certificate as a Paralegal at WLAC Community College, I had heard about the UCLA Program, but for some reason I applied to this program instead, finding it online, it seemed more cost efficient, and it was at a school close by my then boyfriend Rob.
My purposes for blogging were never to write a book, but as I developed as a writer online, it became more and more apparent that when you are good something, eventually as you develop, there are stages to that growth, Book writing is one of those stages. You can only write jokes for so long, and dialogue before it becomes a story, and when you put together all those stories, it becomes a book. So that explains why I am writing now. To put together excerpt from my #BloggingCampaign, and compile my best work into a book. Originally writing quotes posted and saved on my Tumblr Account dollyquotes.tumblr.com, I thought that my first book would be a quotes book, and leave everything as is, maybe change the backgrounds and fonts, but keep the quotes as they are. Eventually after awhile, you realize that you have more to write and that more clarification is needed. That’s when I developed my formula for writing my book. It would be to write quotes and then when ready to fill in the blanks. By taking each quote and elaborating upon those ideas, similar to the way in which an honors thesis is written, with theories and or ideas, which you later research and compile into a research study, in which you use research and/or interviews qualitative research to develop your thesis theories and ideas, into a research study.
Where should I begin. The best of me. On #mymollydollquotes and #mymollydollquote on Social Media. Those are my hashtags for my quotes written by me, minus one or two must have been misfiled, but I label all my quotes with my name and/or a username I am active on at the time the quote was written.
Here is my first excerpt from Twitter.com/mymollydoll, printed 5/5/15.
“Gratitude is showing an appreciation for what one cannot do for themselves but only through the light shined by another, that’s purpose.
We are no more noble than our best selves shine only when those around us are lit and dim when we are lost and drawn to those who shine bright.
The colors of faded generosity bloom from wrongs made right by the recipients of those gifts we utilize at our discretion to build trust.
No best interest is met when frustrated by interests to those who’s interests are self serving not to please but to break when we beckon them.
The true terms of any arrangement in life occurs by the timing of those who know best best being the best interests of others, not their own.
Power is given to those who are strong and when given never weakens nor clouds nor decreases the power of another defines who we call Leaders.
Often times we don’t know what’s best until life happens on its own terms left to the decisions of others not our own when we see light.”
This piece was written while I was working in Century City for Ron. It was my dream job. I had been applying to jobs in Century City since 2008, and it was always my dream to work in Century City at a law firm, why I studied so hard in paralegal school, on Deans List and with a President’s honors, for making Deans List two consecutive semesters. I got straight As in Paralegal School.
One thing I learned from writing on Twitter is that your best work often gets lost in the mix. Writing is process, in which through the art of story telling and discussion of your life and lessons learned you come to conclusions and or insights that come to light throughout during the telling of that story or through the sharing of those insights. That’s the value that has been lost through writing on Twitter. What was gained was the confidence that is required to write to a live audience without editing or review, raw. These were my thoughts shared at the time I was actively writing on Twitter everyday, for 3-4 years (2013-2016), and these are my thoughts that I now share with you, the best on me only of course, with note to the periods in which I had low self-esteem and did not think I was gonna make it, and did not feel as though I was valued, was complained about, and treated as though I was wasting my time and wasting the time, effort, and money of others writing online. No that is my dream to be a writer one day. I think I have achieved that dream. Now is time for me to put together a finished product. If you like what you have read so far, I hope to continue to provide adequate insight into the thought processes of a law student and someone who suffered from mental illness as a law student and what I have done to overcome those setbacks and find strength again through writing online. And hopefully have built a great supportive system online, of writers similarly situated and interested in improving upon the systems of writing we already have in place, and help those like me who have difficulty with reading comprehension. The section I score the lowest on on standardized exams. This is not a Campaign goal, but something that has organically occurred through the process of writing and sharing my writings online. Once read influences the reader and affects their thoughts, and how they speak, and how they write, and how they interpret. That is the responsibility I have as a writer to make sense and to share what thoughts Ive completed and thoroughly analyzed, and what thoughts I think are worthy of sharing and left up for analysis. Those are decisions you make as a writer, what to explain and get into and what to leave open and come back to later. Usually things we are not comfortable talking about or things that cause us trauma or have the potential to retraumatize us, that is beneficial to no one, not the reader, not the writer, and certainly not my audience, because their best interest are my best interests, to allow me to put my best foot forward and be able to write without undergoing disability that occurs from fighting and arguing, that is not the purpose for me writing online and has never been the purpose for me writing online.
(to be continued)
 Twitter.com/mymollydoll (printed 5/5/15).