Letter of Apology (12th Steps)
I’m sorry for the times when I was not well, and lucky to be doing better now. I know that no matter how well I get in life, I will always be reminded of when I could have done a better job, made wiser choices in life, and realize what it is that I could be doing better in life, listen.
People give up on you all the time, its everyones right to worry first for themselves, that doesn't mean fall apart, or get side-tracked focusing on your goals in life, come first, thats living life for yourself, and when you are able to stay on track benefit from that momentum.
Everyone at different points in their lives are motivated by different forms of happiness, sometimes coming from themselves and sometimes coming from others, depending on how needy you are, this differs, always be compassionate toward those who care, and never blame people who act they don't care, or don't care enough, for why you are not doing well. Its always your responsibility to repair yourself, not to fight with others in the past, correct yourself.
Following Your Intuitions
Following your intuitions sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t, if you find yourself in the same place that doesn’t mean that you’ve f-d up in life, it just means you’ve revisited an issue past that has caused you trouble moving forward, learn from your mistakes. In order to feel right, you don’t have to know beforehand whats in error, to know what has gone wrong, sometimes even the most prepared people in life, make mistakes, its easy to be defensive as though that is a lack of care when adequate care is not provided, or that lack of care shows inability to be cared for or to care about or worthy of chances in life, you create your own opportunities in life, and that doesn’t always require for you to step outside of your comfort zone, letting loose shows we can have fun but in having fun make sure you don’t hurt anyones feelings, who isn’t having fun, if that were a general rule, than nothing would be funny. The times call for tact, be reasonable in how you correspond privately and publicly your inabilities in life are what you are judged by and based upon those weaknesses judged as capable or not deserving of attentions, that lack of attention is not room to build attention toward or to act out or do things to get attention, to categorize as among a like or similar group who by attentions act or respond to others, once you’re reacting your’re overreacting, life is easier led, letting people be themselves that searching for acceptance, guided by needs or wants, people are people, and stability that’s your sense of self-worth not the acceptance of others that determines how you should feel, rarely if based upon feelings toward do feelings about oneself, get reinforced in the positive, sometimes to let go you have to not be guided by who doesn’t care about you, that’s usually not the best place to go for help, to anyone who cares mostly when well, not when not well, or when stable, does not trust that one will stay well. That’s not turning on people, that’s waiting for something bad to confirm why bad things happen, as grouping someone among, once grouped among, you cannot undo that change to a persons identity whether or for what reasons deserved or consequences justifying present inabilities continued to be shown … anything that cannot be overcome is not permanent, why they say to have faith, you can convince yourself your life is terrible even when you have everything, and if over abundance causes you instability, than that’s your responsibility to hold on to your values.
Lesson for Today
Lesson for today, is to rise above the chaos, jokes, and with or without humor, not think too much what others think, and not be affected by what you think people think, or try to talk to people, you do not talk to in real life, no conversations outside of reality helps or benefits either party, receipt of messages in the form of letter are preferred, any other voluminous forms of writing in short hand or fragments is deemed disorganized or not a professional form of communication, usually your feelings or emotions based, those are thoughts to be reinforced or re-directed by a medical professional, you can’t talk people into teams or sides, or build rapport in private communications, its how you present yourself, whether or not you are bothered by others, their words, or tricked or made to feel less than, those are only temporary feelings of discomfort not the responsibility of people to whom you are not in communication with in real life, in the field of public communications, general commentary and thoughts shared are best not as directed or about people, how people come through your writing, its by what you focus on you are heard, not as heard and reiterated or repeated as though you to others within your writing, always base your knowledge based upon what you know your expertise your education, your exposure, not expect others know or understand the same as you do.
My apologies, whenever unstable theres a space not a void, that gets filled with thoughts not deductions, or puttings together, but usually not understanding, or being the last to know or understand, that’s called vision, who has arrived, who is late, and who is on point, or able to see forward, that’s mostly what competition is about having a better viewpoint. To tell a bigger story, its not about highlighting what has gone wrong in someones life, or in the lives of others, but allowing life to happen on its own, not as directed by others, or made to happen to result in writings or deductions that suit personal interests, or claim same or similar to and if so presented same or similar circumstances have arisen that so justify the treatment of anyone deemed not special or deserving or achieving well, and allow or enabling others to allow that treatment to be justified, we can lend a hand, or extend gratitude to others, but that cannot change how they feel toward you, know you, or upon meeting you, respect you or not, think as not deserved or further complicate nervous dispositions in life, that’s making things worse, before they are able to get better, allow people to grow and thrive at their own paces in life, not by labeling people victim, and telling stories about people, as though I am the offender, that causes one feelings of loss of esteem or causes unnecessary worry as to how words are interpreted past, writing is based upon wellness, not memory, thoughts are guided by what you know, knowing the same information is not beneficial to anyone’s help, life is not a group project, everyone is responsible for themselves, at 33 I have knowledge and experience and with that, burn out, to overcome burn out don’t subject yourself to experiment by others, and establish boundaries from the get go, not try to control situations, and let life happen, without putting yourself at risk of harm or speak or behave in a way unintelligentible or negative toward self, about your past, to justify treatment toward you as an offender. Everyone deserves an opportunity to live life, life is not a joke, and sometimes when trying to solve problems, people take things too far, and cause problems, that’s either purposeful or not, with an intent to retaliate, as deserved, or as on behalf of a team known, that is not justified. To state such occurrences would be to establish, reinforce, or further support words or actions toward you as deserved, even if you achieve well.
Thanks for the Feedback Surfer Girls …
I was going to run to marina and back in the bike lane, it takes a lot to get motivated some days to run, but went back to work after taking a few days off over the holiday, not doing well on my own, but best under the direction of others, how not to burn out in life. There’s really nothing to cheer on, I’m in purple headphones and there’s a team of guys in the car next to me chatting, who I recorded in my car. Maybe I took that experiment too far, handling negativity, probably because nude photos were requested from me, and by pageant standards no longer qualify to be a winner, Im sure that rule does not apply to all girls, but its not a good idea, ever. The whole point of keeping a clean image, it to avoid controversy, especially during times when people are working hard, and can’t handle the stress of politics or personal issues, everyone doing their best to stay positive and avoid trouble, we can watch things happen, and get hurt not doing anything about it, or we can do our best to avoid troubles in life, and think positive thoughts, and steer clear of controversies, not add fuel to the fire, by highlighting those who we think are at fault, or when worried, wonder if we could have done something differently, to help prevent things from happening in life. Usually it’s the opposite, by our actions and words, we think and remember, are directed, and either have a clear sense about where we are headed in life, or set ourselves up for failure, by allowing ourselves to dwell on our problems, and not see better.
You Can’t Undo the Past …
If life were easy then it wouldn’t be so hard to move forward in life. I think I’ve discussed this concept so many times, that even myself get sick hearing myself say it over and over again. Repetition is everything … it’s the only way to learn. When things are not clear think what is it that I can do better today than I did yesterday, what was it that went wrong that caused a scenario of events to occur, in which you don’t feel good, and how to maintain positive energy and get along with others within your immediate surroundings. Is that happiness? Everyone’s definition of happiness depends on how much of anything is required in order to stay happy. If measuring your past is important, than measure your past, if measuring your present is important, than measure your present. Whatever means you decide to determine your self-worth, so be it. We all come from different places in life and different backgrounds, that doesn’t mean that there cannot be some type of consensus need for people to agree to terms or viewpoints and ideologies to help the general whole. Whenever there is suffering there is empathy, whether deserved or not, its up to you if you are the one suffering to pull yourself out of such a condition, no matter where you’ve been or what has caused you to suffer, not allow those hardship to prevent you from living your life, and being apart of the whole, whether in agreement or not. To build a better understanding, well that requires tact, to build a stronger mindset, well that requires emotion management, and to build a better future for oneself, well that takes discipline and restraint from activities that lead you astray or put you at risk of harm for negative judgment, also known as letting loose. Usually those who are uptight, and pushed out of their shells to see what they are like on the inside, and then based upon those appearances or based upon viewing one in an unstable condition not their natural condition, be judged, that judgment you are not in control of how people judge you as happy, or carefree, they used to be called free spirits, but nowadays that type of personality defect leaves too much room for error and mischaracterization, a dumbed down quality not deemed a good character trait of professionals, when judged as not serious.
Change/Added: Chapter 27 and 28.
What Can You Do? March …
Be careful not to remix history moving forward, if you are going to lead by example, and reuse content from the past to make light of the present or current ideologies, always make sure done so in good taste, no explanation required, if the interpretation is so vague or timing so poor, that leaves room for rejection of communications as for positive purposes, as though in combat or to change a current set of ideas, functionality of positive purpose, comes from the heart, and timing when right occurs in front of you, a space of comfort, from which to step through in full confidence that ones purpose is so general it need no mention. I drove past a march in Brentwood today … two packs, anything that lifts your spirits makes sense, seeking wellness is never rightfully achieved when doing anything that one hesitates to accomplish or knowingly enters conditions or states of minds under the influence of substances that weaken good character traits, sensibility, and weaken the minds ability to arrive at points of clarity during moments of darkness, when if followed lead one astray to less desirable conditions than to begin with. That’s seeking a remedy or quick fix to resolve an emotion, that if thought about properly can mend itself without the use or reliance upon substances to alter or change ones outlook, positive purpose and a willingness to overcome feelings of discomfort are done so with our best decision making skills in tact, not reliant upon others for affirmations, or acceptance of purpose to move forward, make changes, or move on from subjects when if not affirmed in the negative leave us feeling stuck, that means you are focused on the wrong things in life, and that your happiness is dependent upon proving conditions, experiment with yourself not others to realize your own wellness, and to comprehend the times, and difficulties currently faced.
Artistic differences in opinions will never change, nor will people taking on leadership positions in communication to everyone as on behalf or in reference to people other than themselves. Its an obscure facet of communication, in which people base their understanding of others, as compared to others or characters on TV Shows, it is then once information known, further confirmed as though a secret existing creates an inside understanding of knowing someone, and knowing someone as they have not disclosed to others as a confirmed identity, gathered acceptance for, and sought to be proven or disproven for the sake of building a better understanding within themselves, with expectation that others care to understand from their unique perspective to minimize the specialty understanding of a person, to make themselves the more trusted opinion of understanding, and the person without a shared understanding further communicated to as though in cohorts, that’s taking someone in their natural condition of communication skills, and irritating their sense of clarity, by purposefully creating conversations to see how one responds, and then further create those circumstances or communications to further generate a response befitting to an opinion about shared among, not known to the person to whom that judgement is made upon, thats more than making someone look stupid, its making themselves feel smart by making or exposing something in private, to make look stupid before any public disclosure or good purpose is assumed, made fun of in advance and set up for failure as responding to something past, and then making someone look mentally ill, as responding to a vague understanding built to create an assumption, that’s a misuse of someone good will, and mischaracterizing them, after having been honest in all responses, situated to look like a bearer of guilt in exchange for the guilt held by the assumers.
Twitter Heading: #blogpost: Artistic Differences by #lesliefischman #mymollydoll (Follow-Up to #LaBronJames, just ignore everyone, you're doing great!)
When You Miss All the Good Years
When you miss all the good years … don’t panic. People will assume for whatever reasons, that you were lost, or did not value the times enough to appreciate the present, too busy moving forward or too far behind to be cared for or worry about. Everyone has their own lives, and deserves just as much a piece of happiness, as you deserve wellness, your wellness should not interfere with the well being of others, be picked apart publicly or privately, as referenced to your past or present abilities to function in the present, so long as you know yourself, it should not matter what other people think. When people need space, allow for that, never force anything to occur that does not occur naturally on its own, that’s called acceptance, allowing people to come forward, together, or take their separate ways, at their own discretion. Re: #LaBronJames – We all worry for whatever reasons people partake in causes and for the causes they support, take burden, and with that burden not burden others, who have similarly followed suit in support, not allow the causes to control the present, but be present enough to acknowledge the existence of organizations that do help, and reasons for support, as not in alliance with any sect, demonination, or personal opinion websites such as mymollydoll.com who supports causes of the times, and so chooses to be apart of those efforts without minimizing present abilities, in efforts to align with causes to look or appear as though on sides of the majority or a select few or minority who support causes not yet having taken a dramatic toll on the audiences to whom support, those who support such causes. This is a difficult subject, when to lend a hand, and when to step back, or wait until something occurs so clearly in the wrong, as to take a stance against such wrongs, that is not a team effort, or by influence, but by heart, to whom causes are supported by and why, those underlying reasons and justifications for support, are not to be highlighted for good or bad cause in alignment with interests or whether interests to whose alignment is being put to question accurately reflects those cares, that is questioning why people support causes, and whether people support causes just to make themselves look good, or to clearly take a side politically to minimize any connection to sides previously further separated by issues related or conflicting with present position, or by words or sayings, worthy of being apart of that present ability of people who support causes, and that their support is appreciated based upon their contributions to the whole, whether they further influence positive change or reinforce negatives toward individuals who support such causes. There are few who no matter how well they are doing in life, will be judged in the negative, as being apart of for reasons related to personal insecurities as to acceptance and that contributing to support of causes, reflects that deficiency in them, that would make ones support of a cause selfish, and then to support a cause that is related dis-ingenuinzing their present capacity to support good causes. That is taking someone past ability and under further inspection of their present, judging their past as an inaccurate reflection of their cares during the process of providing support to others, or whether issues influenced their decisions to contribute or partake or work within sources of support, because those places contributed to reflect a care that is personal and with intention to gain knowledge in a field of interest that benefits themselves personally, with regards to their ability to help others beyond the scope of those helped in their present capacities. There is a such thing as fraud, but fraud is not a planned occurance, if so manipulated the vision of interests past, if so any present condition, would so accurately reflect instances past as participating with disabilities present, and unfit to care or support others within the scope of expertise or to help others outside the scope of expertise trained. Who benefits from these assumptions, only those who make assumptions benefit from the assumptions made as to others, one should never be affected nor manipulated by the negative judgments of others as toward them, for whatever emotions provoked, one is always responsible for compensating for those emotions felt, responding in the positive always to instances of rejection, or intimidation, not be the befactor of negativity to further influence likewise change in others, or make those negative feel positive or in the right, for having so identified deficiencies in the character of the person in question. The present cannot dictate the past and the present is not always an accurate measurement of how instances past occurred, the times will always change, and based upon the times, a variety of factors are used to pass judgement upon others, and based upon their wellness, accepted or rejected as deserving of their present condition or disabilities in life, personal, physical, or professionally. What is tis regarding? I went to 180 meetings in 90 days and was hospitalized with a job, forced to sign a GVRO, when by assignment designated to create an excel spreadsheet from a gun show, I was hospitalized for 28 days, with one week home in between. I’m sorry I said #freeoj, at the time, I had given up, just like laying in the ocean running for 2.5 hrs. Its never too late to forgive, and not take personally your present condition, better yourself. Bettering yourself sometimes requires not saying what people want to hear, not saying what is thought of and expected to prove or support mistreatment or discrimination of you, but always be in control of your own life, and whatever happens to you, do your best!
Going Into Hiding …
For many years I stayed in law school, a recluse following an incident in which I got separated from my friends and escourted home and taken to another location offered a ride home. Blaming your friends, for moments when you were drunk is not taking ownership of your sense of person, its never your fault, whenever under the influences of substances which affect your best decision making skills, not all things make one feel good, including drugs and alcohol. You have to be careful when you share a story how you tell your story so that you do not get retaliated on as victim or be put in the shoes of the offender or person causing you harm, that’s no way to live not being able to be yourself, for years I stayed quiet, and finally wrote. Choose wisely to whom you confide in, puzzling together the past can be painful but its not rocket science, you just have to have a strong will about you, and a strong sense of faith to overcome whatever obstacles get put in your way, be inspired but not at your own expense rely on people who have not yet overcome their battles with relating to those who do not have well thoughts about others, placated as among. We all take for granted moments when well, and sometimes our misjudgments of others or toward others, can resolve what did not make sense from the get go. Any separation is painful, from loved ones, or even boyfriends, distance makes the heart grow fonder. You are who you think you are not who others say or think you are, always be reminded that we all have our gifts in life, and nothing stated is stated in reference to the benefit of those who have caused harm to others. That would be a misuse of progress, to project the past on the present, and likewise watch characters come to life, presently from the past, or create characters moving forward who resemble people who have failed previously at achieving a sense of peace in life. Who are your heroes in life? Do not be mistaken. We are all entitled to those who look up to, admire, and put forward as well among us, not to be short sighted as not well, written off as not apart of, that is not the solution moving forward.
mymollydoll.com (Book #2) - (11/16/17) to (11/16/18)
First Draft to be published on lulu.com ...
By: Leslie A. Fischman
Twitter Heading: #bookblog: Book #2 mymollydoll.com (103 pages) by #lesliefischman #mymollydoll (With Dedication to my Family, thank you for your support, unconditional love and fostering my growth as a person, and for keeping me alive for 33 years).
Eventually you reach a stopping point when it comes to communicating within conversations and building rapport with your audience. That is not something that is helpful to do when people are not getting along, thats considered an unwanted communication to all, as through someone, not on the behalf, but as directed toward them negative attention, that usually occurs when someone is up and feeling well, they are put down by others. That negativity you feel as toward you is non-acceptance toward you, also known as insult, when people think that by their communications and abilities in life, are above you. We all make mistakes, when it comes to respect and appreciation for others and the good that they do in the world, that communication to someone, as negative or insulting, do not interpret as directed toward you, thats usually occurring to communicate to others, or to justify that what was done to you when you were doing well was justified, as not enabling you to move forward in life, don’t allow others to make fun of you, or to chastise you for your wellness, or why you are well or look or appear better, that does not mean that one thinks that they are better than that just means that they are not letting anyone affect them. There is no power in controlling people, the only way to empower yourself, is by being in control of your emotions and discourse, it is not your responsibility to explain to others where you are coming from, only to do your best to be professional and not engage in defensive behaviors that cause wellness among and further separates you from others, or being on the same wavelength as others, that does not make someone smarter than, just because they are able to connect with people in a way that you are not able, that does not make you less than or disabled, it just means that you need space, to figure yourself out, and how to empower yourself, without relying on acceptance from others, to feel good in life. You don’t need people to like you in order to feel well liked. Its important to get along well with others, no matter what is awkward.
If people don’t like you that’s not your responsibility to correct. Your focus space is not up for interpretation, when judged as not well, or partaking in activities that can cause illness. One should not judge for what purposes someone is either dating or not dating, I have since decided to go to a mixer, that is not a good reason to leave jobs or relationships, out of unhappiness or lack of wellness, that means that your inside communications need to be stronger than communications outside of you, that you cannot control, what other people think. Don’t let anyone get the best of you, in due time, everyones true colors show, whether in acceptance of you, or whether they think that they know you best and don’t know you at all, judge you. You cannot go backwards and fix relationships, when you think highly of someone, let their wellness speak for itself, that based upon good premises, they shine. Don’t enable others to cause harm to you or your wellness, that you cannot take back, when embarrassed in public or in private spaces, confrontation or discussion of the issues is not advantageous to your own health nor is discussion of the issues to anyone to whom is causing harm to your relationships, benefit. Allow people to bond, and stay well, that is not something you should take personally, as left out or not apart of, that is the role of those who are well to take care of others, those privileged enough to be in caretaking positions, benefit from those relationships, get taken care of. When you are well enough to share, what it is that’s going on that’s bothering you, that sense of togetherness or comradere as directed toward you within conversations, that is not something you should take personally, as someone who is hard or difficult to get through to, should not be someone who is treated as not intelligent, or not well enough to understand or comprehend misbehavior or behavior interpreted as toward or in conjunction with communications toward. Whenever there is a conversation, you have to allow that conversation to occur, and whenever that conversation gets used to illustrate or correct your sense of being as wrong, then don’t take personally the conversations of others, how you respond, internally is your right to privacy, how you feel, is your right to privacy, what meds you take is your right to privacy, what meetings you choose to go to is your right to privacy, what information you share about yourself is your right to privacy, don’t allow anyone to put you down in life, as not well, or cause you illness, as assumed you are something you are not, you can always date and drink.
Don’t hate [on] people because you think they've gone too far [thats not the solution], or come too far in life to well, that would be doing everyone a disservice in life, for once someone gets well to get sick. #issue - The importance of image playfulness. Be kind. I realize now to get hair cuts and dye my hair and smile more. -Dont make up your mind about people right away, always give people a chance to be known, your first impression of them may not be the right, sometimes people are off putting from the get go, you never know where someone is coming from in life, dont over invest in likeability you usually end up coming up short in life, short handed meaning, less is more, in other words, if you are vying for the wrong attentions in life, things wont work out in regards to whos acceptance youre in need of.
You have to keep going in life, the moment you lose faith, is when you need to turn to a higher power, or someone other than yourself, to help steer you back in the right direction. That loss of consciousness or contact with the present, is your mind leaving you, or when upon interaction zone out, forgetfulness is a product of uncertainty or pressure, it could be for a variety of reasons, but know your steps, that usually helps you get back on track, whatever it is you believe in, never stop believing in yourself, we all stick to a different set of ideas, mores, and norms that we see fit, or help us to see and understand the world, the world is a big place, know yourself best before placing judgment upon others, as they are. Not everything is a product of your life, that means when you enter the lives of others, that shared space, is not comradere but mutual respect for the boundaries of others, usually fosters the best relationships, thats not love or admiration, but creates an area in which you can think. We all come to different stages in life, at different times, depending upon how many people you know, how well liked you are, and based upon what you look like, no one person is the same, we all blossom at our own pace in life. Be patient with others, never blame others for any system of beliefs which cause you illness, thats not the solution to pick apart what is not well about others, instead focus on the positive and always see the good in others. You may not be able to predict the future, or control your present condition, that is health, but always do your best, not to interfere with the good health of others.