Its not a bad life, living with mental health issues, it’s a matter of recognizing your progress, and knowing that even when well, not all days will be good days, like everyone you will always have your bad and good days. Are you doing what you’re supposed to be doing? Are you communicating too much from you? Are you doing more than you are thinking? We can be good at some things and not good at all things, never make your problems or deficiencies of issue to others, you will likely be judged in the negative for your insecurities in life, not everyone can buffer you, your wellness, everyone has their own issues, just be understanding of the wishes of others, and be sure to set boundaries for yourself too. If enough boundaries are set, think why is this happening to me, and what could I be doing better. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you, sometimes it has everything to do with you. Who is your support group? Should you be sharing all that information with them? I wonder sometimes is everyone on your side in life, and what causes one to think that self-sabatoge is espionage or someone interfering with someones ability to function or be happy in life. The more you focus on yourself, and the less you focus on what others are doing and thinking the better you’ll feel while in recovery … it’s a process: forgiveness. You can’t expect change to happen overnight, or for the opinions of others to change about you, people will always test your boundaries in life … its all a matter of not enabling others to get under your skin control you or how you feel about yourself, no one can babysit you in life, until you feel better again, that’s self-care learning how to fix oneself without the need of others to help them, as an adult you should know, whats working for you, and what needs work, not everyone will be able to identify whats wrong with you, that’s not their job to pick you apart, or for you to pick yourself apart in front of others.
These past few years have been very tumultuous in the news, and besides trying to figure life out, has probably been a challenging few years for everyone, not just myself. There are personal problems and there are world problems, don’t therefore make the problems of others your problem, react less, listen more in those cases you’re likely to learn something new, without holding an opinion yourself about things. Sometimes while learning or listening to others share their opinions we have thoughts of our own, not as directly related, but helps to put into words, what cannot otherwise be stated. That’s always a problem. Especially difficult concepts such as death. You would never think that someone who is a self-help writer online has a history of self-harming, that doesn’t make sense at all, to present oneself as stable and then go backwards in life hurting oneself, by whatever means are available … that’s addiction, whether its alcohol, men, or drugs …. You choose your poison in life, allow things to happen in your life, that benefit you, not hurt you. That doesn’t make one a hypocrite to do one thing and say another, that’s just not following through with your own advices in life, its easier to help others than to help oneself, I don’t think I’m the only one with this problem. Going back to work presents its challenges, given my history, I’ve acquired enough sober time over the years, to be a better decision maker, I got sober 2014, and stopped dating and stopped working. That’s not the solution cessation of all activities that present risks of heartache and rejection, that’s life, life is difficult in that way, not everyone will like you, you will not be included in everyones life, the world is a big place, and youre lucky for the time you get to spend in spaces with others, just be happy to be apart of in those moments in time, the rest will follow, if you stay diligent in your efforts to better yourself, so that you can be surrounded by good people in life. Mental health issues don’t just go away with meds, you have to respect yourself enough to value your wellness, and keep doing what youre doing to stay well, whether its writing, or working, maintaining some disciplined schedule that keeps you going in life. You can’t always make people your life forces in life, to help keep you motivated and going in life, sometimes you have to rely on yourself, what to do in the event you feel like self-harming and not doing so, its not selfish on the part of the harmer, its not that they don’t care about others, its more that they don’t care about themselves, being where they are in life or based upon where they have been in life, not happy with themselves now. Best to do things that make you happy in life, and steer clear of things that bring your esteem down … those with the highest self-esteem value themselves, value others, and maintain a positive outlook in spite of their pasts, strong.
Obsess less, if you want things to go your way in life, focusing all your attentions on one person ... won’t make them like you more, or want to be around you more. The opposite usually occurs, people are attracted to those who are busy focused on themselves, that’s the best way to attract a mate in life, have something going for you in life, without putting all the pressure on them to tie your shoes for you. Love comes and it goes … its not something required for happiness, but it is something we all deserve to experience once in our lives. What is it that you want in life, and do you want things for the right reasons, what is your purpose in life. To be loved? To work, have a career? To be well known? To write share your mind? People blog for different reasons, not always for good reasons, self-accolade can only get you so far in life, especially without a paycheck. Sure everybody knows you, knows your pen name, but how much do you really matter to the lives of others. Having meaningful relationships is what makes you whole, not how many people you connect with or by how many likes you get along the way. Value yourself, and by all means when you find someone you really like, put all your eggs in one basket, even if it means ignoring your Eminem pen pal on messenger. Eventually you have to face reality … and date in real life. It requires being put together, its hard to go places in life, or be out in public without a job, its like having nothing to wear, or talk about, don’t be a bore. Everyones always excited to be around successful people, its like theres an air in the room, that lights everyone up. Be that person, able, lit up and positive, that doesn’t require medications trust me, a lot of cardio and face cream, youre energy is determined by not only how well you perform in life, but how well you light up to others … your aura is based on how well you feel on the inside, and it shows when your well to others … aging is a process, but you don’t have to beat yourself up over time that’s been lost focused on the wrong things in life, or the wrong people, if you want to wait 6 years, wait to date, if you still don’t have yourself put together by that time, then you should really question how productive youre being meeting your goals …. Are you staying sober? Are you taking your meds as directed? Are you going to bed at a reasonable hour, all of that matters as to your energy. Always talk to your Doctor … depression comes and it goes, if you can overcome those hardships mental health wise, then youre that much closer to living a better life, working, and not filing for disability, giving up.
Whatevers going right in your life, keep at it, the past is past and you can only move forward. You will always remember the times when you were at your lowest, when you start to get better, feel better, recognize what you’ve been through, but don’t let your experiences in life weigh you down. Channel your energy toward the positives, think whats going well for you in life? What could you be doing a better job of? How can you be more proactive and a functioning member of society? Are you allowing depression to get the best of you, never allow your feelings to interfere with your actions, that goes for maintaining positive momentum in life. We all take pauses and breaks in life, that’s allowable, but don’t wait too long before you get back on your feet. So long as you learn from your mistakes, others we hope will be understanding of the pressures you are currently under, to stay steady. The better off you are, work wise, the better off you’ll be relationship wise, it turns out that the best way to maintain positive rapport with others, comes from being happy with oneself. Unless you are happy with where you are and who you are, it may make it difficult to connect well with others. You are responsible for how you feel, don’t let anyone make you feel less than capable of achieving your goals in life, you cannot expect everyone to believe in you. What you put first, and make a priority, well that’s what you’ll get out of life, and make the most progress in. You can’t do everything at once, take your time, manage your time wisely, and let your success make the noise, they always say. You don’t need to announce every milestone, on social media, or get kudos for every job well done, sometimes, you have to keep your head down, and just keep going in life. The best advice Ive ever been given is to be reminded that Im a “good person,” worth it, “noted for my honesty,” and “one of the great ones.” Allow change to happen on its own timing, you may not change overnight, but others will be glad to see you doing better, usually first to notice when you are doing well in life, just stay “focused on yourself.”
Its not to your advantage to be a blogger, most people reading, can size you up in 2 seconds, able to tell where you’re at mentally, whereas the writer takes years if not months, to change direction in thought, and persevere through whatever difficulties and challenges they may face on a day to day basis. When there is no overall acceptance of you, what to do then? Should you allow others who do not believe in you, or the few who have rejected you determine your fate and direction in life, or should you be led by your dreams? If self-esteem is whats at issue, then don’t allow your failures, to determine your successes in life, don’t even make those experiences apart of you, and just forget about what it is that’s bothering you, and be happy with where you are now and who you are now. Don’t get all worked up about the past, or things that don’t seem right, or about things in life that didn’t quite work out for you. You are always in control of how you process events in your life, process interactions with others, and process where you are now, and where you are headed in life, if youre not ready to live life as best you can, its okay to take time to work on yourself, to get to where you need to be mentally to be around others, perform well, work again, date again, and live a high functioning lifestyle again. Until then its best to focus on weight loss if its weightloss, mental health if its mental health, and not put too much pressure on yourself, as others are likely to feel the weight of the pressures you are under, when deciding whether to incorporate you into their lives, if you cannot add to the positivity, and carry any extra weight or hint of negativity you are likely not to match up with others, if not few, who are stable enough to be around you, or be forgiving of your past, and accept where you are now in your life. If you have worked hard and an inspiration to yourself, then let those positives be known about you, and don’t harp on the negatives, if you have overcome incredible obstacles in life, in regards to your mental health, then focus on what you have gotten done, not on how much life you’ve missed out on trying to get well and stay well, or think too much about how much time has passed since the last time you were well, focus too much on the time in between when you were not happy with yourself or excelling in life. There will be highs and lows in life, its all a matter of staying well and if you need to stay sober, then stay sober, never give up and go backwards not over anyone or anything in life. Put yourself first, make yourself a priority, and the rest will fall into place. Don’t worry too much what people are thinking along the way, about you or about what you look like, if you are doing your best and confident then let no ones negative judgments of you, keep you from being happy or achieving in life, theres more to life than dating and body image, just be happy and live life, if no one picked you at 123 lbs, its no surprise if not one picks you at 183 lbs. That just means there is something wrong with how people pick, and does not mean that there is something wrong with you, if the person you like is not picking you back, just move on.
As an athlete you are brought up to always have good sportsmanship … the same rules apply to dating. Never get frustrated with where you’re at dating wise, no matter how far along you are, the more space the better, let them come to you. Similarly weight-loss works the same way, don’t get frustrated … much the same way rejection hurts, when you fall behind in your goals in life body image wise, it can be equally hurtful and damaging to your self-esteem, make sure when you weigh in you are in a good space mentally, able to withstand and tolerate minor fluctuations to your weight. Its all about how you feel at the end of the day. You cannot always respond to others the same way you respond to yourself, its okay to be hard on yourself its not okay to be hard on others. That’s not how to get your way in life, it usually turns people off, the more eager you are, or the less able you are, the less likely you are to get the kind of acceptance you are looking for in life. Don’t let everything add up on you, you are a product of your own happinesses in life, don’t make your unhappiness the unhappiness of others, take out your frustrations on what others should be doing for you, what you can otherwise be doing for yourself, to bring yourself happiness in life. Its not up to others to make you happy, they cannot fix or change you if you are not mentally stable or fit for dating and work. If you need to lose weight lose weight, if you cannot lose the weight on your own, hire a trainer, if you can cut back on meds, do so, and always be sure to maintain a positive attitude in life. That’s the biggest part necessary for achieving, is staying positive, without a positive attitude you are less likely to end up places you want to be in life, and be around people who love you, or find ones that’s do. To prove yourself, or others wrong, always rise above, newer and better opportunities, trust will avail themselves to you, if you keep working on yourself, and trying to be the best version of yourself, will find someone who loves you anyways, despite your weight, despite your disabilities, and despite your past, accept you as you are, and love you the same.
Your motivations in life should never be self-serving, unless to improve upon your best. Always put the needs of others before your own, is how I was raised. To come second to the needs of those around you, not to be selfish. With addictions, you are told that because of selfish reasons, you have turned to drugs or alcohol as a means for coping, sometimes we are responsible for that suffering that caused us to drink or do drugs and some times we are not responsible for that suffering. The longer you get left behind in life, the sooner you should move on dating wise, that’s the trick to now allowing others to convince people by your personal history that you are the defective one or that there was something wrong with you why a relationship did not work out. People from your past should mostly be supportive of you and if they are not, then move on in life, don’t allow others to allow you to get left behind in life, convinced otherwise that you are not deserving of being well and doing well in life too. Whenever there is discussion about relationships, are the hardest talks for me, self-harm wise, easily empathizing with both sides, the sides of my ex, as well as being defensive to my own mental health needs to be alone, or to be able to move forward in life not be brought down by tertiary issues, as to why a match was not perfect, I was raised to believe that you will always find better in life, and whether or not you deserve better in life, is the argument, is whats up for debate, I think the healthier you are the better matches you find in life, and the less well you are, well that’s when you wont always match up and need to be alone to better yourself, so that you can eventually match with someone one day. Be careful not to go backwards in life, as that ignites argument to your health, neve take a beating for your own illnesses in life, that’s not the job of others to criticize your wellness or question you, if you are doing everything you can to stay well, and on good merits succeed in life, life is not easy, not easy to work, work from home, manage your health, stay on meds, go to therapy, and prove them wrong, how I was raised. Do not let others belittle you or be critical of you, everyone has their own sadness and unhappiness’s in life, just do your best to blend in and not be a fire starter or get put down.
You cannot blame others when you are not doing well or not where you want to be in life. That’s all a matter of you needing to first be happy with where you are so that you can end up in better places in life. We all go through stresses in life, and have to carry on with our lives in spite of those difficulties and or set backs. Fighting is not the solution, nor is politicking to serve personal interests or endeavors, always with a good heart you support causes, not if by supporting those causes people you care about end up worse off, that’s not the solution either. Whenever things are not going well its best to find some sort of a middle ground, for decision making, by your cares, which always come first, figure out whats important to you and who is important to you. If people cannot be understanding of you, well that’s not necessarily their problem with you but issues they have within themselves, they need to sort out. You cannot be 50 people at once, and you cannot be more than one place at once, that includes success wise, being in a better place if you are still dealing with the past ramifications of your poor decision making. We all relapse have lapses in judgement, but that doesn’t mean harp on the negatives until you yourself are spent downtrodden, eventually you have to lift yourself up. You cannot allow minor setbacks in life, to keep you from living life and accomplishing goals in life, you have to function in this life, in order to have a good life, and if you cannot function, that is something you need to talk to your doctor about, not share in public spaces what it is that is bothering you. People who complain in public, will be assumed to be for political purposes, sharing what they feel or what they believe is happening, don’t allow others judgments of you to affect your best decision making skills, know how, or instincts, if something feels off its best to report what you are feeling, if you feel off to others, well that’s not your responsibility to correct their judgments of you, no one deserves to be bullied, and everyone deserves to live life and move forward. You repent for your sins, and punished when you are wrong, for all other days of the year you are expected to live life as best you can, irrespective of the negative judgments of others toward you, its not required to be trusted in order to trust yourself, if you know you best, don’t allow others lack of trust for you, to cause you to self-harm, and prove them right … that’s not the solution either, to give in to negative peer pressures toward you.
The tendency is when we share personal information about ourselves that others are automatically critical of us, seeking not to support others for whatever their endeavors may be, in question, and not inspired by the actions of others, to maintain peace, some things are not meant in defiance, most things we do are meant to achieve for ourselves, and secondly for others, when someone goes on a run, that’s not symbolism, that’s for purposes of weight-loss, last year I was 188 lbs, that’s from being put on meds, and because I was 188 lbs not able to maintain a job and keep up with the grueling pace of a full-time job. When you are in better spirits, you are able to keep up with the opinions of others, whether they are negative toward you or not, when you are not stable its harder to keep up with negative voices and easy to self-harm, always be understanding, as when you are alone, it seems like everyone is talking negative about you, however, once you are around people, they will act like nothing has happened and that its everything to do with your own ability to take care of yourself, allow people to be defensive that is normal, for people who do not want to be responsible for the poor health of others, or for their misfortunes in life, deflect blame from themselves, by being critical of others, and putting them down, by bad mouthing them. That serves no good purpose moving forward for the best interests of all and for everyones good health to bad mouth anyone. Whenever something bad occurs, that’s not always a time to come together and to chat about the past, and whats in store for everyone in the future, not everyone works together like that, and it may seem as though the blind is leading the blind but that is certainly not the case, everyone has their own sense of agency in life, and it is at a similar token not the responsibility of onlookers being critical of those sharing their personal lives, to be responsible for outcomes as to their personal well being and health, people who do not know you … will think there is something wrong with you, if you do not respond well to others, and that’s the purposes for bad mouthing someone and making them look or appear weird or different to others, less than, don’t give people that power over you by responding poorly based upon outcomes as though running is for a cause, its for weight-loss I have not run on the beach since last Fall 2018, when I had a job. The critic thinks its for a cause, the critic is the one who if I commit suicide after calling the police on Monday, would not be blamed, but at the end of the day if I decide to end my life its my fault if I die, not the responsibility of those talking $hit.
Don’t’ bring up the past especially when you just get better the tendency is to go backwards and reflect upon where you have been in life, and try to perfect yourself by making any corrections to areas you otherwise thought perfect at the time you were writing or living life, it occurs similarly, mental health issues, at least my own. When you get to a new place in life, and achieve an inner level of stability … it can easily be nerve-wracking going backwards and correcting any mistakes past through your own writing, as you are in a better place now, sometimes you will not feel like yourself, and wonder a lot about the past why youre thinking was that way, and what provoked you to think or write that way. Some are more or less understanding of our pasts, but the past doesn’t change you change, and if your story stays the same your whole life, then you are living by the facts of your life, and accepting the facts of your past, if you are forced to live life any differently, based upon another set of facts assembled by someone else without you knowing, well that is not your responsibility to correct any assumptions made about you based upon that information about you given to them. Everyone upon a parting wants everyone on their side, there are no favors in life, to anyone who is treated poorly or left to their own devices in life, that’s a choice to isolate, and its not necessary to beat someone up over their past, just allow people time to heal whether or not it was their fault for suffering in life, and whether or not it was their fault for the suffering that was caused to them and others in life, we hope that all will achieve well and eventually recover from whatever is ailing them in life. If based upon what is read about you is how you are treated, then that’s others trying to create a story about a story on the outside to reflect a story within a story about you on the inside, do not let people puppeteer you in ways befitting to their best interests to make you look mentally ill or bipolar on your own merits, we all do our best to function in the world, and we cannot always be at our best, learn to move on in life.
Feed off your own self-worth, not wait for affirmations from others in order to take steps forward in life … if you don’t already know where youre headed in life, and feeling lost, then that’s probably not the best time to talk to others, for assistance, especially matters with regards to your mental health, that’s best left for professionals, your trusted professionals in life, Doctors you are under the care of. It’s not for anyone to judge the wellness of those who achieve stability in life, just like everyone else, people get tired, and just like everyone else, people’s patience’s run out, and just like everyone else, everyone is susceptible to getting sick, maybe not from the same things, but when we do not take good care of ourselves, we are deemed as being responsible for our own wellness in life. You are what you look like to others, and if you are so treated well, well then that must mean that you are doing your best, and if even at your best youre not feeling well, well that means that something apart of you feels incomplete, we cannot always feel whole and focused all days, some days we will be half there, half somewhere else, that’s not a reflection of a mutual bond between people as being out of place, but to each one’s responsibility to work on their interpersonal skills and be present when others are talking to them, not all are sharp socially, and some of us a little rusty in those departments in life. There is a coming of age, and there is a coming of professionalism, just like when you were younger, in later phases in life, you are required to behave or speak in ways that reflect your skillset, and maturity. We can’t all be perfect at all times, less is more, but sometimes a little humor goes a long way, even if its not agreeable to the tastes of all.
Like any injurious condition, don’t wear out your potential, all egos aside, post dating blues are common, whether you were the culprit for the demise of a relationship or whether it was the other persons fault for leaving you in waiting for too long, you are what feelings you allow to be had. Know when to let go, some battles are not worth fighting on the inside. The fewer demons you have to fight the better, there will always be a double standard when it comes to dating, less is more in the that department, both with the sharing of your past, and the number of people to whom you confide in and share intimacies with, if you don’t want to make your future partner jealous, learn when to let go, and allow monogamy to take place, that is focus on one persons needs, not everyones needs, and be a careful reader of their boundaries too in life, not just weary or paranoid about your own. The less you have to hide, the less jaded you will feel, and the more presentable you will shine in the face of your competition, it is after all those with the most light and positivity that get picked although not always, you don’t need experience to be a good lover, or to be loved, that’s a fallacy in thought, that experience with love will make you a better partner in life, sometimes its better to be new to something, than to have too much experience and be easily bored at the same token, by your matches in life. Kepp busy, the more accomplished you are the better you will feel, its unnecessary to share vices with the ones you love or partake in activities that put either of you at risk of harm … the tendency is to drink, do drugs, and hook up, that culture creates wasted time, and efforts on one anothers behalf, and usually relationships then don’t work out due to substance abuses along the way, poor decision making, and lack of attentions to one another in place of selfish ends to meet ones own basic needs for managing their own health and wellness. The benefits of being in a relationship are to help lift the spirits of those around you, not just your own.
Call it a void, but nothing is better than shopping. It seems clothes can convince you you look okay, are the right shape, and doing just fine, but stepping on a scale, reminds you of how far you have to go, putting yourself back together. Medications seem to work, but they don’t seem to help much in the weight gain department. Sure my mood is better and Im more stable, but I’ve gained weight, how impressive is that, what to explain to others. Appearing as though you care less about yourself, when you are taking good care of yourself, doesn’t make any sense. What exactly is it you are looking for? Self-acceptance takes years to accomplish, youre usually unhappy with yourself, until you’ve accomplished something, but we can’t have a graduation for every milestone, and we cant have a wedding for every love, and we can’t go on a vacation for every job well done … you usually have to do that mentally along the way, and keep going at whatever it is youre doing well in life, that’s keeping you afloat and motivated. In between phases … are usually when we are most unhappy with ourselves, filling voids, or wasting time doing nothing but napping and reading … where does that take you in life, if youre not building anything for yourself for your future then youre not working hard enough, and if what you are doing now is not helping you move forward toward a better place in life, then you should really question whether what you are doing is worth the time spent doing it. I run everyday … but I don’t diet, I think my biggest problem is being efficient with my time, I work really hard, but sometimes the reverse results occur, that’s most likely self-sabotage, you have to give up a lot of things in life, to save or to lose weight, and spending and not dieting is a sure fire way of going backwards in life, and feeling spent, complaining that you’ve done everything you can to look the part but still not sufficient. Figure out first whats keeping you behind in life … and from that point, don’t expect others to carry you forward in life, that’s something you have to do for yourself, prior to meeting anyone new, be at a stable place in life, that’s how you get hired, that’s how you are able to date, and meet new people. Keep lists, that’s always helpful goal setting, whats important to you? What matters to you? And set your priorities and daily goals according to whats going to take you to where you want to be in life, if not here right now.
From the moment you snap youre in the wrong, its actually worse than getting the wrong pair of Nikes, only realizing after theyre a size too big and match no one else’s cool pair. They’re just weird, unique does not always mean catchy, and eye popping does not always mean cool. It was a learning experience to say the least, late to the trend, and still not on trend. That’s okay. I donated my Sketchers that were too big, that’s a lie, the blue bin goes to no one, maybe the claw will separate these shoes and place them in the to homeless shelter bin … isn’t that how recycling works, by magnet or claw, I’ve never seen where the trash trucks go, except leaving Boulder, they all park somewhere like the buses by the homeless shelter in Santa Monica, I used to volunteer there, making sandwhiches, by ticket only or ID, and helped organize their closet, and passed out shampoos and bar soaps to the women at the womens shelter, and helped pass out food, we cooked. They actually get mail, I sorted it. When you realize everything you have, nothing more will usually make you feel better, if youre awake to live life, live life, there is nothing more than being awake that is necessary to live life … if you want to narrow down your hierarchy of physical needs, to whats most important, it all starts with being awake, present. If you cannot appreciate that much to life, then you are expecting too much of yourself and others, regarding their health, faster is not always better, its by how alert you are, not just proven past, but by how you perform, and once you fail at that, well then that’s just cause for not meeting your marks in life. New meds are not always the solution to a better work life … accept help from others, but never blame backwards for your hardships that usually leads you nowhere. Some relationships cannot be repaired, and for everything else that’s your responsibility to correct about yourself, what is left of you, having those people and experiences past, absent from your mind. There are many unpleasant experiences in life, none more trying than embarrassment, there should be no group acceptances over a poor past as expected of you now, usually you forget the past, and accept where people are now, but you cannot expect everyone to take you seriously in life, especially your blogging, however controversial you may seem, if you’ve done your best to look out for others, than you have done your best to get along well with others, don’t expect more than for others to be focused on themselves, everyone worries, be one less to worry about.
No matter how big or small your problems are, don’t isolate, the kick to leaving captivity hurts … to accept your reality, and blend in with the comfort of those around you, who usually seem more comfortable with themselves than you do in your own skin. You are you and that will not change, so long as you accept the time that has passed, the missed opportunities in life, failures, and present yourself as best you can, that’s all that you can expect from others, its not forgiveness for the time that has passed adjust, but it is forgiveness of self that comes first, when overcoming any hurdles in life, that when not at your best you did not succeed or excel as expected, we can’t all be the best at everything, although we may try. That’s not being competitive and in replace of standing jealously … that’s just not making the cut socially, and that will take time, social hierarchies are based upon wellness, and your own wellness and earned surroundings will dictate what opportunities are then made available in life for you to move forward and start anew, you can’t always start a new life, not everyone can afford to replace what has been used, get something new, or move or change their surroundings in life. You can’t expect change everytime you are unhappy in life, you cannot replace people from your past, and expect things to turn out differently for you at the present or in the future if you keep making the same mistakes in life, or by choices relive the same. That’s not PTSD, that’s just not allowing yourself time to heal, not recognizing your won self-worth, and failing to raise your standards of care for self, that comes first before anything else worth while, you may want better in life, but you cannot achieve a better life, or a better state of wellness unless you try that doesn’t always involve pushing yourself to raise your own standards or bar of wellness, that’s just recognizing what needs work sometimes and working on those areas in life. That doesn’t require much expertise, to read how you are feeling and getting the help you need, to resolve what it is that is bothering you, people cannot solve your problems, unless you are vocal about whats bothering you, don’t expect people to be able to tell what is wrong, that’s your responsibility to ask for help always when help is needed, nothing is given in life, not even help. When you put yourself forward, there will always be a sense of putting yourself at risk of harm, that is being misread, fear less about people trying to diagnose you, or make you the center of any jokes or unwanted attentions, and do your best to rise above, the illnesses of others, not accepting what is off, as of your own making, but of their own making, that’s not your responsibility to correct the thinking of others, acceptance goes a long way, reciprocity wise. Good health is not on a person to person basis, its daily, what you do daily to help yourself, you cannot avoid all illnesses in life, the body heals itself, to maintain faith, always have a positive outlook in life, and share those viewpoints … not how you thought past, be present to stay well, be present to get better, be present to manage your health daily, be present because living for now is more important that reliving the past, be present because you are worth it, you are worth the time and effort to help you, and because you deserve to get well and be well stay well. All of which cannot happen unless, you forget what is bothering you, and replace those thoughts with new thoughts, thoughts about self help, recovering from illnesses, and moving forward with life. If you don’t help yourself now, when will you start, then expect less.